TLDR? I fritter away a lot of time on the pokemon part of these games and not the plot.

I try fishing again and just get some supremely confident magikarp that won’t let me flee, then head back to the first island to try another scan. Klink, boring. Now one last attempt on bubbly area.

Luvdisc!

Loving couples have a soft spot for this Pokemon, so honeymoon hotels often release this Pokemon into their pools.

…I notice it’s not “keep” which seems worrying. Are they catching them right then and dumping them in? What happens to them afterward? I’m assuming they’re not straight up dumping fish into chlorinated pool water, but this doesn’t sound like it ends well for the luvdisc.

And corsola! I’m going to catch it immediately.

Pursued by Mareanie for the branches on its head, this Pokemon will sometimes snap its own branches off as a diversion while it escapes.

That’s some decent biology.

….and then I spend ages slapping corsola around. As far as I can figure, you need to keep them red to make them call for help, but they recover so much that’s hard to do, and one I finally did wear down called for help and didn’t get it until eventually struggling itself to death.

But at last, I do get my awesome secret pokemon, who, as promised, focuses on murdering the corsola instead of me.

Mareanie, the Brutal Star Pokemon.

It’s found crawling on beaches and seafloors. The coral that grows on Corsola’s head is as good as a five-star banquet to this Pokemon.

What do you mean, it’s found crawling on beaches? Then why wouldn’t you let me just find it by walking around on the beach?

Its ability? Merciless, crit-hitting anybody it poisons. Very nice.

Alright, so all that boosted my team up to swapping point:

L19 rockruff
L16 deino
L19 yungoos
L20 makuhita
L18 spinarak
L20 cutiefly

I’ll keep Spinarak around as my higher level pokemon – it’s not like it’s going to be relevant for much longer, being a bug type and all.

Then I use island scan to get a chikorita.

New team:

L11 mareanie – who is sadly male, so “Annie” doesn’t make a good name
L16 deino
L16 psyduck
L16 crabrawler
L10 chikorita

And, shortly, my chikorita is a bayleaf. Really annoying I don’t get access to any pokedex entries for these.

Hey, miltank! About time you showed up. And I see you are paired in the pokedex next to tauros.

Most people raise it for its milk, but it’s quite touch and strong, so it’s also well suited for battle.

Okay so for real now, back to the plot. I enter to find Gladion standing in the corner while everyone else tells me how the battle royal works. Also, someone says that he doesn’t just hang out in the crowd but wins all the time, so maybe that has more to do with why he likes being here so much.

Glad you could make it! spikyboxes some shirtless guy. Oh, and he’s in a mask too, wow. I’m here today, yeah, to spread the word, oh yeah, about Battle Royal! They call me…the Masked Royal! Woo!

The fact the protagonist doesn’t react to this and presumably has the same :] expression as ever proves ditto-theory is in fact canon.

The what?/Professor?

Oh, this is a hard one. On the one hand, not calling him out as obvious is humoring him. On the other hand, do I really want to admit I know him? Arg. If only there was a … of secondhand shame I could pick.

Professor?

The Masked Royal! so I guess my pick matters not.

Now he’s going to tell me how this works. Fuck off, I talked to the NPCs who do know how clothing works.

“But, Royal, what’s the Battle Royal?” you might ask. No. Might means it is possible for this to occur, and it is not. You’re getting fed to my galactic bone bat.

And yeah, we see the avatar’s face and it’s just :] it’s canon everyone.

Then Hau shows up to be all impressed by the mysterious masked guy. Shut up, Hau. I don’t need more reasons to hate you.

With no chance to pick my pokemon, my weakest, L14 mareanie, is ultimately beaten, and although the description says “team” apparently I only get one pokemon. I guess that explains how Gladion can possibly participate.

Then another shirtless guy shows up.

???: You were on fire during that battle. I hope you bring that fire with you and burn up my trial.

That’s a bit creepy.

He explains he is trial captain dude, which, yeah, people have said that already. Prof. Doesn’tknowhowclotheswork then inquires how the trials are going for us, and Hau is all OMG HOW DO YOU KNOW. Seriously, Hau. I’m sure my pokemon can eat multiple people, don’t push me by humoring this idiot.

He then asks why Gladion wanted to take part in a four way pokemon slugfest, because isn’t that all friendship and shit? No, Hau, that makes no sense.

Gladion: Because Null and I have to make it on our own. And I don’t want to ever forget that.

He also does very dramatic poses for all this. Poor awkward baby! Are the social people being social at you again? Your life is SO HARD.

Then he saunters off.

Hau: …Wow. You’re just a ray of sunshine, eh?

Hau, seriously, he’s wearing a bleeding black hoodie. He actually cut himself on his own edge. What about his response surprised you.

I think you’d have a lot more fun if you just let yourself have a good time with everybody else. You can do a lot more together, too!

Also geeze insensitive. I’m glad you’re apparently just talking into empty air because he’s already left.

Hau then starts going on more about how super fun the battle was. He does not seem to be able to articulate why it was super fun in a different way than non-royal battles.

I try playing again and can’t – it’s set to L50, and not in the way where your own pokemon are autoset to that but only in that their levels are reduced if they’re over. So, lot of talking the place up only for me to be locked out for the foreseeable future.

Let’s continuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuoh my god cubone summon kangaskhan WELP.

The skull it wears on its head is that of its dead mother. According to some, it will evolve when it comes to terms with the pain of her death.

Naturally, I faint the kangaskhan by accident, and naturally end up having to chain a million cubones before I get another shot.

My bayleef is now L20, so I swap.

Ooh, magby!

A famous potter lives with a Magby. Apparently its soft flames produce fine works.

I’d have preferred something more general – one potter could just be a weirdo.

Salandit! I got this in my one wonder trade, so nice to see its official appearance. I think I want a girl one, though.

At last, another kangaskhan.

It takes half my ultraballs. On the other hand, my mudbray levels enough to learn high horsepower, which sounds like it’s a signature move.

The child in its pouch leaves home after roughly three years. That is the only time the mother is heard to cry loudly.

That’s weird because it’s generally the mom shoving away the kid once they’re not cute enough. Maybe people are mistaking warning cries for the sad kind.

Also in the process I notice no girl salandits, am suspicious, check the internet, and learn my arbitrary preference is actually super important. (When will the gender madness end…?) I go looking for a boy igglybuff to get cute charm, find an eevee, pet him to two stars, then head over to the Brooklet Hill area that my pokedex claims has pokemon I missed. I do not find them, but I do level up my eevee.

When this Pokemon sights its prey, it swirls its ribbonlike feelers as a distraction. A moment later, it pounces.

And I run off, find my beautiful salandit girl, let her murder my sylveon, catch her in a premierball, and swap her straight into my party.

Volcanoes or dry, craggy places are its home. It emanates a sweet-smelling poisonous gas that attracts bug Pokemon, then attacks them.

I actually really, really love the look of them – actual lizardy pokemon are rather rare. And the type! Poison/fire and knows dragon rage, which, so perfect. It’s a dragon without being one, which is honestly my preferred sort in these games. Also their animation! Look at the little flame ruffle here!

God, I love you so much. Worth all the trouble.

…and I promptly run into another female salandit. What are the odds. Well, I’ll catch her and wondertrade, I guess.

It’s now time for the trial!

You will find that it is a bit different than the trials you have faced to this point

All two of them?

, but of course, you will attempt it, right?

Of course!/Not right now

Dammit game, don’t tempt me. You’ve been super railroady.

My trial will test your powers of observation! There will be a dance…and then another. Your task will be to find the different between the two.

I’m totally down with that as long as also pokemon battle. Also pokemon battle?

ALSO POKEMON BATTLE, YAY.

I’m not too impressed with alt marowak. I heard it was ghost/fire and I guess I assumed it’d be something a lot spookier. Doesn’t help that it’s introduced doing a little dance. I mean, it’s got the whole angry lean thing, so yeah, it’s mad and all, but I was hoping more like flesh consumed by flames sort of ghost/fire, not goth with flaming cuetip. (I don’t know what they did wrong but yeah – the real version looks so cool and yet something about the model is just eh. I think the fire doesn’t look real but I’m pretty bad at talking about art.)

…it’d also help if it’d stop using tail whip, that looks so ridiculous.

The totem battle’s nice, though – lovely evolved form, toxic/venoshock synergy, etc. They tear through my team but I keep healing my cubone, so I eke out a win. To Kiawe, that’s apparently a sign I did a great job. Can’t say the same to him, either – this place looks gorgeous, but it’s really flat. You don’t actually get to travel through the tunnels up the volcano, you just teleport from one side to the other, and the couple pre-trial battles weren’t much of a challenge, and the dance-challenge aspect…I mean, it was an intentional joke, I get that, but why did they think it was a better idea to make the joke that it’ll be challenging wait haha, actually it’s super easy!!! than have it be a challenge?

For when you meet a Pokemon that you would like to make your companion, take these!

You obtained 10 Quick Balls!

Ouch.

I think this is the real stress point this time – they’re really nailing that sense of sort of mythological connection, where it’s a matter of just sensing it’s the one, or of listening for some special sign. “Go find your eagle! Travel north. It’ll be the first one you see upon waking.” But…in actual fact that was us making up stories when dealing with animals that didn’t have a clue what was going on, and yeah, it’s cool so I’m willing to suspend belief when people go out of their way to present it as no really, this is how it works, but when you combine it with pokemon actually being sapient, with there being no reason we can’t take “I want to go with you” as the sign they want to go with us…

Well. “Make” and “companion” just don’t play very nicely together in the best of times, and handing me pokeballs most commonly used to prevent a pokemon from fleeing as you say it is not helping.

He says they’ll return to their dance, but at cutscene’s end, the marowak have disappeared.

I go to the menu to wondertrade and…there’s a new option. Apparently, my new charizard ride can take me to a small island.

These uninhabited islands exist solely for the delight of Pokemon.

Then why aren’t there pokemon on them already? Or just I just boot those out?

The Pokemon that you’ve deposited in your PC Boxes can freely come here to Poke Pelago to have a bit of fun whenever they want.

That’s actually really nice! Game, you’re really doing a good job of distracting me from the whole “force pokemon to be your friends with quickballs” thing. I collect a lot of pokebeans and set up more islands. We’ll see how this goes. It is nice to think my pokemon aren’t trapped forever in a box.