A bunch of starter stupidity and Lance forgetting he has pokemon.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11754063/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Mystery-Dungeon-Faith-in-Team-Aurora

Starting a story with your character waking up is terribly overdone and was boring the first time.

[The Drifbloim ]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Also, if you don’t know how to spell something, look it up.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Zero, but we’re at twelve hours at the moment.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11754065/1/Crossing-Souls

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

“It’s” means “it is”. “Its” is the possessive form.

Write out numbers with letters.

Starting a story with your character waking up is terribly overdone and was boring the first time.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Blocked! Looks like I reviewed them two years ago.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11754229/1/Sick-and-Twisted

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[Lance was drenching the Elite grunt with Arceus-knows-where-he-got-it-from gasoline. The expression on his face though, scared me the most. He looked completely at ease, as if there was nothing wrong with what he was doing, as if it wasn’t sick or twisted in any sort of sense. ]

Oh that’s why they’re saying he’s insane, because he’s forgotten he has pokemon. I’d have said stupid, but I guess a stupid person wouldn’t have thought to bring the gasoline this whole way, you’d really have to be crazy to think any of this was a good idea.

WHY ARE SO MANY PEOPLE WRITING POKEMON FANFIC WHERE THE POKEMON ARE IRRELEVANT?

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11754270/1/contagious

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Use periods.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Try harder.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11754294/1/PokeMadness

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[“What is taking her so long?” Owen asked himself, with David at the other side of the room. “Bellator is back, but he is still here. Messing about with your friend Tori. He seems to have taken a massive liking to her.”
“Well, I must correct you in saying she is my girlfriend, but yeah. Bellator and Tori are very close, I wonder what Gray will think, but right now, I think BellaTori is a thing.”
“BellaTori?! What the hell is BellaTori?!”
“Bellator and Tori’s ship. It seemed like a good thing to say, but now, not so much.”
“Owen! What do you want?!”
“Just come up here Gray!”]

You really don’t need pointless babble in your story.

[Sooo, who could that be? And what does he mean by, ‘the battle of your life’? Send a review to express your ideas.  ]

Your first chapter should be telling people what your ideas are rather than just being a rough blob of nothing.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11754686/1/Becoming

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[Normal trainers don’t have the kind of relationship that Ash and his Pokémon have. I don’t.
When faced with an unruly and aggressive Pokémon that doesn’t listen to its trainer, an ordinary trainer would release the Pokémon, or trade it. Ash wouldn’t. She remembered Primape. Charizard!.  ]

You shouldn’t have both an exclamation mark and a period, and also, “Ash insists on keeping pokemon that can’t stand him because they’re powerful” is not really the ringing endorsement you think it is.

[ If she had such a Pokémon, she would sell it faster than it could blink.  ]

Misty, in contrast, kept a completely useless psyduck that did nothing but cause trouble. So yeah, she’s not the best person to make go on about how Ash cares so much more than she does.

If you want to talk about Ash’s strengths as a trainer, think about what those actually are instead of picking random traits and making Misty talk about how much she sucks in comparison with them.

One! Fast there.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11754850/1/Truth-Ideals

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Trainers start at ten.

Going to a professor’s for a first pokemon isn’t inherently interesting and has been done to death.

Now ten hours back again.

Five reviews, but that’s one person on five chapters.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11755098/1/The-Codex

Summaries of how a couple things work in your fic should absolutely not be posted as a separate story, why would you even need to be told this.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11755206/1/Heartbreak-a-collection-of-Pokespe-songfics

Capitalize your title properly.

Songfics are banned.

[One first punches the offending Coordinator  ]

Shouldn’t be capitalized.

“Prologue” doesn’t mean it’s acceptable to post a couple sentences of vagueness and call it a complete chapter. If your author’s notes make up half of your chapter, go back and actually write one before posting it.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11755294/1/The-Life-of-a-Master

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[It was hell. It took me two days to reach this point and temperatures dropped to -100 degrees Fahrenheit during nights.  I haven’t felt my legs since I started my climb, I’m afraid to look at them since I’m 100% positive they are completely purple.  ]

That’s middle of Antarctica temperatures. To put this in warm terms:

“Temperatures reached two hundred degrees! I’m afraid my legs and only my legs are cooked through. Somehow tis but a flesh wound and I am still walking and snarking despite having died almost two days ago.”

His legs aren’t purple. If he was capable of moving them they’d snap in half, but luckily hypothermia is one of those all-over things so he fell asleep and is now slowly freeze-drying into jerky.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[the sol purpose  ]

Sole.

One. I’m not sure how to rank ones that are just offering beta reading services. Should I be classing those as crit for the implication?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11755328/1/Hybrid-Mystery-Dungeon-Chaos-and-Terror

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Don’t ask for OCs. Make up what OCs your story actually needs to fit whatever purpose you need them for.

Zero.

Also, soon, category, soon.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11755335/1/Poisonous-Secrets

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[The storm that was whipped up by Zekrom a moon ago was just entered the providence of King Scott. I think it’s been 20 days since I left Judoa and my new partner Gardevoir, whom I renamed 「Lissa」, has been slowly warming up to me. Although it is still unclear to me why her body is a different colour then the other Gardevoir that we encountered, also my Gardevoir ability to speak, while not uncommon for psychic Pokemon, is unnerving. ]

Your grammar is really bad. Get a beta reader.

[ were going ]

We’re.

The idea of a pokemon manipulating their trainer like this is interesting, but it’d be a lot easier to care if the story was easier to read. Really, get a beta reader.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11755384/1/Tears-of-a-Past

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Pick a POV and stick with it, don’t start off in third then jump to first.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11755395/1/James-s-Mission

If your story is about the actual mission, your first chapter should get into that rather than being entirely wrapped up in the separate drama of if Jessie and Meowth are still mad at him. What you have here is almost a complete if not very interesting story – they’re mad, then they make up. It really doesn’t work well as a lead in to something bigger.

Two, one beta, one flame.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11755480/1/the-pokemon-story

Starting a story with your character waking up is terribly overdone and was boring the first time.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

One crit despite there being good chances it’s just trollfic. Come on people, learn priorities.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11755653/1/Starlight

[First Fic, I would like to continue, and will take reviews and ideas for plot seriously. ]

That’s a worrying thing to say. You can’t just start writing and wait for someone else to tell you the plot of the story. What you’re posting here should be a part of your already determined plot. Trying to plod along hoping a better idea happens is setting yourself up for failure.

Starting the story three days in rather than with her waking up and getting her pokemon is a nice change from the usual, but if this isn’t going anywhere things like that can’t save it.

If you really feel like you need other people to give you plot ideas, head to the forums and ask there before beginning something. Otherwise, I’d suggest waiting a bit, thinking for a while about what kind of story you want to tell, and then writing that (and only that, because trying to jam other ideas people suggest in will just make a mess of it).

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11755759/1/Pokemon-V

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Write out numbers with letters.

[Now that I’m done with this prolonged and unnecessary introductory monologue, I’ll just get into the story. You probably don’t want to hear me ramble any longer. ]

If you realize it’s a stupid waste of everyone’s time, delete it.

Starting a story with your character waking up is terribly overdone and was boring the first time. The only thing worse is having there be a dream about them having a major battle first.

[I’d held off on getting my starter for six years because the one I wanted was never available, but my peers all thought I was unable to get my Trainer’s license. ]

Wow. Yeah, I’d lie and say I was too stupid to pass the test too, it’s less embarrassing.

Someone who is a trainer can just go catch whatever pokemon they wanted. I’m trying to think of any possible reason this could make sense and it’s a real struggle. OCD? But someone who can’t even start their journey because of their OCD demanding they need to have this pokemon and it has to be as their first pokemon or it doesn’t count should probably not go on one until they get enough therapy to not lock up like this.

[At least there was Umbri. She was the only one in town who really got me. She had also put off getting her starter for the same reasons I did: the one she wanted was never there.  ]

Oh good god there’s something in the water.

Dammit now I want fic about someone with OCD instead of spoiler whiner boy. Since stress can make it flare up the character could be fine at home only to run into major problems as a trainer, or they could develop it after leaving and not even realize what’s happening.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11755859/1/A-New-Journey

Your title should convey more information than just your story’s genre. Fun fact: there’s almost exactly a hundred and fifty OT stories with this title now.

Starting a story with your character waking up is terribly overdone and was boring the first time.

Write out numbers with letters.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[Where we’re you?”  ]

We’re = we are. You mean were.

[Bonnie was silent for a few seconds, but was ended with a, “WHAT?! There has to be other Pokèmon here!”
“Well, there are 3 more Pokèmon, But you may not li-”
“Professed Sycamore have you ever seen me hate on a Pokèmon? Just let me see them please! ”
XXX
3 POKÈMON stood in front of Bonnie.
A Fennekin.
A Skitty.
And a Jirachi.
“Where did you find a Jirachi?!” Bonnie exclaimed. Jirachi were no where to be found in the Kanto region.]

Even compared to the other stuff I’ve seen this month, this is particularly terrible.

My only guess here is that the author thinks anything goes as long as Bonnie’s actual pick is mundane.

Zero but also only two hours old.