Variety continues. Mostly it’s bad variety, but still, better than being just boring.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10984170/1/Pokemon-Epic-The-Tale-of-Three-Kings

Write out numbers with letters.

[ (a Blastoise) ]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

This is a weird and unwieldy fic. There might be something you could do with the idea of known characters being pokemon, but everyone’s so insanely OOC that I don’t know why you bothered.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10984205/1/Kindred-Spirits

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Write out numbers with letters.

Two.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10984449/1/Grovyle-Between-Time-and-Darkness

Semicolons do not indicate sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously, and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

[some Sableye ]

Isn’t capitalized, because you don’t say “some Ronald”. You only capitalize when something’s a person’s name. If they’re talking about Sableye, yes. If they’re talking about a bunch of sableye, no.

Twelve.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10984462/1/Pokemon-Daycare-Adventures-with-Quincy-The-Wobbuffet

Script format continues to be banned.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10984496/1/The-Other-Side

[making the Leader of Team Rocket smile. ]

Don’t capitalize leader.

[ Brown eyes were seen through the gasses sitting at the top of her nose. ]

Glasses.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

Write out numbers with letters.

I think something ate your scene breaks.

Well, I like how there’s so much plot going on, and that there’s two enemy teams in play and even more factions total. This seems promising.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10984514/1/XY-Kalos-Saga

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Semicolons do not indicate sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously, and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.

Kids get pokemon really isn’t a plot, and having one of the kids be Ash doesn’t change that.

Blocked!

Five.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10984551/1/Places-to-Be-Things-to-Do

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[Against her better judgment, she had elected to use Buneary in the second round. She knew fighting-types were strong against normal-types—but she had been sure that Buneary’s ice beam would make it impossible for the opponent to fight. Once the floor had been covered in ice, the Pokémon would have nowhere to go. ]

This really doesn’t seem worthy of suicide. “Against her better judgment” even means that she knew it wasn’t the best idea from the start. It’s certainly frustrating to lose in a situation like that, but it’s a mistake she’d never make again, so it’s not exactly something to quit forever over.

If you want Dawn so upset as to commit suicide over a loss, a much better reason would be that she didn’t screw anything up, didn’t decide to do anything she wasn’t sure of, did an absolutely perfect job as far as she can tell and it still wasn’t good enough.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10984552/1/The-Aura

Wow, the ethics of this make no sense.

So the king is king because he is very strong and can beat anybody. But then he isn’t so strong, so Glaceon attacks! “The king valiantly tried to defend himself” you say, but how is that valiant? And why does everyone else intervene? Kingship is about being the most powerful, and his rule was founded on how ” Anybody who dared to challenge him were quickly detered after seeing him demonstrate the power he possessed.  ” but when Glaceon does what he does, the rest of them try to stop her?

“Everybody thought that the kingdom would be safe with Glaceon locked in the dungeon.  ” Also that it was safe while Glaceon was trying to murder the king, because even if some kings are so deluded as to think the kingdom is just an extension of themselves, no one else does.

“She ran away from the kingdom and headed for the north mountains, where her reign of terror would begin anew. ” What reign of terror? She tried to murder one guy – a guy who apparently ruled on the basis he could beat everyone else up, and appears to have delegated the actual running of his kingdom to other people.

“Using her powers of ice, Glaceon created an army of ice beasts. She created new species, new powers, and even created ice weapons. Glaceon led her army towards the kingdom, determined to end the king’s reign. Her army ravaged the kingdom, and all who interfered.  ” Why didn’t she just murder the king? Why didn’t everyone else, seeing her clear king-right of being able to beat them up, go over to her side and abandon the weak current king?

“Glaceon’s army was destroyed by the power of the aura, rendering her powerless. Lucario confronted Glaceon, and nearly killed her. Glaceon didn’t attempt to fight back, she was helpless. But Lucario took pity on her, and spared her life. Glaceon escaped, but not before she swore revenge against Lucario.
After the battle was over, Lucario was announced as the new king.”

So when she does it, she’s evil, but when some new guy comes in to steal the crown himself, that’s good and now he’s a good king yay?

Also why yes it sure is awkward that your story is basically that only boys can get thrones and when girls try to do literally the exact same thing they are evil people who should be locked up and will kill everyone if they’re not.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10984580/1/I-am-an-It

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[A gender. Go on, laugh. But it was something I envied the rest for having. Velvet, Melia and Ceyla – females. Mirage, Caramel, that Grunt- males. ]
[That was the night I lost interest in a gender. I didn’t want one anymore. It was all okay as long as I had it, and it had me. ]

This seems fumbled. Porygon seems to be longing for a gender simply because it lacks one, so finding another person who also lacks it shouldn’t solve the problem. If it’s that Porygon feels lonely (say, the others are pairing up), or if it’s not envy but feeling like an outsider for being the only one like that, then it’d make more sense finding someone else would solve the problem.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10984636/1/Notes-in-a-Melody

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[The boy’s cried slowed and quieted slightly as a Rattata poked its head out of the trees, red eyes round. Her eyes widened and she chirped in distress as her eyes fell upon the scene. ]

Try to keep gender consistent. If she’s a she the rest of the time, she shouldn’t be introduced as an it.

Semicolons do not indicate sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously, and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.

I don’t see why you’re calling the kid Ash. It’s a year old kid, he’s not going to have any of Ash’s personality or experiences with his mother dead and growing up with pokemon, and even just keeping his name is requiring the ridiculous fiat of the pokemon just happening to decide to call him that. He’s an OC, why the ridiculous insistence otherwise?

When did this whole “I can’t use OCs I have to call him Ash” nonsense start? I know there were a bunch of sue-Ash characters last year, but I thought that was based on being annoyed at Ash’s specific mistakes and wanting to write someone who didn’t make them. This year it seems like I’ve wandered into any other fandom where OCs are hated so people keep using the same handful of names for them.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10984663/1/Growing-Up

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

[“Well boys, looks like we found some new prey.” the largest one said, smiling evilly at the Vulpix.]

You know, she just said she regularly eats other pokemon. It’s hard to take you seriously when you try to make these guys evil for doing the exact same thing.

[“Our hunting grounds are almost empty!” the Mightyena snarled.
“That is because you were wasteful! You hunted anything that crossed your path! Even when you were not hungry!” the Pokemon roared, “We could smell the rotting bodies all the way over here!”]

Yeah, no. Nothing actually acts like this, ever. The closest is killing things to eat the best parts of them and leaving the rest, and even that’s extremely rare because it’s actually kind of hard to hunt food and there’s just not enough hours in the day left over.

The training bit is decent, but begs the question of why she seems to be making it up as she goes along rather than her family teaching her anything. You say at the beginning that she’s simply small in size but equal in power, but that’s not really what a runt is – they’re less developed than their siblings, and if that was the case, then it’d make sense that she just wasn’t up to learning more advanced moves back when she was with her parents.

[She could learn Quick Attack! That could cover up her Scratch and could be replaced later with something better if the time came. ]

Also dear god do not talk about moves “replacing” each other. The four move format is a weird game convention that really doesn’t make any sense as part of an actual world. Just have her learn new moves and be done with it.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10984772/1/Nightingale

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10984801/1/The-One-Called-Master

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

[ Arceus has been waiting for years, for a human to become worthy enough to be called pokemon master. After years of the human never showing up, The god concluded that the pokemon master would never be created by natural causes. ]

What you seem to be tripping over is the fact that a pokemon master is just a person who is really good at training pokemon and winning against other trainers. It isn’t a magic chosen one thing. The only possible reason for Arceus to be invested in finding a human who’s mastered pokemon battles is if it really wants to have a trainer but only a trainer who’s worthy, and that’s a really pathetic goal.

Also, stop with the random capitalization.

Ah, for the days I too was stupid enough to talk at length about the deep mystery of “but what is a pokemon master really?”

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10984935/1/How-Could-You

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

Semicolons do not indicate sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously, and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Zero.

Also just realized I reviewed this person before and said the exact same thing last time.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10984965/1/Making-It-Better

Semicolons do not indicate sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously, and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

[the pinkette  ]

NO.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10985072/1/The-Gamer

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Write out numbers with letters.

Good god is this boring.

This is about what if Ash had a youtube channel. Seriously.

Zero.

On that we end the 19th.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10985231/1/Ketchup

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

And huh, not sure where you’re going with this but despite being lengthy and roundabout your sentences remain understandable, which is a rare thing to see.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10985325/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-The-Death-Pheonix

Don’t ask for OCs. Make up what OCs your story actually needs to fit whatever purpose you need them for.

Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.

[“Cool, I’m Lillian, nice to kiss-date-meet you, yeah, that!” Lillian internally kicked herself for her stupidity.]

People don’t actually do this.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

[So, recap, Lillian chose a Fenniken, thought she killed Shauna’s Chespin, and has a crush.]

Or even quicker: nothing happened. First chapters are supposed to show what your story is about. Is the answer supposed to be nothing?

[And, is Lysander talking about the Ultimate Weapon, or the legendary manifestation of death?]

Who gives a damn when he plans to use both?

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10985344/1/Pokemon-Mystery-Dungeon-Twisted-Destinies

“Your” is possessive, “you’re” is short for “you are”.

[“Uh huh. So what are these two catalysts supposed to do, save the world?” Mew began to chuckle to himself while Bibi started to become annoyed with Mew. ]

Bibi makes a good argument – the dialogue here is pretty annoying. There’s an awful lot of setup and chatter to get across a very few pieces of information, and I’m not sure how much of it needed to be said right now anyway – you don’t need to lay out every possibility right from the start, suspense works better if we start with some information and more’s revealed over time.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10985344/2/Pokemon-Mystery-Dungeon-Twisted-Destinies

This keeps feeling very fillerish. The big where Daemon has to get the eggs is fine, but you spend so much time before that on them taking as long as possible to discuss what they need to do when much of this stuff should already be familiar to everyone involved. And despite all the time spent on how they mustn’t interfere, no one seems to actually have much issue with leaving all those people to die in an earthquake.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10985459/1/Phantom-s-Crown-Crusade

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Semicolons do not indicate sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously, and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.

This seems to be the usual thing and as usual, you really haven’t done much to explain how outlawing pokemon works. Pokemon are everywhere and they’re needed just to travel, so a ban would just cause society to collapse, plus you’re presenting this as a future of the pokemon world which means they needed to disarm the entire population first. Hard to believe they’d still be around after the attempt. And, assuming that somehow (magic?) the disarming worked, and they took all the pokeballs, Mae having a pokemon friend that isn’t in a pokeball is sort of obvious, and it shouldn’t be too hard for other people to do the same and cause a lot of trouble.

[Sooo… I need OC’s! ]

No, you don’t. Make up characters yourself to actually fit your story.

Ck of the raped character is back! Different offering this time, though:
Rather great chapter 10/10. This seems pretty cool, so I’ll send in my own oc. What? I can’t pm. I’m a guest. (Although I break the rules for this quite a lot haha). Welp. Here he his.
Name: Charlie Kyld

Nicknames/Alias: (Titles? Pet names?) Usually called Ck (who would call him Charlie? Weird) Takes the Vigilante name of Blue Hood

Allegiance: (The Resistance/The Crown) the resistance

Gender: male

Age: 23

Personality: (Sentences please) Ck is a rather serious man, but for some reason he’s able to crack jokes at the worst of times. He’s very calm about any situation, and is quite smart. He has a sense of honor, but will break it if needed. He is rather cocky, hot-headed and bold, making some believe that he’s just a simple thug. At times he can be very brutal towards his foes. He hates people who prey on the weak and will become very defensive and protective. He is rather humerous to be around

Appearance: (Skin tone, hair colour, hair style, height, build, etc) Ck is Caucasian. He has short brown messy hair, and is rather tall (6’4) and has a somewhat lean build, but is still bulky enough to look threatening.

Clothing: he wears a blue leather jacket covering a white t-shirt with a blue sword logo. He has a ripped blue jeans that reveal blue metallic armor plating (hidden underneath all of his clothes) He also has brown boots. When being Blue Hood (always) he wears the clothes said above and a blue metallic face mask (similar to DC Comic’s Red Hood, the insperation) covered by a blue hood

Backstory: (A bit of history. Like… their family, what drove them to join the Resistance/Empire, etc) Ck was born in the far away sinnoh region, in Canalave City as the son of the guard leader. Trained in the rules of one of the kings knights, he was trained with discipline and honor however at 15, he begged his father to get him a pokemon. When they went to the royal supplier, Ck’s dad was suddenly ambushed by fellow knights. While they quickly beat them, Ck’s father explained that the king’s men don’t always treat their pokemon well and as a Dreiser because Ck’s father intervened too much, it made the king angry. As they attempted to leave into safe ground, Ck’s father was shot in the back with a barrage of arrows and a squad of knights appeared. Ck filled with rage, tried his best to fight back but was overwhelmed. When a knight was about to behead him, a group of resistance members appered and were able to carry him away. Hidden in a base on iron island, the “resistance members” revealed that they were simply common thugs and were going to use him as an experiment. As they filled him with mixed fighting type pokemon DNA, he suddenly was filled with rage and quickly killed everyone thug. Suddenly becoming more brutal and sadistic, ck took the thugs weapons and the special armor they created for him, and decided to fight both the king’s men and the common criminal. Now the vigilante known as Blue Hood, he brutally took down his foes and kept pokemon safe from the worst of the worst. At 20 he was approached by the true resistance and decided that he was ready to fight the king officially. Only problem, when he joined..he didn’t have a pokemon. So the resistance have him Bert, a rash, “teenage” lucario that needed a trainer just as rash and brutal as a partner. Ck gladly took Bert and the 2 became fast friends. He quickly rose through the resistances ranks and became the 2nd most popular non leader member. He was relocated to Johto to get closer to the king to finally defeat him.

Romance: (YES/NO. Type of guy/girl they want) yes. He’s a guy who likes a girl that can be nice and sweet, but also fiesty and humerous (but Ck won’t use..other means to get her. So he’s not a perv)

Death: (YES/NO.) I’m.. not sure. I’ll let you decide (but if he dies, please make it later in the story and have an effecting impact) I fires I’d prefer if he doesn’t die.

Extra: (Anything I might’ve missed) Uses Guns, knives and moltav cocktails. Has an assault rifle called the avenger.

Pokémon: (ONE only.) Lucario

Nickname: (optional) Bert

Pokéball: (What ball are they contained in?) Luxury Ball

Moves: (List all the moves for all evolutions please!) Bullet Punch, Aura Sphere, bone rush, extreme speed

Personality: Bert is rather rash and hotheaded and quite cocky. He is very loyal however and will listen, but he will not train.

Relationship to partner: Ck and Bert are basically best of partners and they always have their back, but while they agree on a lot, they do fight often, usually ending up with them agreeing over the problem after a while,

How they met their partner: (Just a few lines will do. Did they hatch them from an egg? Stumble upon them in the wild?) When Bert was born from a lucario and a Hitmochan, he was filled with untamed energy and strength. He would listen to none of the resistance members and only listened to the leader him/herself. When he evolved, Bert was going to be thrown out into the wild or even killed when Blue Hood/Ck was initiated into the resistance. Needing to get rid of Bert, they have him Bert, and while he was very stubborn, Ck matched Bert In Stubbornness and Bert realized that Ck is his equal and his partner.

Extra: he has a scar in his left check and he has a blue headband.

Welp I hope you use my oc. So I’m out, Byez!

Nineteen reviews total, most of them basically “wow, this is less completely shit than most ones asking for OCs!” And yet people keep arguing with me when I tell them to stop asking for OCs because it’s such a legitimate writing style.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10985640/1/Mochi-and-Jolt

Got the author already.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10985692/1/My-Friend-Yellow

A drabble is the term for a writing exercise of 100 words exactly.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

USE SAID.

Well, this is cute. It’s nice to see Yellow as the sort of person who’d help a pokemon and then let it go on with its life, and it makes the pikachu’s desire to help her out in return seem earned.

Two.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10985726/1/Lost-of-balance

Eh, this doesn’t seem to be really explaining so much as dodging with a “because crazy”.

Zero.

Personally my theory for why the three birds start trying to murder each other is because they’re assholes jumping at the chance to finally be the only one.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10985898/1/Drew-s-Not-So-Crazy-Little-Antics

A drabble is the term for a writing exercise of 100 words exactly.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Three.