Super chill responses today. The worst I’ve got is someone upset at Blaze’s review abuse.
re: Your review to The Missing One
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12910842/
Thank you. Could you please give me some examples so I know what to look out for next time?
secs ago[That fateful Saturday morning Kaimi opened his eyes and has immediately realized, the world has changed somehow.]
You change tenses here, from “opened” (past tense) to “has” (present tense). “Has immediately realized” is also awkward wording and I’m not entirely sure what you meant.
[As if some spiteful deity cast a spell over the whole region when everyone was asleep.]
This is a sentence fragment.
You make structural errors such as these all throughout, which makes it difficult for me to understand what you’re saying. You also make a few errors in dialogue. This thread has a really good explanation: https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/21887406/1/Writing-Guide-Part-One-Grammar
Don’t use Grammarly, though, as it’s designed for formal papers rather than stories.
7m agoThank you. I will work on that.
“so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard”
21 AprLord of Dong [not author]
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12910806/
Yes, you should. Pokemon names are always capitalized in official media, regardless of context.
re: Your review to Unbreakable
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12911326/
I need it needed to be look at at that’s why I posted it online
Thank you. I sign up for. Eraser right away
St Elmo’s Fire,
A new guest review has been posted to your story. Please login to moderate this review.
Story: Blood is Thicker than Water
Chapter: 1. Chapter 1
:*Reads the other reviews* I admit I disagree with some of what you say, but God, I swear everyone in this fandom is so childish.
Anyway, this is rather decently-written. Your grammar is great, your description ok. A little dull at times, but still interesting enough to hold my attention. Hau felt a little OOC, but for the most part, I found your interpretation of him interesting. I also liked the last scene where he became a captain.
Okay? I’m confused about this whole thing. Two different critisms of capitalizing Pokemon is hurting my head. Which one should I follow?
Sorry, I just woke up and I’m tired.
And with “Hello,” instead of “Hello!” in the story it was from using Grammarly.
And the ~Last night~ was kinda of a writing style of mine. But I get that it’s impossible what’s an error or style to writiers. And it was based off of a video game but I should do time and place.
And I don’t know about beta reader.
And the author notes have the bold font so people know that it’s not part of the story.
Right now I have the urge to delete the story and rewrite everything.
10m agoAnd please don’t get in a fight with Dragon Blaze in the reviews. I don’t want that while writing the story.
secs agoDon’t worry, I don’t fight in reviews. I believe it’s disrespectful to the story.
[Two different critisms of capitalizing Pokemon is hurting my head. Which one should I follow?]
Well, obviously I’ll tell you to follow my version, but you can verify all of this stuff yourself by looking up grammar websites and style guides on the internet. Pokemon function like common nouns, so it’s logical to leave them uncapitalized.
I’d be careful about using Grammarly, however, as it’s designed for formal papers and not literature. I’ve seen it produce some odd glitches. Grammar does obey logical rules, so you’ll have an easier time of it if you understand those yourself.
Beta readers can be found here: https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Thread-Signup-or-Request
re: Your review to Mewtwo\’s Pokémon Master Journey
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12912271/
Hi there, thank you for the criticism.
At first I did write them in lowercase to be grammatically correct, however, the official websites of the Pokemon franchise capitalizes them, so I tried to stay true to what they have intended them to be written as. They also capitalize ultra beast, pokemon master, trainer, etc. Even their games capitalize the name of the pokemon and the word itself.
Normally, I do not use quotation marks for thoughts, but if you have watched the short The Uncut Story of Mewtwo’s Origin, he kind of “talks” in his mind and even gets heard by Ambertwo. So I wanted to make it have the same feel as that movie for those who have seen it.
The darkness part is another reference to that short, where he forms a representation of himself and then Ambertwo and the other clones join in.
About the glass: in the beginning he heard the tapping very close to his ears and the other man asked Kohaku to stop tapping the glass. Mewtwo came to the conclusion that the thing he was hearing might be the glass that surrounded him.
He was in fact emaciated, and so was Charles, because they had been abandoned and nobody administered any more nutrients. That squirtle died in there due to starvation.
Mewtwo seems OOC but if you have seen The Uncut Story of Mewtwo’s Origin, he was pretty curious, even asking Ambertwo if he is a person like her. This story is pretty much an alternate universe where Mewtwo did not meet Ambertwo and did not get the chance to fully mature, so he starts out thinking he is a human and that he must become a trainer. He does have telekinesis, but has no idea how to control it yet or that he has it. In the picture I have drawn for this story’s cover he is shown levitating the ball, so he will at one point learn to use his own powers.
The “To be continued” is also part of the story, the style of it being like that text that appears at the end of episodes of some series.
secs ago[I tried to stay true to what they have intended them to be written as.]
Japanese doesn’t have capital letters, though. They’re capitalized because they’re intellectual property and Nintendo of America has to capitalize them to maintain trademarks. This thread explains this stuff: https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[Normally, I do not use quotation marks for thoughts, but if you have watched the short The Uncut Story of Mewtwo’s Origin, he kind of “talks” in his mind and even gets heard by Ambertwo. So I wanted to make it have the same feel as that movie for those who have seen it.]
But what’s important is that other characters can’t hear thoughts, but they can hear dialogue. In a lot of novels, foreign languages will often be written in italics or special markers as well. It’s clearer to have different markers when communication barriers are involved.
[The “To be continued” is also part of the story, the style of it being like that text that appears at the end of episodes of some series.]
That’s not really necessary in prose, though. The “next chapter” button serves the same purpose.
1m agoThat’s an interesting explanation. I always wondered why they wrote them that way in later games, including their types.
For previous “Mewtwo thoughts” I can add italics as the scientists do not hear him, but the charmander does, even though they are communicating with thoughts. So is it alright to use quotations here?
[“Glass? What is glass? Who am I? What is this place?” the Mewtwo asked himself in his mind. “Are those … humans?”
“Char!” another high-pitched voice with a slight growl said.
The Mewtwo formed a representation of himself – a gray, bipedal feline with a purple tail – in the darkness, and looked around to see who said that. “Excuse me?”
“What do you mean ‘Charmander!’ ? That’s not a word!” ]
secs agoItalics plus quotation marks are probably fine for telepathic messages, yeah.
4m agoThank you. Also, what about Poké Ball? It may have been capped in game to signify it’s an important item (as some games tend to do, which can also be an explanation for the capped names/types/classes), but I’m not sure if it is considered a brand name in-universe (like how people write about a Porche or Ferrari) or it’s just like any device, such as a computer, phone, etc. It does tend toward just being a device from the name.
secs agoIt’s possible it is a brand name in-universe, but it’s also possible it could have become genericized. Do you capitalize “band-aid”? This one is your choice, I’d say. (Incidentally, this is why capitalization consistency is important: it allows you to signify cool details like these!)
4m agoWell, in the games the pokeball was initially made out of apricorns so I guess it might not be a brand name. Multiple companies create them under the same name so it doesn’t seem to be a brand. Thanks for the advice.
re: Your review to Another Sky
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12912156/
Thank you for review and time you spend on it. However:
Titling chapters shouldn’t be something strange to you, you have it in every possible book while the drop-down menu is rather like an index.
About rewording things, I need to contact first friends who speak English fluently or natively, then I decide if I reword this.
Wither (Withers) here isn’t actually a verb but a noun and means the highest point on the mammal’s back, my source is “Official Journal of the European Union COUNCIL DIRECTIVE 2008/119/EC of 18 December 2008”, it’s the direct translation of Polish word “kłąb”, Latin “cucula”.
No, I actually wanted by-product, it hadn’t to be the second product but the side effect of photosynthesis.
Pokemon are generally nonexistent in nature XD, implied system was based on the community of grey wolves packs and humans way to be. I don’t consider pokemon as animals (like boar for example) but also not as human. They have an appearance that suggests they are a animals level but I didn’t meet a story when intelligence of pokemon would at the level of the animal so I aimed in something between. The composition of animal and human attributes and ways of thinking or solutions. And they can’t live closely together, that would make them similar to each other while they are all different. Their types affect their behaviour and character, limit or expand intelligence, improve or make worse their physical shape. In human community all, we need to have a different opinion to stop living closely together, just imagine what it was if differences were going far into the body structure. There isn’t possible to live closely together for the creatures so different or there is no way for this in my story.
There are plants that actually move, they usually eat meat (bugs). But Zar actually eats (normal food) for a few times in the story, using photosynthesis for feeding himself is a just alternative way to do so. He isn’t leafeon for a long time and he misses a lot of knowledge about himself, using gained abilities he tries to be a real leafeon but he doesn’t know if he does right. It’s progressing character able to make mistakes and this is his pov. It’s mention that he sometimes feel hunger he can’t resist and needs to eat something normal.
Btw. What you did so terrible that so many people hate you so much that they write to me to block you?
Thank you for the review once again, have a nice day!
secs ago[Titling chapters shouldn’t be something strange to you, you have it in every possible book while the drop-down menu is rather like an index.]
Yes, but it usually gets fancy formatting and is separated from the text body in some way. Archive of Our Own, another fanfiction website, does it quite neatly. But having it in the text body with nothing to separate it from the story just looks weird to me.
[There are plants that actually move, they usually eat meat (bugs).]
That is actually a common misconception! Carnivorous plants don’t use bugs as a carbon source the way we do, but for rarer nutrients such as nitrogen. In a healthy, forested environment, Zar can get those nutrients from the soil.
[Btw. What you did so terrible that so many people hate you so much that they write to me to block you? ]
Dragon’s Blaze is mad about a review I gave her a while back. The others are her friends. Just ignore her, or block her if you don’t want fighting in the reviews.