Nine pages, starting with a terrible creepypasta and ending with a terrible OT opening.
This isn’t even an original sort of
terrible, it’s the same mistakes as always:
terrible, it’s the same mistakes as always:
Your character just does things while
thinking about how they have no reason to do them. They decided to
continue their game therefore they decided to delete their game to
see how long that would take, then they’re frowning because it’s sad
their team is deleted which happened for no reason.
thinking about how they have no reason to do them. They decided to
continue their game therefore they decided to delete their game to
see how long that would take, then they’re frowning because it’s sad
their team is deleted which happened for no reason.
Obligatory mention of hacking to make
it clear you don’t know what hacking is or what it does to games.
it clear you don’t know what hacking is or what it does to games.
Your character is a complete idiot who
doesn’t see anything weird about suddenly getting angry creepypasta
questions about betrayal after deleting their game.
doesn’t see anything weird about suddenly getting angry creepypasta
questions about betrayal after deleting their game.
The “creepypasta” is then the
usual whining voices about how what the character did is so super
mean and then suddenly he is dead.
usual whining voices about how what the character did is so super
mean and then suddenly he is dead.
Why does every one of these start
off claiming they’ve read all sorts of creepypasta only for it to
ignore all the rules of how those work?
off claiming they’ve read all sorts of creepypasta only for it to
ignore all the rules of how those work?
(0)
There are seven thousand stories just
on this site in this category with “pokemon” in their
title. “New” features in another thousand. There are over
four hundred “chronicles”, more if you include
misspellings, even more with “begins” and “beginning”,
and even more “Character Name”‘s whatever. There are
almost eight hundred with “legend”. There are fourteen
hundred with “journey”, twelve hundred with “story”,
almost three hundred with “quest”, and two thousand with
“adventure”. The different region names appear another
thousand or two times. “Saga”, “region” and
“champion” come in around two hundred. In sum, you should
try to choose an original title that has to do with your story in
particular, not something that indicates it’s yet another story about
a pokemon trainer.
on this site in this category with “pokemon” in their
title. “New” features in another thousand. There are over
four hundred “chronicles”, more if you include
misspellings, even more with “begins” and “beginning”,
and even more “Character Name”‘s whatever. There are
almost eight hundred with “legend”. There are fourteen
hundred with “journey”, twelve hundred with “story”,
almost three hundred with “quest”, and two thousand with
“adventure”. The different region names appear another
thousand or two times. “Saga”, “region” and
“champion” come in around two hundred. In sum, you should
try to choose an original title that has to do with your story in
particular, not something that indicates it’s yet another story about
a pokemon trainer.
Write out numbers with letters.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
[“No but today’s the day i know it
i can just feel it i will be happy and in love and nothing will stop
me ahahahah”Okabe cackles loudly]
i can just feel it i will be happy and in love and nothing will stop
me ahahahah”Okabe cackles loudly]
Your grammar is atrocious. Try harder.
(0)
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
[“Yes, I will,” Lysandre
started, pulling out a certain metal object. “And you can’t stop
me.” A single gunshot sounded through the room. Silence… ]
started, pulling out a certain metal object. “And you can’t stop
me.” A single gunshot sounded through the room. Silence… ]
Given she apparently doesn’t have any
pokemon to defend herself with, why not have her murdered with
pokemon like they do everything else?
pokemon to defend herself with, why not have her murdered with
pokemon like they do everything else?
(1)
There are seven thousand stories just
on this site in this category with “pokemon” in their
title. “New” features in another thousand. There are over
four hundred “chronicles”, more if you include
misspellings, even more with “begins” and “beginning”,
and even more “Character Name”‘s whatever. There are
almost eight hundred with “legend”. There are fourteen
hundred with “journey”, twelve hundred with “story”,
almost three hundred with “quest”, and two thousand with
“adventure”. The different region names appear another
thousand or two times. “Saga”, “region” and
“champion” come in around two hundred. In sum, you should
try to choose an original title that has to do with your story in
particular, not something that indicates it’s yet another story about
a pokemon trainer.
on this site in this category with “pokemon” in their
title. “New” features in another thousand. There are over
four hundred “chronicles”, more if you include
misspellings, even more with “begins” and “beginning”,
and even more “Character Name”‘s whatever. There are
almost eight hundred with “legend”. There are fourteen
hundred with “journey”, twelve hundred with “story”,
almost three hundred with “quest”, and two thousand with
“adventure”. The different region names appear another
thousand or two times. “Saga”, “region” and
“champion” come in around two hundred. In sum, you should
try to choose an original title that has to do with your story in
particular, not something that indicates it’s yet another story about
a pokemon trainer.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
[a Poliwag. ]
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
(1)
Taking the script for a movie and
changing a few names is not a parody, it’s just theft.
changing a few names is not a parody, it’s just theft.
(5)
Never open your story with character
bios. If it matters, it belongs in the story, if it doesn’t, you
shouldn’t be wasting anyone’s time by including it.
bios. If it matters, it belongs in the story, if it doesn’t, you
shouldn’t be wasting anyone’s time by including it.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Trainers start at ten and it’s extra
ridiculous to have kids of different ages starting together. The
older kids should be done with their journey by now, not starting.
ridiculous to have kids of different ages starting together. The
older kids should be done with their journey by now, not starting.
(1)
Drabble = 100 words exactly. It’s a
writing exercise. It doesn’t mean any story that isn’t extremely
long.
writing exercise. It doesn’t mean any story that isn’t extremely
long.
(0)
Semicolons do not indicate
sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically
correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously,
and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a
semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences
are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.
sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically
correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously,
and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a
semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences
are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
I appreciate that she gets a pokemon
before the age of ten and it being something other than the standard
set, but it doesn’t change the fact that waiting to actually journey
until thirteen is still ridiculous, especially when it’s for contests
and not even serious fights. If you must have her be behind everyone
else, I’d suggest moving her dad’s death up to close to ten and then
having her mother get sick sooner, rather than that she waits around
for no reason until thirteen, decides to go, then her mom suddenly
gets too sick and she has to stay.
before the age of ten and it being something other than the standard
set, but it doesn’t change the fact that waiting to actually journey
until thirteen is still ridiculous, especially when it’s for contests
and not even serious fights. If you must have her be behind everyone
else, I’d suggest moving her dad’s death up to close to ten and then
having her mother get sick sooner, rather than that she waits around
for no reason until thirteen, decides to go, then her mom suddenly
gets too sick and she has to stay.
And that went downhill. So she’s an
idiot who didn’t bother training her pokemon enough to travel safely
and doesn’t realize this even after a pokemon nearly kills her,
because she’s too busy being a girly-girl about contests, but luckily
a guy is there in time to save her.
idiot who didn’t bother training her pokemon enough to travel safely
and doesn’t realize this even after a pokemon nearly kills her,
because she’s too busy being a girly-girl about contests, but luckily
a guy is there in time to save her.
(1)
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
The character who hates pokemon because
of family tragedy or whatever is really not anything new, so you
really should have more to their personality than that.
of family tragedy or whatever is really not anything new, so you
really should have more to their personality than that.
[Did I mention my dad is a guy who
clears forests? Yep. We live in Mori town. Mori means forest, because
it is besides one. Ironic because there will be no forest soon. The
forest is full of those creatures and my dad is gonna clear that
place out! How great is that? Whatever, I’m still stuck in the
forest.
clears forests? Yep. We live in Mori town. Mori means forest, because
it is besides one. Ironic because there will be no forest soon. The
forest is full of those creatures and my dad is gonna clear that
place out! How great is that? Whatever, I’m still stuck in the
forest.
Wait, I still didn’t say how I got into the forest. Well,
the town I live in doesn’t live exactly next to the forest. We live
sorta above it. No not in the sky. We live on a cliff side, but not
exactly on the cliff. You have a while to while to get to the edge of
the cliff. Well, that is exactly what I did. I walked a bit too close
the cliff, and the ground under me gave away.]
I assume the way your character’s
tripping over their own words is deliberate, but I have no idea why.
People rambling along in way too much detail as they clarify stuff
that wasn’t even necessary to get into none of which is too
interesting is something I have to put up with when hearing people
who really suck try to tell a story aloud. It’s really not something
to be emulating in written form.
tripping over their own words is deliberate, but I have no idea why.
People rambling along in way too much detail as they clarify stuff
that wasn’t even necessary to get into none of which is too
interesting is something I have to put up with when hearing people
who really suck try to tell a story aloud. It’s really not something
to be emulating in written form.
(0)
Your story should not need a key to
decipher dialogue.
decipher dialogue.
Trainers start at ten.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
Ash was late for a reason, not just
because. Remove the reason and his alarm would have woken him at the
right time.
because. Remove the reason and his alarm would have woken him at the
right time.
I am really baffled why you feel Ash is
more interesting if instead of getting a grouchy pikachu he struggles
to work with he gets a generic obedient eevee. It’s like you looked
at the episode and decided it’d be way better if only every source of
conflict and originality was surgically removed.
more interesting if instead of getting a grouchy pikachu he struggles
to work with he gets a generic obedient eevee. It’s like you looked
at the episode and decided it’d be way better if only every source of
conflict and originality was surgically removed.
(4)
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
My, that was terrible and pointless.
[Star had just gotten home from school.
She was so excited! She just graduated grade eleven, which meant she
could leave school to become a professional pokémon trainer. Her
mother was against the idea, but how could she refuse? She just got
her battle license, and she did sixth best out of twenty-eight kids
in her gym class (gym class in the pokémon world is battling with
school rental pokémon) and passed all of her classes with flying
colors. But her mom wanted her to continue her school career and
major in Med-Ed, so she could become a nurse at the pokémon center
just like her mom is. But how could her mom turn town such a great
battler? ]
She was so excited! She just graduated grade eleven, which meant she
could leave school to become a professional pokémon trainer. Her
mother was against the idea, but how could she refuse? She just got
her battle license, and she did sixth best out of twenty-eight kids
in her gym class (gym class in the pokémon world is battling with
school rental pokémon) and passed all of her classes with flying
colors. But her mom wanted her to continue her school career and
major in Med-Ed, so she could become a nurse at the pokémon center
just like her mom is. But how could her mom turn town such a great
battler? ]
And this is why trainers start at ten.
Because that way kids can go out and be trainers then come back to
school, finish their education and get a job from there.
Because that way kids can go out and be trainers then come back to
school, finish their education and get a job from there.
Also, why does she have to be a nurse
instead of a doctor? Especially if her mom’s obsessing about
education?
instead of a doctor? Especially if her mom’s obsessing about
education?
Semicolons do not indicate
sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically
correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously,
and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a
semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences
are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.
sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically
correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously,
and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a
semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences
are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.
And still wangsting about how she wants
to be a pokemon trainer but her mom wants her to be a nurse and all
she has to do is walk out and be a trainer but no, wansty wangst
wangst.
to be a pokemon trainer but her mom wants her to be a nurse and all
she has to do is walk out and be a trainer but no, wansty wangst
wangst.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Don’t use ” for thoughts. It just
looks like your character is talking to themself.
looks like your character is talking to themself.
When used in place of a name, it’s
written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it’s
written as such.
written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it’s
written as such.
And now she’s getting double starters
on top of the fact she has a pet eevee.
on top of the fact she has a pet eevee.
Then her mom is told by the professor
to let her go which makes the entire subplot pointless except as an
excuse for the guy to talk about how he can see your character is
such a very special sue and so very great.
to let her go which makes the entire subplot pointless except as an
excuse for the guy to talk about how he can see your character is
such a very special sue and so very great.
(0)
[War. Never has something been so
destructive, and yet so constructive. ]
destructive, and yet so constructive. ]
Uh. I am not sure you’re really
thinking about what you’re writing.
thinking about what you’re writing.
[The day was January 21, 2045 A.A, or
After Arceus. ]
After Arceus. ]
Arceus created the universe, so there’s
no point in a Before Arceus/After Areus measurement that mirrors
Christ.
no point in a Before Arceus/After Areus measurement that mirrors
Christ.
Semicolons do not indicate
sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically
correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously,
and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a
semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences
are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.
sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically
correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously,
and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a
semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences
are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.
Well, it’s nice to have a first chapter
be full of explosions and death rather than all the nothing there
usually is, you’re not really using it to its full potential. You say
there’s an attack but the character doesn’t really react much – he’s
mostly practical about it, rather than shocked and traumatized.
be full of explosions and death rather than all the nothing there
usually is, you’re not really using it to its full potential. You say
there’s an attack but the character doesn’t really react much – he’s
mostly practical about it, rather than shocked and traumatized.
(1)
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
You need spaces after punctuation.
Nuzlockes are really not new here and
they don’t work well as fics, as the pile of failures shows.
they don’t work well as fics, as the pile of failures shows.
[Despite being born when at a time when
mothers were being extremely experimental with baby names, and.. had
a relatively unexceptional childhood. ]
mothers were being extremely experimental with baby names, and.. had
a relatively unexceptional childhood. ]
A combination of a terrible idea you
thought was clever for a name and tortured sentence structure that
would be a mess even without it. How did this seem like a good idea?
thought was clever for a name and tortured sentence structure that
would be a mess even without it. How did this seem like a good idea?
And now it’s LULZCRAZY Oak time,
because we all know idiocy is a great substitute for anything. I’m
done.
because we all know idiocy is a great substitute for anything. I’m
done.
(0)
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Don’t put author’s notes in your story.
Semicolons do not indicate
sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically
correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously,
and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a
semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences
are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.
sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically
correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously,
and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a
semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences
are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
[For those of you who don’t get this…
Ethan was joking that if Lyra came in a bit later; she would see him
changing in front of her… Naked, ]
Ethan was joking that if Lyra came in a bit later; she would see him
changing in front of her… Naked, ]
So not content with stupid author’s
notes, you’ve graduated to extra stupid ones explaining the stupid
joke you just made because you’re so proud of it that it needs
repeating.
notes, you’ve graduated to extra stupid ones explaining the stupid
joke you just made because you’re so proud of it that it needs
repeating.
(1)
Done with the 21st now.
Speaking of creepypasta, does anyone have recommendations for actually decent Pokemon creepypasta? I find them entertaining, but finding good ones is such a chore.
I’d just go to a creepypasta site directly and look for pokemon ones there. Everything posted to FFN has been shit.
My only complaint here is that not all trainers start at ten. Unova has its trainers as teenagers, and Kalos’ trainers are even older than the Unova ones (or they’re supposed to be, according to the creators).
“Trainers start at ten” is shorthand for “In the anime-verse where there are strict rules and age limits and you get a pokemon from a licensed authority, you don’t have to wait to be sixteen and it’s stupid to do so because we saw that a ten year old did just fine.”
In gameverse, preshoolers have pokemon and professors don’t give a damn about handing out starters to the new generation.