Jan 2microwavesuicune

A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12301312/nice review, but don’t you think you were a bit too hard? it was a good fanfiction. :P

14h agoTheHesitantAlienA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12302849/

Thanks for your review! When updating/possibly re-writing the chapters, I shall be sure to check and correct my capitalization! :D

12h agoKrazy KatienessA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12302887/

I was just wondering if could you please take a kinder tone. I was creating this just for fun and I’m starting to get a bit sceptical. You may be trying to help me but I would prefer it if you were a bit nicer about it.

As for it not making sense, it’s fanfiction. Quite a few fanfiction don’t exactly follow plotlines or ideas or whatever. Plus, I’m not going to pile on all the information into one chapter. I’m sorry if I sound naggy but it was just bothering me a bit.

12h agoAiko IsariA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12303387/

Hello :) Thanks for your review.

I can’t make personal disagreement against my handling of visual descriptions, as they are not my strong suit, hence why I am working on them. For the moment where the pain washes away, that is me attempting to imply her dying, nothing on the sense that she just loses sense of it. Any suggestions for how to improve?

Can you give me a suggestion of dark woods? Unfortunately, my sense of color is not the best, and I was kind of tired of making consistent references to food, as is often used in describing dark skinned, female characters?

She is at a pokemon center that also functions as a hospital. Considering the city she winds up in, that may be something they would consider, especially with Meteor Falls and Rusturf Tunnel up ahead and Petalburg Woods down below, having them both in the same building, or near each other, is a possible solution. These things will come up more as the story goes on, and Aster gains more coherency and ability to focus.

(And…not really. They cost as much as a can of soda and you can find them lying around. If you need a reason she can’t get a pokemon easily, lacking a license might work. )

Due to her lack of bag or items on her at this point, she has no money and no items and she also lacks a license. That was the implication. Sorry about that. :)

As for the point on Shroomish, keep in mind Effect Spore can also cause sleep or paralysis. She wouldn’t necessarily be poisoning every pokemon she meets, until she could reach a professor, it would be a useful safety measure.

(The comment on String Shot was a reference to, if I recall, almost all early stage bug types being able to learn String Shot, which I admittedly have found kind of odd, since their evolutions are still capable of using it despite many going into a state equivalent to a cocoon.)

The reason the phantump is described the way it is actually has nothing to do with her. I just happened to see the shiny coloration and the description for it was theorized to be that of a birch tree, which I though may appear in Petalburg Woods. It was merely a relation to that, so that was purely coincidental.

For your last point, that’s the only point I disagree with. For humans, she will have little difficulty in communication (once she begins to adjust, as all mute Pokemon protagonists do), but for pokemon, particularly in a combat situation, that silence is a difficult workaround. That is a reason for phantump to need psychic, despite how little it may actually help in the long run. With everything else, no, this was never planned to be a magical fix of her disability. I apologize if it seems so.

Thank you again, and any advice you can give would be appreciated, to correct the current chapter before the next update.

10h agoTheSwingOfThingsMorning!

Thank you so much for taking the time to review my spinoff, your comments were very helpful.

I’m not sure what it is about dialogue, but I seem to have a very hard time formatting it properly regardless of how many times I look up how to do it right. I’ll keep trying, and hopefully it’ll get better eventually.

Regarding how it fits into my other fic, I take it you think it would be better to just delete it and put the important parts into my other fic so that it fits in since it has no real place on its own?

I thought about your comments regarding shiny pokemon, and you definitely have a point. I think I was so focused on the thought that such a show would exist that I wasn’t thinking about how utterly boring it would be to read a story that was just transcripts of a nonexistent talk show. I’ll try to look out for issues like that in the future, since it definitely seems like a trap I fall into.

Thanks again for your help!

8h agoGreasy MonkeyA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12303502/

Hello!
Thank you for reviewing! I’ll admit, I was a bit hurt when I first read your stuff, but as an author I do need to receive opinions both good and bad.

Anyway, here’s what I want to say:

[You remember how everyone else already decided to do this with this exact explanation, and then all those fics sucked?]
I have read the TRAINERS START AT TEN forum, but, although your argument is valid, the pokemon world from a realistic point of view is actually very dangerous. I read what several other authors wrote, particularly illhousen, and that does seem like a pretty valid argument. But, as you said, one has to make further problems for the protagonist to face, and I’ll try to do just that. You can stick to your opinion, though. I don’t mind.

[Are you seriously arguing that the fact only the intervention of ten year olds saved everyone else was used as an argument against arming ten year olds. I assume your world doesn’t have firemen any longer, either.]
This isn’t the only argument. There is a ‘plus’, which means that this is one of many reasons. The idea of a ten-year-old going up against a criminal organisation that can really kill you is a crazy one. I’m not depicting as the evil teams as those in-game, where they’ll just battle you and cry when they lose. No, these are teams who will start hunting you down once you meddle in their plans. There is an underworld here, which is very scary. I personally know people who have dealed in drugs to the point where they are friends with criminals who will kill them and their family if they try to back down. I’m not making this up.
Imagine a ten-year-old handling such a situation. Now, I’m not trying to say that a fourteen-year-old is going to do any better, but they are more mature and do not take rash decisions.

[Wow, their intense concern for kids getting killed means they ban practice battling to make absolutely sure they start with a weakling that can’t protect them. That’s stupid even by the low, low standards of these fics, so I’m just going to quit now and spare myself the rest.]
I should’ve made myself more clearer, and I apologize for not doing so. What I meant to write was that kids train with other kids under controlled conditions, like in schools, gyms, etc. I’ll edit that as soon as possible.

In any case, your review was helpful, if even in a small way. Could you read through the rest of the first chapter and point out any other mistakes? Thank you.

-G.M.

10m agoPokemon FTWA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12302716/

I have NO idea what you were trying to say in the first part.

As for the second part, mostly I just wanted to upload a little bit. There are actually several reasons why it was good for me to start with a short chapter. First of all, it will nag at me to make a 2nd episode. 2nd of all, it will make me want to make it longer. 3rd of all, it gets me started and makes me less guilty of a completely empty profile.

And finally, you have no reason to be so rude. Sure, it wasn’t the best thing ever, but it also wasn’t the worst thing ever.

32m agoGreninjaTimeHi there! I’d just like to say thanks for your review, it honestly really helped me. I’ve updated my first chapter and tried to correct the mistakes that you pointed out (I’ve probably still missed some but…meh). Judging by your profile I’m assuming that not many people respond too well to your reviews, but it honestly helped me out a ton. So, thanks!