So many OT openings, none of which are elaborate fakeouts. One sexism one, though.
Nonstory chapters are banned.
Look,
you really, really shouldn’t ask for characters. Doesn’t work right.
You get people doing all sorts of characters, and they may each be
fine but they don’t fit together properly. It’s like trying to
complete a hundred-piece puzzle by taking fifty of the pieces from
fifty other puzzles. They may all be good puzzles, and you may pick
only the prettiest pieces, but you’re going to end up with a mess.
you really, really shouldn’t ask for characters. Doesn’t work right.
You get people doing all sorts of characters, and they may each be
fine but they don’t fit together properly. It’s like trying to
complete a hundred-piece puzzle by taking fifty of the pieces from
fifty other puzzles. They may all be good puzzles, and you may pick
only the prettiest pieces, but you’re going to end up with a mess.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Opening your story with a character
waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and
to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if
I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of
times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some
other, interesting point.
waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and
to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if
I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of
times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some
other, interesting point.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Write out numbers with letters.
“Its” is possessive, as in
“its story”, and “it’s” means “it is”.
“its story”, and “it’s” means “it is”.
[“Sorry young lad it seems my
Riolu has caused some trouble for you don’t worry I’ll be taking him
back now.” the man reached his hand out to the Pokémon hoping
it would come with him but to his surprise it shook it’s head and
grasped onto Michael jeans, “This is both shocking and
troublesome indeed.”
Riolu has caused some trouble for you don’t worry I’ll be taking him
back now.” the man reached his hand out to the Pokémon hoping
it would come with him but to his surprise it shook it’s head and
grasped onto Michael jeans, “This is both shocking and
troublesome indeed.”
“Huh?” Michael asked.
“You see young lad this Riolu has
a resentment for trainers with weak wills and it seems you may have
given him a reason to like you.”
a resentment for trainers with weak wills and it seems you may have
given him a reason to like you.”
‘A reason wait when I took on those
Starly head on it watched me?’ Michael thought as he looked at the
Riolu.
Starly head on it watched me?’ Michael thought as he looked at the
Riolu.
“This Pokémon was also the last
one left and was supposed to be given to a Michael Darla Albanese.”
Rowan scratched his head.
one left and was supposed to be given to a Michael Darla Albanese.”
Rowan scratched his head.
“Um sir I’m Michael Albanese]
How painfully contrived. I mean, it’s
not like running across a pokemon that the main character impresses,
generally through bland sueishness, is a great idea, but it’s sure
better than also having that pokemon just happen to be the one they
were supposed to get in the first place.
not like running across a pokemon that the main character impresses,
generally through bland sueishness, is a great idea, but it’s sure
better than also having that pokemon just happen to be the one they
were supposed to get in the first place.
(3)
Semicolons do not indicate
sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically
correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously,
and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a
semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences
are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.
sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically
correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously,
and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a
semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences
are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.
And well…that was weird and rather
disjointed. There are a lot of good poetic chunks floating around,
but they don’t really come together, and there’s this odd mixing of a
weird setting made of absolutes (capital-N Nothing where no time
passes and they’re just living in some weird void) and the fact that
he can just walk out and find sunlight. It’s also not clear why she
couldn’t just leave and get him to come out by doing that.
disjointed. There are a lot of good poetic chunks floating around,
but they don’t really come together, and there’s this odd mixing of a
weird setting made of absolutes (capital-N Nothing where no time
passes and they’re just living in some weird void) and the fact that
he can just walk out and find sunlight. It’s also not clear why she
couldn’t just leave and get him to come out by doing that.
When used in place of a name, it’s
written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it’s
written as such.
written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it’s
written as such.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
I do appreciate that you’re skipping
the usual filler about getting up and eating scrambled eggs in favor
of get pokemon fight Team Rocket, but you rush through that part of
the plot as well – how are these guys so weak they lose to kids who
were literally just handed their first pokemon? Given they obviously
can’t go against any trainers and hope to win, what were they
expecting to accomplish here? Why doesn’t your character run into any
problems ordering his pokemon about when it’s never even seen him
before this?
the usual filler about getting up and eating scrambled eggs in favor
of get pokemon fight Team Rocket, but you rush through that part of
the plot as well – how are these guys so weak they lose to kids who
were literally just handed their first pokemon? Given they obviously
can’t go against any trainers and hope to win, what were they
expecting to accomplish here? Why doesn’t your character run into any
problems ordering his pokemon about when it’s never even seen him
before this?
(0)
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Songfic is banned.
(0)
I’m really baffled by what the point of
this is. You say it’s translated, so I can only assume you mean you
read the Japanese script and then translated it into English. But
it’s almost identical to the English version, this version just has
more clunky sentences, which would mean the English team translated
it just fine the first time.
this is. You say it’s translated, so I can only assume you mean you
read the Japanese script and then translated it into English. But
it’s almost identical to the English version, this version just has
more clunky sentences, which would mean the English team translated
it just fine the first time.
(0)
[When I was little, I decided I wanted
to be a trainer. But when I was older and in pokemon school I
realized that I didn’t just want to be an ordinary trainer I wanted
to be special. ]
to be a trainer. But when I was older and in pokemon school I
realized that I didn’t just want to be an ordinary trainer I wanted
to be special. ]
…unlike all the other people who
didn’t want to be special? When we see people in canon talking about
being trainers, they always mean great trainers. It just goes without
saying.
didn’t want to be special? When we see people in canon talking about
being trainers, they always mean great trainers. It just goes without
saying.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[Most of my thoughts in my youth had
been about been about my imaginary starter and how it will be that I
didn’t know that there was building rising beneath it and it kept
getting bigger the more I dreamed about how it would be until it was
so high that it touched the heavens I knew that I would need a
Pokémon that would be easy to train because no one is that good at
Pokémon training at the beginning. ]
been about been about my imaginary starter and how it will be that I
didn’t know that there was building rising beneath it and it kept
getting bigger the more I dreamed about how it would be until it was
so high that it touched the heavens I knew that I would need a
Pokémon that would be easy to train because no one is that good at
Pokémon training at the beginning. ]
How is this one sentence? And even
split up it doesn’t make sense. Proofread and get a beta reader.
split up it doesn’t make sense. Proofread and get a beta reader.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Well, being sent to get his own pokemon
is different and he’s apparently running across something presumably
interesting, but you stop before any of that interesting stuff can
actually happen. A cliffhanger chapter ending requires you bother to
get up the cliff first, you know.
is different and he’s apparently running across something presumably
interesting, but you stop before any of that interesting stuff can
actually happen. A cliffhanger chapter ending requires you bother to
get up the cliff first, you know.
(0)
[I knew what I had done. I knew the
consequences of my actions. I remembered the executions of those who
had committed similar crimes. I remembered the cold gaze of the
Council members as they swept the crowds, warning others of their
punishment should they do the same. ]
consequences of my actions. I remembered the executions of those who
had committed similar crimes. I remembered the cold gaze of the
Council members as they swept the crowds, warning others of their
punishment should they do the same. ]
If girls sneaking in to be pokemon
trainers is this common, I’d think that by now they’d have realized
they need to have the kids strip at some point.
trainers is this common, I’d think that by now they’d have realized
they need to have the kids strip at some point.
I’m also not sure how well banning
pokemon ownership. We see in the games that they’re pretty necessary
for people to function. You might be able to ban women from owning
them, in the way women could be banned from owning property, and you
might be able to say the lower classes are only allowed certain
pokemon with the rest reserved for the military, and if the country’s
particularly controlling perhaps even have regulations about what
people are allowed to use those pokemon for…But no pokemon for
farmers? How to they plow their fields or bring the crop to market?
How do they even walk in their fields without risk of getting
attacked?
pokemon ownership. We see in the games that they’re pretty necessary
for people to function. You might be able to ban women from owning
them, in the way women could be banned from owning property, and you
might be able to say the lower classes are only allowed certain
pokemon with the rest reserved for the military, and if the country’s
particularly controlling perhaps even have regulations about what
people are allowed to use those pokemon for…But no pokemon for
farmers? How to they plow their fields or bring the crop to market?
How do they even walk in their fields without risk of getting
attacked?
[I had even joined a few of the school
boys in jeering at the wife-beaters ]
boys in jeering at the wife-beaters ]
Would wife-beating really be a crime in
a world where women are third-class citizens at best?
a world where women are third-class citizens at best?
And now they’re making up charges to be
a dick and then her friend is defending against the secondary charges
and the real charge is obviously that she’s got a pokemon while
having a vagina so why aren’t they just focusing on that?
a dick and then her friend is defending against the secondary charges
and the real charge is obviously that she’s got a pokemon while
having a vagina so why aren’t they just focusing on that?
Zeroing in on it just being about her
gender would also make the queen’s behavior make more sense,
especially if you remove the bit about this apparently happening
every couple months. If what she’s doing is extraordinarily rare and
more a breach of the establishment than anything, it would make more
sense that the queen might decide she can use this.
gender would also make the queen’s behavior make more sense,
especially if you remove the bit about this apparently happening
every couple months. If what she’s doing is extraordinarily rare and
more a breach of the establishment than anything, it would make more
sense that the queen might decide she can use this.
[Since there is no way to keep
these adorable killing machines in your pockets, they’ll just be
called Monsters. ]
these adorable killing machines in your pockets, they’ll just be
called Monsters. ]
That actually makes a lot of sense. But
it really shouldn’t be capitalized, unless you’re trying to go for
the archaic sounding thing, in which case you need to be capitalizing
a lot of other words to go with it.
it really shouldn’t be capitalized, unless you’re trying to go for
the archaic sounding thing, in which case you need to be capitalizing
a lot of other words to go with it.
(1)
Your character is a horrible sue.
(1)
Nuzlocke fics generally don’t work very
well.
well.
[*knock knock* *knock knock* ]
Don’t do this. You’re writing a story,
use narration properly.
use narration properly.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
And now you’re just repeating the
opening of the game. Everyone’s already seen it, it doesn’t need to
be there.
opening of the game. Everyone’s already seen it, it doesn’t need to
be there.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
This chapter really didn’t go anywhere.
You really don’t need to establish your character was born and named.
If you really feel you want to, at least write a proper chapter as
well to go with it instead of stopping before anything at all
interesting happens.
You really don’t need to establish your character was born and named.
If you really feel you want to, at least write a proper chapter as
well to go with it instead of stopping before anything at all
interesting happens.
(0)
Write out numbers with letters.
[Let’s do an awesome camera zoom into
his house. *Zwoom!* that was pretty awesome. ]
his house. *Zwoom!* that was pretty awesome. ]
I can see what you’re trying to do, but
it’s pretty pointless, isn’t it? You’re writing this like it’s an
episode and we can actually see the stuff to liven the narration up,
but we can’t and therefore it isn’t. It’s just a waste of two lines.
it’s pretty pointless, isn’t it? You’re writing this like it’s an
episode and we can actually see the stuff to liven the narration up,
but we can’t and therefore it isn’t. It’s just a waste of two lines.
Trainers start at ten. Watching a
sixteen year old struggle to deal with what ten year olds can handle
just fine is not impressive.
sixteen year old struggle to deal with what ten year olds can handle
just fine is not impressive.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[His outfit consisted of a non-douchbag
v-neck, ]
v-neck, ]
I’ll be the judge of that, thank you.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
Well, that was a waste of a chapter.
You don’t need to show your character going to a professor for a
pokemon. If they have a starter, people can fill in the professor
part themselves from the thousands upon thousands of other fics that
have already covered this.
You don’t need to show your character going to a professor for a
pokemon. If they have a starter, people can fill in the professor
part themselves from the thousands upon thousands of other fics that
have already covered this.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Ah, the late start with no explanation.
Look, was all this really necessary?
There are less contrived ways of setting this up than that he’s top
of his class and first in line but his alarm doesn’t go off and his
mom is super passive-aggressive and doesn’t bother waking him so now
he’s last.
There are less contrived ways of setting this up than that he’s top
of his class and first in line but his alarm doesn’t go off and his
mom is super passive-aggressive and doesn’t bother waking him so now
he’s last.
For example, removing the whole starter
business and saying that the professor always lets kids just wander
about to find a pokemon. If there’s some reason you’re particularly
attached to the idea of there being fewer options than usual, you
could just say kids leave on their birthdays and that he happens to
have a birthday right after a big batch of kids.
business and saying that the professor always lets kids just wander
about to find a pokemon. If there’s some reason you’re particularly
attached to the idea of there being fewer options than usual, you
could just say kids leave on their birthdays and that he happens to
have a birthday right after a big batch of kids.
And I’m really not sure why you cut off
with him seeing the sword. There’s no tension to it because it’s not
like I’m really wondering if he’ll keep walking or interact with it –
you set it up, he’s going to go check it out. It’s not a natural
stopping point at all, it’s like you just stopped writing for some
other reason and decided to post instead of continuing.
with him seeing the sword. There’s no tension to it because it’s not
like I’m really wondering if he’ll keep walking or interact with it –
you set it up, he’s going to go check it out. It’s not a natural
stopping point at all, it’s like you just stopped writing for some
other reason and decided to post instead of continuing.
And indeed this is just the second half
of last chapter. Also, you don’t need to do a whole song and dance
about how oh no two other kids aren’t going to do the pokedex
collecting stuff where will they find oh right the main character.
Just hand him a pokedex and get on with it.
of last chapter. Also, you don’t need to do a whole song and dance
about how oh no two other kids aren’t going to do the pokedex
collecting stuff where will they find oh right the main character.
Just hand him a pokedex and get on with it.
(0)
This isn’t a story, it’s just two
words.
words.
(0. But it does have a follow for
some reason.)
some reason.)
This completes the 18th.
Perhaps the last one is a technical mistake? And the author simply forgot to check?
At least, I hope that is the issue, just posting a repeat of the title is so baffling odd I am not sure what the intent could be.
Spammy satire of the ridiculously short opening chapters Farla’s been encountering so much lately, perhaps?
It’s probably a technical mistake, yeah. FF.net has been pretty volatile lately, and this isn’t the first fic I’ve seen which was only the first line and nothing more.
Hm, that would make more sense than everyone just going crazy.
A Nuzlocke story that consists entirely of the game opening about friends having a friendly battle. That just sums it up.