“SHIT I KNEW NUMBERS 1-20 WERE LETTERED WHY AM I STUPID.
Correction – I am not stupid. I merely forgot. People do that o great and powerful grammar geek. “
Thanks for the constructive criticism! And no, before you ask, I’m not
being a sarcastic douche. I’ve always been much better at writing
non-fictional pieces, such as essays and news articles and the like, so
It’s always good to know where I have room to improve in terms of my
fictional writing. I’ll admit though that on this one, I made a bit of a
rookie mistake and rushed out the first chapter in my excitement to try
something new. :/ Again, really basic mistake, but I guess it happens
to everyone now and then, right? Anywho, I’ll work harder on making sure
I don’t make the same mistakes in the future!
OMG! Don’t critisize me!!! Crystaleon is not a Sue! She is an OC! I am
planning on writing more, and since we don’t know what the pokemon’s
name is, we refer to Crystaleon as Crystaleon. I am a lazy writer,and I
don’t care what you think!
Luna-The-KittyA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/10062747/
Thanks for the critique, as I am still a young writer. You told be some
things I hadn’t really thought about before, and I’ll make sure to
correct my errors later. Sometimes I do have a bit of trouble with the
dialogue, and I honestly thought this was a good story. But again,
thanks for showing me it wasn’t really hooking the audience.
Farla. I’d like to just start by thanking you for taking the time to
write a review about one of my stories. First off, thanks for the
grammar tips. I’ve actually seen your reviews to the stories of other
people and I’ve written about how I’ve seen the mistake in an author’s
note in an unpublished chapter of my story. However, thanks to my busy
schedule it might be a while before I can go back and fix the errors.
Secondly, I guess i should justify some points about my story you found
flawed. The ability Stephen has to understand Pokemon makes him a better
trainer. I compare it to going to a doctor. Say you have a stomach
ache, but you can’t speak. It would be up to your doctor to somehow find
out what was wrong with you. This would most likely result in treatment
you don’t need. However, since we can, in fact, speak to one another,
you can tell the doctor exactly what’s wrong, and therefore get the
treatment you need. I fail to see how Stephen forgetting that Elekid
doesn’t like being compared to his father makes Stephen an idiot. People
forget things all the time, and in stories that is no exception. Next,
Stephen’s violet eyes are a trait that is found in the anime. I saw that
you stopped watching the show halfway through Johto so you didn’t see
Anabel of the Battle frontier. She actually has purple eyes too…as
well as purple hair. But in a world where people can have blue hair, Z’s
on their cheeks, or even lines for eyes… I don’t find violet eyes all
that odd. I have Suicune in the story following Stephen for a reason
that hasn’t been revealed yet, so it actually kinda made me laugh that
you thought he was stalking Stephen. The Rhyhon was able to buck Serena
off because, once again, you haven’t seen that part in the anime.
Rhyhorn racing is canon for Grace in the Pokemon X and Y anime. Serena
actually does get hurt from being bucked off of one in the show so
that’s where i got that idea from. Lastly, the eighteen year trainer
rule was put into the story to explain how the characters are the same
age. It would seem a bit odd to me to have a romance story between a ten
year old and someone who is nineteen. I realize how that the rule isn’t
accurate, but it IS a fanfiction…so different rules can apply. (to a
reasonable point at least) I think that covers most of your points.
Also, I would like to point out that I am no, by any stretch of the
imagination, a professional author. I will make mistakes, and some
things might not be consistent. I don’t exactly do this for a living.
But, i admire the passion for writing you have and hope you at least
enjoy writing as much as I do. Thank you again for your review to my
story and I hope you have a wonderful day.
Pokemon are copyrighted creatures and names so I actually would
capitalize them, also, I understand what your saying about using
grinned. Sorry! But I must tell you that I’ve never read a story on
http://www.FanFiction.net without an author’s note, so I really don’t
want to skip it.
Butterfly KittyA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/10057374/
I did capitalize Ash???
At least that’s what I did in the first chapter of the series.
Bulbapedia has all Pokémon species capitalized. And Pokémon for some
reason autocorrects to accent and capital on my computer so….
For the sake of the story, and this will be better explained in the
actual story, people complained about how their ten year olds (4-5th
graders, mind you, still children, elementary…) were out on a journey
(idk about you but when I was ten my mom wouldn’t even let me walk to
school by myself, much less journey across the world capturing and
battling wild and potentially dangerous creatures) and getting hurt so
they changed the legal age.
SHIT I KNEW NUMBERS 1-20 WERE LETTERED WHY AM I STUPID.
Correction – I am not stupid. I merely forgot. People do that o great and powerful grammar geek.
I do admit my oneshot has errors but there is truly no perfect story.
You do know that… right? Maybe I am not the Pokémon god you are but
you know what if you don’t like it then don’t waste your time with
people who “don’t know any better” like me.
CORRECTION. I ACCIDENTALLY did not capitalize Ash in the summary inside HOWEVER I did capitalize it on the story summary itself.XyruleA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/10062799/
About the jump from 1st to 3rd person POV in the first part, that’s because he dreams on third-person.
A Pokemon’s species is classified as its title, so a Pokemon’s species is, in fact, capitalized.
“It’s” does mean “it is”, but it can also be possessive.
The reason he talks about what things look like will be explained when the egg hatches.
In reply to [If I had still been facing the egg, and if I had not lost
my sight, I might have noticed that the egg glowed a bright red for an
instant until I turned a corner and was gone.]:
Inreply to [If I had still been facing the egg, and if I had not lost my
sight, I might have noticed that the egg glowed a bright red for an
instant until I turned a corner and was gone.]:He speaks in past tense, after the events of the story happen, and is
merely reminiscing about the facts that he missed during the experience.
He is told these facts by a main character who experiences these events
when they happen, and who also has their sight.
I am terrible at writing in 3rd-person POV and good at 1st-person, so
that’s how I write. See Close Encounter of the Darkest Kind (my first
story) for an example of how my 3rd-person writing usually goes.
Thank you for reviewing, and I hope this helps!
-Xyrule
I greatly appreciate your review and I’m glad that you took the time out
of your day to review my fiction. However, I’d like to point out that
the words Pokémon, Pikachu, and Charizard are all proper nouns, and
words like animal, mouse or dragon are all common nouns. As such, I was
correct in capitalizing them. I hope that I do not offend you by sending
you this message.
you really, really shouldn’t ask for characters. Doesn’t work right.
You get people doing all sorts of characters, and they may each be fine
but they don’t fit together properly. It’s like trying to complete a
hundred-piece puzzle by taking fifty of the pieces from fifty other
puzzles. They may all be good puzzles, and you may pick only the
prettiest pieces, but you’re going to end up with a mess.
Spellcheck.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never
“Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello”
she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t
contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She
grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that
something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with
your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second
category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s
“Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if
you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said,
“is it.” Also, remember that generally “said” is the best speech verb to
use, and even more importantly, “stated” is not.
Write out numbers with letters.
[“Can I inject it into you?” Scarlet asked. Mackenzie nodded. “You’ll be
half dragonair and half human, you know,” Scarlet pointed out.
“I know. I’ve been wanting to be your test subject. I’ve always wondered what it was like to be a pokemon.]
Test subject means they don’t actually know if it’ll do anything or if
it might be fatal. There’s more to this sort of thing than just if you’d
like the ideal outcome, or else they wouldn’t need to bother testing.
This is way too short to be a proper chapter.”
___________
Ok, first, this was written on my iPod, so any mistakes can be blamed on
auto correct. Second, this wasn’t supposed to be a full chapter, it was
supposed to be a ‘preview’ of my writing so people know what they are
getting into.
Listen, I can do what I want. I have done OC stories before. I can
manage. If you are going to tell me not to, then tell the rest of the
authors on FFn who have OC stories.
I’ve taken high school grammar classes even though I’m in middle school. Nonetheless I know.
As for the test subject, Scarlet isn’t 100% sure if it will work. I was implying ‘If it works out right’
So, have anything else to say? This did NOT make my day. I’m kinda
depressed right now. My family is a wreck. If there is anything else, go
ahead. Hit me with your best shot.
Thanks for the review. :) I always love them!
I was really afraid of publishing the prologue, to be perfectly honest.I
never wrote Pokémon fanfiction before, nor have I written for N.I was
afraid I’d mess up, and I guess I ank you for pointing out my
errors.I’ll fix this chapter up and reload it. :)
And I was really confused about that whole Pokémon name capitalization
thing. Thank you so much for clearing that anks again for the help! :)
He’s a little kid who hasn’t seen the worst of the world. Of course he
threw up. Anyone can overreact to anything. Thanks for reviewing even
though you obviously don’t like what I’ve written.
So? I put real effort into it. This is a major point in Roze’s life. It
needs to be told to understand her character in later shorts.
I’m sorry this is the first fan fiction and I guess I was just a little
nervous and didn’t bother fix it. Sorry you feel that way but I promise I
will try harder.
Sorry if the grammar/structure is off. I’ve just always written my
stories like this and no one’s really had any problem understanding them
= And I’ve always thought that dividing up your story into just one
sentences (If a new speaker is present each time) seems a bit tedious
and makes it look like you’re lazy (Don’t know why I think that, it’s
just me).
In every book I’ve read that’s officially from Pokemon, they’ve
capitalized the word “Pokemon”, so I just thought that is what you would
do :P If not, I guess I won’t do it in the next chapter. Honestly, I
appreciate the effort and time you put in to giving me a review, but
instead of a full blown grammar lesson, you could have just told me to
start a new paragraph whenever a new subject arises in the sentence or
speaks.
And that all aside, I’m curious as to what you think of the actual
idea/plot of the story. I got really excited when I saw a review for
this, and I was a bit disappointed to see it was just a critique of my
grammar/structure. So I don’t know, just give me an honest opinion. If
the idea’s dumb, okay. If you think this story has potential, I’d love
to hear that. So yeah.
Thanks,
Lunnar-Eclipse
distantcharismaA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/10064774/
Thanks for your help, mate. I appreciate the feedback.
However, I probably won’t accept a lot of it. For example, the whole bit
about not capitalizing the word “Pokemon” or individual species of
Pokemon I’m going to ignore, simply because it feels more natural for me
to capitalize them. I will also capitalize Trainer and Professor
because those are titles and therefore deserve to be capitalized. I did
notice the paragraphs were a bit choppy-looking when I uploaded the
piece, so I’ll try to break them up a bit less.
Also, I understand your concern about the Boss’ albinism, but just to go
ahead and spoil it for you a bit, in the third chapter there’s a scene
in which Grayson accidentally walks in on the Boss in the bathroom. He’s
astonished to find that the Boss is putting in his red-colored contacts
and that furthermore there’s white hair dye and other forms of makeup
in the bathroom. The whole “albino” thing is fake. His red eyes are
meant to match his Dusknoir’s, while the all-white clothing and skin and
hair are meant to offset the Dusknoir’s mostly black body. The Boss is a
very fashionable man, or so he thinks. By the way, if you don’t like
unnaturally colored eyes, you’re going to hate the MC. :P
Seriously, though, I do appreciate it. I wasn’t expecting anyone to pay
attention to this story until I’d added a little more to it. It’s also
my first ever attempt at writing fanfiction, so you really are a big
help.
I have a quick question for you, though. I’ve created a basic map of the
region. At what point, if any, should I upload it, and how do I make
sure it’s easily accessible?
Thank you for the review! =^^=
About that capitalizing paragraph you’ve written, I’ll try to watch out
for that. But you know, we all can miss things sometimes.
About trainers starting at ten, I changed that to 12. I thought readers
could understand from the summary where I wrote something like, “he
started his journey one year earlier, at the age of eleven.” But you’re
right I should have said it in an author’s note, so I’ll also add that
in the second chapter.
And also your last sentence, for the blue flames, Sean is just
interested in it but the fact that he thinks its powerful doesnt change,
but his friends and his brother doesnt believe him thats why he is
upset and starts crying.
I mean blue flames are interesting? There is no deeper meaning to it. *shrugs*
Thanks again for the review, its nice to see my plan working for this story, hope you’ll stick around ;)
Okay, I’ll try to follow these tips for the next chapter. Thanks a lot, this may help immensely with writing future chapters :D
-LK
GreninjaShinobiHey,I’d just like to say thank you for the review, I’d rather have someone
say what’s wrong with my chapter than someone just giving me
compliments. I’ll be re-writing my chapter and if it would be alright
I’d like to run it through you first.
But if that’s not possible then its alright.
Again, thank you for the review.
GreninjaShinobi
just that I have a very specific way I want to introduce these
characters in “POKeMON.” I’m sure you were only trying to help, and I
snapped at you. I apologize.
So I’m not sure if you know, but I’ve come across with you one month or
so ago (I’m not sure though). You reviewed to my two stories and I
‘thanked for the review’ but never got a reply. I don’t know what I
expected but you know… Anyway, this time I’m sending a PM to you
because I want a reply- since I’m going to ask a question or two.
So what was I saying… Yes, two stories…
So only after those reviews that the idea of checking out your profile
came to my mind (yeah, you don’t need to comment on that). I think I did
take your reviews seriously and made a few changes and it helped me,
though you really didn’t have to write paragraphs about saying, “Hello.”
However, the thing is you never followed any story of mine. I’m not
saying you must, but how can I know if I’m improving if you are not
checking out the next chapters? (Also I’m curious if you liked it or
not) I’m wondering if I did or did not improve because aside from the
grammer mistakes and such, you mentioned character flaws.
I don’t like character flaws.
Well, I’m curious about whether you like my stories to some extend or
why you didn’t think they were good enough for you to follow?
When I checked out your profile I saw what you thought about OCs and
that made me wonder how you thought about mine… That’s why I’d be glad
if you can reply… Thanks again from the start and sorry for taking
your time ^^
Thanks for the review! I’m glad that you found a few of the jokes funny,
and also for pointing out that you’re/your mistake in the last few
sentences. For some reason I’m completely blind to their/there mistakes
as well, so maybe I should write myself a memo or something to make sure
I double-check. You said that there were a few parts in Chapter 1 that
seemed a bit long-winded. I’m interested in learning which parts
concerned you, and also your thoughts on how I can limit this in the
future. Thanks, again!
O.O that certainly is a lot of words. Thanks for the criticism, I kinda
need someone to tell me what I do wrong and how to fix it (everyone I
asked to read it just told me it was good) lol I’ve got a lot of work to
do if I’m going to be a writer for a profession. But again, thank you
for your time to say all this ^_^ I appreciate it.