Pokemon Author Replies Part 7

“Now, if there are no other complaints about spelling or speech, how did you like the first piece of my story?”

re: Your review to When Secrets Make Friends

Jan 19Ahrianna

A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11736890/

I have been out of the writing world for some time, so thanks for the review, and I’ll make sure to edit back over the chapter for mistakes when I get time. Although your explanations were unessissarily lengthy. Also, please keep in mind this is a fanfiction, not a novel going out on shelves. A simple explanation will do, not a paragraph per item.

While I appreciate the grammatical advice, I don’t really care about whether you think it’s appropriate to have sexism present or not in my fic. We discussed this year’s ago, and you didn’t like the idea then either. And I didn’t care back then either. Thanks for the opinion, but it will not be changing, as it is MY world to work with. If you don’t want to read it, that’s perfectly fine, as you obviously don’t enjoy the concept as is.

Sincerely,
Ahrianna, previously EternalStorm

I can’t believe they’re apparently been doing Babby’s First Sexism Fic for years.

re: Your review to The Troublesome Color Green

Jan 19Cheeno

A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11736455/

Thank you for your opinion. I disagree though, which is why I wrote it as I did. There are actually numerous examples of competition between siblings in nature, because of limited resources (parental care, food, protection etc.), and also because these siblings must compete with others of the same species. Thus only the best fit will have a reasonable chance of survival, and thus to reproduce. It is not enough to just survive, you have to reproduce. In a competition for a partner, the weak and sick will simply not be chosen, as every individual will seek to get as best a partner as possible. Logically, even though the parent possibly could keep all the offsprings alive, this will not be beneficial, as a few very good offspring is far better than many of poor quality. When given a choice, the parent will focus on the best offspring (f.ex. those that demand their attention, as in birds) rather than waste resources on an unsure bet. If the weak chikorita had been the only offspring, it would have been different. The parent would have no choice than to make the best of a bad situation, trying to give the one offspring as best a start as possible.
Also these are egg laying dinosaur plants (as little as that makes sense), which means that the resources put into each individual egg before hatching is far less than what is put into each offspring of live birth. Therefore that one weak offspring is a small sacrifice, which is far outweighted by the benefit of concentrating the resources on the healthy ones.
Your predator argument is good, but I am fairly certain that it does not work that way. The weak sibling would be the target, but I don’t think it would be allowed to tag along on the off chance that they will need to run away from a predator, because it will drain resources along the way, and also slow them down. If for example you have had the opportunity to watch hens, you would see how the whole herd bullies and pecks on an individual at the first sign of sickness or weakness.
This is my opinion after finishing a bachelor in biology, in which was included several courses on evolution.
My scenario was never meant as a lesson in biology however, even though I tried to make it somewhat realistic. It was meant as a sad scenario, in which May could bond with her new pokemon, an in which nature was not glorified as perfect fluff (in contrast with the series). I’m sorry you didn’t like it, but I’m not ging to change the story, and I’m going to continue writing.

About how May deals with the situation: I agree that emergency care by professional staff would be the best. However, May is stuck several days travel into the forest, lost, with no idea where to go. She is a trainer, and has nursed pokémon back to health before (remember the Swablu episode?). And to let the creature die would just not be good for the story ;) My thought was, she panics a little at first (thus why she tries every kind of medicine she got), before calming down and dealing with it more rationally.

Thank you for the tips about capitalizing chikorita, I agree on that at least :)

Thank you also for taking the time to review, I appreciate that :)

Chickens are terrible things but they are not that terrible.

Issue With Dialogue and Capitalization

Jan 19NickStriker

A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11737079/

Actually I am using it properly. The P in Pokemon is supposed to be capitalized. If you go into any Pokemon game, and go to your team, it will say, “Choose a Pokemon.” And if memory serves me right,the Pokemon books do the same thing.

As for the dialogue, my Word Doc actually corrects me when I use it like “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, by putting the green line underneath “she”. As for breaking up two complete sentences, I’ve done that with my other works. Also, I’m in college, why would I not know how to use dialogue?

Now, if there are no other complaints about spelling or speech, how did you like the first piece of my story?

Bionic Egypt
https://www.fanfiction.net/u/4703042/

——————–

Subject: re: Your review to Ash, Take Care of Clemont

A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11732440/

I’m sorry you didn’t like my story. I’m aware I need to work on my grammar and such, as
well as story development, but this was meant to be a short fluff fic. I didn’t put much
thought into it, nor did I want to. If this offends you, I apologize, but I feel as
though this point needs to be made.

——————–

Thanks for the tips

Jan 19Deliverer

A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11736229/

“Questioned” is something police do to suspects. You shouldn’t be using it like it just means “asked”.
I’ll try to keep this in mind in future, but asked gets a little repetitive overtime. Guess that’s where I could insert more ‘said’, though, so I’ll try to remember. Though, ‘said’ gets kind of repetitive too, but maybe that’s just a personal peeve of mine.

“Don’t label flashbacks.”
I generally don’t, if I can help it, but huge blocks of italicized or bolded text are a no-no too, or so says my writing professor.

“Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said.”
Unless I’ve missed it in my editing of the chapters, generally those forms–i.e. “Hello.” she said “Hello.” She said and “Hello,” she said–never ever show up. I hate when people write them like that. Those rules have been drummed into me since grade 12 and all through college English courses. I’m really glad you caught errors like that so I can go back and fix them when I find the time, so thanks. Again, they’re personal peeves of mine. If you remember where, exactly, you saw them, please let me know.

“She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.”
Again, I’m really glad you caught errors like this one. I’m aware that ‘she grinned’ isn’t an acceptable way of putting it. My writing professors, and my dad when I was younger, said that same thing, and I’ve been trying to avoid doing that. Guess I haven’t been editing as well as I thought I was. Been kind of time-crunched lately so haven’t been looking them over as much as I should be. As above, if you remember where exactly you found errors like that, please let me know.

“Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.”
This I’ll definitely keep in mind. Those grammatical rules have always confused me, so happy to have it explained again.

“You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard.”
This is where I get confused most often, because more often than not I hear words like pikachu and charizard spoken as names, and generally use them as names in dialogue. Also if I don’t capitalize pikachu it shows up as a spelling error, so I just assumed. The word pokémon itself confuses me too, but now that I know this, I’ll try to remember to keep it in lower case. Been writing it like a title, most of the time.

“Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.”
I normally write the word professor as a title, which justifies capitalization, and usually before their names, but if I’ve capitalized it where it shouldn’t be capitalized I’ll be sure to check over it again when I find time and fix it.

“Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.”
I’ll review my rules on semicolon use, but I’ll keep this in mind.

Hun! Okina kyodai, wait for me, please!” James pled, hurrying to try and keep up to the older child.
“If I slow down for you, otouto, how will you ever get better?!” Hun called back at the younger. James started at this. That was actually a good point. Determination renewed—after all, he needed to win the approval of his keiteishimai.”
I use the terms Okina kyodai, otouto, and keiteishimai as pet-names or titles. Kind of like calling a grandma ‘nana’, ‘yaya’, or ‘oma’, or a grandpa or father ‘baba’. I do, however, agree that ‘keiteishimai’ probably shouldn’t have been in there.

Again, your tips were helpful and I’ll try to keep them in mind in future.

re: Your review to Saving a Lot of Data

Jan 19PyroCatz

A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11736561/

Ah, well, thank you for your feedback!
It’s extremely obvious I’ve NEVER done something like this before, so, as an experiment, I decided to post it instead of letting it rot under the document manager. It’s definitely not my best (although, none of my work is all that great) and your response if definitely appreciated.
I see where you’re coming from, the ‘humor’ isn’t humorous and I suppose it’s rather bland.
I had always thought that the names of pokemon species were to be capitalized, although, it’d be awkward if mouse was spelled Mouse, and so on and so forth.
Although, really, thank you for your time!

re: Your review to Pokémon Journey: Sevii Islands

Jan 20Talarc

A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11737537/

Hello. Thanks for taking the time to review my story.

I guess the ‘the’ doesn’t make sense, though it feels strange to just say ‘Pokémon Journey: Kanto’. Would it resolve the issue if I made ‘The’ an official part of the story title? Though I guess that won’t do anything about the fact that it’s inherently generic…

I’m relieved that my dialogue is mostly correct (grammatically anyway) – it was an absolute mess when I first started out! I wasn’t aware that ‘greet’ was a speech tag, so thanks for letting me know. I’ll fix it straight away.

Hmm. If the dialogue is too boring and repetitive, then that’s a problem. I’ll take your suggestion on board and give more thought to what needs to be said and what can be relegated to background information. I’ll try and reduce my dependency on dialogue as well. Hopefully that’ll make it a more bearable read.

Yeah, I can see your point about submitted OCs now. I never got that many OC submissions anyway, so it’s no real loss for the readers either if I stop asking for submissions.

I’m frustrated at myself for not noticing that problem with the semicolons sooner. I didn’t really understand how semicolons worked back when I first started out and wanted to put more emphasis on separating the different parts of the team list, but I should have been checking them again whenever I proofread the story. Is it ok for me to swap them out for commas, or is there a better way of listing it?

Anyway, thanks again for reviewing. I really appreciate it!

re: Your review to Odyssey: A Pokemon Journey

Jan 20Red Zeppelin

A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11738464/

Appreciate the review! I’ll take a look at those semicolons you took issue with. Also, thanks for pointing out the capitalization thing. It did not occur to me to do that.

As for the mater plants, I can’t really argue with your point. In my mind, I imagined it as a fruit with a thick, starchy layer – like a potato – underneath the skin with a juicy, seeded core – like a tomato. Obviously, I didn’t make that clear. The reason I included imaginary plants was to create some distinction between our real world and this pokemon world I created. However, I agree with your point, and it was a mistake on my part to create that distinction through crops.

As for your last point, the reason I presented all that information is because it is not necessary to the story. It is extremely necessary for Makar’s character, however, and I believe the way I have presented it now is the best way to communicate that information.

Again, thanks for the review! I hope you enjoyed reading it.

re: Your review to Trust Me

Jan 20Shrimpy Cinnabon

A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11737715/

Huh. A little confusing, but I think I get it. Thanks for your review!

re: Your review to Trust Me

Jan 20Shrimpy Cinnabon

A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11737715/

As explained earlier (although I admit that it was not worded very well), pretty much the entirety of the rest of the story will not be like the second chapter. This is the first time I’ve written a story like this, and personally I’m still trying to get a feel for switching points of view. I’ve mentioned that future chapters involving Rui will briefly go over her views on the events of the last chapter, but for the most part will continue the story. I’m sorry if this story is disappointing or anything to you, but the reality is, I’m just trying to get used to writing in both points of view, rather than staying with just one. I understand that the second chapter of this was extremely repetitive, and I’m trying pretty hard to fix that for later chapters.

Thank you

Jan 20MrEedamame

A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11738502/

Thank you for your constructive criticism. I will take it into account when editing and continuing on with this story. I thought my beginning was too heavy with potential conflicts, but wasn’t sure. As for the clothing, how else could we justify the main character in the games being able to travel through various environments without a second thought? And the physically fit part, well even if there are creatures that could kill him with ease, he still has to traverse across the land, he would need to be physically fit to do so.

Anyways, thank you for reading and for the review.

And finally:

re: Your review to 30 day OTP challenge: ComaShipping

Jan 20Caird56

A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/11738592/

Okay 1…. Let me write the same damn was as I always have~ I’m passing Literature by miles~.

2. Might want to go back to school or go back a few grades in literature kay~.

3. ALL proper nouns ALL which are Pokemon and Pikachu, because they are names or characters and franchises, are capitalized.

4. Yes they can have “Hello.”, like ever heard of monotone? eg, (also to prove that I’ve done everything write, This is from a book I’m actually writing so, go ahead hate if you want, because I know I write and a good level of skill!)

She was really starting to annoy him. Everyday at school she would act like an heels-over-head, love maniac. (Not that she wasn’t). Another day had arrived as Coral was sitting on the regular bench. Of course she was wearing her Pikachu hat too. I was prepared or another yell of her voice, it never came… The bell had rang and Erik had pulled me to our first period class, I didn’t she Coral again.

It was lunch (Finally, if I had to listen to another word Mr. Black said, I’d probably drop dead.), Erik yelling my name from the hall was as loud as the crowd, yelling to get their lunch. Rushing over I was stopped right in my tracks, by none other that Coral McKenzie.

“Oh, Hi Blaze~!” She scream I really couldn’t be bothered with her just now… I had just failed my Mathematics test, It least I felt I had…

“Hi.” Trying to walk past ignoring her pleading cries to eat lunch with her, I skipped past rushing to Erik so we could meet up with, Conner and Joseph.

Think that sucks, Think again!

5. It’s meant to be short, It’s a collection of short stories about shippings. It’s the first chapter and I wrote it at eleven P.M on a school night. Besides I short drabble can be fixed with one proper fanfiction/Novel ect. Chapters and stories are as long as they need to be they don’t necessarily have to be long. As long as you like the general story, (which I’m guessing you didn’t T^T) and picture it in your head, then it doesn’t really matter~!

6. DON’T LIKE DON’T READ!!!

7. CHECK YOUR FACTS BEFORE YOU COMMENT!!!

Unfortunately, they blocked me after several exchanges, so the following are just the truncated PMs. And it’s a shame because they are solid gold. If you want, you can PM them saying I’m only posting part of their glorious takedowns of my wrongness and see if they’ll repost them to my forum or something.

You have received a message from:

Caird56
https://www.fanfiction.net/u/5546924/

Reply link: https://www.fanfiction.net/pm2/post.php?rid=173169809#new
——————–

*sigh* look buddy, I’m ahead of my Literature class, (Everyone is still planning group
talks, I’ve Started my discursive essay.) So~ I don’t see what your problem is? Failed an
Literature test? Take your revenge on fanfiction authors? I don’t need a fucking grammar
lesson from someone like you! I have an official teacher, who has stated against all
these point I am correct. Infact everything I do is grammatically correct he just said
it’s my spelling, and spell check and google give me a way to spell too. Well the
Pokémon one has because a choice to people, and opinion, but you would know all about
them wouldn’t you. I mean that’s all you do, give your opinion and be stuck up towards
all the authors trying there best! Even if I don’y like the fic I’m at least praise them.
Not like you you’re reviews are basically something like this:

“This is wrong: Reason

This is wrong: Reason

This is wrong: Reason”

Compare them to me and fanfiction I don’t like.

“Great Work! But maybe if you  it could be even better! ^-^” (and add a smile
cause everything seems nicer when you put smiley’s!)

So seriously give up on your little hating spree, either half don’t care, or you can
actually hurt the other half so just leave us alone, go…

This message has been truncated due to length. To view in full, please visit site.

I asked for their teacher’s email. I always do this, because I hear so much about these teachers and I really want to ask one of them what the hell. I also pointed out that telling people their story is good when it isn’t is called lying and people figure out you’re doing it and then end up doubting all the praise they get.

You have received a message from:

Caird56
https://www.fanfiction.net/u/5546924/

Reply link: https://www.fanfiction.net/pm2/post.php?rid=173169809#new
——————–

Hahahahahahhah T_T No…Why would I do that? That’s just low and pathetic. But believe
you me, my gran isn’t not a qualified Literature teacher, but she is however, Pupil
Support. Meaning she helps with things like dyslexia, that being said she’d have to have
the ability to be grammatically correct.

Seriously? You’re going to lower me to your level? If I don’t like the fic, I’ll leave it
be. It I enjoy the fic, I’ll review. You don’t think anyone is as perfect as your
standards. I mean you saw my rant, “Decent”? again half of then I found amazing
and half the time I don’t give a damn about being,”Grammatically Correct”, It’s
not the biggest issue in the world, and you treat it like it was worse that WW2.

Yes I know it is important, but unlike people like, J.K. Rowling, the people of
Fanfiction do not have publishers, or editors. Therefore have a lower and lack of ability
to complete fully.

Yet again, you say you give “Grammar Advice”. What? Do you not think the people
of http://www.Fanfiction.net don’t go to school? Why the damn hell do we go there? What’s
the point of Literature if you’re not learning the Grammar since P1/First Grade? There
really is none. In fact, In R.M.E, we have an annoying teacher, who yells a…

This message has been truncated due to length. To view in full, please visit site.

I reply insulting their inability to read the actual description of my C2 and then tell the story of a fifth grader earlier this year who wanted to write self-insert fic of catching all the legendaries, and how they started off worse than Screamy here, then actually took advice and rapidly improved by the magic of trying to improve to the point they were better than Screamy’s writing, and how talent makes it easier to start but actually working on improving is the most important thing.

You have received a message from:

Caird56
https://www.fanfiction.net/u/5546924/

Reply link: https://www.fanfiction.net/pm2/post.php?rid=173169809#new
——————–

HAHAHA wow a bitch with pride lol

Reading isn’t my strong point and bitch I can write one small fanfiction what you you
want me to e-mail you my books?

and a 5th grader really? I’m a 9th grader/S2 and I have the actual ability to write,that
5th grader was probably you and you just think you’re “Little miss perfect”
Don’t cha?! well bitch let me tell ya something, YOU’RE NOT! NOT EVEN FUCKING CLOSE!!!

Adults with a degree who point out mistakes when do fail, and at least I’m not as
prideful as you to again think  I’m “Little Miss Perfect” Cause I know am not!
And bitch tell me when, Give me one time I said others “Suck Compared To Me”?
Give me one damn piece of proof! also if I’m writing every day then they’ll be the ones
trailing behind my foot steps. Just wait Farla, one day you read my book and fall in
love, just remember that!

——————–

And then I was blocked and lost access to their whole PMs. You can see more of their comedic stylings over on the forum thread, though. Take them up on their offer to read your story and enjoy the guaranteed “Great Work!” from them.

13 Comments

  1. illhousen says:
    “Now, if there are no other complaints about spelling or speech, how did you like the first piece of my story?”

    People really should stop asking questions they don’t want to be answered.

    “Think that sucks, Think again!”

    …You know, I get people who think their writing is way better than it really is. I kinda get the thought process behind “I’ll SHOW her how I write! I’ll send her a text from My book, and she will LOVE it! HAHAHAHAHA!”

    But… why this piece? Ignoring the quality, nothing is happening! It’s not a climax, it’s not a teaser or a hook, it’s not a poignant moment, it’s just a random throwaway scene.

    Why would you even?

    “Great Work! But maybe if you it could be even better! ^-^” (and add a smile cause everything seems nicer when you put smiley’s)”

    FROM HELL”S HEART I STAB AT THEE!

    God, it’s like half of the worst Internet habits rolled into one.

    “But believe you me, my gran isn’t not a qualified Literature teacher, but she is however, Pupil Support.”

    …Huh?

    “And then I was blocked and lost access to their whole PMs.”

    And now you know how important it is to backup everything you’re planning to post. Now the world would never enjoy such concentrated batshittery… No, wait, we’ll just have to wait until next year.

    1. actonthat says:
      “But believe you me, my gran isn’t not a qualified Literature teacher, but she is however, Pupil Support.”

      I have a hunch this means that the ‘teacher’ in question was actually their grandmother, and that they’re saying here “she’s totally qualified to be a real lit teacher even though she’s not!”

      God knows if that’s the right interpretation, though.

      1. illhousen says:
        I mean, that was my thought as well, but it couldn’t be correct, right? They refused to share the email either way, so why reveal this bit of info that undermines their position? After going to trouble to establish this position to begin with. Nobody can be that stupid, right?
        1. SpoonyViking says:
          No, I think that’s what they meant. See the “that being said she’d have to have the ability to be grammatically correct” line? I think they’re saying “even if she’s not a Lit. teacher, she knows grammar and she thinks my stories are ok”.

          That said, it’s interesting to note that, in the previous message, they referred to their teacher as a man and strongly implied he was their actual Lit. teacher, so it seems they’re mostly making things up to look good.

          Also, I might just print their messages and use them as an example the next time a student says they don’t think writing is an important skill.

          1. Farla says:
            From what I can gather, they’re jumping between everyone who ever told them they’re great.

            They’re in an English class that’s one step below the highest level, and they’re second best in that class. They also have a grandmother who’s either helping as support (…I would honestly not be surprised if they’re disruptive enough to need someone sitting on them during class) or just exists in an unrelated school role but told them they were so very smart for their age over cookies last Sunday so it must be absolute fact. Finally, there’s another English teacher in the highest level class, and they showed some form of writing to that teacher who told them good work, probably with exactly the same sincerity as their own offer.

            They may also be putting words from one party (say, their grandmother) into the mouth of other parties, explaining why “Okay tell me how to email your lit teacher” = “how dare you ask for Gram’s email”. If so, they probably don’t think it’s lying because it’s so self-evident that adults never differ in opinion or say things based on your relationship to them. If one authority gives them a thumbs-up, all adults must know they’re so great.

            In conclusion, this is why puffing up kids’ egos isn’t actually productive – a little encouragement will make them keep doing what they just did, and that’s necessary to get better and improve, but a lot of encouragement will make them decide they’re already the best at it and shouldn’t improve. What shut this PM chain down was when I said that regardless of starting talent, people who actually work hard to improve will eventually overtake them if they don’t improve as well. That’s what made them freak out at me, because so much of their self is now tied up in the belief they’re innately talented, as that’s all they’ve been getting from the adults. If they don’t have that…what do they have?

            1. SpoonyViking says:
              Makes sense, although I see it as less an issue of the amount of encouragement and more as an issue of how uncritical said encouragement is. Or maybe the difference is purely academic?
              Reply
              1. Farla says:
                I think it’s a balance of factors. From the sounds of this, they got a ton of encouragement and all of it was without criticism. Some uncritical encouragement probably wouldn’t have been as harmful.

                Also the specific encouragement of “so talented~” is the worst and most likely to prompt these freakouts.

    2. Farla says:
      “And now you know how important it is to backup everything you’re planning to post. ”

      I normally do! But they seemed so happy to talk about how great they are. Also for some reason clicking FFN links from my email will overwrite the adjacent FFN page – I had the PM string up, then I got a new PM, I clicked…

  2. SpoonyViking says:
    God save us from entitled brats who think they can just insult people whenever their work is criticised.
  3. SpoonyViking says:
    By the way, Farla, would you be willing to be a beta reader for fanfics based on works other than Pokémon?
    1. Farla says:
      It’s less an issue of “willing” and more an issue of “time”. I’m turning down all the pokemon beta requests too.
      1. SpoonyViking says:
        Aw… What a shame! But thanks anyway. :-)
  4. Keleri says:
    ‘m a 9th grader/S2 and I have the actual ability to write

    Aww. *chinhands* I remember being 14.

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