Today’s theme turned out to be pokemon personalities.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12335078/1/The-Truth-Revealed-Alpha-Sapphire
[Natures:
Flygon-Jolly (Somewhat vain)
Umbreon-Serious (Likes to run)
Staraptor-Naughty (Alert to sounds)
Swellow-Jolly (Somewhat vain)
Lucario-Adamant (Capable of taking hits)
Absol-Adamant (Likes to thrash about)]
Just like with a human bio – if it’s relevant, it belongs in the actual fic. Either you’ll characterize them well enough to get this across, or you won’t in which case claiming they’re jolly or serious doesn’t matter because it’s not true in the story. And more likely you’re just doing this as euphemisms for stats, in which case you might as well just list off the numbers if that’s what concerns you.
[one extra Pokemon. ]
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
While this is marginally more interesting than a standard out of context battle by being from the viewpoint of a pokemon, it’s still got the problem that there’s no real stakes to this battle. Brendan and Steven have a personal investment in winning for its own sake that a reader doesn’t share – it’s why just listing off that a character got a ton of things isn’t very interesting even though someone would be thrilled to have that actually happen to them. Instead of a full battle it’d probably have worked better to just have the swellow narrate the part it personally took part in and then immediately go on to whatever actual plot this has, rather than having a chapter that’s just a battle.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12335078/2/The-Truth-Revealed-Alpha-Sapphire
[I’m sorry. The real fun will only begin in like 4 chapters.]
Then you should’ve started the story there and not here.
Four reviews, two people – one reviews chapter six, the other the first three chapters.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12335178/1/Pokemon-Beginnings-of-Adventure-Part-1
There are just shy of ten thousand stories just on this site in this category with “pokemon” in their title. “New” features in almost two thousand. There are over six hundred “chronicles”, more if you include misspellings, even more with “begins” and “beginning”, and even more “Character Name”‘s whatever. There are a thousand with “legend”. There are two thousand with “journey”, seventeen hundred with “story”, three hundred fifty with “quest”, and almost three thousand with “adventure”. The different region names appear another thousand or two times. “Saga”, “region” and “champion” come in around a few hundred. In sum, you should try to choose an original title that has to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates it’s yet another story about a pokemon trainer.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
[“Everyone ready?” the tour guide called. “The game will start in three… two… one… Begin!”
“Let’s go!” the father yelled, grabbing his wife’s hand and running after the others.
Camille ran after them, going as fast as her little legs would carry her. But she couldn’t keep up with her parents or anyone else and soon she was all on her own in the middle of the wilderness.
“Mommy? Daddy?” she called as she kept going along the path. “Where are you?”]
Your plot really shouldn’t require everyone involved be a complete idiot. If you want a kid to get separated, have her actually do something that could get her separated rather than her parents, the tour guide, and every other adult in the group all failing to notice she can’t keep up.
[“Interesting,” the leader thought aloud. “That means you’re not old enough to own Pokemon. Ergo, that Dratini isn’t yours. So hand it over!”
Dratini gave an angry shout, glaring at the new people.
“No!” Camille snapped. “She doesn’t want to go with you! Now get lost!”
“Well, that wasn’t very nice,” the woman scowled, taking out a Poke Ball. “I guess we’ll have to take it by force!”]
So…the evil criminals are evilly catching a wild pokemon, much like everyone else in the park is there to do. If someone who wasn’t a member of Team Rocket happened to wander by and see a Safari Zone dratini who didn’t want to go with them, would Camille have been fine with that?
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12335178/2/Pokemon-Beginnings-of-Adventure-Part-1
[Santos watched nervously as the rustling grew louder. Then a small yellow Pokemon popped out of the bushes. The Pokemon was a foot tall with black diamond-shaped ears, pink circles on its cheek and a black lightning bolt shaped tail. It looked around until it spotted Santos and tilted its head to one side. “Pichu?”
“It’s a Pichu, the early stage of Pikachu,” Oak cried. “Better catch this guy fast! Poke Ball, go!”
So saying, Oak threw out a Poke Ball, which struck the Pichu on the head, opening it up and absorbing it in a flash of red light. Santos watched as the Ball began to shake, the button flashing for a bit as Pichu struggled to escape and then…
Ding! The button stopped flashing.
“Gotcha!” Oak cheered, picking up the Ball. “Pichu has been captured!”
“That was amazing!” Santos cried.]
And this completely different than when other people tried to catch an innocent dratini, because see, those people had a big red letter on their clothes while this person doesn’t, which is why we care the dratini didn’t want to go with them but the pichu trying and failing to escape is something to cheer about.
The whole “poaching” issue raises its head once again. Thank goodness there are never any issues with non-criminals catching pokemon who aren’t totally in love with whoever chucked a pokeball at their head. Even if they desperately try not to be caught!
Four.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12335195/1/Lucario-s-Mistress
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.
Write out numbers with letters.
Is there any particular reason Mewtwo couldn’t just agree to go with her but has to decide he wants to be captured and then declare her his mistress? That’s pretty OOC.
Zero – people are less into boy lucario on human girl than girl anything on human boy, maybe.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12335260/1/Sleep-Talking
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
Three.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12335457/1/The-Ways-of-Aura
lrn2troll
Nine, because people refuse to stop taking bait. We’re never going to get decent trolling if you idiots don’t hold them to a higher standard.
This also completes the 23rd.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12335659/1/An-Eevee-s-Quest
Look at your document before you post.
Zero.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12335688/1/A-totally-original-Pokemon-themed-Sentence-Generator
Nonstory chapters are banned. Post this sort of thing to a forum.
Also nine, because again, people are dumb.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12335799/1/Pokemon-The-Corrupt-Side-of-the-Moon
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[Hawaiian shorts]
It’s even more obvious than usual that the pokemon world does not contain a place named Hawaii.
[“Hello, my name is Hau, grandson of Melemele island Kahuna! What’s your name?” Hau asked excitingly.]
“Excitingly” would mean that the question was incredibly exciting to the people hearing it. You presumably meant Hau himself is excited.
[You know, Moon… that Rowlet there is exceptionally rare… I was supposed to study it because it’s classified as what we call a ‘shiny Pokémon.’ ]
Ah, so we’re doing the sue thing.
“Its” is the possessive form. “It’s” means “it is” only.
If the only thing that happens in your chapter is kids get pokemon the way we know they get pokemon, there really isn’t any point to having the chapter at all.
Three.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12335909/1/Pokemon-Tourmaline
There are just shy of ten thousand stories just on this site in this category with “pokemon” in their title. “New” features in almost two thousand. There are over six hundred “chronicles”, more if you include misspellings, even more with “begins” and “beginning”, and even more “Character Name”‘s whatever. There are a thousand with “legend”. There are two thousand with “journey”, seventeen hundred with “story”, three hundred fifty with “quest”, and almost three thousand with “adventure”. The different region names appear another thousand or two times. “Saga”, “region” and “champion” come in around a few hundred. In sum, you should try to choose an original title that has to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates it’s yet another story about a pokemon trainer.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, thousands upon thousands of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.
Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.
[However, it wasn’t very difficult for me to contribute money. The Growlithe I’d rescued had grown too attached to me and wouldn’t return to the wilderness, so I took him in and started training. Mom was good friends with Erika, so I got to practice battling at her Gym. By the time I received a Trainer License a year later, my starter and I were a force to be reckoned with, bringing home a nice chunk of prize money every night and helping a great deal with the bills. That’s how it had gone ever since. The life of a roadside trainer wasn’t exactly fabulous, but I’d just been biding my time until I would take the Indigo League by storm.]
So why can’t he battle people for money while traveling? I’d say something sarcastic about how the pokeworld could function if they don’t have ways to transfer money, except it’s been explicit canon since the second generation that trainers can send money back home. And anime canon adds on that traveling trainers get free food and lodging, so leaving would mean his mom’s expenses would go down.
I appreciate that you’ve done something other than him sitting around pokemonless for a decade, but it’s just opening new plot holes.
[Meanwhile my sister’s Porygon awkwardly hovered behind her.
“Hey there,” I said, walking over and patting it on the head. “How ya doing, buddy? Don’t wanna play with the others?”
“Porrrrr…” the artificial Pokemon intoned mechanically. Although it had trouble interacting with others due to its sythetic status and somewhat crude AI, this Porygon would always hold a special place in my heart ever since the time I’d spent taking care of it during Nora’s stint in prison.
My sister chuckled and patted the angular Pokemon too. “Yep, that’s my shy baby for ya. It’s okay dude, you can hang out with us while we eat.”
Porygon’s demeanor lightened a bit]
This is a cute and an interesting way of having porygon be different as a result of its origins without making it robotic. On the other hand, “synthetic”. Spellcheck.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
Apparently, multiple people proofread this one.
Two, both concrit. One weird – ” it bothers me that the Pokemon don’t have nicknames and their species names are capitalized. It’s basically saying from the start that the pokemon themselves will never have any meaningful character development. ” when this actually does do more than the usual pokebots. And I can see why it’d make sense that pokemon actually getting names would be written more as characters, but I’ve also seen piles of nicknamed pokebots.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12336290/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Turquoise-Version
There are just shy of ten thousand stories just on this site in this category with “pokemon” in their title. “New” features in almost two thousand. There are over six hundred “chronicles”, more if you include misspellings, even more with “begins” and “beginning”, and even more “Character Name”‘s whatever. There are a thousand with “legend”. There are two thousand with “journey”, seventeen hundred with “story”, three hundred fifty with “quest”, and almost three thousand with “adventure”. The different region names appear another thousand or two times. “Saga”, “region” and “champion” come in around a few hundred. In sum, you should try to choose an original title that has to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates it’s yet another story about a pokemon trainer.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.
[my girlfriend and I had waited until we were older to get our Pokémon, thanks to our somewhat strict parents. They didn’t believe that we were responsible enough to go out and journey on our own]
Nope. If everybody thinks ten is normal, then parents wouldn’t keep their kids until seventeen. More importantly, if all the other ten year olds managed this, why would it be interesting watching seventeen year olds breeze through, all while getting their butts handed to them by kids years younger than them? Maybe next your character could take on the challenge that is reading chapter books.
[Magenta dashed forward, opening up each briefcase. Inside each one, there were two Pokéballs. “What are our options, professor?” She asked breathlessly.
Sapling grinned. “Just choose whichever one feels right to you. I strongly believe in the bond between human and Pokémon.”
Magenta pursed her lips, studying each one carefully. Finally she picked one up and took a step back. “I choose this one.”
“Good!” Sapling said with a huge smile.]
So because he so values the bond with pokemon, pick completely at random without ever meeting the pokemon. Why not just make them pick out of a hat?
[Suddenly, two people our age we didn’t recognize ran up to us.]
And then somehow they’re not just the same age but also started precisely as stupidly late, because your story only works if it’s a knot of contrivance.
One.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12336426/1/The-Life-of-a-Pokemorph
[I yawn, and sit up on my bed, my yellow tail swishing behind my back.]
So you stuck three pokemon in the character list – but only jolteon is yellow, and it doesn’t have a tail.
Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.
[‘You never know what kind of sick, twisted fuck could be out there in the streets, waiting to kill a harmless pokemorph.]
Indeed, because you’ve failed to explain anything about the actual world this is taking place in and are just relying on standard cliches that life sucks for the main character.
Also, don’t use ‘ for thoughts, it’s too close to ” and makes it look like your character is talking aloud. Just italics gets the point across fine.
[any sounds of Pokémon.]
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[ SENCE]
Spellcheck.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Three.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12336428/1/The-Return
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
You really need more of a plot than that Ash appears and Misty is happy he’s back.
Two.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12336541/1/Pachirisu
[Not OP Ash, Not Smart Ash, Not Aura Ash etc. I mean its almost about time they put it on the show by now. But anyways this story chronicles what would happen if Ash was a born native of the Sinnoh region instead of the Kanto region read his journey here and see how it unfolds. ]
For god’s sake. Just write about an OC rather than have the same events happen but with a couple words changed.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
“Its” is the possessive form. “It’s” means “it is” only.
One, under the impression that regular mode Ash can’t handle the intense difficulties of Sinnoh. I wonder if that impression of power creep is part of what’s behind the ridiculousness – the same fics often want Ash to be going to the later regions they’re more familiar with.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12336830/1/Se%C3%B1or-Smexy-and-Rosita-the-Vixen
This isn’t so much a story as it is an incredibly tedious ramble by someone who’s weirdly obsessed with the fact pokemon come in various colors that don’t match their ridiculous ideas about gender.
Really, what the fuck is going on here.
One.
Also, 24th complete.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12337207/1/Embers-among-the-Ash
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[The Pichu knew their abilities for lightning would come with evolution, and accepted it as it was. He could not.
He watched with envy when the Pikachu used their element as naturally as they did breathing, and he felt the urge to master his gift on his own.
Training his powers was of course not easy. He could not consciously channel electricity like the older members of the colony – he was but a newly hatched Pichu, he did not even fully understand his own body at that point. But he did not relent, and he soon grew to understand his physical capabilities better than anyone of his age group. Yet his electricity remained beyond his grasp.]
So why doesn’t he quickly switch to trying to evolve? If his goal is simply being able to control electricity then that’s the pretty obvious direction to go in.
[After many restless nights, he finally realized his body simply had its limits, and he needed to become a Pikachu to succeed in his endeavour. A bitter insight, as his goal had been to achieve mastery without evolving.]
Why though? Why is that in particular his goal? What is added by him not just aiming to become a pikachu as fast as possible and instead spending ages on this until finally his older sister evolves? It’s not like he can’t be viewed as a weirdo and end up alienated from the group by an obsession with finding a way to evolve or simply being so obsessed period.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
[“Oh.” the boy (Sweetie?) said,]
Also, why don’t any of the pokemon have names? They can’t call everybody Pichu and Pikachu, and this shows he completely understands the concept of names but somehow never thinks to apply it to his friends and family, only random strangers of other species.
[So, the reason this came to be; I kept reading these fics where the main characters end up catching/being given loads of Pokémon, and I couldn’t help but notice how the Pokémon in question tended to be almost… objectified, or barely given any personality. As someone who grew up with the belief Pokémon are our faithful companions and partners, this of course bothered me. So here you have it: a fic where the Pokémon are just as much characters as the trainers are]
This is definitely a good thing to be concerned about but then for the love of god let their parents name them like people.
Two.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12337391/1/No-Refunds
Spellcheck and proofread.
[The man only wanted 500P for the Pokemon whose name was Magikarp, Now being new to the series, I had no idea it was a trap so I accepted.]
Except it’s not.
[I turned off my computer, fuming in rage upon realizing I’ve been conned, as I went back to my game.
Out of pure anger, I started a new game so I can get my money back… ]
The game doesn’t autosave. If you do something then get mad and turn the game off, you just go back to the last save before that happened.
“Its” is the possessive form. “It’s” means “it is” only.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.
[“You must be the latest victom.” says the Magikarp. “Yeah… wait how do you…” I begin. “The same thing pretty much happend to all of us.” the Magikarp replies.
“Your the missing children!” I gasp in surprise. ]
Except the joke is magikarp are everywhere. If the guy was willing to put this much effort into it, he wouldn’t be selling magikarp in the first place.
Although the writing really looks exactly like a kid’s first fanfic, they’ve written 39 stories and been here since 2015.
Also, this gets me to the end of the second page.