Eight pages full of OCs and one fetish fic.
There are seven
thousand stories just on this site in this category with “pokemon”
in their title. “New” features in another thousand. There
are over four hundred “chronicles”, more if you include
misspellings, even more with “begins” and “beginning”,
and even more “Character Name”‘s whatever. There are
almost eight hundred with “legend”. There are fourteen
hundred with “journey”, twelve hundred with “story”,
almost three hundred with “quest”, and two thousand with
“adventure”. The different region names appear another
thousand or two times. “Saga”, “region” and
“champion” come in around two hundred. In sum, you should
try to choose an original title that has to do with your story in
particular, not something that indicates it’s yet another story about
a pokemon trainer.
thousand stories just on this site in this category with “pokemon”
in their title. “New” features in another thousand. There
are over four hundred “chronicles”, more if you include
misspellings, even more with “begins” and “beginning”,
and even more “Character Name”‘s whatever. There are
almost eight hundred with “legend”. There are fourteen
hundred with “journey”, twelve hundred with “story”,
almost three hundred with “quest”, and two thousand with
“adventure”. The different region names appear another
thousand or two times. “Saga”, “region” and
“champion” come in around two hundred. In sum, you should
try to choose an original title that has to do with your story in
particular, not something that indicates it’s yet another story about
a pokemon trainer.
Dialogue is
written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she
said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she
said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said.
The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a
speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She
grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,”
She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because
it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like
laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re
breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said.
“This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is
it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she
said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she
said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said.
The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a
speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She
grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,”
She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because
it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like
laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re
breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said.
“This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is
it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Paragraphing has
rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not
to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means
you start a new paragraph.
rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not
to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means
you start a new paragraph.
[Pokémon
have tremendous power even when there this weak.”]
have tremendous power even when there this weak.”]
They’re. “There” is a place
not here.
not here.
[“Who gets the first move?” I
ask as Cheren pulls out a coin. I smile. He always had something.
ask as Cheren pulls out a coin. I smile. He always had something.
“Heads or tails?” He asks Bianca. “Uh, uh.”
She stuttered. I look to Oshawott. “Well little guy?” He
patted his head. “I call heads.” “Then Bianca gets
tails. Now to see.” He says and tosses it up. As it lands Bianca
and I watch steadily as if that could make it work in our favors.
“Heads.”
I cheer. “Oshawott use tackle.”
He did. “Oshawott.” He shouted as he tackled Tepig and
caused him to hit my wall. ]
He did. “Oshawott.” He shouted as he tackled Tepig and
caused him to hit my wall. ]
This is a terrible way of handling
things. In the games, the way moves are resolved means one has to
move first and the other second. Writing fanfic is supposed to be a
bit more immersive, and so you shouldn’t have pokemon totally fine
with standing there waiting for the other trainer to give an order so
they can get hurt.
things. In the games, the way moves are resolved means one has to
move first and the other second. Writing fanfic is supposed to be a
bit more immersive, and so you shouldn’t have pokemon totally fine
with standing there waiting for the other trainer to give an order so
they can get hurt.
The obvious flaw is they should just be
speaking at the same time, and the underlying flaw is the pokemon
should be more than little robots – they should react to each other,
not numbly trade blows.
speaking at the same time, and the underlying flaw is the pokemon
should be more than little robots – they should react to each other,
not numbly trade blows.
Since these are baby pokemon, one issue
might be that they don’t obey orders very well. Maybe they hesitate
and the other one gets a free move, or they try to do something else,
maybe neither pokemon even listens to the first order and the two
trainers have to shout it a few more times before one of them will
use a move.
might be that they don’t obey orders very well. Maybe they hesitate
and the other one gets a free move, or they try to do something else,
maybe neither pokemon even listens to the first order and the two
trainers have to shout it a few more times before one of them will
use a move.
[“I will professor.” ]
Anything you’re using in place of
someone’s name gets capitalized the same way you would a name.
someone’s name gets capitalized the same way you would a name.
(1)
Cannons are what
you launch cannonballs out of. Canon is what you probably mean.
you launch cannonballs out of. Canon is what you probably mean.
[sparsely
traveled road kicked up puffs of dirt and sand ]
traveled road kicked up puffs of dirt and sand ]
Hm.
How sparsely are we talking here? I mean, if no one’s walking on it,
it should be overgrown with plants to hold onto the dirt, unless this
area is so dry it’s hard for them to reclaim areas.
How sparsely are we talking here? I mean, if no one’s walking on it,
it should be overgrown with plants to hold onto the dirt, unless this
area is so dry it’s hard for them to reclaim areas.
[Black
as the night, he walked, stepping over a fallen branch, his cloak
softly coating the dead leaves, aimlessly scattering a few that still
desperately clung to the branches ]
as the night, he walked, stepping over a fallen branch, his cloak
softly coating the dead leaves, aimlessly scattering a few that still
desperately clung to the branches ]
Okay
this is just purple prose for the sake of it. His cloaks “coats”
the leaves by…dragging over them? Also that’s a great way to wreck
your coat.
this is just purple prose for the sake of it. His cloaks “coats”
the leaves by…dragging over them? Also that’s a great way to wreck
your coat.
[His
hood kept the elements from him, as well as his identity to them. ]
hood kept the elements from him, as well as his identity to them. ]
I
think maybe you meant “to him” and it’s still awkward
because you made it clear he’s alone right now and the paragraph
starts off being about his current surroundings.
think maybe you meant “to him” and it’s still awkward
because you made it clear he’s alone right now and the paragraph
starts off being about his current surroundings.
[The
trees and brush were growing less frequent. The wilderness of Kanto
was slowly starting to part with them. ]
trees and brush were growing less frequent. The wilderness of Kanto
was slowly starting to part with them. ]
What?
[The
wilderness of Kanto was slowly starting to part with them. The
wilderness easily overtook him when he left Saffron, the tall grass
and bushes eating his lower body, singing and snapping their thick
vines and sticks as he walked. ]
wilderness of Kanto was slowly starting to part with them. The
wilderness easily overtook him when he left Saffron, the tall grass
and bushes eating his lower body, singing and snapping their thick
vines and sticks as he walked. ]
WHAT?
You
desperately need to tone this all way down.
desperately need to tone this all way down.
[There
wasn’t enough room for all the deceased Pokémon. Owners, trainers
and the city’s residents were horror stricken at the mass of dead
Pokémon that sat outside the tower, awaiting burial room to be
created. It is said that the sight of the Pokémon drove the people
of the city mad. ]
wasn’t enough room for all the deceased Pokémon. Owners, trainers
and the city’s residents were horror stricken at the mass of dead
Pokémon that sat outside the tower, awaiting burial room to be
created. It is said that the sight of the Pokémon drove the people
of the city mad. ]
That’s
ridiculous, any city of people who couldn’t think of a better way of
storing unburied pokemon than by just dropping them on the tower’s
doorstep was clearly one full of insane people to start with.
ridiculous, any city of people who couldn’t think of a better way of
storing unburied pokemon than by just dropping them on the tower’s
doorstep was clearly one full of insane people to start with.
[The
Night of a Thousand Screams, as they called it, was actually a
hysteria-educed riot that ensued after a mass of suicides. Why the
suicides? No one knows. ]
Night of a Thousand Screams, as they called it, was actually a
hysteria-educed riot that ensued after a mass of suicides. Why the
suicides? No one knows. ]
What,
“because they’re surrounded by rotting corpses people just drop
on the ground” wasn’t just universally understood as the reason?
“because they’re surrounded by rotting corpses people just drop
on the ground” wasn’t just universally understood as the reason?
[The
new standing theory, courtesy of Saffron’s own Psychics, is that the
ghosts of the deceased Pokémon returned and had haunted the citizens
with their anguish for not being put to rest. ]
new standing theory, courtesy of Saffron’s own Psychics, is that the
ghosts of the deceased Pokémon returned and had haunted the citizens
with their anguish for not being put to rest. ]
So
what you’re saying is that everyone’s insane in this fic.
what you’re saying is that everyone’s insane in this fic.
[The
man before them had a long Katana (probably 7 feet long, hilt to
blade) resting on his shoulder. Concealing his face no more, the
cloak gave way to a haunting white featureless mask that covered up
the man’s entire face, save for two eyeholes, which were dark as
well, keeping his eye color a secret only to the darkness. Even more
shocking was the creature that now stood beside the man. ]
man before them had a long Katana (probably 7 feet long, hilt to
blade) resting on his shoulder. Concealing his face no more, the
cloak gave way to a haunting white featureless mask that covered up
the man’s entire face, save for two eyeholes, which were dark as
well, keeping his eye color a secret only to the darkness. Even more
shocking was the creature that now stood beside the man. ]
And
also that your main character is a ridiculous sue. I mean, dear god,
you even gave him an extra-special katana.
also that your main character is a ridiculous sue. I mean, dear god,
you even gave him an extra-special katana.
The moral of the fic, I assume, is
to not try to give pokemon graves in the first place.
to not try to give pokemon graves in the first place.
(0)
Nonstory
chapters are banned, and “chapters” that are just telling
everyone the rest of your story is cool also manages to be idiotic.
chapters are banned, and “chapters” that are just telling
everyone the rest of your story is cool also manages to be idiotic.
(1)
Uh. I
guess you’re going for having her be very different than anyone would
expect as a newbie, but it just feels like the badfic formula of take
character, say they were unrecognizable as a kid and write as such.
What you’ve done here is define her around being incompetent and
crying, and there’s no real sense that follows logically from her
adult personality. Also, needing to literally here her piplup’s voice
in her head telling her it wants to be released to figure that out
doesn’t make her “paranoid” (wtf?) but it does make her a
complete idiot.
guess you’re going for having her be very different than anyone would
expect as a newbie, but it just feels like the badfic formula of take
character, say they were unrecognizable as a kid and write as such.
What you’ve done here is define her around being incompetent and
crying, and there’s no real sense that follows logically from her
adult personality. Also, needing to literally here her piplup’s voice
in her head telling her it wants to be released to figure that out
doesn’t make her “paranoid” (wtf?) but it does make her a
complete idiot.
(0)
This
sort of thing belongs on a forum, not posted here to clutter up the
place for actual stories.
sort of thing belongs on a forum, not posted here to clutter up the
place for actual stories.
(0. I guess no one else wants to
explore the sexy world of aipom/chimchar.)
explore the sexy world of aipom/chimchar.)
Dialogue
is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she
said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she
said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said.
The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a
speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She
grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,”
She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because
it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like
laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re
breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said.
“This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is
it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she
said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she
said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said.
The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a
speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She
grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,”
She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because
it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like
laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re
breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said.
“This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is
it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Paragraphing
has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is
not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker
means you start a new paragraph.
has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is
not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker
means you start a new paragraph.
This is actually pretty bizarre it’s
just formatted too terribly to bother reading.
just formatted too terribly to bother reading.
(1)
There
are seven thousand stories just on this site in this category with
“pokemon” in their title. “New” features in
another thousand. There are over four hundred “chronicles”,
more if you include misspellings, even more with “begins”
and “beginning”, and even more “Character Name”‘s
whatever. There are almost eight hundred with “legend”.
There are fourteen hundred with “journey”, twelve hundred
with “story”, almost three hundred with “quest”,
and two thousand with “adventure”. The different region
names appear another thousand or two times. “Saga”,
“region” and “champion” come in around two
hundred. In sum, you should try to choose an original title that has
to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates
it’s yet another story about a pokemon trainer.
are seven thousand stories just on this site in this category with
“pokemon” in their title. “New” features in
another thousand. There are over four hundred “chronicles”,
more if you include misspellings, even more with “begins”
and “beginning”, and even more “Character Name”‘s
whatever. There are almost eight hundred with “legend”.
There are fourteen hundred with “journey”, twelve hundred
with “story”, almost three hundred with “quest”,
and two thousand with “adventure”. The different region
names appear another thousand or two times. “Saga”,
“region” and “champion” come in around two
hundred. In sum, you should try to choose an original title that has
to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates
it’s yet another story about a pokemon trainer.
You
wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t
capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time
you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name,
ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only
capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or
things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re
thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t
capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time
you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name,
ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only
capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or
things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re
thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Opening
your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and
horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly
dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally
here, hundreds upon hundreds of times before, I would still tell you
you should have started at some other, interesting point.
your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and
horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly
dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally
here, hundreds upon hundreds of times before, I would still tell you
you should have started at some other, interesting point.
Write
out numbers with letters.
out numbers with letters.
[I dawned my black messenger bag ]
Donned.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Spellcheck.
This whole chapter was filler. You
don’t need to explain what happened to each member of the game’s
group – if you have a professor named Trevor, people are capable of
understanding he became a professor. If he says his friend Shauna is
a pokemon breeder, people get that she’s a pokemon breeder. So why on
earth did you open listing those facts? Then he doesn’t even manage
to get a pokemon this whole chapter, because you end on the same
cliffhanger everyone ends with of the pokeball opening. If you have
any plot, skip to that and stop wasting time.
don’t need to explain what happened to each member of the game’s
group – if you have a professor named Trevor, people are capable of
understanding he became a professor. If he says his friend Shauna is
a pokemon breeder, people get that she’s a pokemon breeder. So why on
earth did you open listing those facts? Then he doesn’t even manage
to get a pokemon this whole chapter, because you end on the same
cliffhanger everyone ends with of the pokeball opening. If you have
any plot, skip to that and stop wasting time.
“Its” is possessive, as in
“its story”, and “it’s” means “it is”.
“its story”, and “it’s” means “it is”.
Spellcheck.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
Write out numbers with letters.
You keep jumping between past and
present tense. Pick one.
present tense. Pick one.
I’m not too clear where you’re going
with this but the exposition boys and their excessively described
clothes are just kind of annoying.
with this but the exposition boys and their excessively described
clothes are just kind of annoying.
(2)
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
You spend an awful lot of time
outlining exactly how your alt universe works when it’s not
particularly relevant and doesn’t make too much sense. (I mean, [When
a game is turned on, the characters are sent to to a portal leading
to their cartridge to carry out the story. If multiple cartridges are
turned on, they send a double to fill in the busy actor’s role. ] If?
There a million XY sales on the first day. It doesn’t make any sense
to be acting like there’s one real character and every now and then
they have to make a duplicate.) And then you spend ages more
explaining how Jirachi gets out despite the fact you could just say
it had the power to do so rather than fiating that it doesn’t but
unown do.
outlining exactly how your alt universe works when it’s not
particularly relevant and doesn’t make too much sense. (I mean, [When
a game is turned on, the characters are sent to to a portal leading
to their cartridge to carry out the story. If multiple cartridges are
turned on, they send a double to fill in the busy actor’s role. ] If?
There a million XY sales on the first day. It doesn’t make any sense
to be acting like there’s one real character and every now and then
they have to make a duplicate.) And then you spend ages more
explaining how Jirachi gets out despite the fact you could just say
it had the power to do so rather than fiating that it doesn’t but
unown do.
And…all so you can then spend the
other half of the story on some guy who looks really pretty and
whines about it and then suddenly he’s a liepard because he wished
the girls would ignore him and so the one nice girl who really cared
about him takes him to an animal shelter to be her pet and this
is…good, apparently?
other half of the story on some guy who looks really pretty and
whines about it and then suddenly he’s a liepard because he wished
the girls would ignore him and so the one nice girl who really cared
about him takes him to an animal shelter to be her pet and this
is…good, apparently?
The transformation kink side of
fandom continues to be really fucking weird.
fandom continues to be really fucking weird.
(0)
Don’t label POVs and flashbacks.
Opening your story with a character
waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and
to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if
I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of
times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some
other, interesting point.
waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and
to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if
I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of
times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some
other, interesting point.
Don’t put author’s notes in your story.
When used in place of a name, it’s
written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it’s
written as such.
written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it’s
written as such.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Well, on the one hand it was nice that
you moved the plot along so quickly, but on the other hand the time
jumps seemed to be random and weren’t to more interesting things but
just to the next battle, and so there’s still no sign of actual plot.
you moved the plot along so quickly, but on the other hand the time
jumps seemed to be random and weren’t to more interesting things but
just to the next battle, and so there’s still no sign of actual plot.
Look,
you really, really shouldn’t ask for characters. Doesn’t work right.
You get people doing all sorts of characters, and they may each be
fine but they don’t fit together properly. It’s like trying to
complete a hundred-piece puzzle by taking fifty of the pieces from
fifty other puzzles. They may all be good puzzles, and you may pick
only the prettiest pieces, but you’re going to end up with a mess.
you really, really shouldn’t ask for characters. Doesn’t work right.
You get people doing all sorts of characters, and they may each be
fine but they don’t fit together properly. It’s like trying to
complete a hundred-piece puzzle by taking fifty of the pieces from
fifty other puzzles. They may all be good puzzles, and you may pick
only the prettiest pieces, but you’re going to end up with a mess.
(3)
Semicolons
do not indicate sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when
grammatically correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly,
judiciously, and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable.
If you have a semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because
the sentences are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look
pretentious.
do not indicate sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when
grammatically correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly,
judiciously, and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable.
If you have a semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because
the sentences are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look
pretentious.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[His head stone ]
[‘The steadfast tin soldier
greatest victory was also his greatest defeat’ ]
greatest victory was also his greatest defeat’ ]
Proofread -headstone, soldier’s, and
also periods are nice.
also periods are nice.
(1)
There are seven thousand stories just
on this site in this category with “pokemon” in their
title. “New” features in another thousand. There are over
four hundred “chronicles”, more if you include
misspellings, even more with “begins” and “beginning”,
and even more “Character Name”‘s whatever. There are
almost eight hundred with “legend”. There are fourteen
hundred with “journey”, twelve hundred with “story”,
almost three hundred with “quest”, and two thousand with
“adventure”. The different region names appear another
thousand or two times. “Saga”, “region” and
“champion” come in around two hundred. In sum, you should
try to choose an original title that has to do with your story in
particular, not something that indicates it’s yet another story about
a pokemon trainer.
on this site in this category with “pokemon” in their
title. “New” features in another thousand. There are over
four hundred “chronicles”, more if you include
misspellings, even more with “begins” and “beginning”,
and even more “Character Name”‘s whatever. There are
almost eight hundred with “legend”. There are fourteen
hundred with “journey”, twelve hundred with “story”,
almost three hundred with “quest”, and two thousand with
“adventure”. The different region names appear another
thousand or two times. “Saga”, “region” and
“champion” come in around two hundred. In sum, you should
try to choose an original title that has to do with your story in
particular, not something that indicates it’s yet another story about
a pokemon trainer.
[It repetitively rang through the
mystic and hazy forest. a boy with blonde hair, named Noah, saw a
tree, bearing fruits that were perfectly ripe on a tree, that towered
over tree had the cut in it, a deep X that seemed to not be repaired
by nature. ]
mystic and hazy forest. a boy with blonde hair, named Noah, saw a
tree, bearing fruits that were perfectly ripe on a tree, that towered
over tree had the cut in it, a deep X that seemed to not be repaired
by nature. ]
You desperately need a beta reader,
your sentences are tortured.
your sentences are tortured.
Repetitive is redundant when you
already showed the phrase repeating. You failed to capitalize the
start of the next sentence, blonde is the feminine form, stop using
commas everywhere, why on earth would you say someone “saw a
tree bearing fruit that were perfectly ripe on a tree”, and
“that towered over tree” means you’re saying the tree
bearing fruit that’s perfectly ripe on a different tree is towering
over another tree with a cut in it.
already showed the phrase repeating. You failed to capitalize the
start of the next sentence, blonde is the feminine form, stop using
commas everywhere, why on earth would you say someone “saw a
tree bearing fruit that were perfectly ripe on a tree”, and
“that towered over tree” means you’re saying the tree
bearing fruit that’s perfectly ripe on a different tree is towering
over another tree with a cut in it.
Opening your story with a character
waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and
to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if
I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of
times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some
other, interesting point.
waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and
to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if
I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of
times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some
other, interesting point.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Watching someone get their first
pokemon and have their first battle has been done thousands upon
thousands of times. If you have a plot, skip to that instead.
pokemon and have their first battle has been done thousands upon
thousands of times. If you have a plot, skip to that instead.
(0)
And thus ends Jan 10th.
[blonde is the feminine form]
But only for the noun, isn’t it? The adjective should be “blond” whether it’s masculine or feminine, as I understand it (and in either case it would be neuter here, since it’s talking about “a boy with blond hair”, not “a blond boy”). Unless English is even weirder about this than I thought.
I’m pretty sure it’s true for both the adjectival and noun forms. At least that’s how I’ve always done it. I could be wrong, though.
Says the New Oxford American Dictionary:
“The spellings blonde and blond
correspond to the feminine and masculine forms in French. Although the
distinction is usually retained in Britain, American usage since the
1970s has generally preferred the gender-neutral blond. The adjective blonde may still refer to a woman’s (but not a man’s) hair color, though use of the noun risks offense ( : See that blonde over there?):
the offense arises from the fact that the color of hair is not the
person. The adjective applied to inanimate objects (wood, beer) is
typically spelled blond.”
Whoops, reply fail. That was supposed to be in response to Act and antialiasis below…
Huh. Presumably that’s still only when you talk about a “blonde woman”, and not “a woman with blonde hair”, though, right? Because otherwise I officially give up on English.
Hair’s an inanimate object, so I’d go with “blond” there whether or not the hair’s owner was a woman, yes.
At least this time it’s a boy who wants to be a girl’s pet and not a boy who wants to own girls.