Wow, that’s a lot of pointers. While I can’t respond to them all, this is still super helpful! I really appreciate reviews like this!

Thank you for pointing out those mistakes, I went ahead and fixed it, so I’m pretty sure it’s all good now.

Hey, just wanted to thank you for the review. If you can’t tell this is my first time posting any kind of fan fiction so you giving me those resources helps quite a bit. I will go through and implement those improvements you suggested. I’m sorry that the dynamic between Vaughn and Monika was off putting for you, I really want to avoid that sort tone with them while keeping the mentor, student dynamic.

Thank you for the review.While I understand about the art convention problems, I will have to check on the grammar again. I did use Grammarly and has read the passage for over five times to correct any tenses mistakes. On another note, I did not find anyone to beta read this. I would say because I am not a native speaker I can’t check my work properly but it is no excuse to do so.

About the capitalization problems, I would think the pokemons as “characters”. I have been told about such a problem before, so I will look into it as well. I have originally wrote them in lower case letters but Grammly suggested using uppercases.

Cheers.

1. Thanks for the grammatical corrections such as Dragon/dragon, semicolons, stuff like that. To be completely honest, that’s something I don’t entirely understand correct usage of.2. I guess whether or not you’d see those legendaries as guardians or monsters is subjective…? Most of them were monsterous because people attempted to awaken them and use them for evil deeds. Some of them, yes, I could see as being guardians or deities.

3. No, Jirachi does not work that way. That’s the point of the story. I’m trying to create my own sort of world and take on things, and not specifically or explicitly going off of any existing canon.

4. I did mean to say the opposite, oops. I didn’t catch that I said he connected with people instead of Pokémon. Thanks…

5. Yes, Gardevoir are fairy type.

The feedback is appreciated and I hope you hear back from me eventually! I also hope you didn’t mean to come off as mean or rude in any of these criticisms. I have a bad habit of reading things like that, but sorry if you didn’t.

Nice to see you have your priorities.

Your criticism has been noted. I’ve changed the world to Anime as noted, but I can’t fix anything else as I am traveling to Florida and replying to you from my phone.Have a wonderful day.

Thank you for your review, I will take this to heart and use what you typed to better myself as a writer.

[What’s your plot?]Never been good on summaries. I have usually ended up spoiling things and since the first chapter is a slow introduction it was hard for me to figure what to include in the summary without giving away too much. I will fix it by the time the next chapter is up.

[With what thumbs?… If you’re going to write about pokemon characters you need to think about all the ways they’d function differently.]

That is my biggest challenge in all this. It makes sense to me as the writer but I’m very well aware I have yet to translate the idea fully into the story. Without giving away too much I’m trying to plant hints here and there to explain some otherwise obvious problems with how this world works. I know it sounds like I am aware of the faults and ignoring them, but the world I’m trying to build will (hopefully) make sense as I reveal it through Shersa’s perspective.

[You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. & you wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard.]

Oh boy. So I barely passed my English classes in high school. I struggle with the basics of dialogue formatting, grammar, speech verbs, and just about anything other required tools for story writing. (I refuse to use the “english is not my first language” excuse) I realize that in every way and I will get better at this as I progress. I am still trying to figure out how to approach dialogue especially since that is the easiest thing to construct in my head. I have someone that proof reads my chapters and we did, in fact, address the capitalization issue but I think we had some miscommunication in who would fix it before posting.

Thank you so much for the critique! The last time I took up writing I mostly had some middle schoolers reading it and just gave me one off comments. Hope to hear from your mind again soon.