Sixteen pages. Some Stockholm and a dash of pokemon-fucking. A lot of people not grasping things are supposed to happen in stories.
Dialogue
is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she
said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she
said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said.
The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a
speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She
grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,”
She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because
it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like
laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re
breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said.
“This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is
it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she
said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she
said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said.
The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a
speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She
grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,”
She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because
it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like
laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re
breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said.
“This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is
it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Spellcheck.
(0)
And thus ends the 11th!
[Kristine
was born about 3 months ago. Oh, let me introduce myself first! I am,
eh, I don’t really remember my name. People just call me Blye. I am
clearly a girl. Anyways, Kristine wasn’t any normal girl. She was now
1 month old, I guess. ]
was born about 3 months ago. Oh, let me introduce myself first! I am,
eh, I don’t really remember my name. People just call me Blye. I am
clearly a girl. Anyways, Kristine wasn’t any normal girl. She was now
1 month old, I guess. ]
This
is your opening and already it’s a disaster. You’re typing this,
editing is painless and easy, so take advantage of it. You can tell a
story in a manner where one thing leads to another, instead of
tripping over yourself, backtracking, then forgetting what you just
said.
is your opening and already it’s a disaster. You’re typing this,
editing is painless and easy, so take advantage of it. You can tell a
story in a manner where one thing leads to another, instead of
tripping over yourself, backtracking, then forgetting what you just
said.
Write
out numbers with letters.
out numbers with letters.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Don’t copy the anime opening.
(2)
Dialogue
is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she
said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she
said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said.
The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a
speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She
grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,”
She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because
it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like
laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re
breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said.
“This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is
it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she
said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she
said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said.
The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a
speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She
grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,”
She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because
it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like
laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re
breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said.
“This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is
it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Breakfast
is rarely so interesting you need to include it in a story, and this
is not an exception.
is rarely so interesting you need to include it in a story, and this
is not an exception.
[[SKIPPING
ALL INTRODUCTIONS – MOVING TO SELECTION OF POKEMON]
ALL INTRODUCTIONS – MOVING TO SELECTION OF POKEMON]
“Alright, choose your Starter!”
…
She’s…female…wow…I don’t care about Shinies, but she’s
female…a one of a kind…Name…]
First,
your character’s a sue. Second, if it’s so boring you can’t even
manage to write about it, you should have started your story after
all this and skipped everything about it, because god knows the
endless babble that preceded this wasn’t worth wasting anyone’s time
on.
your character’s a sue. Second, if it’s so boring you can’t even
manage to write about it, you should have started your story after
all this and skipped everything about it, because god knows the
endless babble that preceded this wasn’t worth wasting anyone’s time
on.
(0)
You
wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t
capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time
you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name,
ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only
capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or
things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re
thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t
capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time
you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name,
ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only
capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or
things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re
thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
It’s
okay, four letters.
okay, four letters.
When
used in place of a name, it’s written Mom, in any other constructions
like my/her/the mom it’s written as such.
used in place of a name, it’s written Mom, in any other constructions
like my/her/the mom it’s written as such.
When
used in place of a name, it’s written Mom, in any other constructions
like my/her/the mom it’s written as such.
used in place of a name, it’s written Mom, in any other constructions
like my/her/the mom it’s written as such.
[I
heard a click. and I lost hope, I was too tired to fight back. I
wondered. What will happen when mom finds out I’m gone, probably
forever. I fell into tear. I cried, the cry reverberated in the
interior, but I doubt anyone else heard.
heard a click. and I lost hope, I was too tired to fight back. I
wondered. What will happen when mom finds out I’m gone, probably
forever. I fell into tear. I cried, the cry reverberated in the
interior, but I doubt anyone else heard.
Woah, Woah, Woah. Ok, I might of made my trainer sound evil or
something, I swear, he’s a good kid, yes, I’m crying and what not
right now, but many pokemon go through what I do, no? Ok, I didn’t
know at the time what was going on, but I swear, it gets better from
here. Here’s my life story as a Pokemon of a Pokemon trainer and how
I became a friend of a lonely kid.]
I’m
not sure if you meant this to sound horrifyingly Stockholmy but wow
does it ever.
not sure if you meant this to sound horrifyingly Stockholmy but wow
does it ever.
(0)
You
wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t
capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time
you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name,
ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only
capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or
things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re
thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t
capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time
you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name,
ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only
capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or
things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re
thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
This
is really choppy. There’s sentence fragments and missing words.
is really choppy. There’s sentence fragments and missing words.
Dialogue
is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she
said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she
said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said.
The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a
speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She
grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,”
She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because
it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like
laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re
breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said.
“This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is
it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she
said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she
said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said.
The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a
speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She
grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,”
She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because
it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like
laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re
breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said.
“This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is
it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Write
out numbers with letters.
out numbers with letters.
[“What about the Pokémon?” I
wondered.
wondered.
“What about them?” He snobishly asked back.
“Well… have you evacuated all of them as well?” I
asked, starting to get annoyed with the fireman’s tone
“Why would I? Those damn animals can fend for themselves, I’m
not putting my men in harms way so that some little kid’s pet bidoof
can get out.” He said.]
Given their world revolves around the
things, I find it hard to believe someone like this would be in
charge of anything.
things, I find it hard to believe someone like this would be in
charge of anything.
In the real world, firefighters don’t
go in for animals because it’s just about impossible to do so. They
don’t curse out pet owners about how fucking Spot deserves what he
gets.
go in for animals because it’s just about impossible to do so. They
don’t curse out pet owners about how fucking Spot deserves what he
gets.
Typhlosion are five feet tall and weigh
almost two hundred pounds. There’s really no way he’s carrying one
out, especially standing in a blazing fire after being badly injured.
almost two hundred pounds. There’s really no way he’s carrying one
out, especially standing in a blazing fire after being badly injured.
(1)
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[I may be a Keeper and I may not have a
Pokémon, but I can communicate with dark-type Pokémon and ask them
for help if I need it. That should be good enough for you.” ]
Pokémon, but I can communicate with dark-type Pokémon and ask them
for help if I need it. That should be good enough for you.” ]
Yes, because it’s totally impossible
there might not be dark type pokemon around at all times, and that
pokemon that definitely will always be there will also always be able
to deal with whatever the problem is. Truly, it’s the other guy who’s
the annoying idiot.
there might not be dark type pokemon around at all times, and that
pokemon that definitely will always be there will also always be able
to deal with whatever the problem is. Truly, it’s the other guy who’s
the annoying idiot.
Semicolons do not indicate
sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically
correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously,
and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a
semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences
are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.
sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically
correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously,
and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a
semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences
are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.
There really isn’t much here but
cliches. Super special girl who can talk to some pokemon and is so
important they burn her hometown to the ground. Idiot enemies who
don’t think to bring one of the seventeen types to do so but go with
dark types so she can escape fine. You really need to clean up your
plotting.
cliches. Super special girl who can talk to some pokemon and is so
important they burn her hometown to the ground. Idiot enemies who
don’t think to bring one of the seventeen types to do so but go with
dark types so she can escape fine. You really need to clean up your
plotting.
(0)
[They put it in the middle of my
favorite velvety violet cushion, the one I always hugged when in the
living room, and to say the least, I was pissed and pleased. Pissed
that stupid poke ball had taken my cushion, pleased that they had
given me a pokemon]
favorite velvety violet cushion, the one I always hugged when in the
living room, and to say the least, I was pissed and pleased. Pissed
that stupid poke ball had taken my cushion, pleased that they had
given me a pokemon]
Psychotic assholes aren’t really as
endearing as you seem to think.
endearing as you seem to think.
[“Look, little Naomi got herself a
shroomish!” Evelyn had snickered. I had never liked Evelyn. She
was mean, bratty, spoiled ]
shroomish!” Evelyn had snickered. I had never liked Evelyn. She
was mean, bratty, spoiled ]
Yes the girl with the common pokemon is
clearly the evil rich girl. Unlike the brat who isn’t satisfied
unless she gets a female eevee and is so spoiled she’s furious
someone put her gift on HER PILLOW NO ONE TOUCHES HER PILLOW.
clearly the evil rich girl. Unlike the brat who isn’t satisfied
unless she gets a female eevee and is so spoiled she’s furious
someone put her gift on HER PILLOW NO ONE TOUCHES HER PILLOW.
And now she’s blaming her shroomish on
the fact she’s so incompetent she loses all their battles while
ranting about how it’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to her
while it’s standing next to her because she does not do dickery by
half measures.
the fact she’s so incompetent she loses all their battles while
ranting about how it’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to her
while it’s standing next to her because she does not do dickery by
half measures.
And now the eevee her parents are
giving her instead of a grounding has a tragic backstory that makes
her love it extra, instead of the outgoing one that actually sounds
suitable for battles, because not being a cowering wreck means you’re
an arrogant mean girl.
giving her instead of a grounding has a tragic backstory that makes
her love it extra, instead of the outgoing one that actually sounds
suitable for battles, because not being a cowering wreck means you’re
an arrogant mean girl.
[Also, I am aware of what a “mary
sue” is. And yes, getting a freaking eevee adds mary sue points.
sue” is. And yes, getting a freaking eevee adds mary sue points.
The eevee is absolutely not the
problem. Literally everything else about this kid is.
problem. Literally everything else about this kid is.
[The main character is a she, name is
Naomi, and is age… eleven, I think that’s what I wrote. They
usually say they start at ten, but… I just bumped up the age once
more. (I mean, I wouldn’t have gone on an adventure—even with
pokemon—when I was ten! I mean, seriously. Eleven is no better,
but… I’m kind of… really obnoxious that way.) ]
Naomi, and is age… eleven, I think that’s what I wrote. They
usually say they start at ten, but… I just bumped up the age once
more. (I mean, I wouldn’t have gone on an adventure—even with
pokemon—when I was ten! I mean, seriously. Eleven is no better,
but… I’m kind of… really obnoxious that way.) ]
Really obnoxious about covers it, yes.
So why are you doing that anyway?
So why are you doing that anyway?
[And then I had to decide what to wear.
Boy, oh boy, I disliked clothes for adventuring. That was because I
loved skirts and dresses, but I certainly wasn’t going to
wear one for an adventure. I mean, I didn’t want to get raped on the
second day of my journey, did I? So spaghetti strap tops either. ]
Boy, oh boy, I disliked clothes for adventuring. That was because I
loved skirts and dresses, but I certainly wasn’t going to
wear one for an adventure. I mean, I didn’t want to get raped on the
second day of my journey, did I? So spaghetti strap tops either. ]
You manage to plumb new depths of
terribleness.
terribleness.
Well, I guess in conclusion I’m now
fully convinced that someone will be out for her head as you say in
the summary, but I’m cheering for that person.
fully convinced that someone will be out for her head as you say in
the summary, but I’m cheering for that person.
Your writing is mechanically quite
good, but your character is horrible and not entertainingly so.
good, but your character is horrible and not entertainingly so.
I have no idea what the hell was
going on with this one.
going on with this one.
(3)
Try harder.
(1)
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Summaries are just not the same as
stories. Also, it’s not like people haven’t done this same thing
dozens of times before.
stories. Also, it’s not like people haven’t done this same thing
dozens of times before.
Write out numbers with letters.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
(0)
If your character
is so bugged by the idea of getting texts on their phone, why don’t
they just turn it off? Or do so after the first time they get one?
is so bugged by the idea of getting texts on their phone, why don’t
they just turn it off? Or do so after the first time they get one?
Write out numbers
with letters.
with letters.
In fact, why are
they even friends with Chris when they appear to hate any interaction
with others and Chris most of all?
they even friends with Chris when they appear to hate any interaction
with others and Chris most of all?
You wouldn’t
capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize
words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should
capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s
pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when
it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar
reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of
capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize
words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should
capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s
pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when
it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar
reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of
capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[Are
my OC’s too Mary-Sueish for you? ]
my OC’s too Mary-Sueish for you? ]
Mostly
the I HATE EVERYTHING character is cliché and has the usual question
of why are we focusing on someone hates everything? Also, it’s best
to avoid going on about how GIRL CHARACTER likes NON-GIRLY POKEMON
while BOY CHARACTER likes NON-FIGHTING POKEMON, especially when
there’s absolutely no sign of anyone actually following those
stereotypes in your fic.
the I HATE EVERYTHING character is cliché and has the usual question
of why are we focusing on someone hates everything? Also, it’s best
to avoid going on about how GIRL CHARACTER likes NON-GIRLY POKEMON
while BOY CHARACTER likes NON-FIGHTING POKEMON, especially when
there’s absolutely no sign of anyone actually following those
stereotypes in your fic.
Your
grammar’s a lot better than most of what I’ve seen but if you find it
a struggle you should look into finding a beta reader. English is a
messy language.
grammar’s a lot better than most of what I’ve seen but if you find it
a struggle you should look into finding a beta reader. English is a
messy language.
(1)
Dialogue
is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she
said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she
said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said.
The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a
speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She
grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,”
She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because
it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like
laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re
breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said.
“This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is
it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she
said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she
said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said.
The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a
speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She
grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,”
She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because
it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like
laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re
breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said.
“This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is
it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
You
wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t
capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time
you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name,
ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only
capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or
things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re
thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t
capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time
you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name,
ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only
capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or
things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re
thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
(2)
Dialogue
is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she
said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she
said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said.
The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a
speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She
grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,”
She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because
it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like
laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re
breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said.
“This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is
it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she
said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she
said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said.
The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a
speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She
grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,”
She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because
it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like
laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re
breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said.
“This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is
it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
(1)
Semicolons
do not indicate sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when
grammatically correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly,
judiciously, and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable.
If you have a semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because
the sentences are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look
pretentious.
do not indicate sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when
grammatically correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly,
judiciously, and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable.
If you have a semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because
the sentences are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look
pretentious.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
It’s generally not a good idea to be
talking about pokemon as being specific levels.
talking about pokemon as being specific levels.
When used in place of a name, it’s
written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it’s
written as such.
written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it’s
written as such.
[I knew it was my fault that we were
not home on time but that didn’t’t mean I was at fault for my
brother. Kyle should have listened to me, he was the one that got
lost, the one that scared mother half to death, not me! It didn’t
matter though, a week had passed, Emerald had been returned to me and
now I had even more reason to leave this hell-hole, the looks. Looks
of pity and shame, I didn’t need them! Pity doesn’t bring anyone
back, nor does villinising me! ]
not home on time but that didn’t’t mean I was at fault for my
brother. Kyle should have listened to me, he was the one that got
lost, the one that scared mother half to death, not me! It didn’t
matter though, a week had passed, Emerald had been returned to me and
now I had even more reason to leave this hell-hole, the looks. Looks
of pity and shame, I didn’t need them! Pity doesn’t bring anyone
back, nor does villinising me! ]
Spellcheck, also wow your character is
an amazingly terrible person. And I’m not sure why because since the
ending is presumably supposed to be him finding the pokemon his dead
little brother turned into it’d work a lot better if he so dismissive
of the idea maybe it’s just slightly his fault for screwing up and
getting his brother killed.
an amazingly terrible person. And I’m not sure why because since the
ending is presumably supposed to be him finding the pokemon his dead
little brother turned into it’d work a lot better if he so dismissive
of the idea maybe it’s just slightly his fault for screwing up and
getting his brother killed.
[with a pokemon cry that sounds oddly
like a sad cry ]
like a sad cry ]
Don’t repeat words.
(0)
Semicolons do not indicate
sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically
correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously,
and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a
semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences
are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.
sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically
correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously,
and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a
semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences
are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Well, the idea of this seems like it
would be interesting but since the actual content of the story is
just annoying people shouting at other annoying people…
would be interesting but since the actual content of the story is
just annoying people shouting at other annoying people…
(0)
Script format’s still banned.
(1)
How is a wild vulpix able to keep a
journal? Also, why is a wild vulpix’s journal basically the same dull
content as some random human teen’s journal? Stories should be about
interesting things.
journal? Also, why is a wild vulpix’s journal basically the same dull
content as some random human teen’s journal? Stories should be about
interesting things.
(2)
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
“go out like this” refers to
the manner of death, not the entire life lived up until then. You
keep repeating it and sticking it into every sentence you can and
it’s never in the right context.
the manner of death, not the entire life lived up until then. You
keep repeating it and sticking it into every sentence you can and
it’s never in the right context.
[I was born with gold fur. A very
extreme rarity among Shinx, and the Shinx line of evolution ]
extreme rarity among Shinx, and the Shinx line of evolution ]
Lies. Almost every single story I’ve
read so far has been about shiny pokemon. It’s regular colors that
are the extreme rarity.
read so far has been about shiny pokemon. It’s regular colors that
are the extreme rarity.
“Its” is possessive, as in
“its story”, and “it’s” means “it is”.
“its story”, and “it’s” means “it is”.
[I belonged to a Pokemon Trainer, but
little did I know, it would be the best thing to ever happen to me.]
little did I know, it would be the best thing to ever happen to me.]
Well as long as the genocide of her
tribe worked out for her I guess it’s okay!
tribe worked out for her I guess it’s okay!
We are having a very Stockholmy day it seems.‘
(1)
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
Write out numbers with letters.
Spellcheck.
So this is the exact same episode, but
instead of the interesting sequence of events as Ash struggles to
catch a pokemon barehanded, you cut things short and have Pikachu
start listening to him midway through because you say so and
obviously it’s more interesting to have things work exactly like in
every other fic rather than doing anything different, then the
spearow attack plays out anyway so it didn’t matter.
instead of the interesting sequence of events as Ash struggles to
catch a pokemon barehanded, you cut things short and have Pikachu
start listening to him midway through because you say so and
obviously it’s more interesting to have things work exactly like in
every other fic rather than doing anything different, then the
spearow attack plays out anyway so it didn’t matter.
(3)
Well, that was rushed and contrived.
You don’t explain why she cheated on her husband, why she went on to
have the kid if she was so terrified this would happen, for some
reason her husband doesn’t care she cheated on him and solely focuses
on wanting the kid to be miserable, then the kid manages to outrun
everyone.
You don’t explain why she cheated on her husband, why she went on to
have the kid if she was so terrified this would happen, for some
reason her husband doesn’t care she cheated on him and solely focuses
on wanting the kid to be miserable, then the kid manages to outrun
everyone.
(2)
Spellcheck.
Fewer sentence fragments, please.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Aaaaaaaand all those actual reasons
they mentioned before that seemed to be pretty good don’t matter and
now they’re just jumping straight to wanting to get rid of it because
they don’t want their kid fucking it. And this story was doing so
well. If their kid raping his property was a big concern, they would
have been more careful getting one and they wouldn’t have waited this
long to get rid of it. People really concerned their kid might fuck a
dog just don’t buy the kid a dog.
they mentioned before that seemed to be pretty good don’t matter and
now they’re just jumping straight to wanting to get rid of it because
they don’t want their kid fucking it. And this story was doing so
well. If their kid raping his property was a big concern, they would
have been more careful getting one and they wouldn’t have waited this
long to get rid of it. People really concerned their kid might fuck a
dog just don’t buy the kid a dog.
At which point the main character
agrees to take it, makes them sign, then SURPRISE YOUR KID’S GONNA BE
SUICIDALLY DEPRESSED SUCKERS AND NO YOU CAN’T CHANGE YOUR MIND NOW
which supposedly is the actual law and not just him being a dick,
because obviously laws are written with the sole purpose of fucking
with people.
agrees to take it, makes them sign, then SURPRISE YOUR KID’S GONNA BE
SUICIDALLY DEPRESSED SUCKERS AND NO YOU CAN’T CHANGE YOUR MIND NOW
which supposedly is the actual law and not just him being a dick,
because obviously laws are written with the sole purpose of fucking
with people.
The hatred of laws is one of those
recurring themes in pokemon-fucker stuff that gets really disturbing
when you start to notice it.
recurring themes in pokemon-fucker stuff that gets really disturbing
when you start to notice it.
(0)
Look,
you really, really shouldn’t ask for characters. Doesn’t work right.
You get people doing all sorts of characters, and they may each be
fine but they don’t fit together properly. It’s like trying to
complete a hundred-piece puzzle by taking fifty of the pieces from
fifty other puzzles. They may all be good puzzles, and you may pick
only the prettiest pieces, but you’re going to end up with a mess.
you really, really shouldn’t ask for characters. Doesn’t work right.
You get people doing all sorts of characters, and they may each be
fine but they don’t fit together properly. It’s like trying to
complete a hundred-piece puzzle by taking fifty of the pieces from
fifty other puzzles. They may all be good puzzles, and you may pick
only the prettiest pieces, but you’re going to end up with a mess.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Write out numbers with letters.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[“Two cheeseburgers and two
Poke-cola’s” Red said to the Milktank pokemorph. ]
Poke-cola’s” Red said to the Milktank pokemorph. ]
Well that’s deeply messed up.
It’s okay, four letters.
This is quite rushed and choppy.
(2)
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
So is there a reason she’s thirteen and
isn’t allowed out without adult supervision?
isn’t allowed out without adult supervision?
Well, that was a different opening than
the standard, which is nice, but I don’t have any idea where you’re
going with it, which makes it hard to know if I should bother
checking back.
the standard, which is nice, but I don’t have any idea where you’re
going with it, which makes it hard to know if I should bother
checking back.
(1)
This is awful. Paragraph, learn
grammar, get a beta reader.
grammar, get a beta reader.
[/ / Telepathic Communication Between
Pokemon(s)
Pokemon(s)
\ \ Telepathic Communication Between Pokemon(s) and Humans]
Did you really write your story so
poorly that the whether or not the psychic chatter is pokemon to
pokemon or pokemon to human is both insanely important and impossible
to figure out from context?
poorly that the whether or not the psychic chatter is pokemon to
pokemon or pokemon to human is both insanely important and impossible
to figure out from context?
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Write out numbers with letters.
[This will solve our money problems at
least thats what I hope. I mean if it doesn’t we are out 40 million
dollars. ]
least thats what I hope. I mean if it doesn’t we are out 40 million
dollars. ]
Aside from your grammar being painfully
bad, 40 million is how much one rich idiot can plunk down for a
glorified boat. It’s not the sort of thing you say in the same
sentence as “money problems” to the president.
bad, 40 million is how much one rich idiot can plunk down for a
glorified boat. It’s not the sort of thing you say in the same
sentence as “money problems” to the president.
[If the portal is on a planet we can
kill off all the populations and populate it with US citizens. That
also means new resources for us to harvest. ]
kill off all the populations and populate it with US citizens. That
also means new resources for us to harvest. ]
America is not this openly evil. If we
were, we’d have done it already in our other wars.
were, we’d have done it already in our other wars.
[The only problem would be if the UN
finds out we would be in so much trouble. ]
finds out we would be in so much trouble. ]
It’s hilarious how you are so cynical
and yet so absurdly optimistic you think America’s slavery and murder
plans would be stopped by anyone else.
and yet so absurdly optimistic you think America’s slavery and murder
plans would be stopped by anyone else.
Anyway presumably this is meant to be
threatening but the world of pokemon is like a world where everyone
has flamethrowers and rocket launchers so they’ll just kill our
soldiers then conquer America, at which point we’ll finally have
actual health care so this all seems like a really good plan to me.
threatening but the world of pokemon is like a world where everyone
has flamethrowers and rocket launchers so they’ll just kill our
soldiers then conquer America, at which point we’ll finally have
actual health care so this all seems like a really good plan to me.
Stop labeling POVs, stop hopping
between POVs like a hyperactive rabbit.
between POVs like a hyperactive rabbit.
[Satoshi / Ash POV ]
Only one can be his name, so pick.
Script format: still banned!
(0)
And on that stupid note I’m done
with the 12th.https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10018880/1/Writing-Test
with the 12th.https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10018880/1/Writing-Test
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
A chapter should have something happen
in it. A character you haven’t introduced or done anything
interesting with about to fight the champion is not something
happening. Something happening would involve events, like explosions.
in it. A character you haven’t introduced or done anything
interesting with about to fight the champion is not something
happening. Something happening would involve events, like explosions.
It’s marked complete let’s burn the
world.
world.
(1)
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Don’t hop from third to first person,
and don’t label POVs regardless.
and don’t label POVs regardless.
Semicolons do not indicate
sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically
correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously,
and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a
semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences
are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.
sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically
correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously,
and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a
semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences
are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.
[is due to verse the Elite Four in just
a few weeks. ]
a few weeks. ]
What?
It is nice to see someone starting off
with an established trainer and not jumping back to the beginning
five seconds later, but right now you also don’t have any real plot
because people winning contests and talking about how great life is
doesn’t make for much of a story. You really shouldn’t just have your
chapter trail off with no sign of where, if anywhere, the story’s
actually planning to go.
with an established trainer and not jumping back to the beginning
five seconds later, but right now you also don’t have any real plot
because people winning contests and talking about how great life is
doesn’t make for much of a story. You really shouldn’t just have your
chapter trail off with no sign of where, if anywhere, the story’s
actually planning to go.
Well, that got sueish fast, and still
no sign of plot either.
no sign of plot either.
(1)
Write
out numbers with letters.
out numbers with letters.
Stop capitalizing
random words.
random words.
Semicolons
do not indicate sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when
grammatically correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly,
judiciously, and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable.
If you have a semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because
the sentences are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look
pretentious.
do not indicate sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when
grammatically correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly,
judiciously, and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable.
If you have a semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because
the sentences are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look
pretentious.
[The Ralts I ran into was no Shiny. Nor
was it a normal dark Pokémon. Hell, it wasn’t even a dark type.
Ralts, Kirlia, and Gardevoir were strictly psychic. Well, from what I
hear about the new games, FAIRY and psychic; but still, no dark. This
Ralts was black, where it should be white, red where it should be
green, and gray where it should be red. I decided that maybe I should
catch it and see if it’s any different from the normal ones. ]
was it a normal dark Pokémon. Hell, it wasn’t even a dark type.
Ralts, Kirlia, and Gardevoir were strictly psychic. Well, from what I
hear about the new games, FAIRY and psychic; but still, no dark. This
Ralts was black, where it should be white, red where it should be
green, and gray where it should be red. I decided that maybe I should
catch it and see if it’s any different from the normal ones. ]
You’re really bad at this. Tripping
over yourself to explain exactly what you’re picturing just makes it
really obvious this is all made up. Why is half the paragraph about
the fact it’s not a dark type when everyone knows it’s not a dark
type and the character has no reason to think it’s one?
over yourself to explain exactly what you’re picturing just makes it
really obvious this is all made up. Why is half the paragraph about
the fact it’s not a dark type when everyone knows it’s not a dark
type and the character has no reason to think it’s one?
…and then all the pokemon were in the
real world and everything was wish fulfillment and nothing made
sense.
real world and everything was wish fulfillment and nothing made
sense.
So, shaggy dog story is my guess.
(0)
Write out numbers with letters.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
(0)
Are there always this ridiculously many shinies in every single fic?
Everyone has special pokemon now. Everyone.
I wouldn’t even care if people just described the pokemon as having natural variation but no always they’re explicitly super special rare shiny coats of sueness.
[And then I had to decide what to wear.
Boy, oh boy, I disliked clothes for adventuring. That was because I
loved skirts and dresses, but I certainly wasn’t going to
wear one for an adventure. I mean, I didn’t want to get raped on the
second day of my journey, did I? So spaghetti strap tops either. ]
…Well then. I do hope that remains the pinnacle of awfulness this month, because I don’t even want to imagine something worse than that.
With my luck I’ll hit a story where the girl actually is raped and the story then explains how she was asking for it by wearing a top with spaghetti straps.
“Would these people still be arguing the same thing had they been atheists?”
…okay, so it’s not like it’s actually all that surprising to hear someone implying that atheists are more likely than Christians to be down with bestiality. I’ve heard worse. It’s just surprising to be hearing it from an *atheist*.
It makes more sense if you realize there’s a good chance we’re dealing with someone who’s in favor of bestiality. When I hit stories that are about how unfair it is that evil society and their evil laws evilly get in the way of the pure love between a man and his property, that’s usually what’s behind it.
Lol, yeah, I knew that was why. It’s still funny, though.