Going to try actually getting sleep.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11745672/1/Pokemon-Comet-Chronicles

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[Imagine if your dog suddenly started talking back to you. Imagine if it looked like you. That’d be a shock to anyone if it happened immediately. Except, this change took place over years and years of evolutionary alteration, right under our noses. As such, the discovery of the first Poke-human was still something of a shock. ]

…so it was a shock, except not so much because it happened slowly, therefore it was a shock? Your writing is really choppy. Try reading this out loud to catch this kind of thing.

“It’s” means “it is”. “Its” is the possessive form.

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

Starting a story with your character waking up is terribly overdone and was boring the first time.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[All-in-all the little tyke’s head ears and all, barely came up to my waist. And I wasn’t exactly the tallest ten-year-old to begin with. Heck, she didn’t even look a day over five. Perhaps that was her level? I distantly recalled my uncle telling me that one’s level didn’t always match their inherent age. Still, even I knew what I was looking at.
A female Nidoran.
She was so small! So friggin’ cute!
“I’ll take her!” my gaze snapped back to the petite entity before me, but her innocuous gaze hadn’t changed in the least. “Okay, wait, that came out SO wrong…
“Are you my master?”]

Well, my skin’s crawling. If that was your goal, good job I guess. Bye.

Thirteen because moemon.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11745849/1/Nomenclature

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Your first chapter should really get beyond people sitting at a restaurant with one of them being bored. Will anything interesting happen one day? You probably should’ve done something to indicate that this chapter.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11746014/1/Promises

[“Don’t cry, my Dear.  ]

So you wrote it properly in your summary but then the exact same line in your fic has random capitalization.

[Can’t miss Mother’s day, right?” ]

Always capitalize the whole thing. If a day’s name is Mother’s Day, that’s how it’s written. You wouldn’t write John smith after all.

[with her Mom.  ]

Meanwhile if it’s not used as a name, it doesn’t get capitalized.

[“I have to leave, Bianca. I’ve already relinquished the title of champion back to Alder. He wouldn’t have taken it, but he swore that it was only a little longer until Iris was strong enough to defeat him.” ]

Why complicate things when she could just pass it directly to Iris? It’s not like Alder even battles.

The scenes of this don’t seem to lead into each other very well – of reasons to look for N, because there was already a promise made is probably the most lackluster. First she’s concerned about neglecting her mom, then she finds out her dad dies and falls off her pokemon and almost dies, therefore she decides to leave her mom completely to go look for N because she wants to force the promise to come true. There’s not much connecting the events – if she had been spending time with her mom, that wouldn’t have changed her shock at finding out her dad died and her mom would still probably have called her immediately either way. The fact she almost dies herself barely seems to register for her, she just deals with the injuries her pokemon gets cushioning her fall. Then she decides to react to all this by chasing down N, then recaps the decision to Bianca then she flies off while Bianca screams at her not to go until she’s out of earshot because having one loved one die means it’s okay to abandon everyone else you have in your life due to N saying you’d meet again and your sudden insistence on making that happen sooner rather than later.

She definitely is upset by her father’s death, but that just doesn’t seem to connect to anything else about her decisions here, unless it’s just that her dad’s death drove her nuts and now she’s fixating on things at random.

One, crit.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11746022/1/Tenderloin

So, you’re posting the text of 1984 because…?

Three confused people.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11746113/1/Victor-s-Files-of-Team-Firestorm

This sort of thing belongs in your main story. Any time you’re thinking of posting something like this, ask yourself, Is this basically nonsense to anyone not reading my other story? Do absolutely none of them care about this? Then don’t post it separately.

Also, the only way character bios can be posted at all without violating the nonstory chapter ban is if it’s at the bottom of an actual story chapter.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11746161/1/Dreams-Come-True

[after that she had started making notes about what to cover in the first meeting of the Pokémon club.
They really need to know about type matchups and weaknesses. As for the genwunners they need to know about the several other types of Pokémon that have come out since then. Luckily this is only the first meeting so we will have to start with the basics about water, fire, and grass Pokémon. At least they all have a copy of the newest Pokémon game so that I can give them a tutorial/walkthrough.]

So I assume you’ve never interacted with any other pokemon fans in real life then. Also, you then decided not to even try to imagine other human beings and work things out from there.

First gen came out in America in 1998. People who are in high school are only going to know about the original games if they sought them out after playing the more recent ones. New types happened in the second gen, which came out in 1999. 1999, you may notice, is one year later.

Assuming present day and that they’re about sixteen, which is the earliest this could possibly be? The game that came out when they were ten was Black and White, fifth fucking gen. If they haven’t been playing in the intervening years, they’d have missed out on fairy types…and not care in the least because why would people who weren’t playing any of the games show up for a club about it?

Then let’s consider the idea that these people need a walkthrough when A) the games are for children b) they have gotten steadily easier over time. Unless the school lunches in this place are just blocks of lead, none of them need her “help” figuring out how starters work.

[ These other people beside me are your Senpai’s ]

Good god no. Why would you do this.

Get a beta reader.

So I’m pretty sure even the most shelted of homeschooled kids are allowed to talk to other children at some point in their lives, so what happened here?

Two, one crit and one author’s.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11746302/1/Swap

[around in pairs or couples. ]

That’s the same thing twice.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Write out numbers with letters.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Really not sure what the point is of writing humans then saying they’re various pokemon is.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11746550/1/A-Man-s-Mission-A-Beetle-s-Blood

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[A story that focuses on remaking the journey of the other guy from Pallet Town, Gary Oak. I noticed that a lot of what makes him so “good” in the Kanto series seems to just be that he’s being compared to Ash. His main advantages seemed to be that he’s Oak’s grandson and was better at capturing Pokemon… Which is only helpful in certain ways. What good are a ton of Pokemon if you ultimately won’t actually battle with most of them?
So, this story happened. 16 year old Gary Oak goes out to have an adventure that’s very familiar and at the same time very different]

What. No, what happened was he got everywhere before Ash AND caught more pokemon AND raised those pokemon AND got more badges.

If you don’t actually remember any of what you’re intending to change and are just doing this because you have an idea for an OC, just write the OC.

Who should be ten, because trainers start at ten.

Write out numbers with letters.

[Gary also ends up with a Pokedex that has way more information in it than the standard Pokedex.
Mainly because the Pokedex has always been a tad /too/ mysterious for me. Its entries only just scratch the surface, and usually do nothing but make me more curious.]

Again not how it works. The pokedex gives a general blurb about a given pokemon, but it’s repeatedly shown to be able to produce plenty of additional information when asked or when any relevant event happens. It’s just that usually the show only bothers with the initial blurb. You don’t need to jump through hoops to give him an extra special bestest ever pokedex, you just need for your character to open his mouth and ask the pokedex for further information.

[Error windows reading “Access Denied” became less and less frequent as the boy steadily hacked and dug his way deeper into the Pokedex’s files, into the codes and files beyond the reach of a casual user, doing his best to absorb and sometimes even modify the information. ]

Especially when all you’re doing is making plot holes. The data is there for trainers to use. There’s no reason to take up huge amounts of space storing things you then block people from ever seeing.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

And now he’s being grossly OOC with Ash. Why did you think it was a good idea to insist your character was Gary?

[“I am 100%, positively, irrevocably sure that I want this Ledyba as my starter Pokemon!”]

He totally gets a regular starter. For god’s sake, just accept you want to write your own character and stop dragging Gary into it.

Two, one crit.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11746775/1/Lamentations-on-Leaf

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Write out numbers with letters.

[She had come into his at the young age of 16, bright eyed, and full potential.]

Leaf was eleven. Unless you’re trying to say that she’s supposedly awesome but took years training to beat a single gym she had an overwhelming type advantage over, there’s a problem here.

[But he saw the hatred in her eyes as she delivered blow after blow to his pokemon, his ego, his organization, his pride. Her heavyset determination to bring him down, let her destroy minion after minion without remorse. And he let her.  ]

That a girl accomplishes things because she’s so hot guys let her is really not a ringing endorsement of her actual abilities.

[ From Lorelei, she got jealousy.]

Meanwhile, women near her age are jealous bitches about how hot she is because of course they are, the world is divided into guys who want to fuck her and women who are jealous of the guys wanting to fuck her because there’s no other form of interaction anyone can have.

[She could of had  ]

Could have, abbreviated “could’ve”. What would “could of” even mean?

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11746806/1/ash-s-quest-for-aura

Try harder.

Two, crit.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11746882/1/pokemon

Try harder.

Three, two crit.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11746952/1/Tenebrous

Write out numbers with letters.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[“Join our team,” Cassandra interrupted abruptly.
“What?!” Kaedyn whirled around to face her, disbelief flashing across his features. “Why should we let a villain like him join Team Freedom?!”
“Kaedyn,” Cassandra muttered, her voice barely able to be heard. “Remember what Cresselia said? Darkrai doesn’t remember what he did. We can’t punish him for something he doesn’t remember.”]

You can, however, punish him for the fact the first thing he did upon seeing you was attack you without any warning while smirking.

You really need more justification here. Darkrai should be acting in a way that suggests his previous behavior was due to memory stuff, rather than continuing to be malicious regardless. Cassandra should also have more of a reason for actively recruiting him than that he’s not currently aware he tried to do terrible stuff, such as wanting to keep an eye on him or hoping that their influence can make him a better person this time around.

Three, one crit.