Jan 4Zealous1o1

Thank you for your review however, i would just like to point out one thing. People write fanfiction to express there feelings, it shouldnt matter about the grammar, or how they have written it, it matters about the content and how it makes the reader feel. The fact that you read my story, and the only thing you picked up were grammar mistakes just proves you dont have the mental capability to ignore the insignificant stuff, and enjoy the story. Also if the grammar in my story bothers you so much that you had to write such a long bad review, why do you read fanfiction in the first place. Your not exactly going to find fanfiction with the exact correct grammar, because that is irrelevant to the writer. The only thing the writer cares about is sharing the feeling we have to our readers, not just giving them dumb grammar mistakes to pick at. Also get a life, because nobody does reviews like these, not about the frickin grammar you retard. Stop trying to act like an English teacher, and stick with writing fanfiction about bloody Steven Universe (what are you like 7).

Jan 4Zealous1o1

Thank you for your review however, i would just like to point out one thing. People write fanfiction to express there feelings, it shouldnt matter about the grammar, or how they have written it, it matters about the content and how it makes the reader feel. The fact that you read my story, and the only thing you picked up were grammar mistakes just proves you dont have the mental capability to ignore the insignificant stuff, and enjoy the story. Also if the grammar in my story bothers you so much that you had to write such a long bad review, why do you read fanfiction in the first place. Your not exactly going to find fanfiction with the exact correct grammar, because that is irrelevant to the writer. The only thing the writer cares about is sharing the feeling we have to our readers, not just giving them dumb grammar mistakes to pick at. Also get a life, because nobody does reviews like these, not about the frickin grammar you retard. Stop trying to act like an English teacher, and stick with writing fanfiction about bloody Steven Universe (what are you like 7).

reply pls

22h agoFireSpartan5

First of all, I did the capitalization because it actually IS the proper way to name the Pokemon. Professor is used as a title, so it is capitalized. the others must have been overlooked errors.
Second, many people have done songfics before, I am just taking an idea and rolling with it.
Third and last, it is not a pop song. It is from musical theatre. It also plays into Lillie’s character. Say what you want, but people breaking randomly into song is one of the components of fiction most commonly utilized. As I said, none of the lyrics belong to me, and I would appreciate you not being a jerk in the future. ;)

20h agoDarkSorcerer888

For one, Sarah’s only point of reference regarding trainers’ choices in starter Pokémon is the ones from Pallet that visited Oak’s lab. How would she know about trainers outside of that demographic. Even psychic powers have their limits, mostly in the range category.
Abra’s useless as a starter, huh? Tell that to Sabrina, the gym leader in Saffron City! Oh wait, she’s a fictional character, so you can’t. Abra can teleport right out of the egg, so they can get always get their trainer to a Pokémon Center or hospital if the trainer or a Pokémon in their team get critically injured. I wouldn’t call a Pokémon with that ability useless in any context. Plus, Jesse taught Sarah Hidden Power during their first training session (second chapter). An Abra with Hidden Power is a force to be reckoned with.
The reason I had Jesse start with an Abra and then catch a Riolu is that psychic types and aura users are among the few types of Pokémon that can reasonably be capable of telepathy, and Alakazam and Lucario are the most badass non-legendary powerhouses out of both groups of Pokémon.
Also, laws change over time. Do you really expect the minimum age for requiring a training license to stay constant as society progresses?
Also, did you really just imply that you’d expect an eleven-year-old fangirl to think things thru and make sane and rational choices when it relates to her obsession with a celebrity, let alone a millennial?

11h agoSpooklord Horatio

hmm… this is a mouthful to take in all at once, but thanks! i’m kinda used to treating pokemon like nouns, and paragraphs aren’t exactly my strength. but i also want to note that my other fanfic, my Sailor Moon fanfic, had problems with consistency. as in it talked about something that seemed important, but was not really. thanks for the tip again!

10h agoAnla’shok

Hi, I greatly appreciate you taking the time to pick this apart.

I’ll try to clean up the dialogue to avoid that ‘gap’ effect. I don’t want to use italics for mindspeech, because I like using for emphasis in tone or narration (but I might be using it too much anyway. I’ll… edit^^). I thought ~~ instead of “” was a good speech tag, but I’ll italicize the “Lavaridge is that way” to show there’s something weird about it.

“Because it seems pretty weird to believe pokemon are only bad when bad people are giving the orders but bad people’s pokemon stay in limbo forever,”
Pokemon come in varied intelligence levels, but lets take dogs for the point of comparison. A dog isn’t intrinsically evil. But a bad owner can make a dog dangerous and some dogs get so dangerous they have to be put down. Nevertheless, specialized care can make many dogs ‘good’ again. Also, society privileges humans, so if a dog has a history of being violent, they’ll be more likely to be put down. Since ‘computer storage’ is like deep sleep, it’s a convenient ‘let’s handle this later’ situation with dangerous pokemon. I imagine there’s a Ranger division dedicated to rehabilitating pokemon that have been taught that mauling people is acceptable.
Obviously, a feral caterpie and a human-hating abra would not be treated the same way.

Ann and V were taught at school that pokemon are part instinct/personality and partly influenced by how their trainer(s) treats them and what they’re taught. So a trainer is also morally responsible for what they teach their pokemon, and pokemon can be taken from trainers (and in extreme cases stored until a solution can be found) if need be.
Since they’re ten, they have a child’s understanding of it all, but here it’s mostly the debate of whether Gengar is evil (ghosts aren’t ever teddy bears. They do feed on fear.) or if he’s following evil orders and just does it because it’s fun and makes his trainer happy (or because he has to).

“And the way the gengar keeps telling them to get moving suggests this has less to do with stealing starters than it does stealing them, which is definitely interesting.”
Lol, I hadn’t thought about it like that. There’s definitely a motive there though.

6h agofelixrockatansky

Thank you for the feedback, your criticisms are justified. The issue with the the mammoth paragraph is a problem I do have with my storytelling in that I tend to jump into a quickly built world to get to the characters (which their are a lot of in this story). In later parts, I do mention that the land is large with many mysteries, with Zoroark being one of them as nobody had seen him before. And a fault on my part, not mentioning that Zoroark met Volcarona in private, so nobody else knew who he was or saw him with the king. Your feedback on grammar I am grateful for and hope to rectify. I hope you are enjoying the story though. I’m not best pleased with the length of Chapter One or the pacing of Chapter Two but I believe I am slowly progressing the more I write.

Again, thank you!

2h agoOcean Storm 312

Thank you for informing me. It had not occurred to me that the capitalization of the pokemon species names was incorrect, and I will endeavor to avoid capitalizing them in the future. Some of the other words I capitalized had reasons, though – when Aurora refers to her trainer, she uses Mistress as a name in lieu of Serene.

I was completely unaware of the nuances involving dialogue with a speech verb. The information you have contained there will be very helpful to me, although once again I may have difficulty with it at first.

However, I would like to ask why you considered my story important enough to review if everything down to the plot was subpar.

Regardless, I would like to express my gratitude for your advice.