Seven pages, starting with pokemon-as-guns and concluding with pokemon-as-pet-animals-with-a-side-of-Jews.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Eh, this seems to be original fiction
grim and gritty with a faint pokemon coat. The guy doesn’t use his
pokemon to threaten the guy, so the whole affair plays out exactly
like it was two guys with guns – one guy beats the other up, turns to
go, second guy pulls a gun first guy shoots faster. The whole bit
with a senator is even worse about this, since you’re even talking
about figuring out the killer like someone would about ballistics
findings and you throw in idle references to groudon just being top
of the line pokemon and not a giant one-of-the-kind pokemon – plus,
what good would a groudon even do against an assassination? It only
makes sense if you were trying to fill in “top of the line
bodyguard” with whatever the most expensive pokemon you could
think of.
grim and gritty with a faint pokemon coat. The guy doesn’t use his
pokemon to threaten the guy, so the whole affair plays out exactly
like it was two guys with guns – one guy beats the other up, turns to
go, second guy pulls a gun first guy shoots faster. The whole bit
with a senator is even worse about this, since you’re even talking
about figuring out the killer like someone would about ballistics
findings and you throw in idle references to groudon just being top
of the line pokemon and not a giant one-of-the-kind pokemon – plus,
what good would a groudon even do against an assassination? It only
makes sense if you were trying to fill in “top of the line
bodyguard” with whatever the most expensive pokemon you could
think of.
No one’s actually using pokemon to do
anything new – no psychics interrogating people, no one taking
advantage of the ability of some pokemon to mute noises, not even
using teleport or fly to move between areas quickly because your
character instantly dismisses the idea someone could get from one
region to another at any speed.
anything new – no psychics interrogating people, no one taking
advantage of the ability of some pokemon to mute noises, not even
using teleport or fly to move between areas quickly because your
character instantly dismisses the idea someone could get from one
region to another at any speed.
(3)
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
[The first lesson was on type matchups.
“For most of you,” Ms. Timpol said, “The only types
you will need to know about for now are Grass, Fire and Water, as
these are the types of your starter Pokemon.” She pulled down a
chart that showed the three types as a triangle. “Grass beats
Water, Water beats Fire, And Fire beats Grass!” Everyone took
down what the teacher said. Soon after they moved on. The day was
dreary for most students. The older ones already knew all this, but
the younger ones were clueless. They paid close attention. School got
really interesting in the last hour. ]
“For most of you,” Ms. Timpol said, “The only types
you will need to know about for now are Grass, Fire and Water, as
these are the types of your starter Pokemon.” She pulled down a
chart that showed the three types as a triangle. “Grass beats
Water, Water beats Fire, And Fire beats Grass!” Everyone took
down what the teacher said. Soon after they moved on. The day was
dreary for most students. The older ones already knew all this, but
the younger ones were clueless. They paid close attention. School got
really interesting in the last hour. ]
Oh come on. Little kids play the game
all the time, they shouldn’t need to spend an entire day explaining
the basics. Maybe if this was some afterschool program just for
kindergarteners you could do this, but supposedly some of these kids
have starters, why would everyone be writing down that grass is weak
to fire? How are they even doing that? Kids little enough to need
this explained should be little enough they can barely write.
all the time, they shouldn’t need to spend an entire day explaining
the basics. Maybe if this was some afterschool program just for
kindergarteners you could do this, but supposedly some of these kids
have starters, why would everyone be writing down that grass is weak
to fire? How are they even doing that? Kids little enough to need
this explained should be little enough they can barely write.
[“And how old are you?” the
teacher politely asked.
teacher politely asked.
“Nine today!” Uria replied happily.]
[Jason had watched in amazement, not
believing the fact that the six-year-old had defeated him. ]
believing the fact that the six-year-old had defeated him. ]
And speaking of ages, you really need
to decide what age your character is.
to decide what age your character is.
[“Thunder Wave.” Electricity
crackled on Abra’s body, then flowed down Snivy’s vines. The tiny
Pokemon cringed, and tried to pull back his vines. Instead, he pulled
himself closer to Abra, without even realising.
crackled on Abra’s body, then flowed down Snivy’s vines. The tiny
Pokemon cringed, and tried to pull back his vines. Instead, he pulled
himself closer to Abra, without even realising.
“Snivy! Stop!” An idea occurred to Jason. “No,
faster! Pull yourself faster, and use Tackle!” Snivy did what
his master shot towards Abra at shocking speed.
“Headbutt, Abra!” Uria commanded. She stepped forward,
and rammed her head into Snivy. Snivy cried in pain, and his body
went limp. Abra wasn’t finished. “Wrap this up, with Fire
Punch!” Uria shouted.]
This doesn’t make Uria look like he’s a
good trainer, it just looks like one of his parents bought him a
bunch of TMs. His opponent is making good use of two moves, while
he’s just throwing out every move his pokemon knows. I mean, why
would you even use headbutt when you have fire punch? And what sort
of jerk kid would see the other pokemon go limp and then order a
supereffective move?
good trainer, it just looks like one of his parents bought him a
bunch of TMs. His opponent is making good use of two moves, while
he’s just throwing out every move his pokemon knows. I mean, why
would you even use headbutt when you have fire punch? And what sort
of jerk kid would see the other pokemon go limp and then order a
supereffective move?
Also, you’re missing words at [Snivy
did what his master shot towards ]
did what his master shot towards ]
[Ross looked at Uria. “Thank you
for trying to make me feel better. But the reason I’m so upset is
because this was my first battle. I wanted to win so bad.”
for trying to make me feel better. But the reason I’m so upset is
because this was my first battle. I wanted to win so bad.”
“How about this.” Uria told
him. “Would it make you feel better if I pounded this guy?”
him. “Would it make you feel better if I pounded this guy?”
Ross finally smiled. “Yeah.”
he said, nodding. “Yeah. That’d be great!”]
he said, nodding. “Yeah. That’d be great!”]
This is a really poor attempt to make
it seem like your character is some sort of hero for the underdog.
Your description of the other pokemon all has them using low level
moves and not his TM level stuff, and Uria pounding someone in
revenge for them winning a battle against a newbie just ridiculous –
why would it make Ross feel better to know that not only did he lose,
but another kid his age then went on to beat the same guy? How is
this any different than what you had the kids earlier doing when they
threatened to beat him up because he’d beaten their friend? Besides
that at least those kids had the excuse that they knew the other
person and weren’t just jumping at any excuse to turn battles into
vendettas.
it seem like your character is some sort of hero for the underdog.
Your description of the other pokemon all has them using low level
moves and not his TM level stuff, and Uria pounding someone in
revenge for them winning a battle against a newbie just ridiculous –
why would it make Ross feel better to know that not only did he lose,
but another kid his age then went on to beat the same guy? How is
this any different than what you had the kids earlier doing when they
threatened to beat him up because he’d beaten their friend? Besides
that at least those kids had the excuse that they knew the other
person and weren’t just jumping at any excuse to turn battles into
vendettas.
[The next few days, school was a mess.
Very few people came in. In fact, everyone who had a Pokemon stolen
was absent. So, about three people came in. ]
Very few people came in. In fact, everyone who had a Pokemon stolen
was absent. So, about three people came in. ]
So almost all the pokemon were stolen,
because every adult is incompetent? Also, you claimed not everyone
even had a pokemon and a bunch were using school pokemon, where are
they?
because every adult is incompetent? Also, you claimed not everyone
even had a pokemon and a bunch were using school pokemon, where are
they?
And then the chapter just ends abruptly
with him talking to the third kid.
with him talking to the third kid.
(1)
Spellcheck.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Write out numbers with letters.
(0)
Write out numbers with letters.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
(0)
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
You don’t need to show every single
character saying they’re going to the party. Just have them appear at
the party.
character saying they’re going to the party. Just have them appear at
the party.
(7. Why?)
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
When used in place of a name, it’s
written Dad, in any other constructions like my/her/the dad it’s
written as such.
written Dad, in any other constructions like my/her/the dad it’s
written as such.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
“Your” is possessive, as in,
your story, “you’re” means “you are”.
your story, “you’re” means “you are”.
[ I’m glad I met you Lilliana. You made
me believe that even if not all humans have
compassion…some…do…]
me believe that even if not all humans have
compassion…some…do…]
Not sure you thought this through. The
girl only helps her after she saves the girl’s life (and even makes
it clear that’s the only reason she wants the skitty around – she
doesn’t say she wants to take the skitty home because she sees the
skitty is starving and miserable or make any other compassionate
reference) and then she raises the skitty to win awards, presumably
contests or something, which are things people do for their own
acclaim.
girl only helps her after she saves the girl’s life (and even makes
it clear that’s the only reason she wants the skitty around – she
doesn’t say she wants to take the skitty home because she sees the
skitty is starving and miserable or make any other compassionate
reference) and then she raises the skitty to win awards, presumably
contests or something, which are things people do for their own
acclaim.
Compassion is seeing someone else
suffering and trying to help them for no more reason than that, which
only the skitty does.
suffering and trying to help them for no more reason than that, which
only the skitty does.
(1)
Dialogue
is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she
said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she
said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said.
The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a
speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She
grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,”
She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because
it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like
laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re
breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said.
“This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is
it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she
said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she
said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said.
The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a
speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She
grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,”
She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because
it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like
laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re
breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said.
“This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is
it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
You
wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t
capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time
you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name,
ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only
capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or
things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re
thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t
capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time
you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name,
ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only
capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or
things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re
thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
(3)
It’s
“wisp”.
“wisp”.
You
wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t
capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time
you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name,
ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only
capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or
things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re
thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t
capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time
you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name,
ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only
capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or
things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re
thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[a
feral Magikarp ]
feral Magikarp ]
So
it’s a domestic breed of magikarp that’s escaped its owners?
it’s a domestic breed of magikarp that’s escaped its owners?
And
it’s yet another shiny pokemon, just like the ones in every other
fic.
it’s yet another shiny pokemon, just like the ones in every other
fic.
Paragraphing
has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is
not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker
means you start a new paragraph.
has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is
not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker
means you start a new paragraph.
Dialogue
is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she
said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she
said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said.
The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a
speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She
grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,”
She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because
it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like
laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re
breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said.
“This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is
it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she
said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she
said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said.
The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a
speech verb, in which case it’s written as “Hello.” She
grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,”
She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because
it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like
laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re
breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said.
“This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is
it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
[“It’s
fine, there are a lot of feral pokemon in this part of the forest,
I’ll just find another]
fine, there are a lot of feral pokemon in this part of the forest,
I’ll just find another]
So
she only hunts abandoned domestic pokemon? Is that wild pokemon law
or something? Or are they just super easy prey?
she only hunts abandoned domestic pokemon? Is that wild pokemon law
or something? Or are they just super easy prey?
[“well
if you want I could escort you out, it won’t stop my pack but nothing
else will attack you.” ]
if you want I could escort you out, it won’t stop my pack but nothing
else will attack you.” ]
So
the exact opposite of how pack animals work, everything else respects
their judgement but the other members of their group don’t give a
damn?
the exact opposite of how pack animals work, everything else respects
their judgement but the other members of their group don’t give a
damn?
[“thank
you Akane, human get up we need to leave,” he prodded the human
with his tail. ]
you Akane, human get up we need to leave,” he prodded the human
with his tail. ]
Why
is he doing this? From his comment about wires he seems to have been
captured recently enough, he clearly doesn’t like the kid, so why not
just walk off?
is he doing this? From his comment about wires he seems to have been
captured recently enough, he clearly doesn’t like the kid, so why not
just walk off?
Now
the evil popular kid is bullying her just because.
the evil popular kid is bullying her just because.
[little
Memma’s mon,” ]
Memma’s mon,” ]
What?
This is a really stupid mutilation of the phrase.
This is a really stupid mutilation of the phrase.
And
she’s got psychic powers because merely being shiny isn’t special
enough.
she’s got psychic powers because merely being shiny isn’t special
enough.
[“No
she tried to kill him!” The female, Sakura, screeched. ]
she tried to kill him!” The female, Sakura, screeched. ]
Now
one of the female arcanine is being evil for no reason.
one of the female arcanine is being evil for no reason.
[The
male nodded “the force is strong with this one.” (KIDDING!
I HAD TO PUT THAT THERE XD IGNORE THAT SENTENCE) ]
male nodded “the force is strong with this one.” (KIDDING!
I HAD TO PUT THAT THERE XD IGNORE THAT SENTENCE) ]
Christ
this is terrible.
this is terrible.
[Memma
– in pokespeak it means mother. ]
– in pokespeak it means mother. ]
That’s
idiotic. THEY’RE SPEAKING IN POKEMON SPEECH THE ENTIRE TIME.
idiotic. THEY’RE SPEAKING IN POKEMON SPEECH THE ENTIRE TIME.
And
no, I don’t care that you’re just repeating a stupid thing someone
else did, it’s still stupid.
no, I don’t care that you’re just repeating a stupid thing someone
else did, it’s still stupid.
[1.
‘Tamed’ pokemon: pokemon who have trainers. 2. ‘Wild’ pokemon:
…yeah intelligent pokemon without trainers 3. ‘Feral’ pokemon:
brainless pokemon, they are not intellegent and cannot use pokemon
moves. This is where meat comes from in the pokemon world. ]
‘Tamed’ pokemon: pokemon who have trainers. 2. ‘Wild’ pokemon:
…yeah intelligent pokemon without trainers 3. ‘Feral’ pokemon:
brainless pokemon, they are not intellegent and cannot use pokemon
moves. This is where meat comes from in the pokemon world. ]
That
requires ignoring how things work across every canon and doesn’t even
make internal sense. Also, not at all what feral means.
requires ignoring how things work across every canon and doesn’t even
make internal sense. Also, not at all what feral means.
[OH!
Shiny Pokemon are often bullied and even chased out of their homes by
normal Pokemon because the Pokemon are scared of those that are
different than them (the source for their hate of Tamed Pokemon as
well) ]
Shiny Pokemon are often bullied and even chased out of their homes by
normal Pokemon because the Pokemon are scared of those that are
different than them (the source for their hate of Tamed Pokemon as
well) ]
Because
being put in a pokeball instantly transmogrifies you into something
different, and also because who needs reasons for anything when you
can just wave your hand and mumble something about hating anyone
different.
being put in a pokeball instantly transmogrifies you into something
different, and also because who needs reasons for anything when you
can just wave your hand and mumble something about hating anyone
different.
In
conclusion, this was a mess of bad ideas and cliches stapled together
with terrible grammar. Think about what you’re writing.
conclusion, this was a mess of bad ideas and cliches stapled together
with terrible grammar. Think about what you’re writing.
You
wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t
capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time
you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name,
ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only
capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or
things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re
thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t
capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time
you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name,
ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only
capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or
things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re
thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Semicolons
do not indicate sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when
grammatically correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly,
judiciously, and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable.
If you have a semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because
the sentences are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look
pretentious.
do not indicate sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when
grammatically correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly,
judiciously, and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable.
If you have a semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because
the sentences are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look
pretentious.
[After they are domesticated and kept
in cold storage, they also are unfit to be let
back into the wild.
They tried that for a while in the beginning…but they have lost
their former
wild instincts and simply starve to death while
wandering aimlessly ]
in cold storage, they also are unfit to be let
back into the wild.
They tried that for a while in the beginning…but they have lost
their former
wild instincts and simply starve to death while
wandering aimlessly ]
“Therefore we kill all of them
even the ones that weren’t domesticated but just caught and boxed,
because eh, effort.”
even the ones that weren’t domesticated but just caught and boxed,
because eh, effort.”
[A more “humane” option
was
demanded of the organization. ]
was
demanded of the organization. ]
“I suggested we try giving the pet
pokemon away to other people rather than killing all of them, and the
organization explained that would be humane and they only wanted
‘humane’.”
pokemon away to other people rather than killing all of them, and the
organization explained that would be humane and they only wanted
‘humane’.”
[This is where the wails begin.
This
is the moment when they know something is wrong. I’m then ordered to
start the vent system that
releases the gas. As it starts to
filter into the room, the panic begins. They frantically scratch
at
the door and the cries get louder and stronger. ]
This
is the moment when they know something is wrong. I’m then ordered to
start the vent system that
releases the gas. As it starts to
filter into the room, the panic begins. They frantically scratch
at
the door and the cries get louder and stronger. ]
“Because sure, could just poison
that last meal we give them and they’d die easily, but why do that
when we can make Holocaust references?”
that last meal we give them and they’d die easily, but why do that
when we can make Holocaust references?”
[Don’t pray for me. I am already dead.
]
]
And way to make this all about
yourself, guy who’s bizarrely overqualified for this job.
yourself, guy who’s bizarrely overqualified for this job.
Really, the issue of what happens to
surplus pokemon does have some potential, but you don’t bother
addressing any of the ways of dealing with it (say that they release
those they can, say they put others up for adoption but most trainers
aren’t interested so there’s still a ton left) so it ends up seeming
like you’re just having bad stuff happen for the drama of it. Also
some sort of justification why Holocaust-style giant gas chambers of
misery are the only option – especially given how many pokemon are
immune to poison.
surplus pokemon does have some potential, but you don’t bother
addressing any of the ways of dealing with it (say that they release
those they can, say they put others up for adoption but most trainers
aren’t interested so there’s still a ton left) so it ends up seeming
like you’re just having bad stuff happen for the drama of it. Also
some sort of justification why Holocaust-style giant gas chambers of
misery are the only option – especially given how many pokemon are
immune to poison.
(1)
Pokemon just don’t map onto animals
all that well. “Domesticating” a pokemon generally involves
leveling it up and maybe giving it some fancy TM moves. Released
pokemon are more likely to be an invasive-species type problem.
all that well. “Domesticating” a pokemon generally involves
leveling it up and maybe giving it some fancy TM moves. Released
pokemon are more likely to be an invasive-species type problem.
At any rate, now done with the 14th.
Excuse me!? Dear goodness you need a chill pill! Did you even ask people if you could do this? Frankly it’s kinda rude to make an example out of someone. Next time you want to be a know it all don’t include me. Thank you and goodbye
I always love when comments include valedictions. It’s like signing your name to a text message– completely at odds with how the medium works.
FARLA HOW DARE YOU COMMENT ON MY PUBLICLY POSTED STORY
Oh hey, this is actually on a review post? I figured it was on, you know, the thing people usually get mad about.
Anyway, who are you?