So Omega Ruby was found but I still haven’t actually gotten to play it because of the whole hellish review month of endless reviewing.
Incidentally, thinking of trying my eventual playthrough as Lucki. On the other hand, I did already raise a squirtle in X…
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10960217/1/The-Adventures-of-Michael-Yamato
Write out numbers with letters.
[I’ve always wanted to be a Pokémon Trainer but the Pokémon League increased the age limit to 12 for any new trainers. ]
Nope, bad idea.
Look, we’ve seen ten year olds handle this. Watching some kid two years older struggle with the same things is not really impressive.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.
[Sorry for that really boring monologue but I wanted to give you a bit of background information on this new character before I actually start. ]
You really didn’t need to. Background information that isn’t interesting is something you should work in during your main plot.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10960217/2/The-Adventures-of-Michael-Yamato
[“From left to right, the Pokémon within these Pokéballs are: Oddish, Bellsprout and Sunkern. Choose one please.” ]
Nice to see different options which are reasonable.
That said, none of this really needed to be shown. If he said he’d gotten his bellsprout from Erika, no one would’ve been confused how it happened.
Getting up and getting their first pokemon just isn’t inherently interesting. Unless it works totally different than usual, you don’t need to go through the same stuff as every other fic.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10960217/3/The-Adventures-of-Michael-Yamato
[“Go Abra! Use Hidden Power!” – Jacky]
No.
So yeah, this is really, really boring. Getting pokemon and having your first battle would be great if it happened to you, but it doesn’t make it interesting to read yet another OC going through it.
And now it’s three chapters in and only the final lines have anything happening. This should’ve been the first line of your first chapter.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10960351/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Realm-of-Shadows
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10960362/1/Ash-Ketchum-The-Lost-One-s-Return
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.
Three.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10960618/1/A-Day-in-Aaron-s-Life
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[Its first preemptive rays ]
That’s really not what preemptive means. Write what you’re trying to say, not something in the same ballpark that’s more syllables.
Write out numbers with letters.
[(You know that kind of ‘smiling anger’ reprimand? Imagine that here :3) ]
You’re writing a story. That means actually write one, don’t put in notes saying “imagine I wasn’t lazy here”.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.
One, and it’s cranky concrit!-
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10960700/1/The-Great-Wish-Stakes
Yay, now maybe I can never ever post mine and not risk the computer gods destroying another laptop!
[a Momeon story ]
Misspelled this, though. And I weep at the capitalization.
[Raven: I’m not trading you ANYTHING until you promise me you’re not going to do that.
Mrs. Stone (Admin): Raven, this is your one warning. Threatening to break the chain gets you skipped.
Raven: She’s talking about killing herself!
Mrs. Stone (Admin): Do you think this is the first time in twelve years I’ve heard that? Usually they’re back on the forum by the next morning.
Raven: I’m sorry, but are you completely insane?
Mrs. Stone (Admin): I’ve been overseeing a secret society for passing around a magical Jirachi since we had to use link cables to do it. Draw your own conclusions.]
This is such a perfect balance of the serious and ridiculous, and yet it wraps back to sane because, well, magic wish-granting macguffin, of course passing that around at top speed would be the priority.
[You’re about to take part not just in the Hoenn Pokémon League, but also in the Great Wish Stakes. As the hero of this story, if you manage to defeat the champion, you’ll unlock the power to shape the very world to your wishes.” ]
And hmmmmmm. She’s not the first to vanish, so is she in her own pokeworld or does everyone end up here? Did everyone else fail, or did someone’s win turn it moemon in the first place? Or is it that the hero has to be challenged, so someone interested in the moemon version would be stuck somewhere else?
[Or maybe it was, and thinking clearly would only make it worse.]
And she’s quick on the uptake!
[“It’s beautiful! Am I pretty enough to be a Cecily, Hester? Do you really think so?” ]
Oh god Cecily. May your life in this universe be slightly less horrible.
Well! I think you have the whole skin-crawling nature of moemon down well, I like the whole Possibly Evil Jirachi thing for getting her into the world, and the fact she’s told there’s a definite way of fixing things keeps it from being utterly soul-crushing.
Two. Only two, because you people are bad and make bad decisions.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10960751/1/Poke-Poems
Poetry bah.
One.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10960804/1/gold-and-silver-love-story
Capitalize your title properly.
Names are also capitalized.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.
One.
Done with Jan 9th!
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10961042/1/Space-Friends
[Her floating body gently bumped into a piece of debris, and she held on to it with as much strength as she could muster. ]
I’m not sure that’d really do you much good in zero gravity. The debris is presumably in motion as well, since it’s just been shattered. You can’t really stop moving in space by grabbing onto some other moving object.
Well, it’s nice to see a story starting with something interesting happening rather than some newbie waking up and eating breakfast before going to get a pokemon, but this is insanely short and you stop as soon as actual plot appears. You really should’ve kept writing a while longer for your first chapter.
One.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10961098/1/Of-Symbolism-and-Smoke-Detectors
“Its” is possessive, “it’s” means “it is.”
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.
[“I understand perfectly,” he said. “The main character left home. What does that have to do with bravery or a desire to protect his brother? How can you attach emotion to a scene that doesn’t specifically have it written in? Leaving home could have been done entirely for himself, and could have been the most selfish thing that character had ever done. This is useless. The entire pursuit.”
“It’s obvious! It’s the reason why he left!” Cynthia sighed, running a hand through her platinum hair, which fell softly around her shoulders, “Can’t you see?”]
Wow she is just terrible at this.
The correct response to “What does that have to do with bravery or a desire to protect his brother?” is not “It’s obvious!” it’s pointing at the part of the story that supports it being about bravery and to protect his brother. Literary stuff doesn’t require magic interpretation powers, you’re supposed to be able to show your work.
And then she goes on to talk about the fact things are symbols and try to argue with him about their meaning, instead of starting with the fact they reoccur and get particular focus in the story and that’s how you can identify symbols.
Look, not getting emotion and struggling to understand symbols have no connection. Literary symbols are pretty codified and tend to have no connection whatsoever to actual human emotion anyway, otherwise it’d just be regular characterization and not a literary symbol. Plus the stories you do for English class is generally the obvious ones, so he could just go on whatever the pokemon equivalent of Sparknotes is and memorize what the symbols are and their accepted meaning.
[this emotional analysis is useless to me. ]
THIS IS NOT AN EMOTIONAL ANALYSIS
Emotions are not what all classes other than Math are made of.
Look, English class is definitely one that might frustrate him because it doesn’t have set answers. Also depending on the teacher the whole thing could just be running on bullshit, and maybe he’d need her help to tell him what the teacher wanted him to say. But he wouldn’t be unable to process this, he’d just find it a stupid waste of time to care about what happened to a fictional character and what the symbols said about the guy.
[“Why Cynthia,” he said, motioning to the Red Chain, encircling him, glowing and blinking, “I’m replacing the smoke detector.”]
This, though, it a really awesome ending.
One.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10961107/1/Shards
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Write out numbers with letters.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Two.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10961126/1/Confessional-Dinner
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10961168/1/The-Legendary-Saga
I can’t believe people are still writing the exact same shitty LOLegendary crap.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10961174/1/First-Sign-of-Snow
Write out numbers with letters.
[*16 Years Ago* ]
Learn to do proper transitions.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.
[a Pokemon. ]
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
One.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10961209/1/Eternal
Formatting errors. Check after you upload next time.
Two, yet still not fixed.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10961412/1/Love-so-life
Capitalize your title properly.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.
[She was trembling, staring at him with glistening sky blue eyes which immediately drew him in, *They’re gorgeous….* ]
[“No, she was beautiful…..and had the most amazing eyes… ]
This just trivializes the whole suicide thing. It makes him look like most of his brain is in his dick when she’s trying to kill herself and his top priority appears to be how he wants to tap that.
Blocked!
One.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10961414/1/The-Hybrids
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[“Danny!” yelled Fionna suddenly as Danny jumped from his seat.
“Fionna Mon! Don’t scare me like that!” yelled Danny as he stood up and adjusted his chair.
“I didn’t think I could scare you since you’re an aura guardian in training,” replied Fionna as she blinked innocently.
“Well you did,” said Danny as he sat back down.
“Hey! Why are you working! We’re supposed to start our journey already!” complained Fionna.
“I know I’m just writing a checklist,” replied Danny as he showed the checklist to Fionna.
“We don’t need a checklist! We just got to go by instinct!” announced Fionna.
“You can but I’m just double checking,” said Danny.
“Noooo you are just being paranoid as usual,” retorted Fionna as she put her hands on her hips.
Danny turned around facing away from his desk to retort, “Am not!”
“Are too!”
“Am not!”
“Are too!”
“Are you guys coming or what?” asked Eevee interrupting their argument.
“Yeah we’re coming,” replied Fionna and Danny as they went downstairs.]
The fact you can write dialogue does not mean it necessarily is worth anyone’s time to read. It’s really easy to have people just talking about meaningless, meaningless things, and when that happens, you have to edit it. Look at how much characters repeat themselves in this. How much of it was actually telling the reader anything about the situation and the characters, and how much of it is just filler?
Zero.
Think I’ll stop on that note.