Lots done today! Not much that’s actually good, unfortunately.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11706844/1/Can-We-Pretend-That-Airplanes-in-the-Night-Sky-Are-Shooting-Stars

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Four reviews.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11706896/1/Represent

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[“So Ashy Boy how was Unova.” Gary asks. Ash flinches as Gary mentions Unova but then looks up to the sky where Gary is floating, yes, floating.
You should let me finish my incredibly awesome narration before you go on ranting about Unova.
“What was that?” Ash asked with confusion.
“That was the autho- YEOWCH!” Gary starts before he gets knocked down by an invisible force.
DO NOT BREAK THE FOURTH WALL GARY!
“Yes sir!” Gary says with clear fear.]

This really isn’t even half as clever as you think.

[“Sceptile, I choose you.” Ash yells as he releases Sceptile.
“Arcanine, Come on out.” Gary releases his loyal pokemon.
“Battle begin!”
“Leaf Blade.”
“Extreme Speed.”
“Bullet Seed.”
“Flamethrower.”
“No! Sceptile!”
“Finish it with Fire Blast!”
The attack hits Sceptile head on and Sceptile falls to the ground, defeated.]

And this is just terrible. Describe what’s actually happening and make it interesting or else just say “They fought and Gary won.” and move on.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11706964/1/Pokemon-Redemption

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[(Her previous experience with humans amounted to one incident when she had gone digging through a man’s garbage and he’d responded by ordering his Growlithe to attack her. As a result, she had never seen things like furniture or fireplaces and had no clue what they were.) ]

You really shouldn’t to pause your story to explain something like this.

You could describe the things using their names at the time and just say she didn’t recognize them, or you could try harder to make sure the description you do give is clear enough for people to understand what she’s talking about.

[“Anyway,” the Roserade broke in. “Name’s Masque.” Surprisingly, it was a male.]

Why would this be a surprise when there are precisely as many male roserade as female ones? Are we to believe absol have exactly the same flower = girl assumptions as humans and cling to them even in a world where they both speak the same language and their gender is immediately evident?

You’re really not doing that great of a job with the pokemon’s arguments, especially when you combine it with bad nicknames they just have to put up with. If the alakazam hates being called Silverware, why hasn’t he been able to get this across or even just use another name among the pokemon?
[Besides, Kadabra can’t evolve in the wild.”
She remembered once overhearing two Kadabra complaining about how they couldn’t evolve without a human’s help.]

Specifically being traded to a brand-new second trainer, so actually, they can’t evolve any better with “a” trainer than in the wild. If you’re clinging to weird game mechanics as justification, you’ve got to actually get them right.

[She tried again. “He took Kippy from her family!”
“Actually, he raised Kippy from an egg,” Masque corrected. “She sees him as her father.”]

“I can’t believe this person kidnapped a child from her family!”
“How dare you he totally stole her from her family as a newborn so she would never even see her actual parents or know they exist and for some reason that’s better.”

(And that you had them send her away before saying any of this suggests she doesn’t even know it’s true and just thinks that somehow, her parent is a human.)

When your story runs better if you take out all the pokemon explaining themselves and just have the human saying he’ll let her go, you have a huge problem.

[She’s terrified of being caught, but she’s trying very hard not to show it, Silver explained. If you did catch her, I don’t think she’d ever be able to see you as anything but a captor.
“I would never hurt her!”
She has no way of knowing if you’re sincere when you say that. She told me she’s seen captures before, and training sessions. Few of the Trainers she mentioned seemed as good at it as you.
“I could never keep her against her will,” Andy said with a sigh.]

You don’t have the hurt someone for them to still want their freedom, and the fact catching her when she doesn’t want to be is even being discussed makes him look manipulative at best – maybe those other pokemon he let go because they weren’t good enough at battling for him to care, while since he’s saying the absol is strong, he doesn’t care if she wants to be free.

Especially when he finishes by being disappointed that since almost all trainers treat their pokemon horribly, now this pokemon doesn’t trust him. Truly, you can tell someone’s wonderful by how the suffering of lots of other people only matters because it makes their own life mildly more difficult.

[She realized, with more than a bit of apprehension, that part of her wanted to join the team. Part of her wanted to be free from the constant worry about where her next meal was coming from. Winter was coming on rapidly, and she’d already made one stupid decision out of hunger and desperation.
But the rest of her was still terrified of being caught.
How could she make this decision? She thought for a second. When the answer came to her, she would have, had she had the anatomy for it, “facepalmed” as her own idiocy.
“Tell Andy I want to battle,” she said to Silver.
“Against who?”
“Anyone. Everyone. If you can beat me, I’ll join the team.”]

And so we finish with this nonsense string of reasoning.

If she was scared of being trapped, the obvious solution is to tell him she does want to leave, then stay if he agrees.

[“When I first left on my journey, I took one of my mother’s bracelets with me, to remind me of home. After three years of traveling, I don’t feel like I need it anymore. If you wear this, not only will I be able to recognize you if we cross paths again, but, hopefully, any other Trainers you encounter will see it and think you already belong to someone.”]

Or he could give her her own pokeball, so she wouldn’t have to hope other people think she belongs to someone but could belong to herself.

[A name? He had no idea. Having a name would set her apart from the rest of her species. No more hearing someone call “Absol” and glancing over her shoulder to make sure there weren’t any other Absol around before she answered. ]

The very fact you wrote out what nonsense this would be in practice shows that they pretty obviously must use names of their own.

Everything I didn’t want Miki to be is on display here.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11706999/1/Pick-Your-Poison

[Angela awoke with a start, the annoying blare of the alarm pulling her from her dreams. It was 6 a.m. Ordinarily she would be upset to be woke this early, but today was her eighteenth birthday, and the day she was to start her Pokemon journey. ]

Starting a story with your character waking up is terribly overdone and was boring the first time.

Trainers start at ten.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[She raced downstairs, the smell of Kalos Toast filling her nostrils (or French Toast as we would know it in the non-pokemon world). ]

Putting aside how incredibly little I care she’s eating the same boring breakfast as everyone else, don’t put author’s notes in your story. Either describe “Kalos toast” (toast isn’t a proper noun and isn’t capitalized) enough that people can figure out what it is or have her eat waffles.

[Because of this, her grandmother was very protective of her, refusing to let her go on a pokemon adventure like the other children. Children were allowed to leave home at the age of ten or more if they got a permission slip signed by their parents. Grandma Karen refused to do that for Angela. Now that Angela was an adult, her grandmother couldn’t stop her.  ]

Now that Angela’s an adult she should realize how stupid an idea it is to get her first pokemon eight years late and wonder why she just spent almost a decade not bothering to raise one in preparation of this. Trainers start at ten and the overprotective thing is a terrible cliché every time.

It’s “okay”, four letters.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

“It’s” means “it is”. “Its” is the possessive form.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11707074/1/A-New-Years-Display

Write out numbers with letters.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[a Gardevoir ]
[route 117 ]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[ phychic  ]

Also, spellcheck.

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

[this short drabble fic ]

A drabble is precisely a hundred words, so there is no such thing as a short one and also you’re more than five hundred words longer than it should be, so really not short at all.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11707081/1/Free-Spirits

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

And now your character is becoming a pokemon trainer for absolutely no reason, because.

And now your character is getting random new powers (that cause their eyes to change color) on top of their existing pile of powers, for no reason and is just shrugging and going whatever because yeah, that’s about as much investment as anyone could have at this point.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11707093/1/Beautiful-Ruin

[Thank you to Konsentsu12525 for letting me know that this could be deleted for the lyrics so I decided to re-upload it. ]

You do realize you can just edit what you post, right?

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[there daily game ]

“There” is a place not here. “Their” is possessive. “They’re” is short for “they are”.

[your being  ]

Similarly, “your” is possessive, “you’re” is short for “you are”.

Also, use commas.

Two.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11707263/1/Current-Events

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

There’s a great deal of chatter to very little in terms of things happening – you spend ages on them discussing what Archie’s going to do, then on worrying about him doing it when narratively it’s obvious he’ll be fine so there’s no actual suspense. The second half of actually getting her is an improvement but still rather slow. Maybe it’s that you’re trying to jam too many people into too little actually going on – if you had the others actually participating rather than standing on the sidelines it might help.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11707416/1/Dream-of-Destiny

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[the thirteen-year-old thought  ]

Trainers start at ten.

[His father had convinced Bruno to give away the scarred Onix he had in his collection, reasoning that none other than Ash was suitable for the beast. Ash had done quite well in learning about his Aura and was beginning to master his powers. He had already formed an aura bond with his starter and the Onix. Aura bonds allowed the bonded to speak telepathically with each other from any distance and formed an empathy link between the two.

Having woken up early, thanks to his family’s Dodrio, Ash had gotten himself ready for the day after his meditation. ]

So is there a point to this besides Ash being a sue?

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[What ifs used:
1) What if Ash didn’t get Pikachu as his starter?
2) What if Gary showed up late to get his starter instead of Ash?
3) What if Red never stepped down from his position as Champion?
4) What if Ash actually caught a Ghost type Pokémon at some point on his journey? (or a Steel type; he’s severely lacking in those two?)
5) What if Ash won the match against Ritchie?
6) What if Ash did become a Pokémon Master?
7) What if Red and Leaf were siblings and Leaf’s son, Ritchie, was Ash’s cousin?
8) What if Ash captured Meowth’s old gang boss, Persian?]

That really isn’t how “what if” is supposed to be used. It’s not just a bunch of random changes you can make, it’s supposed to require there’s something actually interesting that’ll happen as a result.

Zero. Seven people have favorited, six people are following, but zero. God damn it people, it’s bad enough you like crap can’t you at least figure out how to like it properly?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11707489/1/Maiden-s-Peak-Peak-of-realizations

Misty is older than Ash.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[Woman blinked in surprise, ]

This isn’t just horrible writing, it’s actually offensive to keep refusing to use Misty’s name and instead acting like “Woman” is what she’s called. Same goes when you do it to the old woman later. Unless you mean to come off as a misogynist, don’t do this.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11707524/1/Kiss-To-Make-It-Better

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[“Of course,” smiled Delia,  ]

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[“I see you’re takin’ care of Professor’s boy, too.”
“Yes, Professor himself]

People generally don’t use that as a person’s name when talking to a third person, so it should be “the professor’s boy” and “the professor himself” as so on.

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

[huffed dramatically. “What? But you have to kiss someone at New Year, didn’t you already have a plan too? Why waste a chance?!” ]

New speaker means a new paragraph.

[Yes, I and dad]

This is being used as a name, so it’s “Dad”, and sentences like this should be constructed as “(other person) and I”. If you’re having trouble with this sort of thing, you should really find someone to beta read.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11707582/1/Till-the-end

Capitalize your title properly.

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[“He was supposed to talk to her! I turned fourteen yesterday-”
“Really?”
“Yes but that’s not the problem! I turned fourteen yesterday and she still won’t let me leave!”
“What do you want the Professor to do about it?” the assistant sighed. “Illegally give you a Pokémon?”
A heavy silence followed.
“Wait, no, we can’t do that! Not if your mother doesn’t allow it!”
“But she’ll never allow it! I want to be a trainer!”]

Okay look. You literally can’t walk through the grass without tripping over a pokemon. If she’s determined enough to be asking for them to do something illegal, she should be capable of walking over to any other kid with a pokemon and asking them to catch her a first pokemon.

[What could he tell her? She was right. She should have left months ago-nearly all Pokémaniacs started their journey at twelve. ]

Game trainers have six year olds with pokemon. Really don’t think you can say the people most obsessed with pokemon wait twice as long as random kids on the beach.

[“Alright. Now, onto the rules. The first rule is… that you can only catch the first Pokémon you meet in a given area. It doesn’t matter if it’s not the Pokémon you wanted, or if you let it run away, or if it doesn’t get along with the rest of your team-you won’t be able to catch any other Pokémon in that zone. Empty Pokéballs have GPS captors that will prevent it.” ]

That only enforces the one per route thing, nothing can make the idea you have to catch the first one you see make sense.

[“It’s not stupid, you are. Without this rule, all the good Pokémons would get caught and then there’d be no more of them in the wild, and that’s where most of the reproduction happens so the species would just go extinct in, like, ten years.” ]

Yeah, I’m sure forcing people to catch pokemon they have no interest in taking proper care of is definitely the best way if you’re concerned about people overcapturing pokemon.

Look, if you want to write an actual fic, you have to do more than regurgitate nuzlocke rules as if they’re something that makes sense and not just a way of making the games more challenging. For example, if you leave a route without catching anything, then that route is locked off from you – so people have to choose between staying somewhere looking for just the right pokemon or catching something else and moving along. Or you could say that you only get one chuck of the pokeball and if the pokemon breaks out, it can never be caught again by you or anyone else and you don’t get anything that route – that’d ensure a safe population of breeding pokemon, plus people would know that if they see a really popular pokemon, someone else probably tried and failed to catch it so they’d have to decide if they want the risk or if they’d rather get a rattata.

[And by the way: I’m looking for someone who’d be willing to beta my chapters. ]

From what I’ve seen asking this rarely works. You’re better off trying to find someone yourself off in forumland.

I think I’m going to try to make up a list of alternative rules for these fics.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11707680/1/At-the-Speed-of-Light-Going-Nowhere-Fast

[a Wartortle  ]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[“Nah!” Squritle says, his eyes shining. “Things are seeming pretty clear now, boss!”]

I realize it’s not anything unusual in the source material, but that doesn’t change the fact this is horribly jarring writing to have your character traumatized by the death of his family and nearly dying in a hole with a corpse only to be rescued and slowly recover at the hospital and find out the people who killed his brothers are now in prison and decide he should attack the prison to get into an obviously fatal confrontation…and then he’s told not to and is suddenly fine and bubbly and joking around.
Also, it’s a good idea to add pokemon species to your spellcheck so if you mistype you’ll be able to notice it.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11707716/1/Age-of-Ruin-Rise-of-the-Legion

[“Mom, Dad, Varren, can we go now. Please? I want an articuno, or maybe Mew. What about a tyranitar, or a flygon? Or better yet, both of them! Either of them would be such awesome starters!” He bounced up and down in his seat, causing his parents and older brother to laugh. ]

Okay, so here’s the thing. Legendary pokemon aren’t just supposed to be a pretty big deal, they’re legendary. There are literal legends revolving around them (in some cases about how they created the very world) and people aren’t sure if they even exist. Treating them with as much reverence as a kid expecting a rare pokemon card in a random cheap pack undercuts your whole story.

[“I suppose mother did trounce ]

When used in place of a name, it’s capitalized just like a name, so “Mother”.

[“To be fair,” Erin said. “That steelix of yours did put up a good fight against Blaze, especially while having a double weakness.” ]

A double weakness means both types are weak against a move, like water/flying when hit by an electric attack. Steelix has zero double weaknesses.

[“Since Aden’s getting all registered today, can I too?”
The three humans looked at each other. Aden had to force himself not to laugh, which didn’t work out very well and earned a hurt glare from Zorua. Why she wanted to train pokémon he had no idea. It would be like training another human. He giggled at the thought. “Zorua, you are a pokémon,” Aden said.
“Plus, we don’t even know if it’s legal. As much as you stay in your human form, you are indeed a pokémon. Even if it is legal, registering takes time. Most of Aden’s is finished. Tony and I just need to sign a few final papers and Aden needs only get his pokédex, his first pokémon, and five pokéballs.”
“But-” Zorua fell silent at the three human’s stares. She sniffed and got up to put her dishes away.]

Way to highlight the massive plot hole that arrives with any talking pokemon.

If she’s just like any other pokemon, then how is there any difference between training humans and pokemon besides the fact you can’t understand the other ones?

And how much can any of them claim to be her “friend” when their response to her asking to do the same thing everyone else does is “haha, it thinks it’s people!”

And the awkwardness continues as she stands by watching other pokemon fight and be captured and get their new name discussed.

“Your” is possessive, “you’re” is short for “you are”.

[“So, we decided to name you Chase. How does that work?” Aden said happily.
“Row row spear.” By the tone of his voice, Aden didn’t need Zorua to translate that he liked it.]

As usual. I’m sure you’d love whatever random name someone else picked too, right?

You’re putting in tension but it’s so incredibly skewed. You can’t set up a disaster then try to say it’s okay because this guy is slightly more considerate than he absolutely had to be.

This would be the usual pitfalls that happen whenever people try to engage the whole pokemon training problem. It’s even worse when it’s getting acknowledged but presented like horribleness is a minor flaw.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11707795/1/Super-Pok%C3%A9mon-Mystery-Dungeon-Shadow-Phenomenon

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[ a Mudskipper Pokémon,  ]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[and inquired them: ]

It has to be “inquired of them”.

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11707928/1/A-Change-In-The-Wind

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You really don’t need to spend your chapter just on Ash saying things will be different now. If that’s what your story is about, start with the change, with Ash actually doing those new things.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11707966/1/Cold-Betrayal

[ There might be some slight OOC, or Out Of Character. ]

In the same way Antarctica is slightly chilly.

[*Story Starts Here*]

You shouldn’t be labeling things like this.

Write out numbers with letters.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Eight. I really don’t get it – even given there’s apparently people clamoring for shitty Ash gets betrayed by his friends fics, aren’t there enough by now for them to pick the least shitty ones?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11707977/1/AmourShipping-Week

You really need to learn to look at what you’re uploading before you post it. This is just a pile of broken code.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11708155/1/Pok%D1%90mon-Journey-IV-Eira-s-Adventure

[Third Person Point of View: ]

Don’t label POVs and definitely don’t swap between POV types.

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

Don’t refer to a character as “a female” or “a male”. At best it’s clumsy and awkward.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

“It’s” means “it is”. “Its” is the possessive form.

Starting a story with your character waking up is terribly overdone and was boring the first time. Also it doesn’t matter what she eats for breakfast, it really doesn’t.

Trainers start at ten.

Everyone who didn’t play the game already saw a million other fanfics where the author copied the opening. Think up something yourself or skip over it instead of wasting everyone’s time doing it yet again.

Three.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11708237/1/Quatre

A list of character trait twists doesn’t make an actual story.

Here again I blame tumblr.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11708238/1/Cynthia-s-school-of-bad-bitchery-101

Try harder.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11708395/1/Pokemon-hyper

Capitalize your title properly.

[(Skip if you wanna cause the story gets better in the first chapter cause its actual writing)]

Except this is the first chapter. Wow, it’s like posting this for people to click through instead of starting with an actual chapter was a stupid idea.

“It’s” means “it is”. “Its” is the possessive form.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11708497/1/White-Lights-on-Christmas

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11708699/1/say-say-oh-playmate

Capitalize your title properly.

[his Grandfather ]
[ old Oak tree  ]

Unless something’s being used as a name, don’t capitalize it.

[yet elevated enough to escape from an overzealous shrew. ]

Don’t refer to upset girls as overzealous shrews, it’s disgusting.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11708784/1/The-Shadows-Rising

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[In this family of nine, a total of four were Shiny. ]

This is extremely unlikely and there doesn’t seem to be any point to it.

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

Just listing off people and what they’re wearing is incredibly boring. Bring it up when it matters in the actual story.

[So now you’ve met the family. Now let’s begin our tale. It all started around the time the three oldest turned sixteen… ]

The story should’ve begun in the first chapter, you shouldn’t be ending that by saying that hey, maybe next you’ll get around to not wasting everyone’s time.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11709243/1/Pokemon-Super-Oren-Berry

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Adding in more screaming doesn’t make something funny.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11709273/1/Image

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[The zebra declined, turning its head away. Elesa never took good care of it, and if it weren’t for her parents, the poor Pokemon would have died or something.
She pouted and threw her food away. It wasn’t like she hated her partner, that wasn’t it at all.
And she didn’t hate that red-head, either, although her genuine smile and infectious laugh was starting to become annoying.
Elesa just wasn’t good with showing that she cared.]

Yeah, the point at which you say she’s treating it so badly that only parental invention has kept it alive it’s hard to care about her problems with showing feelings.

Write out numbers with letters.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11709441/1/Pokemon-shipping

Capitalize your title properly.

[ his Pokemon  ]
[But mom ]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Swapping POVs is generally a bad idea. In this case, Dawn’s side really doesn’t add anything to this, you could just write the whole thing with Barry.

Five.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11709466/1/Pokemon-Evolution-The-Resurrected-Hero

[I am going to die, she thought. However, her mental process convinced her to keep going ]

What mental process? That’s not a thing in itself, that’s telling us she’s thinking about something. You still have to say what the something is.

Also, your sentences always need to end in punctuation, not just sometimes.

[realizing that her once-plagued pain ]

Your grammar is really bad. I’d strongly suggest getting a beta reader.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Zero. Was only posted five hours ago, though, so now I’ve reached a section where that makes more sense.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11709551/1/Tales-From-Kalos

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Script format’s banned.

Sentences have to end in some form of punctuation.

Generally, try harder.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11709645/1/Prodigy

[ Marcel of Saffron City will now begin.” the referee proclaimed. ]

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

It’s “okay”, four letters.

[“I will not except your rematch challenge for at least 6 months ]

Accept.

Also, while using numbers is somewhat acceptable when the point is exact precision, as during the battle, any other time you should write them out with letters.

I like the hyper-competent Giovanni you’ve got here.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11709654/1/Steven-s-Journal

Write out numbers with letters.

[ He made it to a giant tree after 2 days of traveling, (1/4 a day on his bike, which he realized was broken, [this personally made him say, “Ah! Come on!” lol]) ]

Stop putting in notes. Just write your story out properly.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11709669/1/Esperanza-Tales-Start-of-the-journey

Capitalize your title properly.

A list of OCs isn’t a story.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11709678/1/Mr-Hypno-s-Story-of-Adventure

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11709810/1/The-Next-Legacy

[a Pokemon]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Write out numbers with letters.

[I had also not been able to go on a journey when I was ten because at the time my parents felt it was too dangerous for me to go. Also Professor Oak lived way too far away for me travel without a Pokemon to get a Pokemon, so I was stuck here for probably forever. ]

That’s a terrible excuse. It’s pretty obvious most people don’t get one from him, and you even say both her parents were trainers and their job currently involves sending bird pokemon around, so she could use any of those. She certainly doesn’t sound like she’s eighteen, either.

(Also, why did you think a chapter full of the main character explaining she’s bored out of her skull would be interesting?)

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11709859/1/You-can-t-deny-your-heart

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11709952/1/Just-a-Hug

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11710211/1/The-Battle-for-Ixeodel-A-Pokemon-War

This is a summary, not a story.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Zero.