“You are telling me to proof-read something I already have. I find that
offencive that you are calling me lazy by proclaming that I did not
proof-read. My final issue is this little character “;” did it ever
occure to you that maybe a typing error huh?”
Thanks for your review. I agree that the fic would’ve benefited from showing more of a transition from ambivalence/excitement about the prospect of immortality to inevitable weariness, and I could easily see someone else writing the premise as a multichaptered fic. Unfortunately I don’t have the time or interest for that, so I’ll accept the consequences of having a slightly less believable and more compressed story.
I don’t think Serena cutting off ties with people because she doesn’t want to face their questions/their own anxiety is unrealistic, but I do see your point about her not enjoying other aspects of her immortality, at least at first. I had hoped to hint at Serena advantaging herself of it off in the spaces of her life, the long gaps in years that the fic doesn’t cover, i.e. going to Kanto, chatting and being friendly to other trainers, but hadn’t planned to show these explicitly in the interest of time/reader attention. Your comments made me aware that that probably hadn’t come across strongly enough since I do focus on the angst, so thanks. I’m glad you enjoyed the ending and it felt like an appropriate culmination though.
I acknowledge your point about strict semicolon usage, but my own semicolon (and long dash, and colon) usage is a stylistic choice to complement fragmentary prose, so I’ll run the risk of alienating/irritating some readers rather than pare it down.
My view on capitalization is that the way you propose, specifically your point about ‘you wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon’, may make sense to a hypothetical person/character living in the PokeUniverse, but that it doesn’t for the readers. In the Pokemon universe the names of Pokemon species may not be proper nouns because they /are/ the animals or mouses or dragons, but we don’t live in a world with Pokemon, so capitalizing species names further emphasizes their status as foreign elements, part of a separate lexicon, in the same way that capitalizing ‘Trainer’ in the context of a Pokemon fanfic suggests the Pokemon-specific connotations of battling and raising Pokemon that don’t accompany the word ‘trainer’ when used otherwise, when it could be taken to mean an exercise trainer or what have you. It’s a service to the reader and author, and furthermore not contested by videogame canon.
Well, in any case, I rarely get the chance to compose thoughtful review replies, so this was a breath of fresh air. Thanks, Farla, and best wishes with your own writing.
…Capitalizing Pokemon names is grammatically correct. A species of Greninja is known AS Greninja, and that is also the Pokemon’s name, AKA a proper noun. That’s why the capitalization is correct.
And Professor should be capitalized. It is an occupation, like Doctor or Scientist. Occupations are capitalized as well. I am very confident that my capitalization is correct, Farla. For example, if you were referring to a character, “Professor Sycamore” is correct. However, “Sycamore is a professor.” would be the correct form of that sentence.
Thank you for that! Even though i had a little trouble following you i think i get it.
and sorry about the random capitalization. It just an annoying habit I have
—-
DarkLikeitornot
https://www.fanfiction.net/u/2632720/
Reply link: https://www.fanfiction.net/pm2/post.php?rid=89584400#new
——————–
Greetings. Since you were kind enough to offer me those few points, I decided I would
return the favour. My advice on your criticism techniques:
1. Your task in this circumstance is to directly assist the writer. Therefore,
destructive criticism (“This sentence is enough of a disaster without you just
throwing grammar out the window entirely. As are pretty much every other sentence in this
whole thing”) is quite flawed, as you make the complaint, but do not attempt to
assist. Refrain from using the adjective “godawful” as it is slang firstly, and
secondly is rather offensive, therefore agitating the writer into not corresponding with
you. Also, refrain from casting assumptions on personal incentives, as they may break
into the “ad hominem” rule, which should be considered here. Also, especially
when they’re not in the least bit accurate.
2. You should be concise. The English language when written, does not favour the
repetition of the co-ordinating conjunction “or”, as one should separate the
clauses with a comma. For instance- “It is not W, X, Y, or Z” as opposed to
“It is not W or X or Y or Z”. It do…
This message has been truncated due to length. To view in full, please visit site.
And so we will never be able to see all of their frantic posturing as they try to show how much smarter they are. They probably had some brilliantly witty closing statement that would have crushed my soul and made me stop my evil reign of reviewing, but alas! I shall never be shamed by its sight. We must content ourselves with this additional tidbit:
DarkLikeitornot
https://www.fanfiction.net/u/2632720/
——————–
One last addition to #2- You should explain why the grammatical rule is in place. For instance, in the dialogue (“Hello, is anyone home?” she asked) the pronoun is always in lowercase, because it is still the same sentence, despite the punctuation. You did try to say this, but in a rather botched way. It explains to the author why and saves you a lot of bother.
——————–
Thank you for the honest review! I wrote this as a silly drabble, not
really paying attention to issues like Pokémon getting new types, moves
in battle, etc. This was just intended as a practice to setting moods
and adding humor. Also, I’m honestly not sure if the names would be
capitalized or not. As far as I know, the dialog in the games
capitalizes their names, as well as the word Pokémon. I wasn’t really
paying attention to logic in this so much as I was focusing on writing a
charming drabble that readers would enjoy. I’ll take your words to
heart and remember them the next time I write. Again, thank you for your
honesty! :)
tries to make everything right, I guess you wouldn’t really call me a
Grammar Nazi. I appreciate your spellcheck and will use it in further
chapters. :)
—-
my story, then don’t read it and we’ll both end up happy. I’ll try to
use some of the comments you made though, as a way for me to improve my
writing. And just to answer your ‘question’, Risk is his actual name and
Kylor is just an alias. Thanks again for your review.
—-
NobodyGirl003
exact thing with my last Pokemon story and I’m not going to let you deter me from this
one. Also, I have another reason for why I capitalized them. Pokemon is a trademarked
video game, manga, TCG, and anime series, therefore, Pokemon would be capitalized and
each individual Pokemon is trademarked as well. Also, quit looking for people to pick on.
I’m sick of this.
I’ll take my Pokemon holocaust story more seriously next time; pls forgive me supreme fanfic-sama.
—-
I would let it blow over the first time but now I’m annoyed. I would
like to put it out there that although they are use frequently
throughout our society they are still a title/name, yes we may not spell
lion with a capital “L” but Pokemon is spelt with a capital as well as
the name of the Pokemon’s species. If you don’t belive me then why don’t
you read one of the Pokemon books that they publish. Ok my next big
issue I have is the freakin’ proof-read at the end. You are telling me
to proof-read something I already have. I find that offencive that you
are calling me lazy by proclaming that I did not proof-read. My final
issue is this little character “;” did it ever occure to you that maybe a
typing error huh? So since thats the case I do not need a full lenght
paragraph about the the freaking thing. I wonder if you would ever see a
something like this in a published book or some other from of printed
text then write a freakin’ letter to the author about the gramma? If so
the I guess you’ve sent one to JK Rowling, Rick Riordan and oh yeah Jane
Austen some one who is already dead. I understand if you just hate bad
spelling and gramma but before you go telling people what’s what think
about it first and then look at the fact that ‘hey maybe it was a typo’
or ‘I guess thats it is suppost to be written’ before you give them
stupied detail about something, and next time you have a spelling or
gramma problem PM me insted, since it is not a review.
—-
This was my first time alright, I was bound to make a few mistakes. I
have taken your criticism into account, however I am not changing it.
This is my story, maybe I’ll reword a few lines, but for the most part
it’s going to stay the same. So far you are the only person to criticize
it, and that’s not really enough for me to change it. So in conclusion,
thanks for your opinion, but it won’t change anything here.
Wooooow… Chill please? First of all yes i am very aware that I don’t
spell everything correctly, deal with it. Second the whole purpose of
her not speaking has nothing to do with the game at all. It’s called a
plot. Don’t you have English at your school? Second this is the first
chapter, aka yes things are going to be lengthy as per most books, don’t
you read? Third again I don’t do everything correctly so I’m not going
to worry about my your and you’re and you are. Fourth if you really
don’t like my story than you don’t have to go hate about it. Fifth if
you really wanted a book with perfect grammar go to a dictionary… In
fact even then I’m not sure it would be perfect. Please stop trying to
look like a genius through reviews, do it in your own stories. Also
don’t make someone’s day worse by giving a nasty review like this. I
mean I really hope someone wasn’t seriously offended by one of your
reviews. Finally this is a fanfiction website not
,thank you
So…that was a blunt review. When I saw the review, I read the first
sentence and looked away. It hurts to be proven wrong. My ego just took a
few major blows. But, really, I’d also like to thank you. I’m a new
writer, and I appreciate the feedback. I’m swallowing my pride here, and
forcing myself to accept my mistakes. I’ll make sure to update the
chapter with a revised version – doing a better job explaining and
fixing grammar.
Also, about capitalization. I capitolize because I think of the Pokemon
as if their species name is their ACTUAL name. Otherwise, it blends with
the rest of the sentence.
Finally, the “said/stated” problem. I use words like that in abundance,
because I always thought that saying “said” all the time would get
boring. However, if it’s grammatically correct, I will change.
Yes, I did read your bio after seeing that ferocious review. The only
thing I’m worried about was that you didn’t point out anything good.
Again, thank you for the review. I know that harsh reviews are meant to help the writer, something others fail to see.
—-
I respectfully disagree on both accounts. I’ll address the second point first.
Perhaps it wouldn’t win any awards, but I look at it and see a
progression that is somewhat hidden: girl is in forest, comes to
clearing, Darkrai dances with her (bringing the question that forms the
plot), Darkrai reveals why he dances with her (climax), Darkrai leaves
and girl wakes up with rose (resolution and denouement). In my
definition of a story, this qualifies. Of course, everyone sees stories
differently, so you’re entitled to your own opinion.
Now, the first point. I’ve heard quite a bit of controversy over this,
and I’ve been told this before, actually. The truth is, I think it falls
under the same idea I mentioned above: that everyone has their own
opinion. To me, it just looks wrong to write the names with lowercase
letters. “Pichu” looks better to me than “pichu” does. In that way,
“pichu” looks like a sound or something of that nature. I also take my
cues from the games, where the wild encounters never show the animal in
lowercase. It is in the wild encounters that I feel the lowercase would
most likely be used, as the name is not referring to a “named” creature,
yet Game Freak always uses uppercase: “A wild Zubat appeared!” But,
again, this is my own opinion, so you don’t have to have the same views.
I’m sorry that you didn’t like the story. I do wish you had. Even though
you didn’t, though, I’ll still wish you a good night and a good day
tomorrow!
Official media capitalizes the species names and the word ‘Pokemon’ so that’s what I did.
Sorry about the semicolons. I only really used them because of the long
sentences and I got sick of commas, so I’ll definitely dial it down on
those. I haven’t written prose in ages, I am more accustomed to
screenwriting so it was definitely not me trying to seem pretentious at
all. It was just a lack of knowledge since I haven’t used semicolons in a
very long time.
I try to explain the Nuzlocke/Pokedex connection later in the story, but I can see where your confusion is coming from.
Thanks for the feedback though! Even if you hated it. :P It’s nice to still have some criticism to work from.
I will keep that in mind thanks
Uh… The fanfic is a joke, both the grammar and the story itself should
not be taken seriously. So, your fairly large review, explaining proper
writing and such isn’t quite necessary for this specific story. For
’tis just written just of the fun of it. I made the writing terrible on
purpose… No harsh feelings though, still thoughtful of one to post a
review! ^-^
thanks for Reviewing my story(though you didn’t seem to like it much)
I’ll fix the first chapter….eventually. Hope you don’t report me, and
have a nice day
OK… Thanks for the advice. I’ll try to remember when I’m writing my
second chapter. I also try and update my first chapter. I was going to
make him give up his dream in the first chapter, and make him gain his
confidence back in a weird way in chapter two, when he captures a Deino
pokemon, but then I slightly gave up on the idea earlier. I just thought
it would be better if he didn’t give up his long life dream….
Clearly, I hadn’t listened to the info ‘This is the real deal’ had given
to me earlier, about not making a main character who wanted to become
something for his entire life, and didn’t want to give up his dream.
Well, thanks for the advice, again…. I’ll try to re-write some parts in the future, but I’m still sticking with the plot….
thanks for the advice I’ll try even harder if i make more.
You must not be a very good writer. Half of the things you said don’t
make sense, aren’t grammatically correct, or are very repetitive.
~Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never
“Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello”
she said~
I’m sorry? That was all pretty much the same ‘ol stuff said over and
over again. “Hello!” she said- would never work. Even people in first
grade know that when ending a sentence, you always use a capital letter
starting your next one. It would have to be “Hello!” She said.
~never “Hello.” She said~
Why the heck not? That is a correct way to write that.
Enough with that crap, shall we go on to the next wrong thing you said?
~You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t
capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you
should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie,
Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize
when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things.
Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking
of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.~
WONG! You always capitalize Pokemon, as it is a PROPER noun. And yes,
you do capitalize Charizard, Squirtle, and Professor (in the case it is
used like Professor Oak). Do you know ANYTHING about Pokemon?
~Seriously? Two of those are not like the others. Even if you’re trying
to keep to Kanto pokemon only, there’s other pokemon that aren’t right
next to Pallet.
Anyway, like most of the wake up get pokemon chapters, that was entirely
pointless. Start your story where your plot starts, no one is going to
be baffled by how your trainer has a pokemon if you fail to show them
handed one by a professor.~
Again, see that little red line under the word when you write pokemon?
Well, right click, and it will tell you that it should be spelled
Pokemon, because that is the correct way to write it. Seriously? You’re
SERIOUSLY going to criticize her on THAT? Get a life! She needed two
more Pokemon, and chose those two! Get over it! Are you dumb? Did you
even read the chapter? Waking up IS where her plot starts! I don’t even
know what to say to you. I hope you don’t have any stories, because your
common sense and IQ total about -500.
Was the story a bit bad written? Yes, yes it was.
Did the grammar suck? At times.
Was it the best book I have ever read? No, not at all.
But you need to calm down. This was her first story and she is not
perfect. Calm down and stop acting like you know everything. You didn’t
write the book, and you didn’t like it, so why pick on it? It’s not like
she’s going to change it just for you!
Good day,
-Ivy
Wow, thanks! Quite a lot of critique. Although I think I’ll keep the capitals, if it’s all the same to you.
I neglected to take the type disadvantage into account. Thanks, I rather
tend to forget the obvious. And as for the Cubone lore of the dead
mother, I would think that’s not always the case, Pokedex or not.
While more than likely my stubbornness is wrong, I’d like to think I’m
entitled to my own opinion as you are yours. But really, thanks for the
awesome review. I appreciate the time it took and the amount of help
that’ll do.
—-
Thank you. I will be sure to improve
Thanks! I didn’t know that!
Thank you for telling me this. It would be helpful later on.
While I am thankful that you decided to share your opinion about my
story, I would ask that you tone it down a bit. Before even starting
this story, I mentioned that I do not boast being a good writer at all,
and therefore do not possess the skills of one either. Reading the
Author’s Note would have informed you on that. Also, not every story has
to be action every 5 minutes. There is a thing called “build-up”. I
prefer my stories to be slower and separated so that I may have time to
think in between them. Again, thank you for your criticism, and I hope
you have a nice night.
your review was little more than a rant following all the inaccuracies
and points I forgot to mention in my story,that is not a review
a review is when you go over points in a story that you like or dislike,and give your opinion of them.
finally,can you give a straight up opinion of my story,do you like or dislike it?
Pov’s
I may have to stick with my method. I’m afraid if someone might get confused. Like I always do.
The program I use to write with always wants to change pokemon to
Pokemon. So then I had the idea to capitalize all pokemon’s names. Well,
now I know not to do that.
And dialogue, surprisingly, I never learned to write dialogue. It
probably happened when I moved schools. My new school may have already
taught dialogue but my old school hadn’t. Who knows? Hopefully I’m aware
of all this when I’m writing, then I can fix my mistakes.
I find a beta reader, but in the meantime I’ll have to reread
everything and fix mistakes. On my first story, stayed up till 2 am
because I edited my story like 5 times,but I had school the next day. I
was so tired, and now K have a problem with revising everything. Now,
I’ll probably try to revise everything
3 times.
So yeah,thanks for helping me! :)
First of all, thanks for the review!
There are a couple of reasons why I chose to go with shinies, but in
retrospect, they’re both meta reasons. So, your idea would have actually
made more sense in-universe. Sorry about that.
Anyway, I’m really glad you liked the story! Thanks again!
First “gramma”: Ha, that’s kind of a funny typo.
Second “gramma”: Wait, was that not a typo?
Third “gramma”: I don’t know whether to be thrilled or horrified.
They’re being gangsta. Or they don’t realize I’m numb to this sort of thing and are hoping it drives me nuts to see someone be stupid.
I’m pondering in horror what must be taught in high school (middle school?) these days, that there’s so much support for “Hello!” She said.
Fiction I wrote at age twelve was ludicrously derivative and melodramatic, but it was properly punctuated, damn it.
I had to pick up how to punctuate dialogue by studying how it was done in actual books, I’m pretty sure – the first time it was brought up in school as far as I remember was in ninth grade. But before I picked it up I knew I didn’t know, rather than asserting with total conviction that it’s totally “Hello.” She said.
I think it’s actually two things that interact very badly. Grammar is pretty much cut out of school, but we do teach kids to capitalize the start of sentences. If they didn’t learn grammar at all, they’d have had to learn it on their own and discovered it’s actually got a lot of rules, but they learned just enough to be sure they know it. They capitalize at the start of sentences and that is the beginning and end of all grammar, since it was the end of the only grammar they ever learned.
[And Professor should be capitalized. It is an occupation, like Doctor or Scientist.]
;_;
The games have much to answer for.