Ten pages. There’s some epic misunderstanding of genetics and a whole lot of pointless first chapters.
Well, Nuzlockes generally don’t go
anywhere good, but you seem to be writing an actual plot so maybe
you’ll avoid the literalist trap of making battles to the death just
how it works.
anywhere good, but you seem to be writing an actual plot so maybe
you’ll avoid the literalist trap of making battles to the death just
how it works.
Semicolons do not indicate
sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically
correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously,
and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a
semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences
are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.
sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically
correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously,
and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a
semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences
are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.
Write out numbers with letters.
[At 19, Daisy Oak is 5 years older than
he is. ]
he is. ]
If they’re so poor, why didn’t Red
leave well before now to reduce the burden on the family? Especially
when now he’s leaving for everyone’s good – why wouldn’t this have
applied years ago?
leave well before now to reduce the burden on the family? Especially
when now he’s leaving for everyone’s good – why wouldn’t this have
applied years ago?
Well, the Team Rocket focus of this
seems good, but it’s one really slow paced chapter. A lot of this
feels like it could be pared down.
seems good, but it’s one really slow paced chapter. A lot of this
feels like it could be pared down.
(1)
Opening your story with a character
waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and
to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if
I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of
times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some
other, interesting point.
waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and
to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if
I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of
times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some
other, interesting point.
Nice to see someone who’s had a pokemon
for a while already, though.
for a while already, though.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
When used in place of a name, it’s
written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it’s
written as such.
written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it’s
written as such.
[I’m sorry professor ]
Same thing here, it’s treated as a
name.
name.
[There journey could finally
begin. ]
begin. ]
Their. Also, when you’ve got a
character expressing frustration that the entire chapter has gone by
without actually getting to the journey bit…you should really
consider if the entire chapter was actually necessary. Your story
should start when the plot starts, and breakfast and showing up at a
professor’s lab isn’t plot.
character expressing frustration that the entire chapter has gone by
without actually getting to the journey bit…you should really
consider if the entire chapter was actually necessary. Your story
should start when the plot starts, and breakfast and showing up at a
professor’s lab isn’t plot.
(1)
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
“Its” is possessive, as in
“its story”, and “it’s” means “it is”.
“its story”, and “it’s” means “it is”.
“Your” is possessive, as in,
your story, “you’re” means “you are”.
your story, “you’re” means “you are”.
Spending half the chapter on people
arguing if they should even go on a pokemon journey and the other
half on a battle with no real stakes really isn’t very exciting. It’s
not like reluctant, whiny and lazy characters are even that new –
people trot them out with regularity, they just tend not to work
well.
arguing if they should even go on a pokemon journey and the other
half on a battle with no real stakes really isn’t very exciting. It’s
not like reluctant, whiny and lazy characters are even that new –
people trot them out with regularity, they just tend not to work
well.
(0)
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
If you’re not doing the anime professor
route, kids can get pokemon as toddlers. And if you’d let her have a
pet magikarp before now, this whole sequence of events would make so
much more sense, and also she wouldn’t seem like such a huge sue for
winning with a magikarp, just a regular sue for winning against an
experienced trainer with three badges.
route, kids can get pokemon as toddlers. And if you’d let her have a
pet magikarp before now, this whole sequence of events would make so
much more sense, and also she wouldn’t seem like such a huge sue for
winning with a magikarp, just a regular sue for winning against an
experienced trainer with three badges.
(1)
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Your grammar is terrible, get a beta
reader. Also, your character really does not need to be an orphan
given a super special shiny pokemon by a gym leader.
reader. Also, your character really does not need to be an orphan
given a super special shiny pokemon by a gym leader.
(0)
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Semicolons do not indicate
sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically
correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously,
and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a
semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences
are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.
sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically
correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously,
and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a
semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences
are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
You really don’t need to spend a
chapter explaining everything. Rather than lecture the reader on what
each of his friends’ personality traits are, write actual things
happening and have them show those traits during that time.
chapter explaining everything. Rather than lecture the reader on what
each of his friends’ personality traits are, write actual things
happening and have them show those traits during that time.
(0)
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Stop putting author’s notes in your
story, it’s horrible writing.
story, it’s horrible writing.
Humans don’t have purple eyes.
While I like that this is something
other than the usual OT fic, it’s not really clear what your plot is.
You have a pokemon that doesn’t want to get caught, but decides she
might as well go with this girl because they both like art so it’s
better than risking someone worse. Then….it trails off with no sign
of where this is actually is going.
other than the usual OT fic, it’s not really clear what your plot is.
You have a pokemon that doesn’t want to get caught, but decides she
might as well go with this girl because they both like art so it’s
better than risking someone worse. Then….it trails off with no sign
of where this is actually is going.
(1)
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
When used in place of a name, it’s
written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it’s
written as such.
written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it’s
written as such.
This feels really incomplete. His
family chatters a bit about his evolution, he chatters a bit to his
friend, then the chapter just ends without any real stopping point.
You suggest something with the fact he’s thinking of not evolving,
but stop short of anyone saying this is actually a big deal that’ll
matter, so there’s no real conflict here yet.
family chatters a bit about his evolution, he chatters a bit to his
friend, then the chapter just ends without any real stopping point.
You suggest something with the fact he’s thinking of not evolving,
but stop short of anyone saying this is actually a big deal that’ll
matter, so there’s no real conflict here yet.
(0)
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[“Well there is no orphanage in
this city so we are just going to have to give him away to whoever is
willing to take him.” ]
this city so we are just going to have to give him away to whoever is
willing to take him.” ]
If only there was some sort of way you
could transport people between cities! If only.
could transport people between cities! If only.
Spellcheck.
(0)
[I don’t know if this is a commonplace
move to do when pokemon story writing or not but, Ash is not ten…
and neither is the starter of this story. I’m sorry but they do not
act ten in the actual show ]
move to do when pokemon story writing or not but, Ash is not ten…
and neither is the starter of this story. I’m sorry but they do not
act ten in the actual show ]
It’s dirt common and terrible. The fact
Ash has been a trainer for years doesn’t mean it makes any sense to
say he must have been much older than ten to start.
Ash has been a trainer for years doesn’t mean it makes any sense to
say he must have been much older than ten to start.
[However, there has been a recent
upturn of naturally unnatural colors. These genetic DNA formations
take the idea of simple hair color being something to express who you
are, to a whole new level. One that cannot be breached, never
returned from. ]
upturn of naturally unnatural colors. These genetic DNA formations
take the idea of simple hair color being something to express who you
are, to a whole new level. One that cannot be breached, never
returned from. ]
Less is more. Especially when “more”,
in this case, involves babbling nonsense.
in this case, involves babbling nonsense.
[However, there has been a recent
upturn of naturally unnatural colors.]
upturn of naturally unnatural colors.]
There. That’s all you needed.
[Green; destined to do something grand,
not necessarily good, but an impact upon the world one will have
throughout their lifetime. Sometimes passed on by parents, though
mostly sporadic. Purple; a strange sixth sense is immediately
received if this is the case, a silent bond that can be shared with
any partner at a moments notice, as if they can speak without speech.
Typically passed on by grandparents, though can be sporadic.
not necessarily good, but an impact upon the world one will have
throughout their lifetime. Sometimes passed on by parents, though
mostly sporadic. Purple; a strange sixth sense is immediately
received if this is the case, a silent bond that can be shared with
any partner at a moments notice, as if they can speak without speech.
Typically passed on by grandparents, though can be sporadic.
Blue;
Bred for success. Bred to be perfect. Bred to be a trainer. Always
passed on by parent gene, dominant.]
This is not how genes work!
Firstly, green is a mess. Green people
might be given to grand actions, but your other hair colors are about
tendencies and yet you lead with one that’s functionally a prophesy
that regardless of personality or talent, you’ll do something of some
kind that has some impact.
might be given to grand actions, but your other hair colors are about
tendencies and yet you lead with one that’s functionally a prophesy
that regardless of personality or talent, you’ll do something of some
kind that has some impact.
Second, you cannot pass anything on
from grandparents. What you’re thinking of is probably the idea of a
trait skipping a generation, but when people say that they don’t mean
the genes literally pole vault from the grandparents over the parents
into the kids. They just mean a trait isn’t expressed that
generation. And they rarely mean it literally goes ON off ON off ON
off each generation, they just mean it doesn’t breed true – ie, it’s
a recessive trait.
from grandparents. What you’re thinking of is probably the idea of a
trait skipping a generation, but when people say that they don’t mean
the genes literally pole vault from the grandparents over the parents
into the kids. They just mean a trait isn’t expressed that
generation. And they rarely mean it literally goes ON off ON off ON
off each generation, they just mean it doesn’t breed true – ie, it’s
a recessive trait.
Third, dominant genes are always
expressed, not always passed on. If it’s a dominant gene, there
should be plenty of people who have the blue hair gene and a regular
recessive, which means only half their kids would inherit. This also
renders all your emphasis about perfect breeding nonsense – it’s
getting recessives lined up that require careful breeding, dominant
genes will always show up if they’re inherited at all. Also, success,
perfection, and being a trainer are three different things, and the
only concrete one you give for blue hair is just that they like
battling, which has nothing to do with being perfect.
expressed, not always passed on. If it’s a dominant gene, there
should be plenty of people who have the blue hair gene and a regular
recessive, which means only half their kids would inherit. This also
renders all your emphasis about perfect breeding nonsense – it’s
getting recessives lined up that require careful breeding, dominant
genes will always show up if they’re inherited at all. Also, success,
perfection, and being a trainer are three different things, and the
only concrete one you give for blue hair is just that they like
battling, which has nothing to do with being perfect.
So: decide if the weird hair colors are
magic or not. Green works with them being magic, nonsense about genes
and inheritance doesn’t. Second, don’t use terminology you don’t know
– go read some wiki pages on this or something first.
magic or not. Green works with them being magic, nonsense about genes
and inheritance doesn’t. Second, don’t use terminology you don’t know
– go read some wiki pages on this or something first.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Semicolons do not indicate
sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically
correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously,
and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a
semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences
are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.
sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically
correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously,
and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a
semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences
are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.
“Its” is possessive, as in
“its story”, and “it’s” means “it is”.
“its story”, and “it’s” means “it is”.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[“No, she’s the product of two
Flareons. She’s going to be a Flareon.” ]
Flareons. She’s going to be a Flareon.” ]
This flies in the face of everything
about how eevee work.
about how eevee work.
[I was sixteen. Six years past ten. I
should have had my own personal pokémon, complete with a pokéball,
a plan, a journey, six whole years ago. My mother insisted I
stay, but my father-
should have had my own personal pokémon, complete with a pokéball,
a plan, a journey, six whole years ago. My mother insisted I
stay, but my father-
Well, I had faith that someday, he would ride over on one of his
magnificent boats, and take me out to region. Take me away from this
isolated place so that I could live with him instead of her.]
There really doesn’t seem to be any
sign parents actually can stop kids from leaving, so given she can’t
stand her mom, she could’ve just hopped the fence ages ago.
sign parents actually can stop kids from leaving, so given she can’t
stand her mom, she could’ve just hopped the fence ages ago.
Also yet another evil shrew mom I see,
complete with utterly blameless daddy who is so awesome wow.
complete with utterly blameless daddy who is so awesome wow.
The bit with all the pokemon is nice,
but further underlines that it should not be this hard to have left
already, especially when she gets along so well with them.
but further underlines that it should not be this hard to have left
already, especially when she gets along so well with them.
[The Sea had sent me a Lapras
My Jailer had dropped the Key]
What, seriously? That’s all that was
holding her back, that only a lapras was good enough to ride out on
and not all the other pokemon that can learn surf?
holding her back, that only a lapras was good enough to ride out on
and not all the other pokemon that can learn surf?
(0)
And so, done with the 25th.
Nonstory chapters are banned.
(0)
Semicolons
do not indicate sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when
grammatically correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly,
judiciously, and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable.
If you have a semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because
the sentences are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look
pretentious.
do not indicate sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when
grammatically correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly,
judiciously, and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable.
If you have a semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because
the sentences are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look
pretentious.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
(0)
Don’t label POVs.
Write out numbers with letters.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Your story should not open with a
summary of precisely how big of a sue your character is. Just get to
the story.
summary of precisely how big of a sue your character is. Just get to
the story.
Don’t label flashbacks.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Look,
you really, really shouldn’t ask for characters. Doesn’t work right.
You get people doing all sorts of characters, and they may each be
fine but they don’t fit together properly. It’s like trying to
complete a hundred-piece puzzle by taking fifty of the pieces from
fifty other puzzles. They may all be good puzzles, and you may pick
only the prettiest pieces, but you’re going to end up with a mess.
you really, really shouldn’t ask for characters. Doesn’t work right.
You get people doing all sorts of characters, and they may each be
fine but they don’t fit together properly. It’s like trying to
complete a hundred-piece puzzle by taking fifty of the pieces from
fifty other puzzles. They may all be good puzzles, and you may pick
only the prettiest pieces, but you’re going to end up with a mess.
Spellcheck.
Trainers start at ten.
[since christmas,]
Christmas.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.
You really don’t need to spend your
first chapter explaining his generic backstory and introducing the
family members who won’t be featuring after this. If there’s a point,
start there. If there isn’t, stop, think about what the point is,
then start there.
first chapter explaining his generic backstory and introducing the
family members who won’t be featuring after this. If there’s a point,
start there. If there isn’t, stop, think about what the point is,
then start there.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
I like the detail that he’s struggling
to train his eevee because she’s been raised as a pet but otherwise
this is completely generic.
to train his eevee because she’s been raised as a pet but otherwise
this is completely generic.
(1)
Don’t center all your text, it’s
annoying.
annoying.
Spellcheck.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up
into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new
paragraph.
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
[” Pokemon are being forced to
battle becuase of trainers.. ” the boy replied, turning to face
the route ahead. ” Well, some are and some aren’t! Some battle
because they want to!” He explain once again. ]
battle becuase of trainers.. ” the boy replied, turning to face
the route ahead. ” Well, some are and some aren’t! Some battle
because they want to!” He explain once again. ]
And like so many fics trying to engage
the plot of BW, you fall right for “uh well okay some get abused
but I don’t therefore shut up nothing should change!!!!”
the plot of BW, you fall right for “uh well okay some get abused
but I don’t therefore shut up nothing should change!!!!”
Nonstory chapters are banned.
Write out numbers with letters.
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.’
or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu
or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re
using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu.
This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which
are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be
applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like
telephone or trainer. Or professor.’
Dialogue is written as “Hello,”
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She
said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or
“Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next
sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, in which case it’s written as
“Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned
or “Hello,” She grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech
verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally
stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore,
if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she
said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this
is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” or
“Hi,” she said “This is it.” And if you’re
breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she
said, “is it.” Also, remember that generally “said”
is the best speech verb to use, and even more importantly, “stated”
is not.
Your chapters need to be much longer
than this.
than this.
(2)
Could’ve sworn humans can in fact have purple eyes, if only due to albinism. (Not trying to validate the choice of eye color in the fic, but the nit-picker in me won’t stop nagging unless I bring it up.)
There are a couple sources of non-colored-contact-lens purple eyes, but they’re all bad news. If any apply, the badness should get more authorial attention than the purpliness. The big one after albinism is having blue eyes with a lot of burst blood vessels.
There’s also a hoax “genetic disorder,” escaped from a Daria fan-fic, that’s clearly Mary Sue Disease: it causes eyes to turn purple at puberty, among other Sue-ish symptoms.
http://skeptoid.com/blog/2013/04/30/alexandrias-genesis/
I used to say “okay so she’s a blind albino” but all anyone seemed to hear was “it is totally possible so I can do it all I want”.
Now I’m tempted to write an OT fic where the OC really is a blind albino.
Do it! As Farla pointed out when the paraplegic-riding-around-on-a-Pokémon thing came up, the fandom is in desperate need of well-researched fic about OTs with disabilities. It’s one of the last reservoirs of untapped potential as far as OTs go, really.
Hm. Blindness is a hard thing to do for a journeyfic – guide dogs would be way better in the pokemon world, but the basic setup of pokemon battles requires the human to be the only one getting information and making decisions (see “Quick, dodge the attack!”) I think you’d have to do magical blindness, like having her be a psychic who sees through her pokemon’s eyes or make her part zubat – having her be psychically bonded to a zubat might get you closest to having trouble seeing but still getting enough information on her environment to function.
As a non-trainer, she’d be really useful for something like studying cave pokemon, since most of them seem to hate light and she could hang out with them without a problem.