A better variety of not so great fic today!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12316351/1/In-the-dark

Capitalize your title properly.

[each region briefly faced a mysterious disease.]

[No one really knew the root of this illness lied in Sinnoh.]

[ Nobody was certain what this was, attacks or an illness or a terrible combination of both.]

Why would anyone look at “blood has been removed from this body by someone” and “sometimes also claw marks” and think it was anything other than a regular attack? Why do you keep saying it’s a disease and an illness?

[The gym Valerie was a picture of health and happiness just the day before. Then by the next morning, they found her barely clinging to life in the Laverre woods. Her sylveon was fortunate enough to get help for her. But clearly it tried protecting it’s trainer as long as possible. It was not as worse for wear as Valerie but still a saddening sight when compared to how it usually looked.

Weeks passed with no news minus the gym leader trapped in a sickbed. ]

No, she wasn’t. Because we know they’re getting drained of blood, and we know that, as stupid as these people are, they can at least notice when people are lacking in blood, therefore they would have given her a blood transfusion, at which point any problems caused by not having enough blood vanish.

[Olympia and Wulfric were charged with to help find who or what left Valerie so badly hurt. ]

After dumping the blood into Valerie, she’d wake up and be able to talk, and then she can tell them who or what left her so badly hurt.

Also, your grammar is generally awful. Proofread and get a beta reader.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12316351/2/In-the-dark

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[“Accident? Nobody gets injured close to death on accident!”]

Except for the many, many, many times that has happened.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12316663/1/Warmth

spoilerz

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12316753/1/Bonnie-and-Serena-upside-down-world

Listen, if you take a script then replace all the [:] with [said,], it’s still not a very good fic.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12316802/1/The-Legend-s-Request

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.
[The young Eevee had been told of his quest by Ninetales; he had to visit every legendary, Ultra Beast and Tapu, to carry out their “requests”.]

If your explanation boils down to “because”, why are you even bothering with it? Spend another five minutes thinking up a halfway coherent explanation or just write the porn and skip the framing entirely.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12317097/1/Birth

Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, thousands upon thousands of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Your grammar is awful and your formatting is messed up. Check before posting.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

“Its” is the possessive form. “It’s” means “it is” only.

[“Mom if we make his hut out of wood he could burn it down with him inside of it what should make it out of.” I ask

“We could buy flame retardant wood for his little hut and we could get a small tarp to put over it when it rains.” My mom responds.]

Or they could just not use flammable material in the first place, like sane people. You realize there are many substances that don’t burn, right? Your options aren’t limited to “wood that’ll instantly light on fire” and “wood that’ll take maybe a half hour to light on fire”.

[“Prof Oak not that I don’t like it but can’t i not have a pokedex till I am fifteen?” I ask]

This sentence is a grammatical nightmare but also the idea pokedexes would be restricted by age is absurd.

[ It’s a normal pokedex that has a few restrictions on it 1 you can’t have more than one pokemon attached to it]

A pokedex is not a license. You can have one without the other.

[“Yes it is the purpose of this is to let your to be trainers get to know there pokemon and train them a little so there is less deaths”

“That is very smart who ever got this idea though the pokemon league has probably save a lot of lives” my mom said

“Yes it has, the deaths at the beginning of journeys has drop by 53% since this was allowed.” Oak said]

If that was actually an issue they cared about, they wouldn’t be limiting the number of pokemon, since the more pokemon trained, the less likely someone is out of pokemon and becomes spearow chow. They also wouldn’t have kids getting their first pokemon later than before, and they’d probably have done something to change the whole “suddenly leave on a journey with no idea what you’re doing” part, which is likely the bigger source of the deaths.

[I’m actually posting it for a friend who is too lazy to make his own account and I’m just the beta reader. ]

A beta reader corrects problems. This is a clusterfuck. What the hell were you doing?

Zero. Also, what the hell.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12317281/1/The-Story-of-Joseph-A-Pokemon-Sun-and-Moon-FanFiction

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

It’s “okay”, four letters.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12317308/1/Land-of-the-Roses

[“The view would be perfect,” she thought, “if it weren’t for this damned rain.”]

Don’t use quotation marks for thoughts, it makes it sound like she’s saying it aloud. Italics alone would’ve done fine.

[ Her attire was simple, yet kept to a strikingly dark theme; a black minidress with long, lacy sleeves, paired with black and grey striped stockings, all rounded off with thick, shin high leather boots. Strange, by the average person’s standards, but by no means outlandish.]

…so is she supposed to be really dumb, or…?

[“T-this is the best I had!” she stammered. “I’m fresh out of university, I can barely afford the clothes I’m wearing, let alone get something fancy. And the-“]

Does she not own pants.

[“I know I said that I shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but… your clothing worries me, admittedly.”

“Why does everyone have a problem with the way I dress?!” she shouted in her thoughts. “It’s just a style I like, nothing more.”

“So you won’t be spending every waking moment realizing that your life is an endless torrent of agony?” Patrick asked.]

You seriously think that’s the issue someone would have with her outfit, the colors it’s in.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12317342/1/Division

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Stories should be stories, not lists of what pokemon what person has in what location.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12317475/1/Trials-of-the-Sun

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[The seventeen year old boy was speaking of the Alola Region’s world-renowned Professor Kukui, an expert on Pokemon’s moves. The man often gave out starter Pokemon to new trainers once a month, and Luke was going to be given one this time.]

Nope. Overage trainers are bad enough normally, but Alola in particular made a big deal of how very young everyone is and how furthermore, most people grew up with pokemon even before formally becoming a trainer.

[He stood at about 6’1″.]

If you’re giving height down to the inch, there’s no “about” to it.

[ There wasn’t a whole lot of depth in this chapter, but it’s the pilot. Who was expecting a fully-fledged plot in one chapter?]

Anyone who knows how first chapters work.

Five.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12317581/1/photography

spoilerz?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12317588/1/Daybreak-Undead-Nightmare

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[Who were these mysterious beings. But for some stupid reason, I circled yes. I walked outside and place it in the mailbox. A day later, it was gone. So I guess it was delivered]

[“I circled yes. For some reason.” I replied.

“Uh, hehe. Well, we all did too.” Espeon said.

“So, I guess we’re going on a new adventure. Hopefully it’s not a trick…” I said back.]

In general, if your plot relies on people doing something for no reason, your plot needs to be redone.

Other things your plot probably shouldn’t rely on include random letters from nobody that nobody’s interested in finding out about.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12317601/1/The-Cottage

Look at the document before posting.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12317830/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Legacy-The-Pok%C3%A9guid-to-Pok%C3%A9mon-How-and-where-they-live

[The PokeGuid to Pokemon

How and where they live.

By Arkilos.

Edited by Marth The Black Legend.]

Wow. Mistake in the first line, and yet supposedly there was an editor involved.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Zero.