Reached the top and even managed to do it on time!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11750692/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Darkness-2

[ I opened it and inspected the cartridge. It looked real, only the title was scratched off so I couldn’t tell if it was actually real. ]

It’s totally possible for a fake to have the correct title. Looking correct is generally the aim of fakes.

It’s “okay”, four letters.

[ It said: “Welcome to the world of Pokémon” Ok, that was usual but the next thing wasn’t, “Pokémon and Humannsss live together and have been enemies since the beginning of YOU.” It misspelled humans and put you in capital letters.  ]

You really don’t need to explain what you just wrote.

[It reminded me of Asperita Town gone rouge.  ]

That’s the makeup. You mean rogue.

[ “It’s YOU! Hey, YOU’re going to pay for- oh…” Hugh stopped talking. I didn’t knew why, but he also seemed to put YOU in capitals.  ]

He didn’t “seem to”, he did. Very obviously. You just wrote it that way twice. Why do you keep doing this?

[I turned off the game. I didn’t knew what to do with the game. Throw it away?
I still have it… In my box of junk… It scared me too much…]

Then they’re a complete wuss. The game wasn’t even that complicated, someone could probably make a ROMhack of that in a day or so.

So, creepypasta haunted game etc stuff should have some actual story behind what’s going on or,, at the least, be so amazingly creepy no one cares.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11751011/1/The-troof

lrn2troll

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11751092/1/Married-for-a-Week

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11751122/1/Terra-s-Hoenn-Journey

Your title should say more about your story than that it’s just like every other OT fic.

Mind you, it’d also be nice if your story wasn’t just like every other OT fic.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Your first chapter should involve stuff actually happening, not a character planning to get a pokemon later. Do you have an actual plot to this? Start there.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11751125/1/Imperceivable-Beauty

Starting a story with your character waking up is terribly overdone and was boring the first time.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[“I remember how much you wanted to be a Top Coordinator, Alena. You’ve put it off for two years to stay here with me and your sister.  ]

As always, she could totally have been raising a pokemon.

Look at your own story here. The dad likes robotics and inventing stuff, right? So even though that’s not his job right now, he works on that in his spare time and eventually comes up with something great. We can look at this and see he’s someone who really wanted the job. Meanwhile, Alena does nothing at all toward being a coordinator. The setup of your story makes it clear she isn’t actually interested. She doesn’t even care about fashion – [“You’re going out in that? Why do I even bother asking? Of course you are,” Anya sighed as she eyed her sister’s outfit like it offended her. Knowing Anya, it probably did. Alena looked down at herself. What was wrong with her tee shirt and jeans? ]

So in other words, no, she doesn’t really want it all that much.

Blocked! One.

Also I think I’m going to edit something into the trainers = ten thing.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11751162/1/A-Different-Journey

Your title really should say more about your story than that it’s yet another journeyfic. WHAT about it is different? Because believe me, there’s no lack of stories that are Ash’s life/journey has some random change.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Don’t use ‘ for thoughts, they’re too close to ” and make it look like the character is speaking aloud.

[Ash quickly ran back to his house to get some Oran Berries and some bandages. He silently thanked Arceus that he paid attention when his mother taught him some basic herbal medicine that he would need to know as a Trainer.]

Ash very obviously paid no such attention.

Look, the basic idea of a story going differently is that you take an existing setup and character and introduce something new. That would be, say, regular Ash meets a latias and latios. Yours is that there’s two legendary pokemon meeting some other kid with a different personality and skillset. He’s an OC.

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

[“Professor,” said Ash, “I don’t really feel a connection to any of them. Are there any other Pokémon I can use as a starter?” Oak was surprised, but he hid it well. “Let me see what I can do,” he said, and walked out of the room.
A few minutes later, he came back with two Poké Balls. “These are the only two Pokémon I have that don’t have Trainers yet,” he explained, handing the Poké Balls to the anxious ten-year-old. “The one on the right is a Pikachu, and the one on the left is an Eevee.”]

Similarly not something that makes sense for Ash to say or Oak to respond with. You can’t violate the setup of Ash’s original start left and right and call it the same thing.

If you want to write about a pokemon trainer going on a journey, and you don’t want to work with the canon setup, then don’t! Just make up your own character.

Twelve because asking for votes.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11751195/1/Pokemon-Kalos-Adventure

Your title should say more about your story than that it’s just like every other OT fic.

Your story is text and trying to write up a theme song and opening is a waste of everyone’s time.

Trainers start at ten.

Write out numbers with letters.

Starting a story with your character waking up is terribly overdone and was boring the first time.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[Hey don’t you dare leave. Oh sure, I know, every Pokemon story is about someone who goes on a Pokemon journey but this story is more, this story is… ]

So you know this is a horrible opening wasting everyone’s time and you still insisted on doing it.

[“I’m glad I got a girl trainer,” said Fennekin. “I didn’t want to be trained by a stinky boy who only wants to defeat gym trainers as I prefer contests despite there silly names.”
“I know. What’s so good about beating up other Pokemon just for a stupid badge,” said Emma.]

Yeah, I really should’ve taken the hint and realized that someone apologizing for it being standard horrible must have produced something even more terrible than normal.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11751197/1/Unbound-Shadow-of-Doubt

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[Dawn took a deep breath before she spoke. “I’m sorry for keeping you in suspense all this time. But…” Her expression faltered for a second. “Yesterday I had a strange dream, and I saw Mesprit in it.” She shook her head slightly. “To be more accurate, I was Mesprit in the dream.”
The champion raised an eyebrow. “Continue.”
“It was really hazy, but I think I was watching the whole thing through Mesprit’s eyes. We were alone somewhere deep inside the lake, hiding from something damgerous. I don’t know what it was but I knew it was coming close. I was scared because I wasn’t even sure what I was fighting, or at least that’s how it was in the dream. Before I know what was happening, something grabbed me and then it became dark all of a sudden. I woke up after that.”
“It could be Mesprit’s shared vision.” Cynthia mumbled. “Whatever you saw might be Mespirit’s experience.”
“Or maybe I just had a nightmare.” Dawn said, taking a deep sigh.]

She should really have a better reason to think otherwise, because yeah, pretty obviously just a dream. There’s nothing here in what she’s saying to show why she’d think it was anything else.

“It’s” means “it is”. “Its” is the possessive form.

Two.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11751281/1/Revelations

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

“It’s” means “it is”. “Its” is the possessive form.

It’s incredibly jarring to go between an absol killing rattata for fun and a meal to them going to a town cafe where another pokemon writes down their order and they argue about who pays.

[ Eve was to be the first female to take over caring for Star Town. ]

Why would pokemon be sexist.

[“Well, I mean… If no one else is gonna drink it, I might as well have it, huh?” He swiped the glass and shrugged. “Besides, she’ll get over it.”
“You’re forgetting something,” Auran sighed.
“Really? And what’s that, hmm?”
“She’s a girl.”]

Oh, that’s why they’re being sexist. Welp, I’m out.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11751283/1/Mist-s-Hoenn-Journey

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[Pokemon had expected her but people just couldn’t ]

Accepted. Also, sentences need to always end in punctuation.

[“Yeah yeah I know you’re lonely.” Mumbled Mist understanding her pokemon completely. “The second we get there I’ll catch whatever friends you want!”
“Torchic!” Torch said happily as he jumped on top of Mist’s shoulders.]

This really highlights how bad an idea it is to keep the standard pokemon trainer setup when pokemon are intelligent and the character knows this.

[A Wingull flew past. “Alright scratch!” Torch ran forward attacking the Windgul  ]

Try harder.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11751680/1/The-Sky-Adventures-Volume-1-Sinnoh-Lost-Paradise

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Spellcheck.

Write out numbers with letters.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11751771/1/Type-Dark

[My story goes a bit differently. It was my tenth birthday, and I was expected to look forward to getting my first pokémon. ]

Yeah, you’re really not the first one to think of that.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[I brought my new presents to school that day. Some kids from sixth grade teased me for the Rapidash shoes, claiming that they were “sissy girl pokémon”. One of them took out his bulbasaur and had it lift me up with its vines by my new backpack until I slipped out of it and fell to the ground. ]

Except why are there sixth graders with unevolved starters still going to school?

It’s nice to see a character being considerate toward pokemon, but that just makes their refusal to have anything to do with the whole trainer thing harder to believe.

[I sprinted through an arch, straight into the town square, I looked around hastily to try and find a pokémon center, but in my frenzy, I couldn’t see one. I pulled out a blanket from my backpack and put in on the ground in the middle of the square and tried opening the pokéball, but I didn’t know how to do it.  ]

Everybody should understand how to open and close a pokeball. Also they’d know that it’s better to just leave an injured pokemon inside. Give the solution ends up being someone opens their door and intervenes, why doesn’t your character walk up to a random door and bang on it? It’s more proactive and less potentially fatal than releasing a nearly dead pokemon on the street.

Looking this over, there really doesn’t seem to be any point to making them someone upset about a pokemon journey and thinking their parents don’t love them. They could have misgivings about how pokemon training works and still think that getting to hang out with pokemon and travel is a lot better than staying at home being bullied.

One, crit.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11751812/1/Raging-Sky

[Conflict already met the peaceful world, causing many negative effect whom no one can escape. Many tried to live and make changes to the world, but none succeed. Until the day when the sky turned the table. ]

Your summary should not be riddled with grammar errors. If you’re struggling this much with English, you need to get a beta reader.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11751969/1/Random-Battles

Nonstory chapters are banned.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11752012/1/SCI-Supernatural-Crime-Investigation

Write out numbers with letters.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11752105/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Rebirth

Starting a story with your character waking up is terribly overdone and was boring the first time.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Write out numbers with letters.

You really don’t need to spend a paragraph describing each canon character everyone’s already familiar with.

[In fact, this new trend was really only brought about at the beginning of Lysandre’s previous position as champion. Before Lysandre, most kids were expected to become trainers at the age of 10, this of course brought countless problems and it wasn’t a rare occasion when the news brought about a new report of another trainer’s accident that had taken the life of the young trainer and their Pokémon. Lysandre had brought about a change and raised the legal limit to 16 and had also opened new paths beyond that of being a trainer. Jobs in hospitality, agriculture, media, and other fields had been introduced as well as universities for the academically inclined individual. ]

“Problems” being a hell of a lot more interesting to read about.

Also, are you seriously saying jobs didn’t exist before it occurred to someone that maybe it’d nice if their country wasn’t just a bunch of skinny trainers fighting each other while living off whatever berries they stumbled across?

[I realize that there are five of you and six starter Pokémon to choose from. I would like to ask two favors from you. The first is that I would like you to decide who among the five of you will end up taking the sixth Pokémon.  ]

Yeah noooo. He should really not be handed two pokemon in a row.

This is all very bland, and it’s not helped by the fact you explicitly say things have been changed so nobody gets hurt being a trainer any longer and there’s really nothing to worry about or any hope they’ll face an actual challenge.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11752151/1/In-the-middle-of-the-night

Capitalize your title properly.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

It’s “okay”, four letters.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11752167/1/When-You-Wish-Upon-A-Star-Gardevoir-TFTG

Write out numbers with letters.

[They even called me a furry when I mentioned my favorites were Lucario, Lopunny, and Delphox. God, those people were retards.  ]

Your character wishes to become a pokemon and it turns out that their other favorite is gardevoir, at which point they dream about their gallade husband. It sounds like the stereotypes and their friends were precisely correct here.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11752314/1/Pokemon-Journey-Aura-Starter

Write out numbers with letters.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Having everything happen the same except this time Ash is doing it with a riolu isn’t particularly interesting.

Three. WTF?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11752816/1/Dreams-Come-True-on-a-Snowy-Day

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11752829/1/Explorers-Beyond-the-Sky

[that Breloom? ]
[maybe kasmut would  ]
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Zero.

We’re now a mere twelve hours back!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11752900/1/Blaze-Fire

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

I don’t know why you thought lifting rhyming song lyrics would give your story gravitas and not just make it sound ridiculous.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11753261/1/The-Fridge

Write out numbers with letters.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Characters doing random OOC shenanigans really isn’t that clever.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11753601/1/The-Journey-Through-Kalos

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

Write out numbers with letters.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[“Yes, we agreed that we are treating our journey through Kalos the same way the day we got our first Pokémon after our tenth birthday,” Tracy says.
“I see, you two want to re-experience what you two felt that day when you meet your Pikachu with your new partners,” Professor Oak says.]

I see that they’re terrible trainers.

Look, there’s a reason why Ash starting a new team each time is so hated.

Zero, but it was only posted three hours ago.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11753615/1/The-Sky-s-the-Limit

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

Look, everyone else has already done this opening to death.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11753721/1/The-Tale-of-Darkai

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[This was written way back in the start of me being in fanfiction, so please bear with me. These will get better as the story evolves. ]

No. If you know better, fix this before posting it. Right now your first chapter’s awful enough to make me have no interest in reading on.

Two, one flame.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11753760/1/Fate-Has-A-Sick-Sense-Of-Humor

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[It was the fifth time she’d destroyed a Team Rocket base in the last year and the third time she’d used that tactic. She thought they would have been used to it and expected it by now. Unfortunately, that strategy, even though it was the most effective, left her the most beat up. For it to work, she had to ‘get caught’. After that, there was usually an interrogation. As to why she did what she did and how she had gotten in and what her plan was and blah, blah, blah. It was all very boring. And then the beat down came. Team Rocket was always very creative in their torture methods; that’s for sure. After they were satisfied, they would leave her for a few hours to nurse her wounds. She would always make sure to stash her backpack a good mile or so away from the base. She always took Arcanine, Flareon or Houndoom. Charmeleon wasn’t quite up for the task yet.
Before they got to the base, they would review the plan, and then each would work on their section once they got there. And then all hell would break loose, and it was beautiful. When she was ‘captured’, she would be put in the boiler room. And in the boiler room of every Rocket base, was the master control panel. In her second attempt to screw with them, she figured out that a few crossed wires and added some fire, and electrical bomb was triggered with a fifteen minute limit before it blows. She thought it was quite brilliant.]

Except it’s completely wrecked by anything not going exactly according to plan, making it a pretty bad idea. She shouldn’t be certain she’ll get out of the beating still able to move around, particularly when that appears to be the one point they’re “creative”. They shouldn’t all think the boiler room is the best location. And it’s pretty unlikely all their boiler rooms are identical unless Giovanni is completely obsessed with using the same parts and layout for each base and making sure any upgrade happens simultaneously despite how stupidly expensive that’d be. And all that’s before getting into the fact she’s exploited this fact twice and not one bit of it’s changed. Having her point out that they should have noticed is just bringing more attention to the existing plot hole.

If it was something less reliant on everything happening precisely the same way each time, this would make sense – say, the plan was just to get herself captured and distract them while her pokemon tore up the place, then bank on being able to sneak away once the people watching her left to go find the rogue pokemon.

Also, it’s unclear what exaactly her pokemon are doing in the present plan. You say that she’s only bringing out, then that ” each would work on their section” as if she’s using all her stronger pokemon, which would make more sense.

The old nurse bit her lip in worry. “Would you like me to look you over when I finish healing your pokemon?”
She blinked at the nurse in surprise. Most of the nurses she ran into usually just healed her pokemon and then would shoo her out the door, even if she had been dragged through the mud. Usually she had to tend to her own wounds. She’d even stitched herself up the last few times.]

This is also hard to believe. There’s completely free health care for pokemon but trainers – who are going to be getting hurt in accidents given they’re dealing with giant monsters and running all over the country – get no treatment for their injuries? Despite the place providing free rooms and food and otherwise being obviously designed to take care of trainers?

[She had to dig through all of her pokemon to find them; it took her a few moments to find the right ones. A few years ago, a certain someone (not her of course!) had discovered that Team Rocket had hacked into Bill’s computer system and was managing to steal pokemon without the trainer even realizing it until it was too late. Thousands were stolen and most haven’t yet been recovered. ]

Can’t help but notice this wouldn’t be such a big problem if people didn’t keep huge numbers of pokemon boxed in the first place. If it took a while for anyone to even notice the pokemon were gone, it doesn’t sound like they were much better owners than Team Rocket would be.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11753767/1/A-Eevees-quest

Write out numbers with letters.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Trailers are banned. Post when you’ve actually written the story or not at all.

Zero.