Thirteen pages. Also, so many people just posting signup sheets and stuff like that.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10023783/1/Vines-of-Fate
Since
this was posted during the review month period, it gets one
automatically, so I’ll still owe you a review after this.
this was posted during the review month period, it gets one
automatically, so I’ll still owe you a review after this.
[“Gawaah!”
the foe’s quagsire cried out, falling on its back, and then landing
on a firm, yet somewhat soft, training mat. Thrust hovered menacingly
over its fallen opponent, its central eye ensuring that the Water and
Ground type truly was unconscious, before returning to Creon’s side
of the battlefield, obediently waiting to be retrieved into its
Pokéball. ]
the foe’s quagsire cried out, falling on its back, and then landing
on a firm, yet somewhat soft, training mat. Thrust hovered menacingly
over its fallen opponent, its central eye ensuring that the Water and
Ground type truly was unconscious, before returning to Creon’s side
of the battlefield, obediently waiting to be retrieved into its
Pokéball. ]
Two
things jump out at me – you’ve got a lot of extraneous detail
distracting from what’s actually going on, and your sentences
themselves are convoluted and use longer, vaguer words. Neither of
those things match up with what I’d expect the tone for an abrupt end
to a battle.
things jump out at me – you’ve got a lot of extraneous detail
distracting from what’s actually going on, and your sentences
themselves are convoluted and use longer, vaguer words. Neither of
those things match up with what I’d expect the tone for an abrupt end
to a battle.
You’ve
got the quagsire first falling on its back without touching the
ground, and only afterward hitting anything, at which point the
sentence ignores that in favor of explaining exactly how firm vs soft
the training mat was. That would be a lot better put as just “fell
backward onto the mat”. Then you’ve got the fact Thrust has an
eye apparently being the reason the quagsire stays down. [ Thrust
hovered menacingly over its fallen opponent for a moment. Once
satisfied the quagsire was unconscious, it returned to Creon’s side
and was recalled into its Pokéball.]
got the quagsire first falling on its back without touching the
ground, and only afterward hitting anything, at which point the
sentence ignores that in favor of explaining exactly how firm vs soft
the training mat was. That would be a lot better put as just “fell
backward onto the mat”. Then you’ve got the fact Thrust has an
eye apparently being the reason the quagsire stays down. [ Thrust
hovered menacingly over its fallen opponent for a moment. Once
satisfied the quagsire was unconscious, it returned to Creon’s side
and was recalled into its Pokéball.]
Also,
stuff like Water type shouldn’t be capitalized and Pokeball only
should be if it’s a specific brand.
stuff like Water type shouldn’t be capitalized and Pokeball only
should be if it’s a specific brand.
[“A
moment, please, sir” said Marie Garvón. ]
moment, please, sir” said Marie Garvón. ]
As
covered in standard paragraph.
covered in standard paragraph.
Plotwise,
the setting is really different than most fics but there’s not too
clear of a direction – we’ve got some dictator and there’s some
secret he doesn’t want people knowing about. It’s not clear what ways
this place is dictatory, or how he runs the place, or how pokemon
interact with the whole thing, so it’s hard to know if this is going
to be an interesting dystopia or not yet.
the setting is really different than most fics but there’s not too
clear of a direction – we’ve got some dictator and there’s some
secret he doesn’t want people knowing about. It’s not clear what ways
this place is dictatory, or how he runs the place, or how pokemon
interact with the whole thing, so it’s hard to know if this is going
to be an interesting dystopia or not yet.
(1)
Try
harder.
harder.
(0)
This
isn’t a story and shouldn’t have been posted.
isn’t a story and shouldn’t have been posted.
(0)
You
wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t
capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time
you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name,
ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only
capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or
things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re
thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t
capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time
you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name,
ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only
capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or
things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re
thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[the world has been divided into
seventeen separate sections, each one standing for a different type
of element. ]
seventeen separate sections, each one standing for a different type
of element. ]
Well, that’s absurd and stupid given
pokemon can have two different types and change from one to another
when they evolve. Granted absurd and stupid is the HG system in a
nutshell, but that doesn’t mean you need to perpetuate it.
pokemon can have two different types and change from one to another
when they evolve. Granted absurd and stupid is the HG system in a
nutshell, but that doesn’t mean you need to perpetuate it.
[The humans left…they are tested
to their limits. Either they bond with a Pokémon to train them for
the Pokémon Games, they mate to bring another life, or they die.
Simple as that. ]
to their limits. Either they bond with a Pokémon to train them for
the Pokémon Games, they mate to bring another life, or they die.
Simple as that. ]
So…all you need to do to live is to
have kids of your own? That’s not exactly being tested to your
limits. Since it’s the pokemon getting send off to die, this doesn’t
even seem necessary.
have kids of your own? That’s not exactly being tested to your
limits. Since it’s the pokemon getting send off to die, this doesn’t
even seem necessary.
[Braviary was not a Pokémon to be
messed with. With her speed and power, she could’ve easily been
targeted by others. However, she knew these risks – and in a
bittersweet action – kept them secret. ]
messed with. With her speed and power, she could’ve easily been
targeted by others. However, she knew these risks – and in a
bittersweet action – kept them secret. ]
What? She’s not a pokemon to be messed
with because there’s a lot of reasons she should be messed with,
therefore she bittersweetly kept the risks secret?
with because there’s a lot of reasons she should be messed with,
therefore she bittersweetly kept the risks secret?
I think what you’re trying to say is
that Braviary did not want to be messed with, therefore she kept her
abilities a secret so she wouldn’t be a target, but that’s not even
close to what you wrote.
that Braviary did not want to be messed with, therefore she kept her
abilities a secret so she wouldn’t be a target, but that’s not even
close to what you wrote.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
When used in place of a name, it’s
written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it’s
written as such.
written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it’s
written as such.
Semicolons do not indicate
sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically
correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously,
and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a
semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences
are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.
sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically
correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously,
and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a
semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences
are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.
[Phanpy’s trainer had refused to let
Phanpy train, saying that “Phanpy wasn’t ready”. ]
Phanpy train, saying that “Phanpy wasn’t ready”. ]
You then describe all the training.
It’s like this is being written by three different people.
It’s like this is being written by three different people.
Don’t post things that aren’t stories
as stories.
as stories.
(0)
There are seven thousand stories just
on this site in this category with “pokemon” in their
title. “New” features in another thousand. There are over
four hundred “chronicles”, more if you include
misspellings, even more with “begins” and “beginning”,
and even more “Character Name”‘s whatever. There are
almost eight hundred with “legend”. There are fourteen
hundred with “journey”, twelve hundred with “story”,
almost three hundred with “quest”, and two thousand with
“adventure”. The different region names appear another
thousand or two times. “Saga”, “region” and
“champion” come in around two hundred. In sum, you should
try to choose an original title that has to do with your story in
particular, not something that indicates it’s yet another story about
a pokemon trainer.
on this site in this category with “pokemon” in their
title. “New” features in another thousand. There are over
four hundred “chronicles”, more if you include
misspellings, even more with “begins” and “beginning”,
and even more “Character Name”‘s whatever. There are
almost eight hundred with “legend”. There are fourteen
hundred with “journey”, twelve hundred with “story”,
almost three hundred with “quest”, and two thousand with
“adventure”. The different region names appear another
thousand or two times. “Saga”, “region” and
“champion” come in around two hundred. In sum, you should
try to choose an original title that has to do with your story in
particular, not something that indicates it’s yet another story about
a pokemon trainer.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
(0)
You’re missing apostrophes all over the
place.
place.
When used in place of a name, it’s
written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it’s
written as such.
written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it’s
written as such.
Well, this is a pretty novel way to do
an overage trainer, and the fact you skipped over the journey’s
beginning is a very good sign.
an overage trainer, and the fact you skipped over the journey’s
beginning is a very good sign.
(2)
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Write out numbers with letters.
[I was right, Zak thought,
still facing the forest, The kid’s got spirit. Gut’s too. And
that’s what’s going to make him a great Pokémon tainer…]
still facing the forest, The kid’s got spirit. Gut’s too. And
that’s what’s going to make him a great Pokémon tainer…]
Spellcheck. Also, this is a rather
disappointing direction to go in. It seemed like you were going for
the idea that just wanting to win a lot isn’t enough with his
constant losses, but then you go to the idea that no, skill is
meaningless you have to just keep trying.
disappointing direction to go in. It seemed like you were going for
the idea that just wanting to win a lot isn’t enough with his
constant losses, but then you go to the idea that no, skill is
meaningless you have to just keep trying.
(0)
Look,
you really, really shouldn’t ask for characters. Doesn’t work right.
You get people doing all sorts of characters, and they may each be
fine but they don’t fit together properly. It’s like trying to
complete a hundred-piece puzzle by taking fifty of the pieces from
fifty other puzzles. They may all be good puzzles, and you may pick
only the prettiest pieces, but you’re going to end up with a mess.
you really, really shouldn’t ask for characters. Doesn’t work right.
You get people doing all sorts of characters, and they may each be
fine but they don’t fit together properly. It’s like trying to
complete a hundred-piece puzzle by taking fifty of the pieces from
fifty other puzzles. They may all be good puzzles, and you may pick
only the prettiest pieces, but you’re going to end up with a mess.
Nonstory chapters are banned.
(14. Dammit people.)
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
And this really isn’t a story. You’re
describing a scene but there’s nothing much actually happening – no
suspense, no change from start to finish, just a description of a
dance and then it’s done.
describing a scene but there’s nothing much actually happening – no
suspense, no change from start to finish, just a description of a
dance and then it’s done.
(3)
[“How long until the storm
starts?” asked Jake, a 20-year-old boy from Ambrette Town who
was on his way to Lumiose City to pick up his first ever Pokémon
from Professor Sycamore. ]
starts?” asked Jake, a 20-year-old boy from Ambrette Town who
was on his way to Lumiose City to pick up his first ever Pokémon
from Professor Sycamore. ]
Write out numbers with letters.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Why is someone twenty and still hasn’t
gotten a pokemon, and why does Sycamore care?
gotten a pokemon, and why does Sycamore care?
Also, why are you dragging Serena into
this? If you want another twenty year old to go with him, make up a
character who didn’t leave in canon well before that for other
reasons?
this? If you want another twenty year old to go with him, make up a
character who didn’t leave in canon well before that for other
reasons?
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
(0)
Semicolons do not indicate
sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically
correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously,
and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a
semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences
are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.
sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically
correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously,
and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a
semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences
are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.
[if any fell on growlithe, it would
surely hurt him. ]
surely hurt him. ]
If you’re using it as the growlithe’s
name, it’s capitalized, so it’s either “on Growlithe” or
“on the growlithe”.
name, it’s capitalized, so it’s either “on Growlithe” or
“on the growlithe”.
Why can’t he just put the growlithe in
a pokeball instead of treating it right then?
a pokeball instead of treating it right then?
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
When used in place of a name, it’s
written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it’s
written as such.
written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it’s
written as such.
[So that’s where Arrow and I’s story
begins. ]
begins. ]
My, not I.
(1)
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
I really don’t know why you’re trying
to say this is about Ash when you’ve not only changed his character
but his background.
to say this is about Ash when you’ve not only changed his character
but his background.
[Pokemon training will give us the
money we need, as you get prize money from every trainer you defeat.
The higher the status of your trainer rank, the more you get. By
defeating gyms, you get higher in rank. This will be the best way to
make enough money to pay back the debts dear.” ]
money we need, as you get prize money from every trainer you defeat.
The higher the status of your trainer rank, the more you get. By
defeating gyms, you get higher in rank. This will be the best way to
make enough money to pay back the debts dear.” ]
This is absurd. Why is it assumed he’ll
just win his way through everyone? This is just another form of
gambling, if he loses they’ll just go deeper into debt.
just win his way through everyone? This is just another form of
gambling, if he loses they’ll just go deeper into debt.
(5)
Opening your story with a character
waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and
to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if
I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of
times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some
other, interesting point.
waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and
to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if
I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of
times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some
other, interesting point.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[“In this one, we have Charmander
the fire type Pokemon. This Pokeball holds Squirtle the water type
Pokémon. This next one over here holds Pidgey the normal and flying
type, and our last Pokeball holds Caterpie the bug type Pokémon”.
]
the fire type Pokemon. This Pokeball holds Squirtle the water type
Pokémon. This next one over here holds Pidgey the normal and flying
type, and our last Pokeball holds Caterpie the bug type Pokémon”.
]
Seriously? Two of those are not like
the others. Even if you’re trying to keep to Kanto pokemon only,
there’s other pokemon that aren’t right next to Pallet.
the others. Even if you’re trying to keep to Kanto pokemon only,
there’s other pokemon that aren’t right next to Pallet.
Anyway, like most of the wake up get
pokemon chapters, that was entirely pointless. Start your story where
your plot starts, no one is going to be baffled by how your trainer
has a pokemon if you fail to show them handed one by a professor.
pokemon chapters, that was entirely pointless. Start your story where
your plot starts, no one is going to be baffled by how your trainer
has a pokemon if you fail to show them handed one by a professor.
(0)
Nonstory chapters are always banned,
Nuzlocke-based fic generally crashes and burns.
Nuzlocke-based fic generally crashes and burns.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[As he dropped off the letter at the
post office in Pallet and watched the delivery Pidgey fly away with
it in its grip, Dylan realized why he never did care for Pokémon too
much. They always seemed like a distraction from bettering humans on
their own. How can humans, so flawed and always needing improvement,
help themselves if they’re constantly training and bettering their
Pokémon? It just didn’t seem fair to him, so he always dreamt of
inventing things that made human life a lot easier without the need
for Pokémon.
post office in Pallet and watched the delivery Pidgey fly away with
it in its grip, Dylan realized why he never did care for Pokémon too
much. They always seemed like a distraction from bettering humans on
their own. How can humans, so flawed and always needing improvement,
help themselves if they’re constantly training and bettering their
Pokémon? It just didn’t seem fair to him, so he always dreamt of
inventing things that made human life a lot easier without the need
for Pokémon.
People always called him “mean” or “crazy” for
thinking that way, but it was just how his brain worked. So as he
watched Pidgey fly away, he knew he’d have a new side-project to work
on… wings for humans. Something mechanical, something workable and
usable, that’ll allow people to fly and deliver their own letters.
But then as he thought about it more, he began to see that if people
could fly, there’d be no need to deliver letters anyway.]
How his brain works is that he’s
insane. People can walk from place to place, so clearly cars are
oppressing us by delivering our mail.
insane. People can walk from place to place, so clearly cars are
oppressing us by delivering our mail.
Semicolons do not indicate
sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically
correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously,
and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a
semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences
are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.
sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically
correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously,
and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a
semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences
are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.
[“You – built a Nuzlocke
Pokédex?”
Pokédex?”
“Yeah, it sounded cool right?!” Dylan exclaimed.
He had saw a late-night special when he started building the
Pokédex on how rare and difficult to build a Nuzlocke branded one
was, so he took the challenge without reading much into it. The
professor’s face, however, showed him a different story other than
being just impressed.
“You have no idea what you’ve gotten yourself into, have
you?”
Dylan gulped and looked up nervously.
“No,” he admitted. “Is it bad?”
“A Nuzlocke is a challenge for exclusive trainers, and it’s
extremely dangerous,” Oak said sternly. “And now that
you’ve already applied for it, there’s no turning back. You have no
choice but to continue with it and defeat the Pokémon League as a
full-fledged Pokémon Trainer.”]
Oh, that’s why you’re saying it’s
unfair of people to call him crazy, everyone in your world is insane
and thinks stuff that makes no sense, so what pokedex you build
determines which pokemon battle rules you’ll be forced at gunpoint to
follow until your mandatory pokemon league victory.
unfair of people to call him crazy, everyone in your world is insane
and thinks stuff that makes no sense, so what pokedex you build
determines which pokemon battle rules you’ll be forced at gunpoint to
follow until your mandatory pokemon league victory.
I was going to say that’s a new low
in Nuzlocke excuses, but then again, having it be a something the
protagonist was tricked into at least explains why it’s happening at
all. So I guess it’s the question of if a terrible explanation is
better than none.
in Nuzlocke excuses, but then again, having it be a something the
protagonist was tricked into at least explains why it’s happening at
all. So I guess it’s the question of if a terrible explanation is
better than none.
(1)
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
Write out numbers with letters.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
(1)
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
Spellcheck.
It’s okay, four letters.
[the Mawile ]
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[What she saw could make even the
strongest cry however she knew tears would have stopped this or bring
back those who are lost, a fact that she has well learned. ]
strongest cry however she knew tears would have stopped this or bring
back those who are lost, a fact that she has well learned. ]
…so, since tears would stop it and
bring back the dead, the reason she’s not crying is because she’s pro
death?
bring back the dead, the reason she’s not crying is because she’s pro
death?
(0)
[“Do you think… Do you think I’m
leaving you alone with that guy?!” Calem screeched back over the
tumbling rubble, his head snapping to the said person.]
leaving you alone with that guy?!” Calem screeched back over the
tumbling rubble, his head snapping to the said person.]
“Said person” is awkward at
the best of times and downright terrible in what’s supposed to be a
tense scene.
the best of times and downright terrible in what’s supposed to be a
tense scene.
The bad-end nature of this is an
interesting change of pace, but it feels you’re cheating a bit to
include the sidekicks failing to rescue the extra pokemon – whether
or not things go wrong with the main group shouldn’t change anything
there, and it’s not even clear how they’re failing – why is he
standing around spraying the eevee with potions rather than trying to
remove it from the life-sucking stones. If it’s that the idea is for
everything to fail, then just having the sidekicks lose to Team Flare
and have to watch the pokemon drained would fit better.
interesting change of pace, but it feels you’re cheating a bit to
include the sidekicks failing to rescue the extra pokemon – whether
or not things go wrong with the main group shouldn’t change anything
there, and it’s not even clear how they’re failing – why is he
standing around spraying the eevee with potions rather than trying to
remove it from the life-sucking stones. If it’s that the idea is for
everything to fail, then just having the sidekicks lose to Team Flare
and have to watch the pokemon drained would fit better.
Nonstory chapters are banned and
character bios are always a waste of people’s time anyway.
character bios are always a waste of people’s time anyway.
Script format is also banned.
(4)
And now done with the 15th.
Script format is banned.
And so we start the next day as we
ended the first…
ended the first…
(0)
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
LOLRANDOMZZZZZ is still not actually a
substitute for humor.
substitute for humor.
(1)
Look,
you really, really shouldn’t ask for characters. Doesn’t work right.
You get people doing all sorts of characters, and they may each be
fine but they don’t fit together properly. It’s like trying to
complete a hundred-piece puzzle by taking fifty of the pieces from
fifty other puzzles. They may all be good puzzles, and you may pick
only the prettiest pieces, but you’re going to end up with a mess.
you really, really shouldn’t ask for characters. Doesn’t work right.
You get people doing all sorts of characters, and they may each be
fine but they don’t fit together properly. It’s like trying to
complete a hundred-piece puzzle by taking fifty of the pieces from
fifty other puzzles. They may all be good puzzles, and you may pick
only the prettiest pieces, but you’re going to end up with a mess.
Also, posting nonstory chapters is
banned.
banned.
(4)
[For example, my mum wanted to be the
greatest water-type Pokemon Master, but when her sisters took her
away from my dad and godfather, she changed her dream. She only
wanted to be able to travel with them again, and maybe confess her
love.
greatest water-type Pokemon Master, but when her sisters took her
away from my dad and godfather, she changed her dream. She only
wanted to be able to travel with them again, and maybe confess her
love.
A good example of a person who achieves their dream would be my
dad. He had wanted to be the greatest Pokemon Master he could be, and
he did. He is now known as: Ash Ketchum, youngest Pokemon Master the
world has seen. Yeah, my parents are big dreamers.]
I’m not sure how you managed to write
this without seeing the obvious problem with the difference between
Misty and Ash’s descriptions.
this without seeing the obvious problem with the difference between
Misty and Ash’s descriptions.
Jumping from first to third person is
bad.
bad.
[Jay took this opportunity to study the
person. He had short dark blue hair and purple eyes. His clothes were
rather odd. He had a black bandanna on his head and wooden sandals on
his black sock-covered feet. His long dark green pants were tucked
into his socks. One half of his black shirt was folded over the
other, and it was rather baggy below the green belt that was tied
around his waist. The arms of the shirt were baggy as well. ]
person. He had short dark blue hair and purple eyes. His clothes were
rather odd. He had a black bandanna on his head and wooden sandals on
his black sock-covered feet. His long dark green pants were tucked
into his socks. One half of his black shirt was folded over the
other, and it was rather baggy below the green belt that was tied
around his waist. The arms of the shirt were baggy as well. ]
You really don’t need this level of
painstakingly dull detail.
painstakingly dull detail.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
And the answer probably is that it’s
canon Misty’s personality revolves around a guy so who cares it’s
sexist shit Ash matters and Misty doesn’t :D
canon Misty’s personality revolves around a guy so who cares it’s
sexist shit Ash matters and Misty doesn’t :D
(0)
Your grammar is pretty shaky, find a
beta reader.
beta reader.
[He decided to buy a big island that he
had saw on the journey, and reformed it as a paradise for pokemons
where they don’t need to bother with human life. ]
had saw on the journey, and reformed it as a paradise for pokemons
where they don’t need to bother with human life. ]
Islands usually already have animals.
How did he find one empty of all life, especially given pokemon live
in the oceans as well?
How did he find one empty of all life, especially given pokemon live
in the oceans as well?
[He decided to put pokemons who was
released from trainers or too weak to survive in the wild by itself.
So he ventured the whole region again to find released or weak or
wounded pokemons and caught them. He then released all of them in the
island. ]
released from trainers or too weak to survive in the wild by itself.
So he ventured the whole region again to find released or weak or
wounded pokemons and caught them. He then released all of them in the
island. ]
And then he populates it with a mixture
of his own presumably higher-level healthy pokemon and low level
injured pokemon, and this doesn’t just lead to all the weaker ones
being killed because???????
of his own presumably higher-level healthy pokemon and low level
injured pokemon, and this doesn’t just lead to all the weaker ones
being killed because???????
[each types made their own village ]
No, they didn’t. Pokemon don’t
segregate themselves by type any more than they live in villages at
all. They segregate based on habitat, and it’s pretty obvious that
zubat and geodude live in the same area despite none of their four
types overlapping.
segregate themselves by type any more than they live in villages at
all. They segregate based on habitat, and it’s pretty obvious that
zubat and geodude live in the same area despite none of their four
types overlapping.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
[“Vapor!” a pokemon was
released from the monster ball, smashing the ground hard.
released from the monster ball, smashing the ground hard.
“Sorry about that Vaporeon.” Sion said. “But look!
This is your new home from now on!”
Vaporeon looked around. It was just a coast with nothing but seas
stretching out endlessly.]
So he’s showing his gratitude for
everything pokemon have done for him by kidnapping them from their
own homes and dumping them on an isolated island on the basis he
knows better than they do.
everything pokemon have done for him by kidnapping them from their
own homes and dumping them on an isolated island on the basis he
knows better than they do.
And now your pokemon are just renamed
people living in human villages down to having TV.
people living in human villages down to having TV.
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Try harder.
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