Dragon Quill

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.

And now it’s shitty misogynistic “love
triangle” stuff. I’m out.

[Even as a Sandshrew ]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[“Honestly, I’d rather have
another Heaven or Earth partner,” Ed stated. “It’s better
than having a backstabbing Abyss on your team. The saying goes that a
fifth of Abyss members go rogue. And this year there are going to be
five new squads, which means that there’s going to be five Abyss
trainers, which means that one of them is gonna turn traitor.” ]

So why exactly does the organization
keep training people who are go rouge? At least the Slytherin thing
in Harry Potter can get by on the fact the wizarding world apparently
runs on idiots doing stupid stuff because it’s tradition.

[Although you could technically quit
the Unity program at any time, the Abyss trainers who left tended to
become criminals, the most recently famous being Vance Fitz, who
Bryant knew all too well.

It’s not superstition when you just
told us it’s statically true. You can’t even say it’s a coincidence
because they’re deliberately sorting people based on their
personality types. If they’re going through all the trouble of
testing people’s personalities, why don’t they just reject the ones
who are a risk?

[If Bryant’s future Abyss teammate was
anything like LaRouke, there was most certainly going to be a
problem. He thought about what Ed had said earlier, but quickly
dismissed it. There was a huge difference between becoming a criminal
and just being a jerk and despite everything, LaRouke only belonged
in the latter category ]

So even when they’re aren’t criminals
they’re still violent assholes prone to assaulting other members of
the group. I can really see why they’re worth keeping around despite
regularly going rogue. Think about your plot next time, will you?

There are seven thousand stories just
on this site in this category with “pokemon” in their
title. “New” features in another thousand. There are over
four hundred “chronicles”, more if you include
misspellings, even more with “begins” and “beginning”,
and even more “Character Name”‘s whatever. There are
almost eight hundred with “legend”. There are fourteen
hundred with “journey”, twelve hundred with “story”,
almost three hundred with “quest”, and two thousand with
“adventure”. The different region names appear another
thousand or two times. “Saga”, “region” and
“champion” come in around two hundred. In sum, you should
try to choose an original title that has to do with your story in
particular, not something that indicates it’s yet another story about
a pokemon trainer.

Opening your story with a character
waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and
to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if
I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of
times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some
other, interesting point.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Everyone already knows the
get-pokemon-from-professor bit, so it’s a complete waste of a chapter
to spend it walking through that. If you have a plot, your story
should start there.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.

[Even managed to get her hands on every
Mega Stone known to just see her beloved Professor’s smile, hoping he
would stop her on her depart ]

Your sentences are worded really
poorly. You should get a beta reader.

[Flown off to a distant region where a
new journey would unfold]

So why doesn’t Serena follow? You’re
saying she’s bored and in a rut, why doesn’t she go to another region
herself?

Nonstory chapters are banned.

Look,
you really, really shouldn’t ask for characters. Doesn’t work right.
You get people doing all sorts of characters, and they may each be
fine but they don’t fit together properly. It’s like trying to
complete a hundred-piece puzzle by taking fifty of the pieces from
fifty other puzzles. They may all be good puzzles, and you may pick
only the prettiest pieces, but you’re going to end up with a mess.

“Its” is possessive, as in
“its story”, and “it’s” means “it is”.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.

And now random Japanese and yet still
no sign of anything interesting or entertaining. I’m out.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.

Semicolons do not indicate
sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically
correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously,
and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a
semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences
are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.

Well, it’s different than the standard
fic but there’s surprisingly little actual content. You’ve got a lot
of people running around fighting and apparently knowing each other,
but you don’t spend the time establishing what’s going to the point I
care. I assume you’re trying to be mysterious, but you need to
establish mystery as well.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[Mean less to say ]

Needless.

And now we have a cartoonishly evil mom
who somehow managed to keep her abuse of the kid secret until the dad
walks in and suddenly realizes what an evil harpy he married, and
also she’s been having abortions because abortions are things people
have while cackling and eating kittens. I’m just going to stop here,
I don’t need to see how much worse this will get.

[Ok so this is my very first fan
fiction. You know that episode where team galactic stole the adamant
and the lustrous orbs and the head of team galactic (that citron guy)
found out that both ash and dawn had both seen two legendaries. ]

The fact it’s your first time writing
doesn’t excuse laziness. Names are capitalized. That means Ash, Dawn,
and Team Galactic are all written as such, as is anyone else’s name.
If you want to write, you need to pay attention to grammar. Your
story is mess of errors.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Sentences always end in punctuation,
not just when you feel like it.

You don’t need to show characters
getting their pokemon. Everyone’s seen the professor scene a million
times by now.

Being a shouty nutjob is not inherently
entertaining and it’s certainly not endearing.

When used in place of a name, it’s
written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it’s
written as such.

Don’t label scene changes, it should be
clear from context.

Your characters having no personality
but lulzSHOUT means this is unreadably awful.

You wouldn’t
capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize
words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should
capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s
pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when
it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar
reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of
capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[“Pokemon
have still been disappearing from their habitats,” the
reporter said. Behind her various locations flashed on the wall. “The
reason is still unknown other than a possible outbreak of Pokerus and
Trainers wanting to take advantage of it.
]

As opposed to
capturing pokemon normally, which totally doesn’t make any pokemon
disappear from the wild.

[Because
reports of captured Pokemon have been disappearing it’s advised to
either keep your Pokemon inside their Pokeballs or indoors.”
]

Why would a few
reports disappearing have anything to do with what people should do
with their pokemon?

That’s a problem
with every other sentence of this, you seem to be taking a pile of
words and putting them in a sentence in whatever order you feel like.

[“That reminds
me….” He looked around. “The Forest is supposed to be
closed off because of what’s been happening. It’s so bad even the
Elite Four has gotten involved.”

“I have to collect all the Gym
Badges to even get to talk to them…”]

That’s possibly the
worst excuse I’ve heard for trying to jam a badge quest and a save
the world plotline together.

Look, your initial
setup, or at least what I can make out of it, seems promising. Wild
pokemon are vanishing in huge enough numbers to be noticeable and now
trainers have started disappearing as well. And…okay, it turns out
to just be Team Rocket as usual, but they’re way more dangerous than
usual if they have so much power and are making this much of an
impact.

So build from
there. Kid runs into pokemorph girl outside his blocked off by Team
Rocket town. Obviously the heavy hitters in the setting must be
either out of commission or on Team Rocket’s side. Pokemorph girl has
the goal of rescuing her fellow experiments, who must be all over the
place, and normal kid can have the goal of finding and rescuing the
powerful trainers/gym leaders/elite four members who would normally
deal with this (perhaps discovering in the process that some are
actually on Team Rocket’s side) or failing that, try to find a way to
stop Team Rocket on their own.

You don’t need them
going after badges to go on a journey. They already have a perfectly
good motivation to travel around.

[Epilogue:
]

Is the
thing at the very end of a story. Do you mean “prologue”?

You
wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t
capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time
you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name,
ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only
capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or
things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re
thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Write
out numbers with letters.

When used in place of a name, it’s
written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it’s
written as such.

[After I type my name in “Roan”
and hit Enter, the video continues:

This really doesn’t make the least bit
of sense and I’ve got no idea why you’re including super special
personalized with weird skip video beyond that you think working in a
reference to the game is worth tearing holes in the rest of your
story.

[Many
posters lined on the walls, of various bands and Gym Leaders around
the world. But one always stuck out. It was a poster of the a Gym
Leader from Hoenn, Flannery. She was a very pretty girl, and I
watched many of her battle videos online. She’s a very skilled Leader
and a genuine master of Fire types. Yet, there was something there.
Something familiar. I shrugged it off and went to lay down. ]

So he
desperately wants to know who he is, but doesn’t care when he feels
like he recognizes anything because plot says he’s going to go on a
pokemon journey and trip over the amnesia plot then so there’s no
point in trying to do anything else.