In which there is yet another of those fic where pokemon segregate themselves based on type. There are so many other ways you could segregate people! So many other options for discrimination! Why won’t writers embrace the diversity of ways to hate diversity?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12340939/1/Bonds-are-Eeveeternal

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Eevee are horribly overused. If you’re going to make a big point of your character’s relationship with a pokemon, it’d be better to pick one that hasn’t been done to death, especially when there’s nothing much else going on all chapter.

[This looks like a good place to leave it. This chapter is just to set the scene and introduce the characters, especially showing just how close Zach and Scoot are. We’ll get to the more exciting stuff shortly. ]

Right, that’s the problem. Your first chapter should give some idea about what your story is actually about.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12340972/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Mystery-Dungeon-The-Three-Elements

It’s “okay”, four letters.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Write out numbers with letters.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12341029/1/The-betrayal-that-no-one-should-witness

Capitalize your title properly.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[(end of the explanations of the characters with Ash)]

Your writing should not be this lazy and incompetent.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12341036/1/Stop-Holding-Back

[It’s a system believe it or not; Grass types in this place, Fire in another, and Water in another place, so on and so forth.]

Here as always there’s the problem that pokemon can have more than one type and can change type upon evolving, meaning you either have separate areas for each type combination or tons of people can move between areas. Then in addition to making the least sense it’s also it’s the most cliché and least interesting option.

Why not by egg group? Then you’d only have a handful of crossover species, and grouping by who can have babies with who would actually make sense. Or divide up by evolution stages, or even base stat totals.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

People complain about stories with sorting mechanisms, but we should be complaining about how we only get the same couple options.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12341062/1/Origins

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

There’s really no point in repeating yet again the sequence of canon events. Even if it was interesting to see here, it’s been done dozens of times already.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12341066/1/How-to-train-your-grunt

Capitalize your title properly.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12341088/1/I-Choose-You-Pok%C3%A9mon

Write out numbers with letters.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

There is really, really no need to rewrite the beginning of the anime.

[As you noticed; Ash at my story is a female, not much will change.]

Then why are you doing this at all. Who cares if Ash does the exact same things with a -ley at the end?

Four.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12341151/1/The-Eeveelution-Squad

Put a space after punctuation.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

It’s “okay”, four letters.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12341211/1/Falling-Apart

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12341569/1/The-Untold-Story

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

[our Pokemon Journeys]

I appreciate you’re not capitalizing the rest but there’s really no reason for this to get uppercase letters either.

[My dark black hair and red eyes ]

I really don’t know why people are so insistent on the red eye thing. Red eyes mean you’re blind, okay? If this was an anime or something, then sure, visuals trump reality. In text, description’s supposed to tell you what’s going on, and what you just said is going on is he has some horrible birth defect that prevented his eyes from forming properly.

[“As touching as this reunion is, I think all three of you would like to get your pokemon today.” A familiar voice interrupted.]

This format is functionally the same as “a familiar voice said”, so it gets written with the comma and lowercase.

[ Puffing its chest, the turtle crossed its arms and waited. I was almost immediately annoyed by the arrogant pokemon but thought it would get along great with Gary. Starter pokemon should have personalities that match their trainer’s after all.]

No, they shouldn’t.

It’s nice that you didn’t just have them grab pokeballs without even saying hello first, but if the pokemon are going to be characters there needs to be more there than just an absurdly convenient mirroring.

Your character wanting to pick a pokemon that he’ll get along with is fine. Getting handed a pokemon duplicate of himself is boring and contrived. Why does the charmander look at the three of them and instantly know to ignore Gary while waving at both him and the girl he does like? Why do the other two also perfectly match the other two kids, are there only three personalities in existence? Why does it just so happen that the starter personalities were given out so Gary gets the standard squirtle, Leaf the standard bulbasaur, and main character the standard main character charmander?

[Today was not a great start his pokemon journey, Ash reflected. He woke up late, ended up missing getting a standard starter pokemon ]

Also, if you’re going to plod through the standard opening that’s been done tens of thousands of times before, the least you could do is properly answer the one question you said you were addressing.

When Ash gets to Oak, there is no starter pokemon. Oak was expecting Ash to show up. Why did he not have enough starter pokemon?

It’s also bad form to remind us that while your character is having a tedious conversation about how he’s going to use moves of different types in order to win, Ash had actual interesting events going on that were worth telling a story about. There’s a reason Ash did things wrong.

…and now he can suddenly understand his pokemon and this is used for all of them to explain they really want to keep things precisely the same and have no feelings that would get in the way of anything he wants. What’s even the point?

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12341689/1/The-Missing-Years

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Four.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12341926/1/Patience

This one is cute! And I don’t have to bother thinking up a full review because I’m blocked :D

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12342103/1/A-Second-Chosen-One-s-Journey

[Hope you liked the prologue to my first story.]

I did not. A bunch of people talking in a void isn’t a very good opening to a story. This is at once way too short and way too long – your prologue is incredibly short and fails to properly establish where your story’s going, but also, it’s mostly people repeating the same information at each other. You really don’t need multiple character saying someone’s missing, especially not when they all gathered because they all already know she’s missing.

This might have worked if it was part of your actual first chapter, but it shouldn’t have been posted independently.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12342124/1/Kinetic-Spirits-Arc-2-Malgam

I got this person earlier, but I would like to note I complained then that they had weird gendered tropes with the sexy evil woman and kindly wise man. This one has the idea the female mewtwo is too emotional and needs power limiters.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12342293/1/patience

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

And speaking of, this’d be improved if there were more pokemon to this than a single reference to litten. Guzma’s pokemon featuring, or references to the pokemon that work at the hospital, etc. Right now this reads almost but not quite like a no-pokemon AU.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12342471/1/Pokemon-Buizel-s-gift

[Every five thousand years, both the sun and moon disappear and a red star becomes the sun.]

I feel like your grasp on celestial events, or simply an understanding of the limits of human timekeeping, could be improved.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

And now a random lucario. Despite the total lack of support for this event in the story, it’s actually pretty predictable because yeah, of course a lucario appears, you can’t have a fic without the mandatory overused pokemon.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12342554/1/A-Confused-World

[“Hey, it’s an Umbreon! I’m gonna catch it!” I sighed and turned around. I mean, I get that Umbreon are rare and all, but why couldn’t he catch another Umbreon?]

Because they’re rare and all is probably why. Also, because your particular umbreon was too special even for the regular shiny coloring and is probably the only one in existence.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12342564/1/A-Flame-s-Will

Another repost! This one was fixed up a bit.