In which I somehow manage to finish all of this on time.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12342645/1/Cursed-An-Anthology

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[his eyes were riveted to the monster standing between them and Arcanine. This was no ordinary creature. A wide smile spread across its shadowy lips. It exposed a set of fangs even longer than his pokémon’s. They glimmered against the yellow reflection of the light from the foyer below—casting an eerie image of something beyond their understanding. This was neither Pokémon nor human. So what was it?]

Except…there are tons of pokemon, and some are literally ghosts. You really can’t do a horror of the unknown impossible creature thing in a setting that revolves around the fact you’ll trip over magic impossible animals just by going for a walk and can then use them to fight any other magic impossible animal you feel like.

[He disliked walking under ladders and took the time to avoid any path a black-colored meowth had crossed. Although those Pokémon were exceedingly rare in the first place. So they had little to worry about in that regard. ]

Overall, it really reads like you took a standard ghost setup and then changed the animal references to pokemon equivalents without really thinking.

This just doesn’t work that well. You have the pokemon show up but somehow can’t be dealt with as a pokemon, then a long runaround over magic and incantations to deal with it because pokemon battles aren’t an option, then suddenly things take a right turn and you start talking like you’re discussing the games – [ “Certain moves have also been reclassified as Dark. Bite and Crunch being only a couple.” The blond pushed the digital encyclopedia towards him. “In this new typing set-up, Dark is super effective against Ghost. If you can find someone to teach Arcanine one of these moves, you’ll have the upper hand.”] which, in order to let you make this reference to how the games changed between the first and second gen, requires that everyone be so incredibly stupid they spent thousands of years using pokemon in battle only to just now work out that bite doesn’t behave anything like a normal type move. And then it’s right back to battling being an afterthought and then eventually he’s fighting it off with hairspray when an arcanine couldn’t do anything to stop it.

Throughout this, the ghost story and pokemon story elements either don’t work together or actively sabotage each other.

Three reviews.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12342805/1/Fatty-Pokegirls

Write out numbers with letters.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

In an unusually creepy twist, more attention is given to sexualizing the trainers than the pokemon.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12342839/1/Masks-Within-Masks

[ pretending to browse through a list of YouTube videos]

Why does she have access to the internet in the first place?

Even assuming they have some sort of filter to prevent her from using the internet to communicate with anyone, the rest of the fic revolves around a really complicated escape plan and them knowing she’s that smart. There’s been a long history of locking people up and it’s also something where you can see most obvious flaws in the system, while software is relatively new and seeing problems is incredibly difficult. Then there’s the fact that if she escapes, she can be recaptured, but if she leaks the lab’s location online, well, internet is forever. Even assuming everything about this is totally legal, they’d get random people breaking in either as vigilantes or just disruptive assholes, because that’s the nature of people finding out about things, and moving the facility to reestablish secrecy means more chances to escape. There’s also the option of her getting into their computers and compromising their security, or just leaking/messing with their data out of spite.

There’s a similar disjoint to her whole escape attempt. It seems like blocking her cell off so they can’t see inside is an obvious bad idea, but she can convince the guards to do it just by turning into a naked woman and acting out part of a porn video she saw? These are some wussy and prudish guards. She’s stronger than a human, what with punching through weaker metals, and her illusions are enough she can leave static ones behind and turn invisible, but she still tries to escape by walking out instead of, say, trying to smash through a window and letting her speed and invisibility keep them from catching her after. For parts of it she seems to be acting like human with disguise powers, and from that point of view the scene of her approaching the door, seeing the sky, and then getting stopped at the last instant is very powerful. But from the point of view of her being able to dig a hole through a metal pipe, she really should’ve just sprinted through the doors as soon as they were in sight, or stayed in the ceiling until she found an exit there, since it’s only getting hit by the trap that actually stops her.

If she didn’t have straight up invisibility, it’d make far more sense why she was focused on walking out calmly and hoping they didn’t notice she’d left at all, and if the facility was underground and she was making her way up, it’d be plausible the front door really was the only possible exit. Making her a puny zorua rather than an evolved pokemon would also help with the part where she’s expected to be a lot stronger (and faster and more durable) than a regular human and should be able to use that to her advantage.

Zero reviews.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12342964/1/Pokemon-shorts-Media-volume

[Hilarity ensues.]

You’re supposed to say this when something is actually funny.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12343016/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Mystery-Dungeon-2-Explorers-of-Mind

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You really don’t need to repeat the same opening as usual. Start your story where your own story starts.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12343141/1/Pokemon-Mystery-Dungeon-Rescuing-Reality

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Zero. Wow. We’re still on January 29^th here – they’ve had time for people to see them.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12343244/1/Warrior-of-Light-The-Chronicles-of-Safehaven

Reposted with some edits.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12343483/1/Teaser-Pokemon-Sun-and-Moon-Sailing-Sunrise

Teasers are explicitly banned from the site, actually.

Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, thousands upon thousands of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Doing the opening of the game yet again is a waste of everyone’s time. If something different is going to happen, start the story when it does.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12343728/1/Overcoming-Weaknesses

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[A knock on the window released Wally from his daydreams. It was his mother, holding up a small rake. “Would you mind coming outside to help?” She asked, waving the rake slightly. “It might help with your asthma.”]

You know, I did spend the game suspecting his mother and father were trying to kill him, but I think they’d be a little more subtle than asking him to churn up some dust, mold, and pollen in the name of reducing asthma attacks.

Two.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12343736/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Truth

[Ah, yes, this was definitely one of those moments where one would typically suspire: “Fuck.”]

The fact you can use a thesaurus doesn’t mean you should.

Write out numbers with letters.

[Despite reading the manual included with the Miner’s kit he had just purchased from the Pokémart, and drilling into his conscience not to hammer the weak spots on the wall, he’d decided to challenge the limits of stupidity]

“Conscience” refers to good in the moral sense, not the practical. You should have stuck to writing clear sentences as opposed to trying and failing at sounding clever. Your writing is torturous and exhausting to read.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12343817/1/Pokemon-Exodus-High

[I will be setting up OC’s. Don’t worry though, I only made two because as a Reader myself, I am very complicated with OC’s. And if my gut is right, I assume some people like me tend to not like OCs because of this and that, personalities, color and things like that and it’s hard to catch up. But, however, my story won’t be complete without those two. So bear with the details because I need those details. Although not always. And you don’t really need to know the minor details, so just imagine what the heck you want to my two OCs and crap. But their personalities and Pokémon? I’d rather not want that.]

I have no idea what you’re trying to say here and this does not bode well for the writing of your actual fic.

[By the further north of Kanto Region, an orange, lizard-like Pokémon roared as its big and majestic wings flapped through the air under silver moonlight. ]

And yeah this is a mess by the first line.

Get a beta reader.

Zero. And so ends the 29^th.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12343904/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-Vinoa-Storm-Rising

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[Alya, the Eevee who I had become friends with as soon as I could walk, called. ]

If you’re making a point about how your character really cares about pokemon as individual people, picking one of the most overused ones available is not the best way of doing so. Plus the whole done to death aspect in general.

Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, thousands upon thousands of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[Spruce looked down. “An Eevee! What a rare Pokémon to find around here!”]

Ugh, so you don’t even have the excuse they’re common. Your character who talks to pokemon and loves them like family just so happened to only find a super rare popular pokemon who wanted to be friends with them. How many rattata and pidgey did they kick out of the way to finding their one true eevee bud?

[Nathanael huffed. “Well, it needs to go back in its Pokéball. And how is it your friend? Pokémon are animals.”

My eyes flashed and my fists clenched as Alya growled. *Watch it, you ungrateful lump of trash!* she spat.]

And how exactly does all this come as a surprise rather than something they’re used to? Or is it your character’s eyes only flash and fists only clench over their one cute eevee buddy, and it’s totally fine how every other pokemon gets treated and talked about? I sure don’t see them doing anything to try to stop Nathanael from getting a pokemon of his own to mistreat.

[I picked up the Charmander’s Pokéball. It peered up at me, curious. “Hey, Charmander. I’m looking for a partner to come with me around Vinoa. You seem pretty fired up and ready to go.” I grinned at the pun. The Charmander sighed then its tail blazed slightly brighter.]

While this is better than just grabbing one, if she really understands pokemon and treats them like equals, it’s pretty awkward she still gets whichever one she picks. She could just tell the group of starters who she was and what she was planning on doing, and see who was interested in it.

[ I was wondering if you wanted to give yourself a nickname, since Alya chose hers.”

The Charmander blinked. *Um.. How about Chara? But you’re a human, you wouldn’t be able to understand me.*]

Why don’t talking pokemon have their own names? Why do they need a human to tell them that it’s an option?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12343904/2/Pok%C3%A9mon-Vinoa-Storm-Rising

ahahaha seriously a riolu leads her to a mew and they both come along wow

Yeah your character may care about pokemon as people but it’s pretty damn obvious you just view them as shiny trophies.

[And yes, Mew is MALE. I don’t think a gender was specified in the games or the manga]

Except for the giving birth to Mewtwo thing yeah, it sure never came up.

Also her eevee can turn into any eeveelution, because obviously nothing says totally just happened to befriend like convenient superpowers.

Such a very deserved zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12343910/1/Fear-the-Night

[ So I decided to try a self-insert into the pokemon world because I can only think of one that’s been done of the top of my head]

What, seriously? Have you only ever read one other fanfic or something?

[If you didn’t already guess, I turned into a baby.

Those early years were infuriating. I had to relearn how to walk, how to talk, even how to chew solid food. Everything I should of known how to do had to be practiced.]

First, there’s no such thing as “should of”. It’s “should’ve”, short for “should have”.

Second, how did he get through his entire early childhood without ever once doubting his memories of a past life? You’re writing this like you’re fastforwarding through everything but he’d actually experience years of growing up in a brand-new place.

[But I know for a fact that most of my dreams can’t go into the amount of detail in this new world. I don’t think I am able to imagine every hair on Growlithe or every vein on each individual leaf or the difference between each snowflake in winter. Even when I created people in my old dreams they were usually based around people I knew – appearance and personality wise. I was never able to imagine new faces or new voices or new personalities.]

Really? How does he actually know what his dreams are like during his dreams? It’s well known that dreams fade as you wake up, so if he never remembered perfect fur rendering afterward, that proves nothing. There are known glitches in what your brain generates, but you list none of them instead relying on saying he somehow has the most boring and unimaginative dreams ever.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[Fighting over nothing but wounded pride, the two nations fought each other over a war spanning over a decade that left the land barren.]

Wars are pretty much never over wounded pride. If you’re going to try to expand the history, make your expansion something that makes sense.

You don’t seem to be doing much of anything with the self-insert aspect. He’s precocious and isolated from other kids, but that’s not exactly unheard of. His past life doesn’t seem to be doing much of anything to give him a different perspective on his new one either, and your description of him growing up has him learning things about how the world works the same as a kid who didn’t have a past life playing the game would. You’ve included this huge, distracting element and then it doesn’t even go anywhere.

Two. “a small suggestion, Don’t pair him with anybody fast till he is at least 16-17 .” about a character who is currently seven wtf.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12343948/1/Hidden-Power

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

The idea here is clever, but you tip your hand too obviously with this one – Oak is acting suspicious from the beginning and never recovers. And it’d have been stronger if you’d stuck closer to the canon events – why invent a different girl who was successfully cured when there was a canon one who died and got cloned? Why add that also Oak has superpowers when you could just say Oak has powerful pokemon that can easily take them out, what with canonically being a pretty good trainer himself?

[He could see just fine. He had the DNA of all Pokemon, after all. And that made him the very best, like no one ever was.]

Like this sounds very dramatic, but it really doesn’t fit the rest of the story which is about the mystery of a random girl Oak wants to cover up because of unethical experiments and old regrets, then suddenly the ending is they weren’t really unethical because actually the splicing is awesome with no downsides and it was just a freak accident that caused the deaths anyway.

Two.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12344139/1/If-Ash-got-Darkrai-as-his-Starter

Your story should not need a legend to keep speech straight.

Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, thousands upon thousands of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Aaaaaaaaaaaand it’s a shiny darkrai because you wanted to make it super extra clear that you were doing this just for the sueishness and weren’t even going to attempt to make interesting story out of someone having an extra powerful pokemon.

Write out numbers with letters.

The summary opens with, “We all know that we want Ash to really have a legendary in the shows.”

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12344144/1/What-could-ve-happened

Capitalize your title properly.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

The fact everyone’s writing shit doesn’t mean doing it on purpose is much of an improvement. It really wouldn’t be hard to have kept Ash in character while still stomping all over the stupid chosen-by-Arceus stuff.

One, because people are so sick of it.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12344605/1/Eli-Singleton-the-Sons-of-Injustice

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You’re writing some really detailed card game drama, but there’s the problem that card games are really just not that interesting. That’s why stories usually have a character cheating so there’s tension that they’re going to get murdered for it (someone being cranky about a legitimate loss in an established venue doesn’t work because those places don’t want random murdering to break out), and/or establish that they don’t have the money to afford a loss rather than telling us he won’t even be out of the game if he loses this hand. It’s also why watching card games actually play out is usually for later in the story when there’s been time to get invested in the character. You could at least have opened with them including pokemon in the bets rather than having a wholly mundane game play out and saying that also, betting pokemon is a thing but no need to show that version of the game.

[That’s right. Thomas was married. For some reason the man doesn’t seem to be the type and so I keep forgetting. His woman doesn’t know she’s married to a criminal. I’m sure she’s aware of it to some degree, but the true extent of her husbands shady dealings most likely elluded her. And from how Thomas sometimes spoke of her, it was not through a lack of trying on her part. He sometimes complained he felt like he was married to a private eye. A very hot private eye.]

You seem to have dropped into first person here.

I suspect the same cargo cult writing is a problem here – when I think of poker actually being used, I think of the common points I listed, while I’d guess the author never considered what story elements the poker games used, just that poker was a thing.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12344606/1/Party-in-the-wild

Try harder.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12344805/1/War-of-the-Opposing-Kingdoms

This is posted as a chapter when it’s just a summary. Don’t do that. Put it on top of your actual first chapter or, better yet, just write the story properly with this information in it instead of dumping it in a blob like this.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12344844/1/Punishments-Spirit-Children

[A pageant of muddied creatures sat along a snowbank. ]

That seems like the worst option for a collective noun. Why “pageant”?

[Those who had tails wagged them and, on occasions such as this—when mother uses their allowance on shampoo instead of red meat—the carnivores in their wayward pack pined for blood. Neither did the rest fare well: the rumbling in their stomachs threatened to avalanche the perch.]

So they’re wagging their tales because they’re all going hungry over this happening? Why do you say that it’s just the red meat they’re going without only to follow up with nope everybody’s starving? Why is your opening paragraph this incoherent?

Also, if you’re using “mother” in place of a name, it’s capitalized as one.

[“My ranting doesn’t leave a good smell, does it?” Bleak grinned. “None of this matters anyway.” He rummaged through his makeshift bag and pulled out a knife. Copper, intricately textured to have tiny grooves that felt like sandpaper. It bore a blade no longer than Bleak’s fangs. “With this as our key, I’ll get us out of here to a place where no Punishers live.”]

So you’re pointing out that, being a bunch of pokemon, they come with weapons at least as good as a knife built into their bodies, and yet it didn’t occur to you that meant maybe a tiny knife didn’t make sense as a meaningful weapon the way it would for human children who don’t have fangs and claws.

Stop abusing colons.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[“Look at the facts,” Nasfereet said, speaking quickly. “Every year one of the able-bodied, learned pokémon get Punished, meaning that there is one less contributor while a bunch of mouths-and-stomachs with no value and no real trade-skills get by for free.]

So then why don’t they use the orphan kids for anything instead of just having them wander around begging? That’s normally what happens when there are too many workers to too few jobs, not when there’s the slightest concern about losing people.

And if the point of this is for one of the kids to get sacrificed, well – why is there even a rule against that in the first place? Why not just start off with that being an option?

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12344875/1/A-new-Legend-Part-1-Leafgreen

There are just shy of ten thousand stories just on this site in this category with “pokemon” in their title. “New” features in almost two thousand. There are over six hundred “chronicles”, more if you include misspellings, even more with “begins” and “beginning”, and even more “Character Name”‘s whatever. There are a thousand with “legend”. There are two thousand with “journey”, seventeen hundred with “story”, three hundred fifty with “quest”, and almost three thousand with “adventure”. The different region names appear another thousand or two times. “Saga”, “region” and “champion” come in around a few hundred. In sum, you should try to choose an original title that has to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates it’s yet another story about a pokemon trainer.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

There is absolutely no need to repeat the opening of the games. Everyone who didn’t play it themselves has still seen it done to death by a million people before you.

One, crit.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12344950/1/Stones-and-Jewels

Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, thousands upon thousands of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Why does someone who already has a blaziken need to visit a professor in order to go on a pokemon journey?

Questioned does not mean asked.

[“I’m planning on defeating the Pokemon league! You see, there are certain people who believe that I can’t do it, but I want to prove them wrong!” Stephanie says with burning determination, her Blaziken taking after his trainer, displaying the same fiery determination.

“I must say that you look like a fine young lady who can definitely stand a chance against the league.” He grins.

“I’ve been studying hard. You see, normal types are weak against fighting types, so I’ll go against Norman with Blaze. However, fire type Blaze is weak against Rock-type expert Roxanne, so I’ll need to find a water or grass type to match up against her.”]

This is insanely boring. To call your character generic would be an insult to generic characters – at least they usually sound like people and not parodies of them. You’re wasting time repeating basic information everyone, in and out of universe, should know already. And all this is taking place in a conversation that’s already pointless, because she had no need to seek out Birch in the first place.

Also, even if you mean for her to be an utter moron, it’s absurd to say that she’s learned about pokemon trainers but doesn’t know pokeballs exist.

One, crit, same person.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12345114/1/The-Legend-Of-The-Myth

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

“A vice” is something that clamps. You mean “voice”. Also, you desperately need a beta reader and to run spellcheck.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12345250/1/Practice-Makes-Perfect

spoilerz

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12345408/1/The-Hearts-of-the-Beasts

spoilerz

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12345450/1/The-Wolf

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12345485/1/Legends-Truth-or-dare

Capitalize your title properly.

[The Ayna clan was a clan well known for their unlimited power and abilities that they posses. And also for their harsh, to put it lightly, training regime. Those who have experienced it either survived and became one of the most powerful beings ever, excluding them, or just faced unbearable torture that made them wish they were suffering instead. But that is only if they are able to get inside the mansion, or have contact with one of them which is near impossible to just happen all of the sudden.]

So in short, a pile of overpowered ridiculousness.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12345579/1/Melemele-Eclipse

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[could of]

“Could’ve”, short for “could have”.

“Its” is the possessive form. “It’s” means “it is” only.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12345580/1/Alona-Adventures

There are just shy of ten thousand stories just on this site in this category with “pokemon” in their title. “New” features in almost two thousand. There are over six hundred “chronicles”, more if you include misspellings, even more with “begins” and “beginning”, and even more “Character Name”‘s whatever. There are a thousand with “legend”. There are two thousand with “journey”, seventeen hundred with “story”, three hundred fifty with “quest”, and almost three thousand with “adventure”. The different region names appear another thousand or two times. “Saga”, “region” and “champion” come in around a few hundred. In sum, you should try to choose an original title that has to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates it’s yet another story about a pokemon trainer.

Also from the looks of things, you meant “Alola”.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12345632/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-stories-journey-through-Hoenn

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12345772/1/Pokemon-Haven

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Write out numbers with letters.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

One, crit.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12345910/1/Fighter

You really don’t need to open your fic explaining what badges Kanto has and that people need to collect them and you really shouldn’t open your fic with a bland infodump summary of past history instead of actual things happening.

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Much like you didn’t need to list badges, you do not need to list the most obvious moves the starters can learn.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[Ash decided to quickly scan Squirtle “Squirtle the tiny turtle Pokemon, when it feels threatened it will draw its legs inside its shell and shoot out water. Also, this Pokemon is female and knows Tackle, Tail Whip, Bubble, Withdraw and Dragon Pulse. Side Note Dragon Pulse is an Egg Move; it was Inherited from a Kingdra”

Ash’s eyes widened, Egg Moves were moves that were gained through breeding and were usually not learnt in a Pokémon’s natural moveset or by Tms.]

Well, this is an avenue of sueishness I don’t usually see. And of course Gary’s pokemon does not have any special moves, yet you present the resulting battle like it’s to Ash’s credit he won.

Why did you think that it was more interesting to have Calem oneshot the spearow problem before it can even happen and then show off his pokemon rather than having actual exciting events happen and let Ash try to deal with it himself?

I mean, you’re obviously aware of the anime because you’re copying chunks, but somehow you missed how it had things happen and was interesting while your fic is Ash standing around winning or listing off movesets except when some other guy shows up to stand around winning.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12345963/1/Mother-Of-DOGARS

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

[“You never respected what I wanted in Pokemon either! You kept talking about the unearthly grace and majesty of Ghost-types when I wanted the grungiest of Poison types!]

Except there’s crossover between their types, so it’s not like that’s opposed, and Roxie’s aesthetic isn’t particularly the ugliest of poison types – the team that has a garbodor on it is the same one that has a seviper.

There’s obviously a difference in their outlooks, but it doesn’t work to make it come down to a type difference. If you want it to be reflected in their pokemon, the more likely point is that Roxie’s are rather physical ones that demand space unapologetically, particularly whirlipede/scolipede, which fits with Roxie’s own expansive sprite.

One complaining about code problems that were apparently fixed.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12346137/1/Alex-s-transformation

Try harder.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12346169/1/The-Glacies-Adventures

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Also, when mixing dialogue and action, the actions of the speaker go in the same paragraph as the dialogue, the actions of a different person than the speaker go in a new paragraph.

Two.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12346171/1/Mimikyu-s-Poem

Poem.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12346226/1/Sunlight-Darkmoon-Espeon-and-Umbreon-Friends

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12346516/1/Bring-Me-To-Life-A-Pok%C3%A9mon-Fan-fiction

[It had been almost half a year since Angie left behind the daycare to go out on a Pokémon journey she had yearned for for so long. It took a while, but Angie had managed to convince her parents to let her go.]

It’s nice to see a story starting at a point after the overdone first day, but it’s less nice that you seem to have picked a different random dead point to begin on. Stories should be set when things are actually happening. The fact she’s not enjoying her travels as much as she expected but nothing’s really wrong either really isn’t attention-grabbing.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things – or used in place of one, like “mom” can be. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[Since Angie could never get a fire going, she couldn’t cooks anything]

Also, it’s ridiculous to say it’s been six months without her figuring out matches exist, and proofread better.

Zero, also on that note we’re done! Sorta.