Whole lot of wording issues today.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11738502/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Certain-Uncertainties

[ There had been too few rules and insufficient administration. And in a world where creatures could breathe fire or shoot bolts of electricity, having sparse regulations had proved to be fatal. ]

Or as it’s known in fiction, interesting.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[But the Academy didn’t just let anyone and everyone graduate with a Class A Competitive Training License…
‘No,’ Red smiled with his thoughts, ‘No they only let three.’]

So not only overage trainers but also there’s almost none of them because obviously trainers work better when there’s pretty much no chance of them ever meeting another one. It’s a small price to pay for being able to go on about how incredibly special the main character is.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[While the Academy had enhanced Red’s knowledge and problem-solving skills and equipped him with basic survival tactics, his mind wasn’t the only thing strengthened. Rigorous exercise regimens designed to replicate and mimic environments found out in the wilderness were as much a part of his day-to-day routine as the lectures and skill trainings were. Not to mention the countless miles of cross country walking. Over the last three years Red’s body had been transformed into a tall, lean, and strong machine, capable of physical feats he would have deemed impossible before. ]

You just pointed out pokemon can electrocute people at will. This is meaningless.

[ The clothes were an added perk to receiving his Class A license. Made of a material Red would never want to understand, every article from the plain white t-shirt to the black socks would never rip, tear, or puncture. Resistant to fire and most liquids, he would be protected from almost anything, including stains or odor. He would never have to change or wash these clothes. But the thing that marveled him the most was their temperature control. Even now as he slipped on his red jacket he could feel every piece meeting a comfortable temperature.  ]

He’s not even going to get cold. Seriously.

Stories should not open with you listing off all the potential conflicts you’ve made sure to murder before they could happen. If there’s any room for actual problems left, you should’ve started the story there and only mentioned his magic clothing and super exercise when it’s challenged.

One review.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11738558/1/Not-What-You-Seem

You don’t need to label something as third person.

Write out numbers with letters.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Don’t shift between third and first person.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11738592/1/30-day-OTP-challenge-ComaShipping

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

This really isn’t enough for a chapter. It’s just two characters holding hands and then suddenly it ends.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11738601/1/Through-the-Years-Caustic-Celadon

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[“My mother met you about seventeen years ago,” Jeremy began explaining as Flynn flipped through the journal. “The journal said that you were only in Unova for a few weeks, but there are dozens of pages about you. After reading the dates and doing some math…”
“No…way…” Austin muttered, eyes widened at the implication.]

Okay so this is really the kind of thing where you say, “I need to talk to you privately about this.” Now, yes, if the other guy refuses to leave, then fine, drop the bombshell that his dad cheated with your mom and you’re his half-brother, but normal people make an attempt to not blurt that out and people who desperately need help because their mother was murdered and they may be next don’t want to piss off the stranger they’re trying to convince to help them by forcing him to admit to really private stuff. You tell him, you let him decide if he’ll tell his other kid.

Blocked!

Six because fic prostituting.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11738700/1/Amnesia-The-Sinnoh-Chronicle

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

[ The natural state of the universe unmanifest. ]

Unmanifest?

[Many people will tell you, ‘don’t go towards the light.’, but at this moment]

You don’t want to have a period and comma next to each other and you don’t want periods in the middle of your sentences. Just a comma would be fine.

“It’s” means “it is”. “Its” is the possessive form.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[tthe professors lab  ]

Apostrophe for possessive.

It’s “okay”, four letters.

While I’m happy to see a first chapter where stuff is happening, this is full of typos and wording problems. I’d strongly suggest a beta reader.

Three.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11738857/1/Supernatural

[a flock of Pidgey ]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[The Butterfree release happy squeals and immediately decided to gain nourishment from the plants.]

Your wording is very, very awkward and often has outright errors. I would suggest proofreading and a beta reader.

[These pokemon were Beedrill. They had recently started to make a nest in the tree that Michael decided to unleash his fury upon. ]

Nice you remembered to give beedrill a reason to attack rather than just existing to terrorize people.

“It’s” means “it is”. “Its” is the possessive form.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11739073/1/Pokemon-Team-Renewal

Try harder.

Two.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11739176/1/Princess-Protector

[She was eighteen! Most kids went on their Pokemon journeys when they were twelve-fourteen! Some went as young as ten!]

When your characters are complaining about your plot, maybe the problem is your plot.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Also, it’s delphox, not delfox. Look things up if you don’t know how to spell them.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[She patted the Delfox’s shoulder, “just until someone comes to check on me, okay?” She whispered. Dame trilled in agreement again but did it quietly. Serena smiled and kissed her furry cheek, “thank you. I love you and I’m going to miss you.” ]

And so even the hopes this would be slightly better than usual by having her start out with an experienced pokemon are dashed.

Two.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11739209/1/The-Litlenoids

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Also, juxtaposing a legendary pokemon with watching a meteor shower is rather jarring. Hanging out with Rayquaza seems a lot more interesting, and even if they really want to see, they could watch floating up in the air on Rayquaza. By having that at your beginning, it makes the rest of it incredibly underwhelming, which then makes the idea that the two of them are having a super-special shipper moment over the meteors harder to believe. Diverging from canon to have them watching while in the air or introducing Rayquaza at the end would’ve worked a lot better.

Two.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11739324/1/Do-You-Want-Me-or-Do-You-Want-Him

Write out numbers with letters.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You really don’t need a ton of pointless chatter. Yes, that’s a thing people do in real life, but it’s generally only interesting to the people talking and not everyone else. This should be pared down to the exchanges that are actually telling readers something important.

One, crit.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11739382/1/Pokemon-War-for-the-Two-Worlds

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Write out numbers with letters.

Script format continues to be banned.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11739386/1/The-Ache-in-My-Heart

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[Read me, Chloe. Nobody else can. Nobody knows me better than you. Read the look in my eyes, the shape of my lips. Look at the way they’re slightly pouted, barely parted open, as if begging for a kiss. Don’t I look like I need someone to love? There’s wanting in my eyes. There’s a longing, a tortured desire. Chloe, it’s there. It’s been there. It has been, all these years, please. Don’t tell me you can’t see it. ]

Maybe she’s just not into you.

Also, this really seems like it’s standard human drama that you just happen to refer to with pokemon terms. You even take a bit to explain that although supposedly your mute character’s psychic this affects the plot in no way whatsoever.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Three, because sad boys deserve all the things.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11739403/1/Pokemon-mystery-dungeon-the-story

Capitalize your title properly.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

“It’s” means “it is”. “Its” is the possessive form.

You really don’t need to repeat the game over again. People who were interested in this have played it.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11739440/1/The-Last-of-Zerodia

You don’t need to label POV.

Write out numbers with letters.

[The samurott scratches his head (A/N : don’t ask me how! Just go with it XD).  ]

You shouldn’t have author’s notes in your story. Having them exist solely to point out you’re a bad and lazy writer is even worse.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11739591/1/Tales-of-the-Phoenix

If this makes no sense apart from the main story, it probably shouldn’t be posted separately.

Blocked!

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11739656/1/Credite-Posteri

[The panic of the scientists running from one computer to another, trying to understand the meaning of the strange reading the satellites were sending, changed the peaceful atmosphere of the building into a jungle of knowledge. ]

Your wording is bizarre. Try reading this aloud. Doesn’t it make more sense to say something like “panicked scientists” rather than talking like panic is a distinct entity?

[His long three months in the Corporation seemed too long now.  ]

Similarly, you shouldn’t be repeating the same word in a sentence, and in this particular case it just undercuts whatever you’re saying – any time you’re saying “long months” you’re implying they seemed too long, so they can’t just now seem too long.

The whole thing has these kinds of problems. I’d really suggest a beta reader.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11739680/1/The-Lgendary-Twins

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[“How can I take care of the babies and still be in this job all the time?” Lugia asked herself. ]

“Oh right I’m a pokemon and the very idea of having to clock back in to work is absurd.”

[ Lugia gathered her powers and concentrated them on the twin babies, transforming them into humans, keeping their understanding of the pokémon language, but taking away their powers to protect them. ]

Lugia seems unclear on how “protecting” works.

Look, if you want kids who are secretly lugias and can’t think of a decent reason, there’s always nonsense prophesy to fall back on. Ho-oh shows up to say that prophesy says the kids must be raised as humans. You can even add that prophesy says they need to not have their powers or any other stuff you want. Prophesy can say literally anything you want it to. It’s not the best reason but it’s definitely the most versatile one.

Prophesy: for when there is no good reason.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11739710/1/Whirlwind

So is there a reason she’s sleeping with a guy who says he doesn’t even care about her without using contraceptives, or a reason she doesn’t even consider abortion?

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[ Like it was her fault they didn’t hold a wedding, her fault she had a son born out of wedlock, her fault that they don’t live together.  ]

No, it pretty much is. She doesn’t appear to have ever actually said anything one way or another over the course of the story so far, she just passively lets stuff happen while hoping somehow it’ll be exactly what she wants. It’s possible that had she tried to assert herself he’d have refused her, but given she never made a peep, yeah, she deserves the blame at this point. How was he even supposed to know she wanted a real wedding?

[And throughout all that, Dawn was never asked for her opinion. She was expected to listen, expected to follow his plans. ]

Of course not, who’d bother asking the person who never says anything?

If you want an angsty story about Paul being mean to Dawn, for god’s sake have her say things for him to shut down first.

Three.

Also seriously people, contraceptives and abortions. So many people fought so hard for you to have those options, you could at least do them the courtesy of remembering they exist.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11739853/1/Is-This-Goodbye

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You shouldn’t be labeling flashbacks.

“Your” is possessive, “you’re” is short for “you are”.

Three.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11739918/1/The-Daughter-of-Lord-Arceus

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Two.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11739932/1/legacy

[“Thank you for coming today. He,” she nods lightly in his direction, “hasn’t been well since it happened.” ]

You need a speech verb connector to nestle narration into the middle of a sentence.

This is quite lovely overall – the details are perfect and I love how you’ve written Silver’s feelings throughout.

Two.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11740020/1/Legend-on-Mt-Silver

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[A burnet man with a blue tear drop pendent named Gary replied]

Use spellcheck and just use people’s names. And if you must describe everyone each time, at least do something other than everyone’s hair color.

Write out numbers with letters.

[The only thing that everyone knows is that his coldly efficient and overwhelming powerful. ]

Your grammar is generally terrible. Proofread and get a beta reader.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11740116/1/Rookie

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[Seeing how Ash ran off so fast, it wasn’t unusual that he was suddenly lost]

“suddenly lost” is not a very good way of phrasing it and something like “ended up lost” would be better. You should really get a beta reader.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

“It’s” means “it is”. “Its” is the possessive form.

It’s “okay”, four letters.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11740440/1/Reuniting-and-Reigniting

“Your” is possessive, “you’re” is short for “you are”.

Don’t label flashbacks, it should be clear from context.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Two.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11740783/1/Guardian-of-Viridian

Write out numbers with letters.

[the youngen ]

Spellcheck.

[“What is it dad?” ]

If you’re using something in place of a name, it’s capitalized like a name.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[It happened so fast that if you blinked you might have missed seeing the bullet fly through the air and hit Jones in the chest, causing a patch of his shirt to turn a dark shade of red before he fell face onto the counter.
Andrew quickly stepped in front of his son and looked at the man who had fired the bullet. Standing by the doorway was a man in a black fedora wearing a dark grey suit and tie with dress pants and shoes, one would think he had just come from church, but this was no act of god as he cocked the silver pistol that was pointed at Andrew before pulling the trigger.]

Stories that use mundane weapons seem like they’re kinda missing the point of being pokemon fanfic. Criminals have other more interesting options and almost all civilians carry some sort of defense on them.

“It’s” means “it is”. “Its” is the possessive form.

“There” is a place not here. “Their” is possessive. “They’re” is short for “they are”.

This is supposed to be about superheros, but being able to go faster than a bullet doesn’t mean guns don’t exist in Superman comics so why should superpowers require no pokemon?

Two.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11741012/1/Options-in-Love

[May is the newest student at her school. (Don’t run away yet!) She meets all kinds of new people and two charming young men. Contestshipping vs. Advancedshipping. I know the summary sucks, but please read! ]

Okay, so you’re clearly aware that there’s often something wrong about these types of stories, but you don’t seem to have gotten to the next thought, which is that in this case you have to make sure your story avoids those problems and your summary highlights this fact.

[It was the most exclusive school in all the regions. She had somehow gotten in for her father’s fame. He being one of the most powerful man ever. It was a very large school with a campus that spread around 150 acres of land.
She was incredibly nerves. Everyone going to that school had been pampered there hole lives, while May hadn’t. Her father raised her on the life of a normal girl, instead of spoiling her on high class things and anything she asked for.]

Your wording is awful and full of typos, “their whole lives”, and if her dad raised her as a normal girl this long why did he suddenly throw his weight around so she’d get into the special exclusive school of ultra-privilege? Think about what you’re writing. Think about actual reasons for events.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Four.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11741016/1/A-Cherry-Tree-and-a-Sunset

[Ella began to hear their conversation as she got nearer.
“Look, Mia, I have t bid you adieu…” Evan tugged at the fur around his neck uncomfortably.
Mia giggled. “Aw, but why? We could have fun!” She winked, and Ella had to stifle her gag reflex.
Evan coughed. “Because, I’m staying true to another.” Mia frowned.
“…who?”
Evan looked over her shoulder. His face lit up when he saw Ella. He pushed Mia away and wrapped an arm around Ella. She felt her cheeks warm up.]

This would seem a lot cuter and Evan far less manipulative if this hadn’t started with him sending a text telling her to show up so he could make this big display.

Also, I really don’t see what the point of saying they’re pokemon is here.

One.