Eighteen pages, a lot of bad ideas.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[Tomorrow is the day that new Trainers
will begin their Pokémon journeys. I’ve been waiting to start mine
for a while- five years to be exact. But something always comes along
and ruins it for me. One year, I had to stay home and help my sister
through Trainer’s School. Another time, I broke my leg. And once,
some dip shit climbed through the window and stole the last Pokémon
in stock! It didn’t surprise me to learn that it was the narcissistic
son of Giovanni for that last one. Regardless, I’ve always been
screwed over some way or another. ]
will begin their Pokémon journeys. I’ve been waiting to start mine
for a while- five years to be exact. But something always comes along
and ruins it for me. One year, I had to stay home and help my sister
through Trainer’s School. Another time, I broke my leg. And once,
some dip shit climbed through the window and stole the last Pokémon
in stock! It didn’t surprise me to learn that it was the narcissistic
son of Giovanni for that last one. Regardless, I’ve always been
screwed over some way or another. ]
The majority of characters in the
pokemon universe don’t have official starters, so it’s pretty obvious
you don’t need one to be a trainer. Furthermore in both the anime and
the games, when this sort of thing happens the professor is fine
suggesting the kid come back a little later or handing out some other
non-starter pokemon.
pokemon universe don’t have official starters, so it’s pretty obvious
you don’t need one to be a trainer. Furthermore in both the anime and
the games, when this sort of thing happens the professor is fine
suggesting the kid come back a little later or handing out some other
non-starter pokemon.
This only gets more obvious if his
brother is Falkner, who does not own a starter pokemon himself and
presides over a gym full of other trainers who don’t have any of the
three.
brother is Falkner, who does not own a starter pokemon himself and
presides over a gym full of other trainers who don’t have any of the
three.
When used in place of a name, it’s
written Dad, in any other constructions like my/her/the dad it’s
written as such.
written Dad, in any other constructions like my/her/the dad it’s
written as such.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Semicolons do not indicate
sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically
correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously,
and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a
semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences
are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.
sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically
correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously,
and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a
semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences
are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.
[He looked very upset, but I ignored
his words and concentrated. When I was sure that the Pokéball on the
far right seemed to be calling my name, I pointed to it.
his words and concentrated. When I was sure that the Pokéball on the
far right seemed to be calling my name, I pointed to it.
“I want that one.” I said,
sure of my decision. Professor Elm raised an eyebrow.
sure of my decision. Professor Elm raised an eyebrow.
“You don’t want to know what’s in
it? I can tell you which-” He began, but once again I cut him
off, though this time no dishes were broken.
it? I can tell you which-” He began, but once again I cut him
off, though this time no dishes were broken.
“No!” I exclaimed. “Don’t
ruin it. The Pokémon chose me.”]
ruin it. The Pokémon chose me.”]
Wow, second time I’ve seen that this
month. Still terrible, though.
month. Still terrible, though.
If you’re really invested in him
getting a mystery pokemon, all you have to do is have him grab one at
random because he doesn’t have time to be picky.
getting a mystery pokemon, all you have to do is have him grab one at
random because he doesn’t have time to be picky.
[With resigned look, he handed me the
mystery Pokémon and a Trainer’s Card. I furrowed my brow and gave
him a look. “What about a Pokégear?” I asked. ]
mystery Pokémon and a Trainer’s Card. I furrowed my brow and gave
him a look. “What about a Pokégear?” I asked. ]
Why would he want that stuff when it
can probably be used to find him? And the trainer card is useless
because anyone who asks to see it to let him do something will just
arrest him.
can probably be used to find him? And the trainer card is useless
because anyone who asks to see it to let him do something will just
arrest him.
[“Igglybuff!” The pink
puffball in front of me squealed. I groaned. Damn you, Elm.
I had to hand it to him for putting one over on me like that. Later
I’d be angry, but right now I was too depressed to care. ]
puffball in front of me squealed. I groaned. Damn you, Elm.
I had to hand it to him for putting one over on me like that. Later
I’d be angry, but right now I was too depressed to care. ]
This is a good idea that’s marred by
how he brought it on himself by picking at random. It’d have worked
fine as an actual deception if Elm had claimed the three pokeballs
were the starters and the kid had picked whichever he wanted only to
be disappointed.
how he brought it on himself by picking at random. It’d have worked
fine as an actual deception if Elm had claimed the three pokeballs
were the starters and the kid had picked whichever he wanted only to
be disappointed.
“Its” is possessive, as in
“its story”, and “it’s” means “it is”.
“its story”, and “it’s” means “it is”.
You write the igglypuff cutely and you
have a lot of nice detail, but none of it works when every chapter
just hammers in that what he did makes no sense and had no way of
working out and you keep going on about the poor baby his brother’s
not a screwup like he is it’s so hard being him thing.
have a lot of nice detail, but none of it works when every chapter
just hammers in that what he did makes no sense and had no way of
working out and you keep going on about the poor baby his brother’s
not a screwup like he is it’s so hard being him thing.
Oh, pokefic, Truly you are adept at
snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.
snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.
(0)
Opening your story with a character
waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and
to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if
I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of
times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some
other, interesting point. Also, no one cares what your character eats
for breakfast.
waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and
to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if
I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of
times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some
other, interesting point. Also, no one cares what your character eats
for breakfast.
When used in place of a name, it’s
written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it’s
written as such.
written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it’s
written as such.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
“Its” is possessive, as in
“its story”, and “it’s” means “it is”.
“its story”, and “it’s” means “it is”.
[a Buizel]
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
…so, pokemon started to revolt
against humans because legendaries were fighting among themselves
therefore pokemon went crazy because it’s boring when people do
things for actual reasons and it’s much better to just say it’s
because crazy.
against humans because legendaries were fighting among themselves
therefore pokemon went crazy because it’s boring when people do
things for actual reasons and it’s much better to just say it’s
because crazy.
[Every legendary, good or bad, was
forced to take a side. If they didn’t, they would hunted by both
sides. The war started over a territorial dispute between Regice,
Regirock, and Registeel. The argument quickly avalanched into
legendaries wanting their own space, while some wanted to roam free.
]
forced to take a side. If they didn’t, they would hunted by both
sides. The war started over a territorial dispute between Regice,
Regirock, and Registeel. The argument quickly avalanched into
legendaries wanting their own space, while some wanted to roam free.
]
And how exactly did a territorial
dispute from between three legendaries in one area make all other
legendaries decide to murder any one of their members who didn’t want
to pick a side?
dispute from between three legendaries in one area make all other
legendaries decide to murder any one of their members who didn’t want
to pick a side?
[This resulted in Hoenn becoming a
smorgasbord of pokemon and it quickly became a difficult region to
travel in. From the roaming Donphan, Aegislah, even some Lucario can
be found in the right places. The gym leaders got way more
challenging, seeing as how they had access to new and tougher
pokemon. ]
smorgasbord of pokemon and it quickly became a difficult region to
travel in. From the roaming Donphan, Aegislah, even some Lucario can
be found in the right places. The gym leaders got way more
challenging, seeing as how they had access to new and tougher
pokemon. ]
This makes even less sense. If gym
leaders wanted those, they could be traded for, and it’s not like
there’s any existing structures in the games to keep foreign pokemon
out, so this would happen naturally just from trainers releasing
their pokemon.
leaders wanted those, they could be traded for, and it’s not like
there’s any existing structures in the games to keep foreign pokemon
out, so this would happen naturally just from trainers releasing
their pokemon.
It’s okay, four letters.
[I raced my way past the fountain and
the gym to the school. The school. The terrible place where we never
learn anything new, just go over pokemon types, status conditions,
the history of battling… ]
the gym to the school. The school. The terrible place where we never
learn anything new, just go over pokemon types, status conditions,
the history of battling… ]
Their society wouldn’t function if they
never learned math, writing or science. And he obviously learned more
history than that of battling because he just told us about some.
never learned math, writing or science. And he obviously learned more
history than that of battling because he just told us about some.
[Each year a region makes two trainer
outfits for the new trainers that year, which is why our clothes are
so similar, I’m one of the two trainers selected this year. ]
outfits for the new trainers that year, which is why our clothes are
so similar, I’m one of the two trainers selected this year. ]
Okay, so either you’re saying there are
two trainers per year, which is insane, or you’re saying the region
makes two outfits and gives them to two of the many trainers that
year, which is insane in a wholly different way. In both cases, this
is dumb and shouldn’t be included.
two trainers per year, which is insane, or you’re saying the region
makes two outfits and gives them to two of the many trainers that
year, which is insane in a wholly different way. In both cases, this
is dumb and shouldn’t be included.
[This morning an employee of the
pokemart in Rustboro city was held hostage by a masked man with a
hunting knife. ]
pokemart in Rustboro city was held hostage by a masked man with a
hunting knife. ]
Getting back to the lots of people have
pokemon issue, crimes and self-defense are also going to be done in
pokemon-connected ways. A gun might be enough that hobbyist trainers
and newbie kids wouldn’t be able to do anything, but a knife barely
works just on regular humans.
pokemon issue, crimes and self-defense are also going to be done in
pokemon-connected ways. A gun might be enough that hobbyist trainers
and newbie kids wouldn’t be able to do anything, but a knife barely
works just on regular humans.
(0)
Script format is still banned.
(8)
Look,
you really, really shouldn’t ask for characters. Doesn’t work right.
You get people doing all sorts of characters, and they may each be
fine but they don’t fit together properly. It’s like trying to
complete a hundred-piece puzzle by taking fifty of the pieces from
fifty other puzzles. They may all be good puzzles, and you may pick
only the prettiest pieces, but you’re going to end up with a mess.
you really, really shouldn’t ask for characters. Doesn’t work right.
You get people doing all sorts of characters, and they may each be
fine but they don’t fit together properly. It’s like trying to
complete a hundred-piece puzzle by taking fifty of the pieces from
fifty other puzzles. They may all be good puzzles, and you may pick
only the prettiest pieces, but you’re going to end up with a mess.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
[I sighed as the bell rang into my
ears. “Fine, I’ll head to your dorm after I put away my stuff.”
The Quilava got up with a smile and winked at me. He soon then
blended into the flow of students quickly leaving the room. I can’t
believe that guy… Everyone knows how much I can’t just deny someone
needing help with their homework. Each student here had someone pay
money to get their education in Capra High and the idea of someone
failing here makes me cringe. It’s more than obvious that he
purposefully didn’t do it in order for me to do most of the work for
him. ]
ears. “Fine, I’ll head to your dorm after I put away my stuff.”
The Quilava got up with a smile and winked at me. He soon then
blended into the flow of students quickly leaving the room. I can’t
believe that guy… Everyone knows how much I can’t just deny someone
needing help with their homework. Each student here had someone pay
money to get their education in Capra High and the idea of someone
failing here makes me cringe. It’s more than obvious that he
purposefully didn’t do it in order for me to do most of the work for
him. ]
So her character trait is being a
doormat who doesn’t care people have started deliberately taking
advantage of her? That’s not really interesting.
doormat who doesn’t care people have started deliberately taking
advantage of her? That’s not really interesting.
[I guess Walt and Volt are the only
ones who are going to enjoy these snacks with me.”
ones who are going to enjoy these snacks with me.”
I stopped in my path. “… Snacks?” I was facing away
from him, but I could feel the grin form across his face.
“RageCandyBars… Pokéblocks… Lava Cookies… Poffins…
Old Gateau… Casteliacones… Lumiose Galettes… They’re all here…”
He patted the box with his paw after each mention of each and every
delectable snack…
I turned around. “Open the box.”]
If this is a huge draw for her, why
would he lie and trick her first, infuriating her, instead of telling
her directly? He obviously knows enough that he thinks she’ll forgive
the trick when he tells her, so he could have skipped over the whole
affair.
would he lie and trick her first, infuriating her, instead of telling
her directly? He obviously knows enough that he thinks she’ll forgive
the trick when he tells her, so he could have skipped over the whole
affair.
Anyway, so far this really just seems
like human characters being called pokemon species.
like human characters being called pokemon species.
(3)
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Well, the idea of this is intriguing
but I don’t have a very good idea what direction you plan to take it
– showing Bianca’s situation is worth it because it shows how someone
like her is really hurt by her inability to be a pokemon trainer. But
the rest doesn’t seem to really matter much – you establish they have
boring school lives and then keep going on that far longer than is
necessary. N showing up at the end is a good cliffhanger in theory,
but I can’t tell if you mean this to be a story about dealing with
the fact he rewrote the world to lack pokemon or it’s going to
proceed from here as the canon cast in a high school AU and which boy
will Touko end up with, so I can’t tell if it’s a cliffhanger that
means anything to me.
but I don’t have a very good idea what direction you plan to take it
– showing Bianca’s situation is worth it because it shows how someone
like her is really hurt by her inability to be a pokemon trainer. But
the rest doesn’t seem to really matter much – you establish they have
boring school lives and then keep going on that far longer than is
necessary. N showing up at the end is a good cliffhanger in theory,
but I can’t tell if you mean this to be a story about dealing with
the fact he rewrote the world to lack pokemon or it’s going to
proceed from here as the canon cast in a high school AU and which boy
will Touko end up with, so I can’t tell if it’s a cliffhanger that
means anything to me.
(0)
There are seven thousand stories just
on this site in this category with “pokemon” in their
title. “New” features in another thousand. There are over
four hundred “chronicles”, more if you include
misspellings, even more with “begins” and “beginning”,
and even more “Character Name”‘s whatever. There are
almost eight hundred with “legend”. There are fourteen
hundred with “journey”, twelve hundred with “story”,
almost three hundred with “quest”, and two thousand with
“adventure”. The different region names appear another
thousand or two times. “Saga”, “region” and
“champion” come in around two hundred. In sum, you should
try to choose an original title that has to do with your story in
particular, not something that indicates it’s yet another story about
a pokemon trainer.
on this site in this category with “pokemon” in their
title. “New” features in another thousand. There are over
four hundred “chronicles”, more if you include
misspellings, even more with “begins” and “beginning”,
and even more “Character Name”‘s whatever. There are
almost eight hundred with “legend”. There are fourteen
hundred with “journey”, twelve hundred with “story”,
almost three hundred with “quest”, and two thousand with
“adventure”. The different region names appear another
thousand or two times. “Saga”, “region” and
“champion” come in around two hundred. In sum, you should
try to choose an original title that has to do with your story in
particular, not something that indicates it’s yet another story about
a pokemon trainer.
It’s “teenage”, one word.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
[“I’m sorry that my grandfather
inconvenienced you and asked that you let him drive us here.”
She mentioned in passing as she entered the large opening of the
cargo hold, bringing the boxes to the front for the mover. “Despite
his old age, he refuses to let others do the work, if he can help
it!” ]
inconvenienced you and asked that you let him drive us here.”
She mentioned in passing as she entered the large opening of the
cargo hold, bringing the boxes to the front for the mover. “Despite
his old age, he refuses to let others do the work, if he can help
it!” ]
This does not follow in the least. You
start off with her apologizing for her grandfather getting other
people to do work for him then follow by stating her grandfather
refuses to do that.
start off with her apologizing for her grandfather getting other
people to do work for him then follow by stating her grandfather
refuses to do that.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
This seems pretty middle of the road so
far. You have more background and characterization than the standard
arrive/find professor/journey start formula, but you don’t have
anything that really stands out either, and there’s no sign of an
actual plot.
far. You have more background and characterization than the standard
arrive/find professor/journey start formula, but you don’t have
anything that really stands out either, and there’s no sign of an
actual plot.
(1)
Script format’s banned.
(4)
Well that’s a title I didn’t expect
to see.
to see.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
When used in place of a name, it’s
written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it’s
written as such.
written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it’s
written as such.
[“I saw an Absol that day, too,
but I thought that it was warning me that I would lose in the contest
festival. When I won I thought it was wrong. Little did I know, it
was warning me about a far greater loss: my best friend,”
Midnight finished. “Oh, so that’s why you let her go,” his
mom said. “But if the pokeball was destroyed, why didn’t you
just put her in another one?” “Because when I took the
destroyed one to Professor Rowan, he said the when the Staraptor
punctured it, it caused it not to release her and the only way to put
her into a Pokeball was to put the identification chip from the old
one in it into another pokeball, but I couldn’t afford to do so.”
]
but I thought that it was warning me that I would lose in the contest
festival. When I won I thought it was wrong. Little did I know, it
was warning me about a far greater loss: my best friend,”
Midnight finished. “Oh, so that’s why you let her go,” his
mom said. “But if the pokeball was destroyed, why didn’t you
just put her in another one?” “Because when I took the
destroyed one to Professor Rowan, he said the when the Staraptor
punctured it, it caused it not to release her and the only way to put
her into a Pokeball was to put the identification chip from the old
one in it into another pokeball, but I couldn’t afford to do so.”
]
That is the most ridiculous reason for
wangst I’ve seen all month.
wangst I’ve seen all month.
(1)
Don’t post this kind of thing, it’s
against the rules.
against the rules.
(0)
Trainers start at ten.
Write out numbers with letters.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
[Sycamore smiled and excitedly shouted,
“That’s my boy! Now then, who of the three on the table shall be
your partner? Normally I’d have you choose between a Water-type, a
Grass-type, and a Fire-type, but knowing you, I’ve laid out some
more…unique choices.” ]
“That’s my boy! Now then, who of the three on the table shall be
your partner? Normally I’d have you choose between a Water-type, a
Grass-type, and a Fire-type, but knowing you, I’ve laid out some
more…unique choices.” ]
Your character is a sue. If you want
him to have a different starting pokemon, just say he bought it or
someone else gave him one as a gift.
him to have a different starting pokemon, just say he bought it or
someone else gave him one as a gift.
It’s gastly.
[As nice as it would be to watch
the Ralts become a Gardevoir, there’s potential it could be a male,
which it does have a different final form for, but I’m not
so sure it fits me ]
the Ralts become a Gardevoir, there’s potential it could be a male,
which it does have a different final form for, but I’m not
so sure it fits me ]
No, male gardevoirs have the option of
a different evolution, it’s not mandatory. Unless this is a very
badly worded way of saying he can’t stand the idea of male gardevoirs
at all because you’re a bigot.
a different evolution, it’s not mandatory. Unless this is a very
badly worded way of saying he can’t stand the idea of male gardevoirs
at all because you’re a bigot.
[Ghastly is alright, but I have to
trade him as a Haunter to obtain Gengar. ]
trade him as a Haunter to obtain Gengar. ]
That is indeed an obvious reason why it
shouldn’t be offered as a starter in the first place. Don’t have your
character point out plot holes.
shouldn’t be offered as a starter in the first place. Don’t have your
character point out plot holes.
(1)
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
[a Ghastly ]
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
And it’s spelled “gastly”.
(0)
Opening your story with a character
waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and
to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if
I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of
times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some
other, interesting point.
waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and
to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if
I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of
times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some
other, interesting point.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
(0)
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
When used in place of a name, it’s
written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it’s
written as such.
written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it’s
written as such.
“Its” is possessive, as in
“its story”, and “it’s” means “it is”.
“its story”, and “it’s” means “it is”.
[“Why are you here?” I looked
up in boredom. I was incredibly tired but not in my normal way. The
irony is that my father’s device worked. I was cured. The only
problem now was that I was in the world of Pokemon. ]
up in boredom. I was incredibly tired but not in my normal way. The
irony is that my father’s device worked. I was cured. The only
problem now was that I was in the world of Pokemon. ]
1) That’s not ironic.
2) Your character is not only cured but
in the world of pokemon and her response is boredom because
apparently you think terrible characters who don’t care about things
are insanely interesting and not so boring I’m quitting now.
in the world of pokemon and her response is boredom because
apparently you think terrible characters who don’t care about things
are insanely interesting and not so boring I’m quitting now.
If people learn only one thing from
this review month, let it be that readers are fully able to just stop
reading and never deal with your crappy story again.
this review month, let it be that readers are fully able to just stop
reading and never deal with your crappy story again.
(0)
Don’t label POVs.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Everyone’s seen the opening already, no
one needs you to waste time going through your version of it.
one needs you to waste time going through your version of it.
Don’t stick author’s notes in the
middle of your story.
middle of your story.
(2)
Don’t open with a character bio ever.
If it matters, it belongs in your story, if it doesn’t you shouldn’t
be wasting people’s time with it.
If it matters, it belongs in your story, if it doesn’t you shouldn’t
be wasting people’s time with it.
Trainers start at ten, your reasons
otherwise are as unoriginal as they are a bad idea.
otherwise are as unoriginal as they are a bad idea.
Script format’s banned.
This isn’t a proper story, it’s you
slapping up an incomplete scene that apparently relates to some other
story of yours. Don’t do this.
slapping up an incomplete scene that apparently relates to some other
story of yours. Don’t do this.
Also, punctuation and spellcheck are
not optional.
not optional.
(0)
If your story is nothing more than an
extended in-joke for another forum, it shouldn’t be posted outside of
there.
extended in-joke for another forum, it shouldn’t be posted outside of
there.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
(1)
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
“Your” is possessive, as in,
your story, “you’re” means “you are”.
your story, “you’re” means “you are”.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Well, that sure was a rushed jumble.
(3)
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
(1)
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
It’s “rattata”.
[“Gracie, use attract!.” The
attack hits, but it has no affect. “Your Gabite’s a flaming
homo, isn’t he dad!” I say accusingly. ]
attack hits, but it has no affect. “Your Gabite’s a flaming
homo, isn’t he dad!” I say accusingly. ]
Oh boy, edgy bullshit.
[“Gracie, kick that faggot’s
retarded ass!” I command. ]
retarded ass!” I command. ]
And I’m done with this.
(4)
[It is something of a contradiction,
how always following the rules means that you can get away with
breaking them sometimes. ]
how always following the rules means that you can get away with
breaking them sometimes. ]
That’s not what contradiction means.
[Understanding that through its
accidental discovery, KJ-19 carefully avoided reversing his
circumstances through their exploit at a cost of not knowing where
the un-crossable line lay ]
accidental discovery, KJ-19 carefully avoided reversing his
circumstances through their exploit at a cost of not knowing where
the un-crossable line lay ]
And now it’s word salad by the second
line of your fanfic. Spend less time on trying to sound sciency and
more time on actually communicating what you mean.
line of your fanfic. Spend less time on trying to sound sciency and
more time on actually communicating what you mean.
[“That old hen doesn’t care what
we want. She took her original trainer to victory in the League
regionals. Then they went overseas and collected all the
inter-regional titles. When her trainer wanted to go on a marital
journey next, Priscila broke her ball, broke into the home of a
semi-finalist she remembered favorably, and made him get her some
international playoff wins. After that, she left him and found a
coordinator and started a ribbon collection. When she finally ran out
of ways to become a champion, she came to us so she could produce
more champions like her. Yes, we make a lot of money, but we work for
her. ]
we want. She took her original trainer to victory in the League
regionals. Then they went overseas and collected all the
inter-regional titles. When her trainer wanted to go on a marital
journey next, Priscila broke her ball, broke into the home of a
semi-finalist she remembered favorably, and made him get her some
international playoff wins. After that, she left him and found a
coordinator and started a ribbon collection. When she finally ran out
of ways to become a champion, she came to us so she could produce
more champions like her. Yes, we make a lot of money, but we work for
her. ]
This doesn’t match up with everything
that came before:
that came before:
[she saw her torchic. Taking a hobbled
stride, she went to the window and gazed, trilling a very faint,
anguished sound. ]
stride, she went to the window and gazed, trilling a very faint,
anguished sound. ]
[“Can she stop now?”
Ulysses stood from his chair and approached KJ-19, resting his
hand on the combusken’s head, scratching his feathers gently.
“They’re going to get at least one more out of her.”
“It’s killing her.”
Ulysses motioned to KJ-19 that they should leave the room. “Did
you read her chart?” KJ-19 stopped walking. “She is dying,
slowly. That makes her more expensive to care for, and that means she
has to keep laying her golden eggs.”]
So she’s anguished by what’s happening,
“they” are the ones getting the eggs and “she has”
to do this. But it’s really all her choice to die laying eggs for
them? And it immediately goes from there to another super happy girl
blaziken pushing her handler everywhere followed by stating the older
one totally chose all this, so I guess the latter interpretation is
what you meant, but it’s really not presented very convincingly –
having him wonder why she was still laying eggs and not get told
“because money duh” as the first answer with the “no
no it’s really all her choice” only coming after would really
help there.
“they” are the ones getting the eggs and “she has”
to do this. But it’s really all her choice to die laying eggs for
them? And it immediately goes from there to another super happy girl
blaziken pushing her handler everywhere followed by stating the older
one totally chose all this, so I guess the latter interpretation is
what you meant, but it’s really not presented very convincingly –
having him wonder why she was still laying eggs and not get told
“because money duh” as the first answer with the “no
no it’s really all her choice” only coming after would really
help there.
(1)
You’re misspelling pokemon species left
and right, as well as Johto. Look up words when you don’t know how
you should write them.
and right, as well as Johto. Look up words when you don’t know how
you should write them.
If you’re having a kid raised by
pokemon, he probably wouldn’t keep his family members in pokeballs.
pokemon, he probably wouldn’t keep his family members in pokeballs.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
[“Awww! What’s wrong little boy?
You’re sad that you lost!”
You’re sad that you lost!”
When I looked at the direction of the female voice, I see a
trainer crying in his arms while a female, blond trainer just mocks
him. If there is one thing I hate more than sore losers, it is sore
winners…Apparently, who ever this chick is, she is pretty popular.
There is an entire line of male trainers that probably wants to
battle her. Am I interested? Not at all, I wasted enough time having
Father telling me the story about my mother.
“Hey.” I asked the person in the back of the huge line.
He turns to me in response. “Why is everyone waiting in line to
battle this person? Is she a gym leader?”
“Although she haves the strength of one, that is not the
reason. She offered to be in a relationship with anyone who can beat
her.” He shrugged.
I am almost speechless “…You’re kidding right…?”
“Nope, but don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to be her
boyfriend or anything. I heard she haves three gym badges. Since I
only have two, I want to experience the type of strength one would
need to beat my next Gym leader,” He explained.]
No.
(1)
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Semicolons do not indicate
sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically
correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously,
and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a
semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences
are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.
sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically
correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously,
and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a
semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences
are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Well, your character’s reactions to
this is basically eh whatever, which is pretty dull, but at least
they’re explaining what happened and asking for help.
this is basically eh whatever, which is pretty dull, but at least
they’re explaining what happened and asking for help.
(1)
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
Don’t jump between first and third
person.
person.
(3)
You screwed up posting this somehow.
Fix it.
Fix it.
(0)
[DNA synchronization process ]
Don’t just throw DNA into a sentence to
make it sound scientific.
make it sound scientific.
This is somewhat different, but you
don’t actually explain anything about what’s going on, or even take
the time to set up some nagging mysteries. Ash has entered a game,
chapter then lurches to a halt.
don’t actually explain anything about what’s going on, or even take
the time to set up some nagging mysteries. Ash has entered a game,
chapter then lurches to a halt.
(1)
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Semicolons do not indicate
sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically
correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously,
and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a
semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences
are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.
sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically
correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously,
and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a
semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences
are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.
[Team Rocket captured the two legendary
Pokémon of thunder and lighting, Raijin; this caused all of the
legendary Pokémon to wage war with help from every other Pokémon in
the world and it’s still continuing to this day. ]
Pokémon of thunder and lighting, Raijin; this caused all of the
legendary Pokémon to wage war with help from every other Pokémon in
the world and it’s still continuing to this day. ]
Why didn’t the humans just help release
the two legendaries? Also, why do the two legendary pokemon
apparently have one name?
the two legendaries? Also, why do the two legendary pokemon
apparently have one name?
[I live in one of the few places that
doesn’t expand much, each married couple are allowed to have one kid
and some random number of those are picked to be Pokémon Rangers. ]
doesn’t expand much, each married couple are allowed to have one kid
and some random number of those are picked to be Pokémon Rangers. ]
If two people have one kid then their
population should be plummeting, not just not expanding very much.
Also, what sort of idiots pick kids at random for a job instead of
picking them by merit or who actually wants it?
population should be plummeting, not just not expanding very much.
Also, what sort of idiots pick kids at random for a job instead of
picking them by merit or who actually wants it?
[So we are basically Pokémon Trainers
but we raise are Pokémon with care, and we only kill wild Pokémon,
we release those we cannot tame. ]
but we raise are Pokémon with care, and we only kill wild Pokémon,
we release those we cannot tame. ]
Aside from the fact you need to
proofread better, you do realize that saying they kill wild pokemon
and release untameable pokemon contradicts, right?
proofread better, you do realize that saying they kill wild pokemon
and release untameable pokemon contradicts, right?
Write out numbers with letters.
And then your chapter suddenly cuts off
right when it’s time for something to actually happen that might be
interesting. Chapters need to be slightly longer than this.
right when it’s time for something to actually happen that might be
interesting. Chapters need to be slightly longer than this.
(1)
And so, done with the 20th.
Okay, wasn’t expecting to see Best Her to Bed Her in pokemon fanfic (at least, not human-on-human, because now that I think about it, that’s essentially the plot of moemon stuff and urgh no why…).
That being said, [The argument quickly avalanched] is my favorite part of this post. It’s oddly effective in escalating the concept of a situation snowballing to legendary proportions.
“The war started over a territorial dispute between Regice, Regirock, and Registeel. ”
They were at war because each accused the others of copying it’s name
[Understanding that through its accidental discovery, KJ-19 carefully avoided reversing his circumstances through their exploit at a cost of not knowing where the un-crossable line lay ]
OMG, I think he is C Paolini in disguise.