“Her story is wonderful, and the only thing I think about when I read your comment was jealousy. You’re jealous because you aren’t as good of a writer as her.”
Figured I’d catch your attention sooner or later. Thank you for the constructive criticism! It’s good to know what I need to work on:)
As it is in the games, Pokemon is always capitalized instead of being treated as a noun like animals or people. Same applies to ‘Trainer’ and ‘Professor’.
Thank you for the dialogue tips! My writing is rusty so I tend to get confused when it comes to writing dialogue. I also try to stay away from using said to much since to me, it gets repetitive and annoying. . I’ll take time to work on that. How embarrassing! ///
I have no desire for a beta reader. I would like to be independent in my writing so I can improve myself. If my sentences are weak, I’ll make them stronger. I’ll keep the suggestion though:)
As for your last question, I apologize for asking, but have you ever played the game before? Serena’s boredom comes from many of the players reactions (including mine) to the lack of things to do once the game is completed. If she was able to go to another region, then I wouldn’t be here writing this story would I? Besides, if she had, then the Looker Missions would never happen and this story wouldn’t exist since it follows the game. Isn’t that obvious?
Anyways, thank you so much for taking the time to point these points out. I’ll work harder to do my best!
Thank you for your time:)
This results in a long string of not getting it in which she keeps saying the reason Serena stays is because the missions happen afterward.
A few people say its good if you ignore all the error, but I just know its missing something.
That’s a temporary parting gift to my readers…
I am going to keep capitalizing the Pokemon’s names because I’ve been doing that for years and it’s what I’m used to. And because they actually capitalize the names in the game guides and games. I know that a word like “cat” wouldn’t be capitalized, but a cat species like the Turkish Van or Ragdoll is supposed to be, right?
I know I should probably rewrite the whole thing for right now. Again my writer’s judgement was off because I was sick while writing it and I should probably wait until I feel better.
Trainers can’t even see the Elite Four unless they have the Gym Badges, so I thought I should add that in there… I’m also using it as more of a time motivation with areas being closed down to up the suspense because if they can’t get the badges in time, than they can’t see the Elite Four, which is what they need to do.
Unless there’s another way to do this that I’m not thinking of.
Thank you for taking time to read this.
This sort of thing is really depressing because it’s people saying they won’t obey the rules unless someone goes around reporting everyone and making them miserable first.
Alright friend!(sarcastically)
Bluearceus1A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/9992403/
Thanks for the review. Sorry if you didn’t like the story. (I know I have a lot to work on with my grammar…) I actually didn’t mean to make those angles, but I don’t really know what I’m writing right now. I really appreciate the help though. Hopefully I get to the point where my story isn’t about the “hated and feared angle”. Didn’t mean to do that . since the story focuses on Reo trying to control his shifting instead of being a werewolf. Hopefully I do better on the next chapter, since I’m writing in my small amounts of spare time…
It took me a moment to realize what you were getting at. Thanks for reading and taking the time to write the review, it’s exactly what i was hoping for. Though i suppose i could have written that scene a little better. My thinking was that,while she was originally quite excited to be in the pokemon world, and cured as far as she could tell, realizing you’re captured by a criminal organization typically bent on destroying/conquering the world would damper this. She has also been sick for most of her life, so it’s not suprising the events that occured would wear her out. She’s used to very little activity and going back and forth in a very one-sided arguement would wear anyone out. The irony is that she was now cured and her father had every hope that she would drop her “silly fantasies” for more scholarly pursuits. Then she awakens, cured, but now living in the pokemon world. Like i had mentioned before, this story has been in a folder for over a year, so grammatical errors and plot holes are to be expected. Once again, thank you for some constructive reviewing, and pointing out that my main character is rather lacking. I’ll work on that and maybe, the next time this story catches your eye, it will be a little more up to par.
Keep Calm and OC’ On!
I’ve noticed that you’ve actually reviewed every single one of my Pokemon related fanfiction, really bashing some of my stuff when I was younger (which I admit, was bad, but we all continue to learn) and under a different alias. But in this review, I see that you actually take some time to evaluate the story?
I’m aware of what a proper noun is. I’m an English major and I actually write original fiction and hope to find some kind of career in writing once I graduate college. Fanfiction is just for fun and to help sharpen my writing. You don’t appear to be outright bashing my work this time, so I figured I’d send you a response. Pokemon names in all media, from what I’ve seen, have always been capitalized and so I kind see that as an exception to the grammar rules of capitalization. Pokemon has been with me since I was five, so it’d be a hard habit to break, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone else use strictly lower case for the word “Pokemon” or the names of different species (aside from your message, I mean).
As for the dialogue, I actually picked up my usage from…goodness, everything I’ve ever read as far as published books go?
The only thing I have ever had trouble with is using “its” as possessive, and sometimes I will accidentally put an apostrophe in there and I have no idea why that is, but I usually catch it.
As for the direction of my story, I actually already know where I’m taking it and how I want it to end, so if you’re interested in continuing to read it, rest assured that I’m not just making this up as I go along.
I’m just not sure as to the length of it, because I get rather wordy.
Without spoiling it, I can tell you that this story isn’t going to go on as a canon high school AU. It is more about the fact that N rewrote the Pokemon world, him dealing with the consequences, and attempting to find redemption.
There is also the dynamic of how, in the Pokemon world, Blair actually had developed a burning hatred for Touko (which she only saw as a friendly rivalry), but in this rewritten world, they remain best friends.
As I’d mentioned in the beginning of the story, the portrayals of the characters and how I write them are based on my friends and fellow RPers in my Rocket group and their versions of the characters. As you know, Pokemon has plenty of characters and lots of room for headcanons, and everyone in my group has done such a wonderful job of giving each of them a fresh spin (Touko and Morty are my only muses there)!
I’m also going to try to squeeze in cameos of other characters in the group (as this fanfic is more for them, but I always post my works here for the public), so if you do enjoy the lesser known characters, you can look forward to seeing all of the Rocket execs, Silver, Giovanni, Falkner, Jasmine, Morty, Sabrina, Red, and some other characters making appearances.
Thanks for catching all the problems!
oops.
well, i read other’s fanfictions in the script format, i didn’t know that its banned.
Does that mean i have to delete this? i don’t want to do so….
Sorry if the chapter isn’t up to the normal standard of work you expect of me, I wrote it off the top of my head after a long, LONG period where I couldn’t think clearly enough to write anything. I thought it might make people curious to learn more, like how pokémon play into the story and such, but after looking it over again, I see what you mean. It’s weak, weaker than a lot of my other stuff. I’m sorry I disappointed you. Please forgive me.
Thank you for the help on grammar, I do realize I need to improve it a bit, and I actually have figured out most of these through reading other books and taking English Honors classes, I just haven’t had the time or energy to edit yet. As for the thing about Jared’s personality, I realize that he seems whiny and childish, but that was the intention. He makes his life out to be worse than it actually is, which is typical of a boy his age.
But I would like to personally congratulate you on writing the most vicious review I’ve ever gotten. Truthful or not, it was worded strongly and you have successfully destroyed my confidence on the piece that I consider my greatest accomplishment to date.
I’m sorry. I couldn’t help but read your comment, and I don’t know, CORRECT YOU BECAUSE OF EVERYTHING THAT IS FALSE IN THAT REVIEW!
You wouldn’t capitalize those words because it is like you explained earlier.
BUT.
In Pokémon, you would CAPITALIZE their NAMES because it is the name of a SPECIFIC SPECIES and is a PROPER NOUN in this case. Charizard, Pikachu, and Pokémon WOULD be capitalized. Do you ever see their names not capitalized in the magna, TV show, games, or even on internet sites like Bulbapedia? There’s a reason that they’re capitalized. Do you think they do it for their help? Like for example, Ho-Oh is spelled like that in the games, and therefore, should be spelled like that when talked about. Not Hooh. Or hooh. Professor should be capitalized, because PROFESSOR is the title of someone. Like Professor Oak. PROFESSOR IS TITLED FOR A REASON. YOU NEVER GO TO A COLLEGE OR SOMETHING AND SEE THE PROFESSOR’S CLASSROOM LABELED AS THIS: professor Oak.
Dude. The whole idea of her story was to go off of the GAMES! In the games, you can’t go on a journey without getting a STARTER from the region’s PROFESSOR.
And dude, seriously? You’re criticizing how people write? I’ve looked at a few of your stories, and you’re no J.K. Rowling either!
I think the lesson that can be learned here is:
Don’t judge other people’s writing unless they ask. Why? Because for one, it’s rude, two, she didn’t ASK FOR YOUR ADVICE, and three, you don’t even know what the f*ck you’re talking about!
“You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.”
I’m sorry, what grade are you in? 6th? 5th? 4TH? Because I’ve never had a teacher tell me that you don’t capitalize Professor. EVER, and I’m in 8th grade. And, btw, Charizard is the name of a THING. And so is POKEMON. Pokémon is the name of a MAGNA, ANIME, and GAME.
Her story is wonderful, and the only thing I think about when I read your comment was jealousy. You’re jealous because you aren’t as good of a writer as her.
Don’t screw with my best friend. Got it?
I told them to show their teacher this. I figure it’ll lead to broken sobbing into a bottle of vodka or the discovery their entire school district is staffed by some sort of talking lemur. I’m not actually sure which seems more likely.
I honestly find the “I know I I’m doing it wrong but will continue to do it that way away” responses the most depressing.
[I’ve looked at a few of your stories, and you’re no J.K. Rowling either!]
Wow, it was nice of them to compliment you!
I’m not sure where people got the idea that you capitalize species names. Breed names make a *little* more sense in an overgeneralization-of-a-rule kind of way, but in both cases their exposure should really only be in an academic setting, and I’m willing to be a science textbook gets those things right. It’s strange.
It’s kind of sad. You can see that their conviction they’re right despite not knowing which rule it is must be based on the sort of learning by example that you’re supposed to use for grammar. They did everything right! And it doesn’t matter because the examples they had were wrong.
WELL I AM AN ENGLISH MAJOR WHO HOPES TO WRITE ORIGINAL FICTION SOMEDAY SO YOUR PUNY CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM AND NOTES MEAN NOTHING TO ME.
Someone is going to be very sad when they submit their big kid work to the big kid world.
That one actually wasn’t too bad! I was expecting I KNOW WHAT A PROPER NOUN IS AND IT’S DEFINITELY POKEMON DAMMIT but instead they said they just thought those words were an exception. I wish everyone said that instead of insisting you capitalize because species or whatever.
UHM. The whole point of putting up fics on FFN is to have people review them. It’s the part where they tell you how they liked your story!! Wow that last person is so out of line on so many things. The only thing I can commend is that they didn’t resort to name calling….
Well shit. The N-rewrites-the-world one has literally the same premise as the story I was going to post, except without the RP basis or possibility for high school AU stuff.
Well, it’s the only one of its kind so far I’ve seen, so there’s still ample room for however yours would go down. Don’t even know if this one will get off the ground, either.
“she didn’t ASK FOR YOUR ADVICE”
Um. You mean other than posting it online? Sheesh.
Obviously things posted online are PRIVATE what’s wrong with you I mean DUH!!!!!!!!!