Two fics where characters actually seem to care about pokemon as more than mobile trophies! Also a pokemon fucking one that very definitely thinks they’re mobile trophies.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12313725/1/Unexpected-Journey-of-a-Trainer

Write out numbers with letters.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

[The age requirement for beginning trainers had been increased from 10 to 16 due to multiple accounts of trainers found hurt or worse from pokemon related injuries.]

Because as we all know, when you turn sixteen you become invulnerable.

[ Another law was passed Due to many accounts of trainers falling in love with their pokemon and vice versa. The law states that people were allowed to be in relationships with their pokemon. ]

If pokemon aren’t people, they aren’t smart enough to consent and this is rape. If pokemon are people, keeping them as property is slavery. Put another way, if you want to write humans fucking pokemon without it being creepy and making the humans look like monsters, don’t say trainers own pokemon.

[The trainers that had pokemon taken were allowed to resume their journey when they hit 16 years of age, and they could continue from where they left off. The trainers were also allowed to visit their pokemon once a week for an entire day so that they would not lose the bonds that they had worked to obtain with their pokemon.]

No. It’s always been canon, across every medium, that people can keep pokemon without battling them.

[He didn’t want his team to progress without him so he was going to opt out of the habitat training program, until he began to fill out the papers. He read that he could have his pokemon be trained until they were one battle short of evolution.]

Because nothing says, “I totally care about them as people!!!” like thinking all that matters is getting to watch them evolve and who cares about the actual work otherwise.

[He decided to talk it over with his team, and after a lengthy discussion, they decided that would be the best option. ]

Why did he only decide that when he was given an option that fit exactly what he wanted? Why not ask them to start with if he cares so much about them?

And so he never even sees them again for two years straight, because what’s important is your sue getting powerful pokemon and a hot gardevoir to fuck and not actually being around his supposed friends.

Two.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12314752/1/Snap-Out-of-It

Semicolons should only ever be used when connecting two complete sentences and even then almost never.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[Hunting them down and interrogating them is a waste of time. They might be shady, but they are anything but productive.]

Your phrasing is really weird – “productive” should be something like “competent”. This is a problem throughout your fic. It’s a chore to read your sentences because so many words almost but don’t quite fit, and there’s problems with your sentence structure as well. I’m not sure if it’s that you’re trying to sound extra smart by using longer or more formal words that you don’t quite have a grip on or if you’re just generally struggling to write, but either way, I’d strongly recommend getting a beta reader to help fix this.

This seems like it’s actually trying to be different, with a main character who wants to opt out of the whole chosen hero thing, but it’s too exhausting to read.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12315104/1/Alola-Alola

[1) Pokemon, when caught, are able to take human forms, all of which are unique to the Pokemon and its personality; they are able to alternate freely between their (more comfortable) Pokemon forms and their human forms.

2) In their human forms, Pokemon are able to speak.

3) For a Pokemon to be able to switch its form freely, it must have had sex with its Trainer within the first 24 hours of capturing it in its human form.]

Well. That sure went downhill fast. Even if the point of this is just fetish stuff, you could at least think up a decent justification.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12313508/1/Fearful-Mistakes

spoilerz

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12313542/1/A-Lily-Blossoms-In-Kanto

spoilerz

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12313870/1/Bad-Quarter-of-an-Hour

[Wood dust and the pink gas left her eyesight impaired. Popped vessels, bloated sockets, and irritated ducts made her eyes dry and unable to summon any moisture, no matter how much she rubbed her eyes.]

The eye socket is just bone, tear ducts are the things that drain away liquid, not produce it – when you see a animals with weeping eyes, it’s usually a blocked tear duct.

If her eyes themselves are bloated, they wouldn’t fit into their sockets properly so she’d she’d have trouble blinking all the way. And I guess the lacrimal gland could be clogged. But the easiest way to blind someone is eye irritation and overproduction of tears, and that’s usually what getting things in your eye does.

[ the miasma crept to her like a wounded body dragging itself across the ground.]

This is a weird choice of simile. It crept toward her like something weak, pleading for aid, and soon to be still?

And a lot of this overall seems too elaborate – the sort of narration would fit well on her way in when she’s observing everything with great interest, but which undercuts things when she’s staggering away injured and terrified and probably not so coherent.

[“What’s wrong?” Malia whispered as brushed her hand above one of the heads, about the size of a tire. Heat radiated off the head as Malia palmed the pokémon’s forehead, the flesh burning her skin. “You’re hurt,” she said as she plopped down beside the heads and began patting her pockets, a futile effort because she knew she’d left all of her supplies – excluding the ball, she wasted on fomantis – back at her camp.]

I really like that, despite how beat up she is, she has spare concern for a pokemon she just stumbled upon.

Two.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12313884/1/Left-behind

Capitalize your title properly.

[It wasn’t Phoebe, who walked in, like declared.]

What?

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12313887/1/Red-s-Journey-The-True-Story

There are just shy of ten thousand stories just on this site in this category with “pokemon” in their title. “New” features in almost two thousand. There are over six hundred “chronicles”, more if you include misspellings, even more with “begins” and “beginning”, and even more “Character Name”‘s whatever. There are a thousand with “legend”. There are two thousand with “journey”, seventeen hundred with “story”, three hundred fifty with “quest”, and almost three thousand with “adventure”. The different region names appear another thousand or two times. “Saga”, “region” and “champion” come in around a few hundred. In sum, you should try to choose an original title that has to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates it’s yet another story about a pokemon trainer.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[This Charmander is a fire type, the Squirtle—water, and the Bulbasaur—grass and poison. These type differences may be important in battle, but mean very little in actually raising the Pokémon.

“For instance, this Charmander here is very affectionate. She would find working with a hardhearted trainer who is only interested in winning very distressing. The one who trains her must be open to advances in the level of affection between him and his Pokémon, whatever form they may take.” Unless Red imagined it, Oak winked at him while saying this. “This Squirtle, on the other hand, is a very proud Pokémon. Contrary to Charmander, Squirtle would find working with a lighthearted trainer who lavishes his affection on his Pokémon but doesn’t seem to care about winning all that much to be unfathomably boring. His true partner must be willing to push his limits to win no matter the cost.” There was no mistaking it this time as Oak winked at his grandson. “Bulbasaur seems to favor neither extreme. As long as his trainer takes good care of him and is skillful in battle, he will follow his trainer to the ends of the Earth.]

This is a really nice change of pace. I can’t think of the last time I’ve hit one of these that actually discussed them as individuals, let alone phrased it in terms of what the pokemon would want.

[“My name is Lily. Lily Greengrass.”]

Okay, I know Pokemon canon is full of ridiculous names, but this seems excessive, and she’s standing surrounded by people with only regularly ridiculous names.

[“I was going to let him go first anyway, Grandpa,” said Gary. “If I chose first, he would obviously choose the Pokémon that has a natural advantage to mine. I can’t let my eternal rival have the advantage in our first battle, now can I?”]

…so is the idea here that Gary’s kind of a dick, and wasn’t paying attention to his grandfather’s explanation, or is it just that since both the squirtle and the bulbasaur work for him, he’s hoping to have the type advantage but not to the point of picking a bad starter for himself (if charmander pick squirtle, if squirtle pick bulbasaur, but if bulbasaur still pick squirtle)? And it’s a bit convenient that the way this is set up, the most Gary pokemon is also the one he picks for different reasons.

[“Gosh Red, that serial number means your the first trainer fanatical enough about their Pokémon’s comfort to spend that kind of money on one of those things,” teased Gary.]

It just seems like you’re missing a golden opportunity to have Gary’s bullheaded competitive streak and lack of consideration for pokemon end with him picking an unsuited pokemon just because it has a technical advantage against one other person.

[ Even tho you]

Though.

[“The available electric Pokémon despises his ball, so I don’t show him unless asked,” said Oak.]

Uh. It’s pretty obvious Oak was keeping Pikachu in the ball, given he had Pikachu’s ball under the other three at the time rather than going out to try to stuff him into it first. If you want a reason Oak doesn’t want to show Pikachu off, the fact he’s a lightning-powered ball of behavior problems seems like it’s good enough.

[ “Lily, your parents sent me a special notice that forbids you from traveling alone. The thing is, league rules only have one way of forbidding a trainer to travel alone: assigning them an official training partner. The catch is, whoever is assigned as your training partner must agree to the assignment, as it means that they will be forbidden from traveling without you as well.”]

This is really contrived.

[ He gave them each matching plain metal arm bands which they slid on. “I will now input your data into the league database and register you as travel partners. The metal of the band has been forged by the collaboration of the steel-makers of Olivine City and the psychics of Saffron City. It will fuse with your skin after the data input is complete.”]

Okay let’s up that to contrived and horrifying.

Honestly, this would probably come off better if it was a general safety rule as opposed to something that only happened to the children of controlling, probably abusive parents. Instead of having Lily be the rare exception and Red get roped into it, you could just say Gary managed to pass the special advanced I-know-what-I’m-doing-no-really test that lets him travel on his own.

One: ” I don’t see much wrong with it besides a couple tiny mistakes not worth pointing out, because they may not seem like mistakes to you. (It’s-your-opinion sort of thing)” wow that’s sure helpful.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12314132/1/Forever-and-Never

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12314164/1/Selfie

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

I really think this could stand to be tightened up. This reads like you’re just throwing out whatever occurs to you without thinking of how the joke is structured. For example, a phone literally dropping out of the sky, shouting its brand without anyone putting the pieces together having them fool around with it, then it lights on fire? There’s little there. Consider connecting pieces up and doing stuff that plays on the characters – James buys a heavily discounted phone, brags to the others about what a great bargain it was and how much smarter than them he is for buying it, then it lights on fire. The others then demand to know what brand he bought and yell at him for being stupid and wasting their money when they find out.

This has the elements of cargo cult writing, I think – it’s really clear the author doesn’t understand how humor works and is just trying to pull together pieces of things that were found in other funny things.

Two.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12314229/1/Strangers-at-the-Table

This one was just really boring.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12314531/1/Child-s-Curiosity

Write out numbers with letters.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Two.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12314598/1/Routines

Colress’ singlemindedness is entertaining.

[“…It seems that the strength of the attack was the same as before. I suppose this again demonstrates that trusting and being kind to your pokémon does not always ensure that they will become more powerful. Nevertheless, a useful experience,” ]

So is the idea that Colress’ hypothesis is wrong, or is the problem that he’s the sort of person whose idea of “trust and kindness” for his pokemon is numbing it when it’s in too much pain to obey orders? (Then again, he’s evidently got enough of whatever it is to be triggering mega evolution, so maybe he does qualify.)

[“…and then I told her Rotom-possessed pokédex that if I had been born a pokémon, I’d also want to be genderless!”]

You know, “gender” is the thing in your head, “sex” is the body. If Colress feels like that, why not reflect it in narration? Or is the idea he does feel male but thinks it’d be nicer to not have any sense of gender identify?

Ah, so kismesis.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12314670/1/The-Hero-s-Return

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[“We are gathered here today to celebrate the life of Ash Ketchum, a life that was taken before its time,” the minister began the sermon. ]

[“And now I invite anyone who wishes to come up and say a few words about our friend Ash to do so,” the minister spoke again]

“Began” can be a speech tag, but not if you connect it to something else. Here, you’d need [the minister said, beginning the sermon]. “Spoke”, meanwhile, is just flat out not a speech tag.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12314725/1/It-s-Your-Boy

spoilerz

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12314726/1/Our-Souls-Are-Always-Connected

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Poetry doesn’t mean regular sentences minus punctuation.

One.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12314773/1/The-Pokemorphans-of-the-Wild

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be honest, it’s so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn’t seen it, very literally here, thousands upon thousands of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.

Write out numbers with letters.

[ I’m a Lucario-morph. I’m also the eldest one of all the Morphs. I’m pretty average for a Lucario, being 4’7 and about 150 lbs. I’m as strong as a Machoke, and as fast as a Greninja. ]

“I’m not only the most overdone morph, but also I’m as good as completely different pokemon with two different top stats, because I’m just that much of an all-devouring sue.”

[I brought out my iPod and started shuffling through the songs that I had. I found the one that I wanted (A/N: It’s the Trainer Battle music from Pokémon XY, in case anyone wants to know)]

Never stick notes like this in the middle of your story. Should pigs fly and anyone does want to know what’s on your sue’s ipod, they’d care enough to find out in a note at the end of the story.

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

Two – another double review, but this time it’s saying two different things. The second one is very brief, though – maybe the site just doesn’t update as fast as it normally does, so it’s possible to send another one off before the first one is fully processed? But there was also a block on submitting two reviews within thirty seconds of each other, which should prevent this.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12314814/1/Partners-of-Destiny

There are some complex shenanigans here but long story short, they owe me comments on that Yuki-gets-Tepig story so no review for them until they cough that up. In fact, I think I’m going to go poke them again.

Three, weirdly.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12314864/1/Pokemon-Mystery-Dungon-The-Wardens-Eternal

Dialogue is written as “Hello,” she said or “Hello!” she said, never “Hello.” She said or “Hello.” she said or “Hello,” She said or “Hello” she said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb, which is a verb describing how the dialogue is said. (“Speak” is not a speech verb.) In that case it’s written as “Hello.” She grinned, never “Hello,” she grinned or “Hello,” She grinned or “Hello.” she grinned. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s “Hi,” she said. “This is it.” not “Hi,” she said, “this is it.” or “Hi,” she said “this is it.” And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s “Hi. This,” she said, “is it.” The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks or any other ones with thoughts.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

Zero.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12314901/1/Humble-beginnings

Capitalize your title properly.

There are just shy of ten thousand stories just on this site in this category with “pokemon” in their title. “New” features in almost two thousand. There are over six hundred “chronicles”, more if you include misspellings, even more with “begins” and “beginning”, and even more “Character Name”‘s whatever. There are a thousand with “legend”. There are two thousand with “journey”, seventeen hundred with “story”, three hundred fifty with “quest”, and almost three thousand with “adventure”. The different region names appear another thousand or two times. “Saga”, “region” and “champion” come in around a few hundred. In sum, you should try to choose an original title that has to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates it’s yet another story about a pokemon trainer.

Your grammar is awful. Get a beta reader.

Write out numbers with letters.

[It was a beautiful sunny day in the Johto region where a spirited young boy begins his journey to becoming a trainer, this is where his story begins.

In a green house just out of town a blue eyed boy had set his gaze out of a window looking towards Professor Oaks laboratory where he couldn’t wait for the following next two days he would begin his journey, he had turned 10 on this day but his mom had convinced him to stay a day longer before starting his journey of what he would like to call, “Epic beginning”

Two days later*]

Then what was the point of starting two days earlier? The opening of your fic is just “lol j/k nothing happens”.

Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.

[sorry for the cliffhanger but I just want to see if any of you will enjoy the story before continuing,]

“Absolutely nothing has happened, but hey, maybe something might later!!!” is not a cliffhanger. If you want people to enjoy the story, consider actually starting it instead of writing about your character brushing his hair and eating breakfast.

Three! Two of which are that same person, and one of those is the same nonsense bit that was on the last one.