Dragon Quill

6 MayGoldenMusketeer

Hello,

Firstly, I would like to begin by thanking you for taking the time to read and review my story! Any and all type of feedback is something that I appreciate it because it can help me improve as a writer and as a storyteller.

Next, thank you for catching all those missing commas and periods, misuses of hyphens and dashes, and all the other embarrassing grammar and spelling mistakes!

I really appreciate the comment about the pichu encounter in Ilex Forest, and while I’ve made a rough change in how that scene plays out, I’ll have to go back to it later to make it flow a bit more natural with the change. I hadn’t really thought about how trainers might not be able to catch pokemon there. It makes sense, though, otherwise all of those pokemon wouldn’t be so relaxed around people.

I also changed the grunt’s dialogue because I thought about it, and I decide you are right. It wouldn’t make sense for another criminal to be so fearful of a teenager.

I’m glad that you seemed to enjoy the content overall! I’m not sure how closely this story will follow Colosseum’s track, but it will probably deviate in more places than it will be the same. Just a little warning in case you read future chapters and get startled because it’s not a complete game rehash.

Anyway, thank you so much for constructive feedback!

6 MayTheAzureFlygon

I think if I have the time I’ll rewrite this, it was like an experiment for me (the rewrite will have a longer ending or another chapter), and I’ll take your review into consideration.

6 MayQazzywaffles88

1) Regarding the aggressive expansion of Alola, I figured that Asia would be the biggest trading partner of Alola simply because the most regions are based off of Japan. Being that the concept of Pokémon originated in Japan, I think it’s reasonable to assume that Japan would be the “centerpiece” of the world of Pokémon, just as most animes have Japan as the technological leader and hero of the world. Of course, that’s just my reasoning, it could be completely wrong. Now, regarding why Alola would expand aggressively, I think it’s important to realize that humanity is (sadly) very greedy. When faced with a situation of less supply of a good, most will attempt to maintain their supply through alternative methods. This can be seen in business (decreasing employment when minimum wages rise to keep revenue), as well as in nations. Many times throughout history, when faced with decreased supply of imports, countries will turn to conquest in order to maintain their supply of goods. Japan, for example, turned to conflict when faced with a US oil embargo during World War II. Of course, it’s arguable that Japan was already extremely expansionalistic, but Japan was already very self sufficient when the US cut off their supply of oil; they controlled a good portion of the Pacific islands as the embargo was put in place. They could have just sit back and stopped expanding, but instead decided to get even more aggressive. I guess what I’m trying to say is that even when faced with a difficult and potentially dangerous situation, a country will almost always try to maintain its standard of living when it has the ability to influence it. As a result, instead of regressing even slightly, I decided to give Alola the “fight or flight” mentality when it comes to standard of living, and having them be the main aggressors.

2) Regarding Africa, I figured that starvation and famine would be fitting not only because of the social situation in Africa, but because of the geographical situation. Much of Northern Africa is unsuitable for farming due to desert conditions, and yet the population is greatly expanding due to modern advancements of medicine. Pokémon world or not, I think it’s safe to assume that Africa would still be desert like in the northern areas and population would still advance due to medical advancements. When countries can’t grow their own food, they import it. If you take away the main import sources for North Africa, they will have to either import from Southern Africa or suffer huge losses. I agree with you that sub Saharan Africa could be largely self sufficient if there is no white imperialism, but now you’re forcing the entirety of the African continent, which would have even more population assuming there is no imperialism and modern medicine, to rely entirely on the generosity of the sub Saharan Africans. Considering that much of Africa’s farmlands are currently overworked and depleted of nutrients, I think that having Africa suffer a famine would be perfectly plausible even in the Pokémon world. I’ll definitely take your considerations into thought, though, and perhaps have them suffer a crop failure or something along those lines.

3)I can see why you aren’t a fan of the prologue being the world building exposition, but I sort of see it as a necessity. The reason is simple; I’m a seventeen year old amateur writer with very little experience in writing. I’m just writing for the fun of it. Of course, I could probably follow the “show don’t tell” concept, but I honestly couldn’t implement it without it being awkward or nonsensical. As a result, I default to the basic exposition as the prologue, and actual character developement/story telling in chapter 1 onwards.

I thank you if you read all of this and I really hope this cleared things up just a little bit. I’m sure you’re much more logical and knowledgeable than I am when it comes to both the Pokémon world and the real world, so if you still see something wrong with my reasoning/logic, feel free to write me back. I’m writing this story not only for my own entertainment, but for personal improvement as well. I’m not sure if you remember but you reviewed another one of my fanfics about half a year ago (I’ve since deleted it: I’ve lost inspiration). Anyways, thanks again for your insight, and have a nice day/night.

7h agoWow, thanks for the quick response. Ill try to add some more thought to this conversation.

Regarding Alola and expansion, while it may be isolationalist and friendly, my response to this is that foreign policies change often and drastically. This can be seen with America’s stance during WWII, going from isolationalist to globalist in a day (Dec 4, 1941). While Alola isn’t being attacked, I think that having economic problems can lead to expansionalistic ideals. This is exemplified in 1930’s Germany, where Hitler initially only wanted parts of Austria and Chekoslovakia. One thing lead to another and he eventually went and took the entirety of Europe. While it can be argued that it was his hatred and prejudice against the Slavic people that lead to this, my point is that economic issues can lead to drastic actions, as well as that an economically ruined country can carry out its expansionalistic ideals despite its economic situation. Regarding America, I see no evidence of a unified America in the
Pokémon world, and as a result, I don’t think that America is the superpower it is in the real world. That’s why I used the terms “local established regions and territories” when describing Alola’s conquest on the North American continent; I think that America is a collection of sovereign independent territories as opposed to a very large and powerful nation. As a result, Alola would not have been conquered by America, and thus would not have any deterrent for launching an invasion.

Regarding Africa, it is important to realize that before the population growth stagnates, the population grows very rapidly in a short amount of time. With modern medicine and transportation, the importation of food as well as the availability of medicine allow for the population to exceed the carrying capacity of the land without worry of food shortages. Also important to note is that while population growth stops, the population itself remains high for quite some time. So, when you take away the food source of a population who has already exceeded the carying capacity of their land, famine will most likely occur. In addition, while Pokémon would certainly open the possibility of terraforming deserts, I see no reason why they would have to. If a country were to import its food, there would be no reason why it would dedicate time and resources into changing a vast desert into grasslands (think of all the ethers and elixirs that would take!). As a result, I believe that the Sahara would most likely still be in existence in the Pokémon world. Also important to note is that while deserts are certainly habitable, they aren’t ideal. They can’t effectively be used to grow crops on a large scale, and as a result they limited to being nomadic hunter gatherers as you have mentioned. These groups tend to be smaller, not even comparable to the population of large cities. So, when the population increases due to medicine and importation of food when the carrying capacity of the land limits the population to nomadic hunter gatherer groups, famine will most likely occur with the loss of a source of food.

Thanks again for giving your time to write back, it really means a lot to me. I apologize if I come across as stubborn or difficult to convince, it’s just that I try to make my writings as logical and coherent as possible, so that means adressing challenges to my writing to the best of my ability. Have a good day/night.