Some actually decent stuff today.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11721367/1/By-Any-Other-Name
Hm. So, on the one hand, wow, stuff, it’s happening and it sounds delightfully dire. On the other, no pokemon. Not even a mention of not having pokemon on her.


One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11721721/1/Nothingman

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[for dead thing ]

Things. Proofread.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[“Are you crazy, Doug? It’s dangerous out there for a ghost. Why would you want to leave this place?” protested Emily. ]

We’ve established he hates being there, so the real question is why it took this long to leave. Also, a ghost human and ghost doll having human names makes sense, but it’s weird that a pokemon’s ghost also is named the same way.

Two, crit.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11721821/1/Rise-of-Dark-Arceus

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Don’t capitalize random words.

Two, also crit!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11721905/1/Something-Special

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[“Wasting time?” She said. “I was just taking a break.”]

You’ve got dialogue right the other places (and I particularly appreciate people aren’t questioning/stating all over the place), but here you’ve capitalized “she”.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11721993/1/Pokemon-Red-Violet

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[‘Come on, Rocky, we are late!’ Violet pleaded. ]

Also, people who are in a hurry usually use contractions and it sounds really weird when they don’t.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

Write out numbers with letters.

Trainers meeting a professor and then leaving continues to not be inherently interesting. This is unneeded setup for a story rather than the story itself.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11722050/1/what-the-stars-said

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Quite prettily written, and I like who they’ve become at the end.

I’m not too sold on it as our history but the animals are pokemon – I see the value in it going on a similar path, to contrast with the reset and current world, but it’s really hard to believe the pokeverse could have the same basic Greece with the same Greek gods.

[She has brought him the knowledge he needed to forge his glory; he sits on a throne of her stories and shall always owe her that, just as he has granted her license to her life time and time again.  ]

And the connection between them eludes me. She’s giving him really useful information he makes a great deal of use of, and in return he’s not killing someone who can’t die anyway (and given how increasingly smacked around she is in the process of getting her, she can’t mind much about bodily harm at all). And while she seems like the nicer of the two, so not holding a grudge might make sense, he also seems to primarily use what she tells him to kill lots of people, so someone motivated by sheer niceness would stop telling him things that’d help him with that.

Similarly, the sacrifice refrain throughout it is weird because she figures out she can’t starve to death and comes back if outright killed quite early on and so it’s never really a matter of killing something so she can live. If she was merely incredibly hard to kill, this would make more sense – it would make sense she would believe in it for so long, and give more weight to her decision to change.

Zero, because why review something where the grammar doesn’t make your eyes bleed when there’s so much Ash-betrayal for you to pick from?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11722139/1/I-m-Sorry-I-Must-Be-Going

[the Tepig  ]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11722246/1/Pokemon-Fox-Tales

Starting a story with your character waking up is terribly overdone and was boring the first time.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[“Are you Kit Sune?” ]

Seriously? No.

You really don’t need to waste a chapter on someone just asking if the main character wants to do the actual plot.

Two, both crit.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11722322/1/Glitter-Is-A-Severe-Nightmare

Randumb and humor are different.

[Proffesor  ]

Generally try harder.

Two crit, both saying that apparently the formatting was fucked up.

With that, we finish Jan 8th.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11722547/1/Hanamura-Chronicles-The-MIND-of-Time

Write out numbers with letters.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

This is pretty incoherent. I’d strongly suggest a beta reader.

Zero. Seems kinda POKEMON MASTERy? Not sure.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11722853/1/Taken-teardrops-on-my-guitar

Capitalize your title properly.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Two.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11722871/1/The-Great-War-and-the-GS-ball-of-prophecy

Capitalize your title properly.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Write out numbers with letters.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11723029/1/Pokemon-Adventures-Edge-s-Beginning

Your title should say more than that its genre is OT fic.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[He’s 13 and now becoming a trainer.  ]

Trainers start at ten.

Write out numbers with letters.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

You don’t need to show someone walking to the professor and picking up a starter before you’re allowed to write about a trainer. Just start wherever your actual plot starts.

Two, crit.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11723065/1/The-Misadventures-of-Scarlett-and-Her-Friend

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[“Hi. Where’s the Professor?” Scarlett questioned. ]

“Questioned” isn’t a synonym for “asked”, it’s closer to a synonym for “interrogated at length”.

[Scarlett followed the professor. As they entered the other room, they were both stunned to see two people already inside: a man, a woman and their Pokemon, or presumably their Pokemon – a sinister looking Meowth.
A/N: Guess who they are!?]

When the only thing that actually happens in your first chapter is the final line, your first chapter was a waste of your readers’ time and your own. Start where the story starts.

One, crit.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11723170/1/Inquisitive

[For someone with an IQ of 137 he was surprisingly impatient. ]

That’s like saying, “For someone who liked the color yellow, he was surprisingly impatient.” If it’s that you were struggling to find a way to drop that little factoid, maybe take the hint and just don’t.

[He turned on his phone and started browsing the web, he browsed for a bit before turning off his phone because he didn’t want to waste the amount of gigabytes he had left for this month on his phone. ]

Just because things happen in real life doesn’t mean you need to spend time on showing them happening in a story.

And now it’s the game opening, yet again. Ugh.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[He would be pretty good off even now, a pokemon with human intelligence was powerful, because he didn’t need any trainer to form strategies and such. He decided to try and get captured by a good trainer, the benefits of having a person were quite vast, he would have access to healthcare, healing facilities. He would be treated well, and would be trained to be a killing machine.(that’s how he like to think pokemon training went, although it was little different then that)And the benefits went on and on and on again, he was just going to have to find his way to a route in which trainers were, and then hopefully find a good person to get captured by. ]

[(Yeah he was kind of spoiled, this is all part of character development, and think about how would YOU survive in the middle of the wilderness with only the clothes on your back? Sure Zack’s situation is quite a bit different, but just think about you would do.) ]

This is already pretty much self-insertion, so maybe actually use that and take your own advice here. You’re in a strange land where you can’t even pronounce the language and you’ve also viewed as a dumb animal with no rights. Do you think you’d have a few qualms about becoming a stranger’s property?

Also, don’t put these sorts of author notes in the middle of your story.

One, crit. Stairway to Elysia is really doing a great job covering things. I should probably review the rest of their story one of these years.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11723192/1/Pokemon-Black-and-White-Grey-Light-Revolution

[Touko always wanted to be the pokemon champion and cannot wait until her sixteenth birthday where she and her friends will be getting pokemon to start their journey. ]

Then Touko should maybe have noticed all those kindergarteners with pokemon and realized she could’ve gotten one already.

Starting a story with your character waking up is terribly overdone and was boring the first time.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

Write out numbers with letters.

Of the standard cliché OT fic openings, “gets suddenly attacked while getting pokemon” is certainly the most interesting of them. Unfortunately, it’s also pretty contrived, especially followed by them somehow being able to use the pokemon to fight off whoever.

[His hair resembled the feathery headdress of a Native American Chief.  ]

Given Unova kinda is America, it’s unlikely they’d have an actual America.

[“Those Pokémon that you have are abnormally strong. When they hatched they took on every other Pokémon in the same day care and won. Even dragon types could not take them down and also when trainers came to subdue them… their Pokémon were fainted in a blink of an eye.” Alder said  ]

It’s a bad idea to hand your characters ridiculously overpowered things for no reason.

Most annoyingly, I can actually understand people’s arguments that the game trainers often look like they’re starting later…so naturally this fic does the standard wakeup anime opening instead.

One, mild crit.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11723236/1/LaRousse-City-Pokemon-School

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Long chunks of people talking to each other about nothing isn’t very interesting.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11723371/1/Impossible

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

Four, two crit.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11723492/1/All-the-roses

Capitalize your title properly.

Songfic: still totally banned.

Write out numbers with letters.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Blocked!

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11723494/1/Battle-Sequence

Don’t use quotation marks for thoughts. It makes it look like your character is talking to themself.

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

“It’s” means “it is”. “Its” is the possessive form.

Well, you obviously put effort into writing this battle and it’s not outright terrible, but it’s still not very interesting to just have a regular battle between two random people for the purpose to training.

One, crit.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11723549/1/A-Mourning

[The nurses quietly spoke of how they had seen her before, way back when she visited Clanwood City for medicine for the poor lighthouse pokemon; she hadn’t even stopped to battle the gym leader, even if fly would have made it easier and faster.]

This is a really good note, and works great to make it that much more awful what’s happened to her pokemon. Your characterization throughout this is amazing.

[Her Typhlosion ]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Just one, crit. Apparently it’s a repost, though, so possibly it got other reviews the first time around.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11723552/1/The-Old-Tragedy-of-Hoenn

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

This isn’t really much of a legend, it’s just repeating the general summary of what we get in the game.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11723706/1/Carissa-Adamaris

[Carissa Adamaris was many things. She was seventeen years old, had a driver’s license, and was an avid runner. But she had also skipped so many classes that she was being forced to repeat a year of high school, and so she was adding “absolutely freaking humiliated” to the list, unless she could come up with a plan.
Which she did. In an effort to avoid the humiliation, she decided to add “high school dropout” and “Pokemon Trainer.”]
Well, an impulsive decision by someone who apparently wasn’t too interested before now is about as close as you can get as a good reason for starting this late.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[To the person who complained about my choice of starter last time: Is this original enough for you? ]

Well, I’ve got no idea what the original was, but yeah, doduo tend to be forgotten so it’s nice to see one show up.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11724115/1/Pokemon-It-s-A-Whole-New-World

Don’t center all your text, it’s obnoxious to read.

Write out numbers with letters.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[This choice is up to the individual some do become trainers right when they become 10 some wait awhile. Such is the case with Leaf a young girl. Who as of today is turning 15. She stalled in leaving town for the longest of time because she was scared to leave the home that she grew up in.  ]

Then she should’ve already had a pokemon, because right now she’s going to lose to ten year olds.

[But however when she found out that her rival Blue was leaving town finally after studying under his grandfather for the past 5 years.  ]

And it’s even more obvious Blue should’ve been raising a pokemon this whole time.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11724122/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-The-Chozen-Omega-Forces

Write out numbers with letters.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[His mother name was Caroline. She was a Pokémon Coordinator, and she starred in the Sinnoh Grand Festival. Unfortunately, like his husband, she loosed.  ]

It’s “mother’s” and “lost”. You need to get a beta reader.

Also, maybe reconsider going the standard sexist route of the father did battling and the mother didn’t.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

One, crit.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11724248/1/Pokemon-High-Never-give-up

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

A first chapter is supposed to actually be a first chapter and not just a boring summary.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11724274/1/Pokemon-Vengeance

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Your first chapter should be more than people talking ominously in the most vague way possible.

Zero. It looks like it’s a betrayal fic but maybe people are spurning it because it didn’t open with “Suddenly Ash’s friends call him names!”

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11724359/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Mystery-Dungeon-Storm-of-Legends

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You really don’t need to yet again copy the opening of the games. Everyone’s familiar with how it goes. Show what’s different about your story instead.

One: So, an original storyline for a Pokemon Mystery Dungeon based story, and it looks really good! The main character becoming a Riolu was enough to draw me in, but so far the plot and grammar seems good enough to keep me and the rest of the readers enticed. Keep up the awesome work! Can’t tell if sarcasm.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11724435/1/Love-that-never-fades

Capitalize your title properly.

Starting a story with your character waking up is terribly overdone and was boring the first time.

Write out numbers with letters.

Chapters about characters living ordinary lives they hate aren’t very interesting.

Zero.

Also go me, I finally clawed my way back to the first page, and am very nearly done with Jan 9th.