A bunch that aren’t totally standard today.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10946065/1/A-Rock-and-a-Hard-Place

[Still nothing. I began walking faster, then started jogging, and then sprinted—trying to drown out the sound of the drips by the soft treads of my feet. But no matter how fast I traveled, no matter how much noise I made, I could not escape the ever-present background noise. ]

I’d say the bigger concern here is that your character is apparently in a cave and yet he’s able to run blindly without hitting anything at all.

[ But the cold came back fiercer than ever, and I couldn’t help but shudder as what felt like a cold breath pressed against my neck. But there was no sign of any wind, no tell-tale breeze or whistle of air. ]

If there’s no sense of motion, it’s a bad idea to describe it as like a cold breath, because when something feels like a cold breath, it feels like cold air moving.

[Ten minutes passed. Then thirty minutes, one hour, two hours. The third hour flew by; I didn’t even register that I had been walking for more than four hours when I began to wonder just how long I would be stuck here. ]

So how is he telling us the exact amount of time that’s passing?

Semicolons do not indicate sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously, and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.

The same goes for the excess of colons you’re using.

[I was saved! The object was about three inches by one inch and made of a very cheap material. But what excited me the most was a strip of coarse material covering one length of the box. I had found a matchbox. Finally, I would be able to see and maybe find a way out of this eternal strip of darkness. ]

See, your character just seems kind of dumb for focusing on the noise and the fact he can’t see as if being in a miles-long, miles-wide completely empty cavern would be solved if only he could see the obviously massive sealed cave he’s in.

If there’s stalactites, there should be stalagmites for him to trip over. Ditto for the rest of the gore.

[I had no idea whether it was male or female as the hair and all distinguishing facial features appeared to be burnt off. But the one thing I knew was that the poor soul suffered greatly. Its eyes were large and terrified, begging for help, any help at all that would end the overwhelming pain. The mouth was gaping, still forming the shape of a scream. Overall, the whole thing was sickening. ]

Less is more, and also watch out for contradicting yourself. It’s hard to burn off facial features while leaving the face perfectly intact for people to rapsodize about the eyes and expression.

[ A giant fire erupted and I could clearly see all of my surroundings. There was blood and gore everywhere—it was practically oozing from the ceiling and the cracks on the floor. To the left was the bloody remains of a salamence, its neck sliced and its wings ripped off its body. Next to it was an audino, with said dragon’s wings slicing the poor pink creature into thirds. To the right was a typhlosion ]

Continuing that, the body on the ceiling was creepy, but now you’ve gone overboard and it’s just meh.

Less is more. A mutilated body that defies physics to be inescapable is already terrifying. When you start going into detail about how much the person must have suffered, that’s actually just distracting. If you really need the rest of the dead, don’t describe exactly what happened to them, just say that the place is littered with chunks of pokemon.

[Correction: a still-living and slowly approaching shedinja.
The cream-colored corpse stopped and floated in front of me, making absolutely no noise.]

This is badly worded – living and corpse contradict. If you’re playing on the fact it’s a ghost pokemon, “shell” would be a better word than “corpse”.

I’m assuming that this place is some sort of magic/dream/etc, since he walks for hours without moving away from the dripping corpse, plus all the other corpses are apparently now super flammable. Even still, it’d have been better to try to ground things – have him bumping and tripping over stalagmites, have him wonder how big the area is (if there’s big enough stalagmites, he could even mistake them for walls), and having gore coating the entire area isn’t scary.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10946099/1/Sins-of-the-Past

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Two.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10946207/1/Liebe-Love-Amour

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[“Oh …,” reacted the girl, ]

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Also, stop dancing around said. “Reacted”? Seriously?

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10946215/1/Purpose

[Everyone in school was surprised to see that Cheren rejected all of his college acceptances because he wanted to become Unova’s Champion.]

See, that’s exactly why jacking the age up is so dumb. Kids are supposed to go try and probably fail at being trainers first, then come back and start working their way through school.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Honestly, making a fic about Bianca instead of Player Character really doesn’t do much to change that everyone’s already familiar with the opening and you really don’t tell us anything new. Trainerfic needs a clear idea of where it’s going and actual plot.

Blocked!

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10946220/1/A-Trainer-s-Bonds

[*Thump* Scott’s hands ached and his skin burned. *Thump* ]

Try writing out narration fully and not relying on this sort of script/roleplay shorthand.

[His childhood dream was always to travel the world as a pokemon trainer. But, life doesn’t always work out as you want it to. His parents moved out to this little farm and he accepted that they depended on his help. Money was tight, and you would have to be really good to make a living out of pokemon battles. Just as he was about to change the channel out of sadness, Juniper appeared back on screen.
“For those of you on the fence about it, then here’s your chance to learn. We’re holding a tournament in Meridian on July 25th with a cash prize. Anyone looking to test their mettle and see how they fare is welcome. Open registration!” ]

Well, that’s more acceptable a reason for a late start than usual.

What’s less of a good idea is that you’re still writing him as a total newbie, down to showing us him catching his first pokemon.

If he always wanted to be a trainer, it’s really not that hard to get pokeballs – they cost less than a can of lemonade. Even if you increased the cost enormously, if it’s something that’s always been his dream he should’ve been able to save up by now for a couple. He could’ve been practicing with Lillipup before now, could’ve caught one or two other pokemon, etc. They’ve probably had battles before now protecting the farm from wild pokemon nusances, and even more so now that they have torchic because basically everything eats chickens.

Instead you have him just starting to train his lillipup to use tackle with barely a week to the open tournament. If he wins, it means that everyone else in the world is even more incompetent than that.

Like I said, you at least have a decent reason for the late start, and I like the setting of this – starter torchic have to come from somewhere, they make sense as something worth too much for him to actually keep any, and the way you talk about the little bobbleheads is cute. But you’re then going back to completely standard OT fic where the main character is starting from scratch with practicing moves and showing the first battle and first capture. Give him the drilbur already and maybe a rattata or something, and say they like to practice but there aren’t many trainers around so they’ve got no experience in official battles to establish they’re still rookies as far as the tournament goes.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10946231/1/Rekindle

[The Professor  ]
[ Your Grandfather  ]
[of Slowbros  ]

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10946255/1/Fever

Three. Nothing to say here.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10946262/1/Pokemon-Special-The-Obsidian-Granite-Arc

Semicolons do not indicate sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously, and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10946295/1/Miscamon-the-adventures

Capitalize your title properly.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Write out numbers with letters.

Watching someone get their first pokemon from a professor and walk off into the sunset continues not to be inherently interesting.

Two, one the author.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10946363/1/It-s-not-what-it-always-seems

Capitalize your title properly.

[The brunette wants out , she doesn’t want to be Champion anymore… but she can’t do it alone. However, who will help her? ]

Step One: Lose

How many people do you need to help you throw a fight?

Stop saying “brunette” constantly. Only use relevant epithets.

Two.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10946422/1/Sparkle-and-Shine

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Write out numbers with letters.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10946470/1/Hazardous-Love

[ Even the Sun seemed ]

Don’t capitalize random words.

[ dark viridian orbs ]

Don’t call eyes orbs.

This seems like a cast of OCs, and as such is just boring original fiction taking place in the most tiresome of settings, school.

Four.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10946618/1/Crystal-Clear

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Learn to use punctuation.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10946620/1/Midnight-s-story

Capitalize your title properly.

This is just a mess of formatting. Look at stuff before you post it.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10946661/1/The-Unovan-Guardian

Dialogue’s still a mess, and you need to capitalize everything used as a name. I’d suggest getting a beta reader.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10946808/1/What-I-Wanted

Semicolons do not indicate sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously, and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.

[I shouldn’t wake father up. ]

If it’s used as a name, it’s capitalized as one.

It doesn’t make much sense that your character coincidentally woke up right before the extra-early point their sister set the alarm to.

[Half of the window on the outside was covered in orbs of colourless liquid ]

Just say drops.

[and then, when noon comes around the fog mystifies but also thins out, becoming mist.  ]

What?

[ You see, my eyes, are not brown or blue, or grey or green. But black. Pure black. You can’t see the pupil, only one big, black circle in the centre of my eyes. Some say it’s because I am hollow, devoid of emotion, and others say I’m possessed. By the evil entities that bound my family to this eerie area. ]

Pretty sure a doctor could just look at that and settle the possessed vs somehow emotionlessness alters your eye pigment arguments.

[My boots were up to knee length and had spikes on the top and tip. ]

That’s a horrible idea.

“Its” is possessive, “it’s” means “it is.”

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

[It looked like it had come from a fantasy world, looking at it’s unique design. It was created in the image of fiery swirls, with a big, long blade in the middle. Orange and red, it resembled fire, and the grip was suited for my tastes. ]

It sounds no different from his outfit, so why would that be normal while this thing’s equally bizarre design is over the top?

Semicolons do not indicate sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously, and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.

Okay, so apparently he’s never even walked around the area just outside his house. How are they getting food and other supplies? What keeps the pokemon he doesn’t even know about from leveling his house?

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10947175/1/Nuzlocke-A-New-Leaf

[He’s sealed. We managed to do it. We collected a feather of each of the Legendary Birds that Mew sealed away before its demise. With the hidden power of the Legendary Birds combined with the power of my Alakazam, we managed to seal Mewtwo inside Cerulean Cave. ]

That’s a really ridiculous idea. Really, just saying they dumped Mewtwo in and hoped it wouldn’t come back out would make more sense.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Semicolons do not indicate sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously, and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10947175/2/Nuzlocke-A-New-Leaf

Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point. Also, no one will ever care what your character is eating for breakfast.

And talking pokemon. That rarely goes well.

Okay, it looks like your actual plot is going to be about Mewtwo. Here’s the thing, you’re not building suspense by flipping between Ominous Mewtwo Stuff and newbie trainer stuff. You’re just going between potentially interesting if anything actually comes of it actual plot and boring filler. If the point of the story is that the kid engages with Mewtwo, don’t waste your time on dreams and breakfast and first battles, just have him be a trainer already and get on with it.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10947212/1/True-Intentions-An-Amourshipping-Fanfiction

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10947265/1/Scribbles-on-my-heart

Capitalize your title properly.

[She narrowed her eyes at me, and bent down a bit and pointed to my scribbling on the desk. “This is vandalizing, sweetie. I catch you one more time doodling on this desk, and I’ll make you stay after school and you’ll have to clean all the desks, alright?” She said smiling, but with evil hidden behind her two almond-shaped eyes. ]

So, Leaf actually is drawing on the desks, continues to do so even while it’s pointed out to her, and her evil teacher….gives her a second chance to stop without any consequences whatsoever? You seem unclear on what evil involves.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Two.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10947377/1/Pokemon-Mystery-Dungeon-Heroes-of-Light

[ “You have been chosen to save the pokemon world like so many others…,” it continued ]

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10947412/1/Knowing-and-Understanding

Semicolons do not indicate sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously, and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10947559/1/Cinders-and-Ashes

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

[my Mom  ]

Only capitalize when it’s being used in place of a name.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10947568/1/Pok%C3%A9mon-War-of-the-Ages

Semicolons do not indicate sophisticated or intelligent writing, even when grammatically correct. Use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly, judiciously, and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable. If you have a semicolon sitting between a pair of sentences because the sentences are kind of, sort of related, it just makes you look pretentious.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Blocked!

Two.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10947657/1/a-new-beginning

Capitalize your title properly.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Write out numbers with letters.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10947683/1/Lurking-Shadows

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

This seems like a filler chapter. Rather than having your character stand there while you tell us precisely what he’s wearing and how big his mansion’s backyard is and so on, you should’ve shown him getting involved with the plot. Note that meaningless battles between friends with zero stakes involved is not the same thing as plot.

The bit actually involving Cipher is just filler rambling, where you say “Cipher” a bunch of times while the characters themselves discuss how they have no idea what Cipher’s doing.

The final segment of this fic is the only bit that matters at all, and even then, it’s mostly you having the character explain what the plot will eventaully be whenever it gets to that.

Here’s what you should’ve done: Cipher tries to catch Deoxys and the main character gets involved however he’s supposed to be involved at that point. No people standing around explaining their plans, no other people standing around even more pointlessly.

One, concrit.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10947768/1/Part-1

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[Do you understand how stressful that is? When you’re only chance to calm him is to capture him and you have 10 Utlra Balls, 2 Nest Balls, 2 Pokéballs, and a Premiere Ball? ]

“Your” is possessive, “you’re” is short for “you are”.

Spellcheck.

Also, this comes out like farce. Whining about not having enough pokeballs to catch a legendary easily is something players do.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10947834/1/Random-Poke-Storeis

Your title is misspelled.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10948244/1/Pokemon-Chronicles

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

And no, I don’t care that this was your cowriter, you posted it and that means it’s your job to make sure it doesn’t have horrible errors in it.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10948330/1/Pokemon-Mystery-Dungeon-The-Return-of-Darkrai

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Far too short for a chapter, and nothing that matters happened.

Another vanished one.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10948347/1/Getting-Into-the-Christmas-Spirit

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks with thoughts.

Stop calling him “brunet” constantly. Use relevant epithets and only when necessary.

[ Christmas’s ]

Never use an apostrophe for a plural.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10948436/1/Water-Water

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

“Its” is possessive, “it’s” means “it is.”

Well, I’m glad this is a story where stuff actually happens but the whole Team Rocket thing is over the top and drawn out, especially ending with the suddenly-telepathic-dewgong-warning. It’d probably have helped if her family went to sleep, then woke up to the dewgong’s cries as Team Rocket attacked it, then when her parents ran out they were immediately shot. She shouldn’t need magic sue pokemon-speech powers at that point, she can just be scared and run the other way.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10948438/1/Masuda-s-Method

You always capitalize “I”, not just when you feel like it.

[I always knew I was different, I seemed to stand out and everyone always had their eyes on me as if they were cautious about me. I noticed it at home as well, I always seemed to be treated much better than my siblings, not like the favorite child would, more like a treasure. Everyone seemed to not want to be with me as if my relationship with them would only lead to pain and grief. My parents seemed to hide my reason for being different than everyone else, they said my trait was often sought after, however i didn’t believe them, why would anybody want a curse as this one to bare this title.  ]

This paragraph is a mess. First you say that the character’s treated far better than anyone else and people are just a little closed off about it, then you end with the little dramallama wailing about what a horrible curse it is to get preferential treatment.

The idea regular pokemon don’t want to make friends with a shiny because they know the shiny’s kind of doomed makes sense, but there’s no reason anyone would treat them like a “treasure” given they’re only a treasure to trainers. They’d probably either get better treatment (because everyone was sorry for them) or be kind of neglected (because why bother when they’ll just get caught by a trainer next week).

It doesn’t make any sense that there’d be widespead resentment because other pokemon think they’re full of themselves for no reason. In some circumstances it might make sense to have superstitions around them, but given they just end up caught by trainers that should be the main focus. Either they’re viewed as lucky sacrifices for the community because any trainer will catch them instead of the rest, or they’re viewed as unlucky trouble attracting trainers who might catch a bunch of the community in one go, depending on how trainers usually behave. Banning them from some celebrations because prejudice really doesn’t fit with either of those two things – if the former, they should want a shiny there, and if the latter, they should kick the pokemon out entirely. Either way, what they’d really want to avoid is the shiny pokemon just running around the area on its own instead. which is what you describe.

And indeed, we see that somehow there’s a wall of trainers destroying everything down for the main character, which wouldn’t have happened if they’d been in plain sight at the festival for the trainers to nab immediately.

Three, concritty.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10948550/1/Tis-the-Season

[This is just a drabbly present  ]

A drabble is a word for a story of precisely 100 words.

[I guess I was the only sane rebel alive, because everyone (even Cheren) decided that it would be a splendid idea to host a rebellion-wide Christmas celebration. ]

What you’re saying is “humans” in your world are actually closer to slime mold in intellect, which in turn means I don’t care about what happens to them.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Five.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10948808/1/OC-s-Needed

This is a terrible idea and shouldn’t have been posted.

Five.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10948947/1/Like-a-Glass-Bead-Necklace

???????????????????????????

Well, these are all lovely. I particularly appreciate the one where someone’s helping kids get their first pokemon after all the professorprofessorprofessorprofessorprofessorprofessorprofessorprofessorprofessorI’MLEAVINGATEIGHTEENBECAUSEIHADTOGETONEFROMAPROFESSOR I’ve trudged through already.

[Once the shuppet’s solid enough, Brynja takes a needle (true-forged steel to pierce) and thread (salt-soaked shroud to bind) and skillfully closes the incision. Then she closes her eyes and thinks darkly about her brother, who only works fifteen hours a week instead of fifty.
When she opens them, the shuppet’s grinning and healthy once more. ]

And I really love this bit about treating ghost types.

Two, and we end January 4th! January 5th looks to be a nice, manageable 27 stories, so with luck, I’ll be able to start catching up.