Some fics engaging, with various levels of awareness and intention, with the ethics of pokemon.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11728206/1/To-Learn

[They’re nothing more than weapons, now,” she’d huff when the topic is brought up. “Kids know nothing about them and treat them like toys. And what do the professors do? They let them!” Classic nonsense from a coordinator.
According to Dad, though, “They may be training them to fight, sure, but if they sing and dance to a different number, I say let ’em!” A slightly brainless fighter to the end, despite Mom’s opinion.]

It’d be nice if not every last fic did the contest-mom/battler-dad thing.

Regardless, it’s really not helping explain how they got to be twelve without a pokemon. Both parents keep pokemon, so she effectively has pokemon. And the fact one parent doesn’t approve of general trainer culture is just all the more reason she’d want to raise her kid as one properly.

[So where exactly is my stance on the matter? Well, the way my eyes see it, the pokemon will fight when they want to or feel the need to. They will perform little shows if they see fit and play like children when they choose. If they feel like hiding from me for a little while, they can, and if they feel like playing tricks on me, they can. Should my pokemon, whenever I manage to actually have one, want to feel some love, then love is what they shall get, be it from me or whoever they like. Even when a pokemon under my care decides to go to someone else instead of staying with me, that is their own decision and not mine to make. Just like with human beings, a pokemon’s life is their own. ]

And while I appreciate a fic where the main character says outright that she’s not going to do stuff like force them to stay with her, the phrasing of this is odd – she’s speaking as if this stuff is actually certain, when she’s never had one and so it isn’t yet a fact that she lets any pokemon who wants a new trainer go.

[“Know which pokemon you want?”
“No, Dad. And frankly, I don’t think I’ll know which one to pick until the second I see them,” is my grumbling reply. ]

And it’s weird it’s followed immediately by her agreeing that she’s still going to pick a pokemon and not, say, ask the pokemon if it wants to go with her. She’s making a big point that she isn’t just deciding based on species, but for some reason it stops short.

[Even sadder is that my journey was supposed to start two years ago, when my ninth birthday came around. And in another few months, my twelfth birthday will be coming around to slap me in the face. My journey should have already happened, and my eyes should be set on a third area to travel through. ]

And…why? I can’t tell if you’re trying to dodge around the issue or what.

[ Frankly, a starter sounds kind of terrible and like I’m going to be tossing the poor thing aside later. Just like those starter packs for card games and online multiplayers. How often do those things remain in a person’s inventory or deck? The longest I’ve ever seen is a few months, before a better card of item comes along. It’s rather sad. ]

But that’s not what starter means in this context at all. The game starters have always been some of the best pokemon available and players usually keep them on their team the whole time. I get the point you’re trying to make, but it just makes her sound like she has no idea what she’s talking about.

[I couldn’t help it, couldn’t talk myself into it, couldn’t bring myself to force the creature into becoming my first partner. Those bred for such are one thing, placed in a pokeball to keep them safe in case of complications in the labs or something. But in the wild, where life is uncomplicated and all a pokemon has to worry about is finding a berry tree and avoiding danger? Not possible for me.  ]

I really don’t get where you’re going with this at all, honestly.

She didn’t want it – she’s expecting to get a pokemon regardless and she doesn’t show any interest in this particular pokemon. Possibly it’s about pressure to conform, but her dad doesn’t seem particularly forceful about it and just laughs when she says no. And at the same time as she’s saying she’s too virtuous for this, she’s saying that somehow it’s okay with a lab-bred pokemon for reasons that amount to because they’re already there. It doesn’t seem like this is meaningfully different from just not having any interest in it.

[After retrieving the ball, I refused to let the dog pokemon inside out until we reached the pokemon center.  ]

Why? If she’s into pokemon choice, releasing it to say it was free to go would be that.

[Frankly, neither of them particularly appeal to me. Not so much as simply wandering around and learning about the world does. In this, maybe the professor is right – taking care of a lab or becoming an expert at pokemon is a better choice. Neither requires battles or contests and both include knowledge of the world as a necessity. ]

Well, that could make for an interesting character and plot, but I’d much rather see her doing that over her dragging her feet over non-questions here. Travel should require pokemon help, so if she actually wants to go places it’d provide tension with her desire not to impose on pokemon.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Well, that actually seemed different. Ends with her meeting the canon gang so I have no idea if it’s about dealing with pokemon or if that’s just a convoluted explanation for her not having a pokemon so she can join the group without having any yet.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11728262/1/A-Fiery-New-Friend

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[“Mr?” Ash questioned. ]

Don’t use “questioned” when what you mean is “asked”, that’s not what the word means.

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

[This egg was found with your Donphan and my Arcanine a few days ago. We don’t know how long they were hiding it; it looks almost ready to hatch, though.  ]

Well, that sure sounds depressing.

I mean, think about this, okay? It’s not that it was just found, you say it was being hidden by them, which suggests they were pretty attached to it. It suggests they were deliberately keeping Gary from knowing it was there. Why would they be doing this? Given he immediately takes away the egg, probably so it wouldn’t be found and taken from them. And apparently they managed to hide it so long it was almost enough to hatch. They almost had a chance to see their child.

But nope, Gary found it at the last second and whisked it away, and it’s immediately given to Bonnie so there’s a good chance that neither parent will ever see it at all. It’ll never know them either.

Haha so cute?

Pokemon continues to be a horrifying dystopia.

Two reviews.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11728561/1/Pokemon-the-New-Frontier

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Write out numbers with letters.

[“I have been the champion for 4 years, most of my life has been in two regions. I want to see the world, not be cooped up here beating champion wannabes.”
“Well you are the best candidate we got for a new assignment, the only problem is that someone has to beat you for the championship.” Leafa sighed
“Like that’s going to magically happen in the next few days. These trainers are getting worse every year.”]

It’s not like it’s that hard to lose, you know.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

It’s “okay”, four letters.

One, crit.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11728761/1/I-Got-A-Dig-Bick

lrn2troll

Three. God fucking dammit people.

This brings us into Jan 12th.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11728833/1/Pokemon-Mystery-Dungeon-Victims-of-the-Rift

[ the Litwick ]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11729034/1/Friends-At-First-but-Then-Much-More

[ the Pokemon Archanine.  ]
[Growliff ]

If you haven’t a clue how something is spelled, check.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

It’s “okay”, four letters.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11729043/1/The-Galactic-Empire

Well, it’s nice to see all this stuff happening and the twist ending, but this doesn’t seem very well plotted. There seems to have been some sort of big plan, but all that really happens is a lot of random trainers attacking and somehow Ash was able to fake being a scientist?

[Back in the experiment chamber, a siren sounded.
“Someone shut that off,” said Saturn.
“Shouldn’t we locate the source?” asked one of the researchers.
“Oh, good point,” said Saturn. “Yes, let’s just do that. I wonder what could have set off the siren? Could it be the huge explosion we just heard?”
The researcher deactivated the siren.
oOoOo
And that’s exactly what Looker of the International Police had hoped would happen.
He smiled at Sarah, the technician who’d just opened the door to Section B. “Good work.”
“I’m needed with Cynthia’s team,” she said. “Will you be alright?”
“I have no idea,” said Looker. Nobody knew what awaited them in this base.
oOoOo
The grunts’ bedrooms were too deep for their occupants to have heard the explosion. But the siren had sounded throughout the base.
Two Galactic grunts in particular, Alice and John, had been sleeping in room 303.
“Should we go up there?” Alice had asked. But then the siren had gone off.
John had gone back to sleep without a word.]

And this – it seems like you have some clear idea of what this all means, but you don’t explain it.

Is this exploiting some security flaw where turning off the siren warning of one thing means not being alerted to every other security breech that follows? If so, why is their security system so terrible, what’s the point of it even? And if the siren is intended to be turned off once they identify what the problem is, why are the grunts treating it as if the alarm going off means it’s false and nothing happened at all? And if that’s what the grunts would think, why didn’t it occur to anyone to have some sort of PA system announce they’re under attack as soon as the alarm was turned off? Or was it not supposed to be turned off and Looker’s entire plan revolves around hoping Saturn just really hates alarms and will shut it off no matter how bad an idea it is?

Three, all crit.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11729199/1/One-Offs

Nonstory chapters are banned.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11729296/1/The-Shadow-Within

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[That way, we can both be safe from living like a gypsy ]

Yeah, that word’s a slur. Should be kind of evident by how you’re using it to mean some awful thing that proper people want to avoid at all costs.

[The two Zweilous heads begin to fight each other over their freshly caught prey.
I feel something come up from inside me. Something felt like it had been awakened at that moment.]

So it’s horrible for the turtwig to be eaten but okay for another pokemon to starve?

[“Ian, are you alright?” My mom questioned.
“What happened here?” Ari’s mom asked.
“Why are you holding a wild Pokemon?” Ari stated, as if trying to scold me]

Neither questioned nor stated are appropriate speech tags.

Ari does serve to bring up a good point, however – if your character is getting a starter by way of random wild pokemon, why on earth is it a turtwig? They’re not found in the wild and they’re the standard starter. Why not give him one of the common pokemon usually found in the area? Surely he’d care just as much about one of them screaming in pain, right?

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11729304/1/Silver-The-Eevee

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Spellcheck.

Don’t jump between first and third person POV.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11729360/1/A-Night-s-Echo

Write out numbers with letters.

[Ger Xatu stared at her with its blank stare, unmoving even as crystal stared back. ]

Proofread.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11729387/1/Mystery-Dungeon-Breaking-Away

Even partial script sections can be enough to get your story deleted. I’d strongly suggest editing the opening.

[a Roilu. ]

If you don’t know how to spell something, look it up.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Two. “By the way, it’s spelled Riolou. I think.”

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11729509/1/Zoeys-Secret-Crush-A-appealshipping-story

Periods and commas should exist in your fic.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Another zero. That’s right, my evil review is all that poor author got, because as always, people claim that it’s not about some petty grudge over their own review but it’s that they just care so so much about all those other poor authors who are probably tiny innocent children but they’re not going to actually fucking review because it was all bullshit posing to make themselves look good, just like every other time concerned citizens wrote piles of words about all the reviewing they totally would do and look how great they are nobly countering me.