Contains this month’s first pokephilia-oppression whine!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10963834/1/One-night-With-Childhood-friend-Amourshipping

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

Don’t label flashbacks.

Two.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10963855/1/Red-vs-Brendan

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

[a Snorlax ]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

“Its” is possessive, “it’s” means “it is.”

[ use Physic ]

Psychic.

Battles with no stakes but to see who’s better are really difficult to make interesting, and you need a lot more than just an exchange of attacks.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10963933/1/A-Precious-Mistress

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[ D-Diantha-san ]

Please no gratuitous Japanese.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Semicolons do not indicate sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously, and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.

So, this is less horrible and rapey than some pokemon/human fics, but it’s still running into the same underlying problems, primarily that, if pokemon are as intelligent as humans and capable of communicating, why is “I can’t say I love my pokemon!” the biggest issue and not the part where she literally owns her pokemon as property?

It really doesn’t matter if her gardevoir is totally okay with that and if she’d never abuse her power, people generally don’t like their entire species having no rights. That’s a way bigger deal than no public makeouts.

Zero.

Hey, remember how “banning interracial marriage is wrong!” as an issue came AFTER THE ARGUMENT ABOUT SLAVERY BEING WRONG? Because fucking no one in the category does or ever will!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10964127/1/Never-Again

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

[a/n: This chapter is very short, because it’s only an introduction. ]

Nope! A first chapter is supposed to show whatever’s interesting about the story, and should be as long as it needs to do that. May being bored about the fact she’s a delivery girl is hopefully not that, so assuming this isn’t going to bore readers to tears, you should get to the non-boring part in this chapter and not later.

Three.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10964132/1/Pokemon-Learning-League-Business-Proposal

Script format continues to be banned, which makes sense because it’s terrible.

One.

Also, the author appears to have put his real name on it.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10964152/1/Pokemon-The-Magnetic-region

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Three.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10964163/1/Ash-s-Immortality-Problem

Write out numbers with letters.

[(A/N: Remember, in the Pokémon world none of our animals or mythical beings exist) ]

First, don’t put note in your story, second no, there are totally fish and references to other animals.

The basic idea of this is okay, but just pointing out something stupid over and over isn’t that entertaining.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10964384/1/Land-Sea-and-Sky-An-Emerald-Nuzlocke-Adventure

[8. If I wipe out, I can go into the PC and start again with a new team. The challenge is lost if I completely run out of Pokemon. ]

Well if you’re going to do it the wussy way…

Okay, so, nuzlockes do not make for good fic. The setup means your trainer has to win to almost everyone which makes them seem overpowered and sueish, it doesn’t make sense that pokemon training coul function with it being such a bloodbath, and just reading someone playing a game isn’t very interesting.

Stories need plots, not an explanation of the rules you’re using for your gameplay.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10964473/1/Escape-to-Reality

[(A/N: The Eon Flute thingy that summons Latios/Latias from anywhere. I thought how weird it would be seeing a Latios crash out of the PC Box walls to fly to the player’s aid.) ]

Don’t put notes in your story.

[Here is the promised OC Form(s)! ]

Also, don’t do this. Submitted OCs are always a bad idea. Make up characters that fit the story instead of trying to shoehorn other people’s characters.

Well, this is an interesting idea. I’m curious what’ll happen to them.

Six.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10964538/1/A-Cry-For-Help

[route 20 ]
[my Mightyena ]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – so it’s Route 20, as that’s the name of the route. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Hm. Well, the gore is over the top – it’s really stronger when the ranger’s just running around and unable to find anything. Also, the mechanism isn’t very clear, if the trevenant is mad at humans not caring about pokemon, why would it lure people with the sound of pokemon in need? It’d have made more sense if it was just his mightyena he was trying to find, or else remove the idea the trevenant is acting for a good reason but bad at targetting and go with it just being evil.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10964673/1/Rise-from-the-Ashes

No obvious errors at the start and apparently it’s based around new game spoilers, so I’ll skip.

Two.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10964903/1/Advanced-Relativity

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[Brock, on the other hand, had been absent for the entire journey through the Orange Islands. Aside from then, and a couple of short absences in Hoenn and Sinnoh, Brock had always been there.
Starting tomorrow, that wasn’t going to be the case anymore.]

I get what you’re going for, but, no, you just said he was absent for one whole area, so starting tomorrow, it’ll be the case again. If it wasn’t the end of the world last time, it won’t be this time, and if Brock thought he was leaving forever the first time and it wasn’t, there’s no way to tell that it’ll be different this time.

[“Yeah, I guess,” Ash shrugged. ]

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

I really like the whole conversation with Brock about growing up and generally how you characterized the two of them, and the ending here with Team Rocket also calling it quits makes me curious where the story’s going.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10964903/2/Advanced-Relativity

Okay yeah, this is really cute.

Eight.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10964941/1/Siblings

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Scene cuts and fade-ins are script directions. You’re not writing a script, so they don’t belong here.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10964950/1/My-Life-as-A-Teenage-Lab-Rat

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

I get that obviously they’re evil, but I don’t know why she’s wasting her time talking to a test subject.

[“Go lie down on the table. If you don’t, I’ll just press this button and you’ll get another shock. Either way, even if you refuse all you’ll be causing yourself is pain since I can have the machamp force you to lie down.” ]

I mean, first, she woke up on a bed, so they could’ve just tied her down to the table originally rather than putting her on one, having her wake up, and telling her to get on a different one. Second, if for some reason you did it th stupid way, if you have a machamp right there for this purpose, why even ask instead of just having the machamp grab her right then?

Being kidnapped for a test subject isn’t scary because you get chattered at by a manic scientist. It’s scary because the scientist doesn’t care you’re a person in the first place and has as much interest in discussing this with you as they do talking to a test tube.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10964950/2/My-Life-as-A-Teenage-Lab-Rat

[I looked at my body in the mirror. Out of my head, there were two jet black umbreon ears. They had a yellow ring near the tip, and my normal human ears were nowhere to be found, with nothing more than some stitches and scars to show that I had human ears at all.
Oh shit! They made me into a Pokemon? Wait… but most of my body is still human. So would that make me some sort of half breed? Wait I think I’ve seen those ears before…. Oh! They made me part Umbreon! But why? ]

Haha, umbreon pokemorph OF COURSE SHE IS.

[“Marigold, wonderful work. I have a feeling this one will make a very good agent,” said Atom.]

Haha, they’re using random disgrunted strangers instead of their existing loyal forces OF COURSE THEY ARE.

This is like cliché Christmas.

Now that I look, the author of this goes by UmbreonGurl, so.

But seriously where is the evil team that takes their own grunts and turns those into pokemorphs?

Four. Quote: “Nice. This was pretty enjoyable to read. It’s defiently the first one I’ve seen with mutated humans, with Pokémon body parts. ”

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10965055/1/Beyond-Comprehension

[Pokemon master! ]

You’re otherwise correctly not capitalizing, but you do here. The only way this should be capitalized is if it’s a title, in which case it’d be “Pokemon Master”.

Write out numbers with letters.

Don’t label flashbacks. Figure out how to write a transition for them or else drop information into the present rather than doing a full scene. Or you could just start the story at the earlier point.

“Its” is possessive, “it’s” means “it is.”

[“Forgive me, but that world still needs you,”  ]

Eh, best to avoid Chosen One stuff. Even if you must have one, it’s generally more palatable as an inexplicable event or two and not a voice confirming their importance.

For that matter, I’m not really sure what’s added by having us know about your character’s background if he’s forgotten it by the end of the first chapter. It’d have been more intriguing to either have a jump, where the last thing he remembers is his friendship with Cubey, or if he didn’t remember anything and we got the gaps filled in at the same speed as he did. Dramatic irony tends to be more frustrating than anything.

[“Aren’t you at least going to apologize?” she asked, upset at my lack of chivalry.]

That’s not chivalry. It’s polite to apologize to people you hurt regardless of the genders involved.

Not sure what to make of Perky Girl NPC. She seems jarring and unrealistic, particularly coming right after his hometown is destroyed and he gets his skin seared off and almost dies.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10965153/1/Critical-Hit

Eh, gamebased humor and no obvious errors, just going to skip it.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10964148/1/Lost-in-You

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

[Sure, she had loved fairy tales while growing up; they had given her hope and filled her with dreams of a brighter and fairy tale-like future and she had loved and cherished them, until she had grown up and realized that the future wasn’t going to get any pinker for her at all.
The circumstances had caused her to become cynical and thus, the stories had begun seeming too far-fetched, too distant from reality, too good to ever become true. And she had simply stopped enjoying them, stopped reading them, stopped investing all her hopes in them.]

I find it really hard to believe no one but Paul wrote depressing stuff about how the world sucked. That 99% of it was crap, sure, but that it’s nonstop saccharine being produced is even more far-fetched.

[the bluenette  ]

Stop that. Use relevant epithets or don’t use them at all.

This is decently written but really seems like original fiction rather than fanfic.

Five.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10965228/1/Celia-s-Catching

Drabble is the term for a writing exercise of precisely 100 words.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Semicolons do not indicate sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously, and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.

[“Alright, you little bug, c’mon now,” Celia’s father reached down to tug at Eevee’s small frame with both hands ]

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

[ Its super dangerous ]

“Its” is possessive, “it’s” means “it is.”

This is much better set up than the usual eevee starter, and you write their interactions well.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10965236/1/Pokemon-Kanto-Adventures

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point. Also, no one will ever care what your character is eating for breakfast.

Similarly, getting a first pokemon isn’t inherently interesting. If you’ve got a plot, skip to it.

One, concrit.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10965326/1/Pokemon-Plus-and-Minus

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

Characters waking up in the morning continues to not be interesting, and neither is breakfast or taking a shower. Even more boring is spending your whole chapter recapping who Ash is. Do you really think anyone is reading your story without already knowing that?

Eight.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10965358/1/Twists-of-Fate

You never need to start with a list of people’s ages. If it matters, it’ll come up in the main story. Relatedly, you shouldn’t have a page or two of author notes before even getting to your story.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Semicolons do not indicate sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously, and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.

[One side had a map of some sort on it, while the other had an invitation and three pictures of pokemon Paul knew all too well; Piplup, Turtwig, and Chimchar. In Reggie’s Daycare, many Trainers dropped of those pokemon for breeding since the species were so rare, while others dropped them off for training only. ]

Do you see what you just wrote? “Many” people have these pokemon and put them in the daycare to churn out eggs, yet the species is “so rare”? Either most people don’t use them as starters, or they’re not rare. Pick one.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Three.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10965418/1/Paragon

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[The problem is that he is afflicted, and has identified it himself as hemoptysis. ]

Aside from the wonky wording, hemoptysis is just a fancy word meaning spitting up blood. It’s not a disease, it’s a description, so you don’t really need to identify it.

This is a decently disturbed piece, but it doesn’t seem to really offer anything new – just people being remote and weird and self-destructive. It’s only slightly different for putting the focus on Green rather than Red.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10965445/1/Falling-Further-in-the-Opposite-Direction

[As for warnings, there will be some cursing (cussing) and some gay-ness. Actually, a lot of gay-ness.  ]

Please don’t warn for homosexuality as if it’s the same sort of inappropriate behavior as swearing. If some people don’t like running into it, let that be their problem.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Write out numbers with letters.

Trainers start at ten.

[She sighs, “Where others tease and poke their fun, and cause you to feel sad and run,”
Her companion (who is currently hiding behind her) continues, “We rejoice to share our quirks t-to the sun,”
They reach under their robes to reveal a rainbow-colored pendant with a bright pink heart. The last two lines are chanted in unison, “We’re team Quirky- to shed light on differences as bright as summer’s day!
“We’re team Quirky- to support yourself in every way!”]

No.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10965493/1/Fallen-Like-a-Meteor

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

One.

Stopping for the night. Arg, there’s a million to do now.