It begins…and not on a good note, either.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12301312/1/Fluff-Filler-and-Fireworks
You don’t need to label POVs when they’re obvious from context.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
“Its” is the possessive form. “It’s” means “it is” only.
[“Inkay, Foul Play!” Serena panicked a bit. Pumpkaboo had shot the Leech Seed at the ground near Braxien and dangerous vines were shooting out towards Braixen at high speed, while Inkay was coming at her Pokémon from the air with Foul Play. There wasn’t a way to stop one attack without taking the other.]
Dialogue should go next to the actions of the speaker, and actions of other speakers should go in a new paragraph. So this and similar ones should be:
[“Inkay, Foul Play!”
Serena panicked a bit. Pumpkaboo had shot the Leech Seed at the ground near Braxien and dangerous vines were shooting out towards Braixen at high speed, while Inkay was coming at her Pokémon from the air with Foul Play. There wasn’t a way to stop one attack without taking the other.]
It’s “okay”, four letters.
[ freed from the Leech Seed due to Pumpkaboo being knocked out]
Not how leech seed works.
Zero reviews.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12301321/1/The-Unreleased-New-Years-of-the-Kanto-Johto-League
[Also, much of this is intended to be pretty much a crack-fic, with OOCness and lots of drunk shenanigans, including drunk-induced crack ships.]
Crack doesn’t mean lazy. Putting characters in bizarre situations while keeping them in-character is entertaining. Putting characters in bizarre situations then having them be totally different people is boring.
[The crack ships involved: LancexMisty (Kingdrashipping), KogaxSurge (I think it’s called Toxicbolt shipping) KarenxClair (Gothshipping? Who comes up with these names?) JaninexBlue if you squint (EarthNinjashipping?) and WhitneyErika (PinkFlowershipping i think)]
Similarly, the fact a ship is unusual doesn’t make it impossible nonsense, especially in this fandom where we don’t know much about the characters in the first place. Drunk people, hooking up with coworkers, or hooking up with coworkers while drunk, isn’t crack.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
[ the Water-type specialist.]
You only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the unique names of individual people, places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12301378/1/End-Game
Nonstory chapters are banned. This should be at the top of your first chapter, not separate.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[5. No Pokemon are region specific.]
I’m really not sure why getting rid of the concept of plants and animals living in different places was an important part of making your fic more realistic.
[12. This is only partially planned out. You can send me OC’s for my story. ]
This will not end well. If you’re not sure yet where you’re going, you’ll be much better served by making up characters as you need them. If you’re trying to crowdsource ideas, well, still not going to end well, but you can avoid some of the problem by asking people for subplots rather than names and descriptions.
[13. No one under 16 can travel any region.]
Gritty isn’t the same as realistic.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12301378/2/End-Game
[Sorry for the odd formatting, I’m doing this through my phone and it looks
different when posted. This is the first real chapter of this story. Enjoy reading.]
No. Next time, wait until you can post something coherently.
One.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12301472/1/The-Blizzard
[A pikachu would’ve taken nothing on his person, but not me. ]
I think you mean “a wild pikachu” or “an ordinary pikachu” or whatever you’re going for specifically, given you say he’s still identifying as a pikachu.
[ I had a small green backpack, made out of handcrafted leather]
Also, if you have talking sapient animals, you either don’t want to use leather or you need to explain whose skin got handcrafted into the backpack.
[ that was dyed green to match Faraday Island’s temperate environment. ]
A temperate environment is one that has a summer/winter cycle, and by extension a lot of leaf litter. There’s a reason rabbits and squirrels aren’t green. Actual camouflage would be brown or green/brown camo patterns.
[ It had essential survival tools, like firestarters, a flashlight]
Again, this is supposedly a pikachu. Firestarters are things that can produce tiny sparks and material that can catch. A pikachu can produce enough electricity to char regular wood easily. Similarly, he shouldn’t have any difficulty being his own flashlight.
If your fic is meant to be about a pokemon as opposed to a human, writing them just like a human is a mistake. For example, a pikachu would probably want emergency batteries – a pikachu out of electricity can’t start a fight, generate light, or defend themself, and he could drain the charge out of those in an emergency.
[Whatever vital nutrients there was had to be dug out below the lava flow layer.]
Uh. Volcanic soils are famous for being extremely rich, and volcanic islands are lush as a result. If this is supposed to be a nutrient-poor island, make it another type.
[A trained wilderness expert could tell this trail was reserved for electric mice pokémon by the random burnt marks on the ground.]
Reserved means only electric mice pokemon are allowed to walk there. It sounds like you probably just mean used by, and not actively banned from use by anyone else (how would something like that even be enforced?)
[Forest fires almost never happen here due to the cold and rain, but they do occur. The Faraday Island Fire Department will come in and put out the blaze, even if the forest fire is only reserved to one tree. Single tree fires can occur during thunderstorms. Lightning would ground straight down the spine of a fat spruce tree and the core would smoulder. Sometimes, it would burn holes through the bark, which creates a chimney effect that kindles the burn into a full blown blaze, which can risk spreading to other trees. Sometimes the tree contains the fire and it fizzles out, or the firefighters put them out. The trees were important for the island’s integrity, it keeps the soil from washing away into the sea. So forest fires pose a risk for Faraday Island’s long-term future. All forest fires are put out without exceptions, single tree or no.]
I really think, if you wanted to write a story that’s about hiking around in nature, you should’ve done more research on hiking and nature. This reads like you got all your information from some old, outdated book.
Zero. Also, really disappointing – if you’re just going to throw in chunks of a hiking guidebook without changing anything, why say it’s a pokemon?
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12301500/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Heroes-7-Darkness-Within
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12301501/1/Fires-of-Love
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
It’s really clunky to pause the story mid-death to talk about each of the pokemon’s backstories.
Don’t refer to people as “females”, it’s gross.
[“If… I may…” she began. “I… have a way to save him.”
There was no other way to get the attention of the team, all eyes were upon Xerneas as they eagerly awaited to hear of the one chance they had to save their trainer.
“But he… will no longer be human.”
The girls didn’t even have to think about it.]
Well, yeah. Why would pokemon be horrified by the idea of someone being a pokemon? I mean, unless you’re implying their wonderful beloved trainer told them daily about how much they sucked for being pokemon and how humans are so much greater and superior and god, he’d just kill himself if he had to be the same sort of garbage non-person they are.
One.
Also god, does anyone ever write pokemon-fucking that isn’t really about the idea of girls being straight-up property?
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12301503/1/Reunion-of-Betrayal
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Three.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12301521/1/Difference-and-Acceptance
Write out numbers with letters.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
[Ash’s Perspective of View]
It’s perspective OR it’s point of view, you can’t combine it like this.
Also, this is way too short for a first chapter.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12301658/1/New-Beginnings-Second-Start
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12301711/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Game-to-Reality
[It was a normal Saturday afternoon, birds were chirping and kids were boy,however, was playing on his NDS,enjoying his favourite game: Pokemon. Of all the games that he had played, pokemon was his all-time loved training the creatures that he catches in the really couldn’t get enough of playing has tried many ways to ‘spice up’ his tried Nuzlockes,which always led to him being on the edge of his seat,making sure his party doesn’t even lose a single member.]
This is word salad. Try reading out loud. Also, you always need a space after punctuation.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12301770/1/A-Calculation
[“That’ll be P98,700,” Sabrina quoted her checkbook math.]
Your attempts to dance around “said” every time are a thousand times worse than just using the word every time would’ve been.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
A list of generic-sounding “fortunes” we could’ve found by reading horoscopes is not interesting enough to be the majority of your chapter. At the least, work it into the story and have the characters reacting and discussing it rather than just dumping the fortune text and then saying nobody talked about it, chapter done.
Two.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12301802/1/Amourshipping-Week-2017-Stories
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Eight, because shipping.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12301803/1/Diamond-Skies
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
If you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, thousands upon thousands of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.
Two.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12301835/1/The-Light-Adventure
Doing the same opening everyone sees at the start of the game is a bad idea, because it’s the same thing everyone knows already. Your story should start at the point something different is happening – if people wanted exactly the game, they’d play it or watch someone play it on youtube.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Similarly, when you’re using “mom” in place of a name, it becomes “Mom”.
Write out numbers with letters.
Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12301941/1/Pokemon-BW-Best-Wishes-on-Both-Sides
[were almost home]
It’s “we’re”, because it’s a contraction of “we are”.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
Write out numbers with letters.
[all sorts of Pokemon]
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
One.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12301962/1/I-Believe
This is a song and thus under the general subclass of “poetry” I don’t want to bother with. Someone else can if they like.
One.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12302139/1/King-of-the-Beasts
Use paragraphs.
This is way too short for a first chapter. Stick this on top of your actual chapter instead of separately.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12302139/2/King-of-the-Beasts
Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, thousands upon thousands of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12302140/1/What-Came-Before
spoilerz, so Smallbrother provided a day later:
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
[*Weeks later*]
This is jarring. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.
And, a day later, the review count was still standing at zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12302220/1/Pokemon-Secret-Love
Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I haFdn’t seen it, very literally here, thousands upon thousands of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
Sentences always end in punctuation, not just sometimes.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12302240/1/Waking-Up-in-the-Past
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
Write out numbers with letters.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12302403/1/PokeCollege
[ Many, many people through the years were convicted and imprisoned for “rape” or “physical abuse,” of their pokemon. Pokemon were seen as less intelligent, and therefore were seen as having the ability to be easily taken advantage of. However, in recent years, a scientist by the name of Gerard Freeman began doing experiments, trying to prove that Pokemon were, in fact, capable of the intelligence and emotion that a human is capable of. After many disappointing years, he finally proved that, in at least some Pokemon, emotion on the depth that humans felt was indeed possible. And in some Pokemon, particularly Alakazam, Pokemon exhibited IQs exceeding those of even the world’s smartest men. Eventually, after many more grueling years, the laws prohibiting sexual relationships with Pokemon were lifted.]
I like how pokemon are literally property and yet their priority began and ended at finding just enough to justify fucking them. “Pokemon are just like us mentally! Also, we can still keep them, breed them, buy and sell them, steal their children, and force them to fight for our entertainment. But the laws against us having sex with them, THAT’S the real problem. Won’t someone think of the humans who want to fuck pokemon???”
[ They were part human, so it was viewed as inhumane to put them in Pokeballs and make them fight in battles.]
Like good god is there any way you make them sound like more rapey, abusive assholes than saying everything currently done to pokemon would be horrible if they were human.
Jesus fucking christ.
Zero, but it’s just been posted.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12302502/1/THE-Legendary-Mew-Became-a-Pokemon-Trainer
[Sadly for mew, mew only had]
If you’re using it as a name, capitalize it as one. Same goes for anything that’s a title in front of a name.
[The only few exciting moments in mew’s life were when it’d occasionally roam the world, to watch over, except it never interacted with many other pokemon. And mew had even fewer encounters with humans since it had to hide from them. ]
But you give no explanation for why it has to hide from pokemon.
You’ve established why it’s bored – it’s stuck on this island and even when traveling doesn’t interact with anyone. But you didn’t give any reason for either of those things. It doesn’t interact with humans because humans will catch it, it doesn’t interact with other pokemon because…?
It’s not like it’s impossible to justify your plot. If Mew has some reason it can’t be seen by pokemon as a mew, and it can’t let humans see it as as any pokemon because it could get caught, then deciding to turn into a human because they can travel and interact with everybody just fine makes a degree of sense. But you have to actually go into Mew’s feelings more than saying that, for no reason, Mew never interacts with anyone.
[After making a rash decision, a plan was formulated very quickly and mew thought it was stupendously genius and simple! The plan: have fun! Mew was surely ready to begin its pokemon journey! Even though it itself was a pokemon?]
[But before the professor could continue his explanation, mew was practically hugging the pokeball of its choice and exclaimed, “I want this one!”
“I see, cyndaquil, the fire mouse pokemon. Good choice.” Professor Elm remarked as he walked over to mew. “Would you like to give it a name?”
“Cindy! I wanna name them, Cindy!”]
You should also give slightly more thought to the fact what you’re saying is actually really creepy. Mew can talk to other pokemon. It knows other pokemon are just as much people as it is. Under those circumstances, would you want to pick the friend you were traveling with by pointing at a pokeball? Would you then, having still not met this person, decide their name was going to be some reference to how all people like them looked and not, for example, their actual name that you know they have because you can understand them when they speak?
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12302508/1/The-Unbeaten-Path-An-AmourShipping-Fanfiction-Series
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
One.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12302525/1/Counting-Down
[ Sometimes people were boring with a ‘zeroed’ timer, one that would mean their partner didn’t exist. Many times, this turned into a case where their other half simply wasn’t born yet. Misty herself had one that started out like this, allowing her to know that her soulmate was younger than her, though not by much, or so she was told. Her sisters said that her timer just started ticking a couple months after she was born.]
“Born” not “boring”.
That doesn’t make sense. If it’s counting down to the time they meet, then whether the person is currently somewhere else or nonexistent doesn’t matter, because it’s a countdown to a later event.
Also, if it did work this way, it’d be really easy to identify soulmates because at least half of everyone born would start with a zero timer. The moment the timer turns on, you know the other person was born at the same time and it’s just a matter of checking. Doctors already record time of birth and we don’t have a magic soulmate system as incentive.
[how did dad meet mom again?”]
[a poor Growlithe.]
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[Dread filled up within her when Misty realized she had a second problem. She was setting up her sleeping bag when she noticed her wrist for the first time in what felt like a long time. It was a strange thought, since her timer was with her everywhere she went, but it just never occurred to her that it was going to zero-out soon. Not until she saw that there was less than 24 hours left. The problem was, she was in the middle of nowhere with no other people close to her.
Maybe Lily was right, maybe no one would ever love her and she was meant to be alone.]
Also doesn’t make sense.
Look, you’ve made a setting where it is absolute, ironclad fact that if you have a timer, you have a soulmate. In fact, even people whose timers aren’t working are believed to still have a soulmate, just one who isn’t born the same time. The concept of being unlovable doesn’t exist in your world. Misty might worry about what sort of person would be her soulmate, but she knows she has one. Moreover, you just had her grandmother establish that two generations of soulmates happened with blundering into each other, and I’m sure every other soulmate story in existence covers that fate magic means wherever you are is wherever you are. If she was meant to be alone, her timer would be zero.
For that matter – the thing people should be afraid of is being in a huge group. If your timer zeros in a crowd, how do you know where the other person is? A big enough crowd of strangers could have several people hit zero together.
You can’t have this sort of drama in a story revolving around the idea there are magic soulmates who always without fail show up at a certain point in time. If you want to match the time Misty meets Ash in canon, then why not have something playing off what you were talking about before, about her fantasies about romance and say she wanted to meet him alone by the river, so she goes there thinking that’s the perfect spot? And from there, she starts fishing to calm her nerves. It’s still a huge reversal of what she’s expecting without requiring half the fic to be wasted on her worrying about something no one in your setting can possibly worry about.
Why do people keep doing these soulmate variants so fucking badly.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12302621/1/Oh-That-Miette
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Stop dancing around “said”, it’s far worse to force other speech tags or descriptions that don’t fit. Similarly, don’t refer to people by their hair color for no reason. Relevant epithets or else just stick to their name.
Three.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12302630/1/The-Legend-of-Lucario
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[A couple years after that had happened, he got married and had a son. The man found that his son had a very high amount of aura.
So, he and Arceus decided that the best fit Pokémon for him was a riolu. Years went by and the wife passed away from leukemia, the son grew up and was trained in the ways of aura. ]
What the hell. So she exists for two lines, one to say he married her and she popped out a kid and the other to say she then died? Is there a reason it’s so horrible for her to actually exist in your story?
One.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12302661/1/The-Case-of-Disruption
[As the Gardevior ]
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[For some reaaon unbeknowst to her, she had very slight aches all over her body. None of them were particularly painful to be of serious harm. Rather, they were just an unsettling feeling in the back of the ‘Voir’s mind, that she could not get rid of them.]
First, spellcheck.
Second, your sentences don’t make sense. Try reading out loud next time.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
Write out numbers with letters.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12302711/1/Pokemon-The-Four-Guardians
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[They will defy society, defy the social morals that had gone wrong and show the world that harmony and connection between Pokémon and humans can go further than just fighting partners.]
God, I really hope that means actually something about how humans treat pokemon and not just another thing about how important it is humans should get to have sex with them.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
[‘Take a break master,’ a graceful Pokémon said telepathically from the shadows.]
…well. It’s really my fault for still having hope, I guess.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12302716/1/Pocket-High
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
[And that’s a wrap for Chapter 1. I wanted to get farther, but I’m in a slight time crunch. Hopefully it was somewhat interesting, even if it’s short.]
It was not and I don’t see why you’d even wonder. Your author’s notes are longer than the fic, and the fic is just someone being lost at school and then exchanging names with another person.
If you aren’t done with a chapter, don’t post it. You are not in a time crunch. It’s fanfic.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12302720/1/Indomitable
[She pulled back further, detaining the follicle fugitives.]
Stop abusing your thesaurus.
Write out numbers with letters.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12302777/1/Ben-Ketchum-s-Journey-s-I-Choose-You
Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, thousands upon thousands of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.
Write out numbers with letters.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12302787/1/Because-He-Loves-Her
Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.
If you’re trying to portray something as romantic, making the guy a raging asshole who’s motivated by fact the girl is physically attractive is maybe not the best possible choice, especially not one who repeatedly thinks he wants to put her in her place.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12302810/1/The-Black-Bird-Crows-the-Blue-Bird-Sings
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
[Galbatorix is coming back. Even if we prepared for him to emerge, we wouldn’t be prepared. ]
You really need to proofread.
Zero.
So in sum, yes, that’s three stories in one day about how the only issue with pokemon/human relationships is that pokemon, being completely sapient, should be fuckable property.
Oddly, the PokeCollege story doesn’t seem to be about pokephilia despite opening with preaching about it. The rest of the story is just as poorly thought out.
No one’s waifu(or husbando) is alakazam. I had it in a story that no one ever engaged in pokephilia actually was able to use the “intelligence” defense in a court of law because of this.
It’s possible they were just trying to justify the hybrids not being gross, though it’s just as possible that they’re into both pokephilia and hybrids, since I’ve seen hybrids featuring in the porn before. Either way, they obviously don’t actually care about the pokemon, just humans.
That last fic, was it talking about Galbatorix like the evil king from Eragon?
“Perspective of View” is a great phrase.