Someone actually apologizes after flipping out at me today.
KaelstriderA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13009741/
I have read your biography along with some of the stories that you have wrote. The reviews in your stories are mixed. Some say you are doing the fandom good, some say you are an asshole. Which is which I am not sure. However I would say this, as a fanfic writer you must understand that everyone has a different style of writing and narrative. If you don’t like a certain author’s style of writing that is fine, everyone has their own preferred method of writing.
My advice to you is that while you give constructive criticism, you should also give compliments as well. For example, you can write about what makes the story good and the what aspects it stands out instead of just giving out criticism. That way the authors would feel that you are actually reading his/her story objectively and you aren’t just flaming them.
Bad grammar is not a style. For the bits that are genuinely a style, like the line thing, you don’t need my permission to disagree with me. If you’re going to be posting your story publicly, you need to be prepared for people to disagree with your writing choices, and you need to be prepared for how you plan to deal with that.
[My advice to you is that while you give constructive criticism, you should also give compliments as well. For example, you can write about what makes the story good and the what aspects it stands out instead of just giving out criticism.]
My profile already explains my views on this.
I do normally comment on the story, but as I pointed out, I don’t watch the anime, so there’s nothing I can say here.
Miruto21A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13009643/
First, I want to say that I went to your profile and saw that Dragon…that guy, Itswill…yeah, and the other people who commented on my story are all the same person, but I neither have the evidence to confirm whether that’s the case or not so I’ll just take each message given to me with a grain of salt.
Now moving onto the review…whoa, that’s a lot.
Yeah, the story isn’t much of a One-Shot, but I decided to label it as one since I don’t quite know if I’ll be able to continue with this story since I’ll be a bit too busy with college this year.
Well, I agree that you label animals that way, but Pokemon are like human characters to me. I mean, it doesn’t come down to the species but as a narrative, I feel comfortable with capitalizing their names because they’re actually characters that undergo growth and deserve at least that much.
Hm, what, you want the whole story’s plot to be spelled out in the summary? Sorry, dude, I usually go for a much more simpler approach, I just let the story tell the plot while the summary gives people some sort of idea. I’m sorry if the summary didn’t connect with you, but its really not something to get too worked up over since people can ignore it and the story but that also means that there is a chance that people won’t ignore it and give it a looksie to explore the plot as the story continues.
I never really liked labeling chapters in the dropdown menu, there isn’t enough room and I hate having to cut down the chapter title just to make it fit.
Yeah, when you get down to it, everyone really does know about Pokemon, but its my vision on how I want to write the story that made me want to write that small message in the beginning. It reminds me of all of the times that I watched Pokemon movies and the first episode of Pokemon when I was a kid. I know it isn’t proper for the story, but its something that I personally like in there. My opinion is obviously subjective so people are more likely to disagree and dislike it, but I guess that’s just a result of me being selfish.
Yeah, the announcer bit has gotten some fair criticism, I did fix that issue, but I forgot to save and didn’t have the heart to fix it again…
As for your grammatical corrections, yes, I understand that they’re really bad and I’ll gladly take them into consideration.
Got it, make sure to cut down the amount of exposition.
Well, its not really something that dark, but it shouldn’t really be viewed in that way as well. The story isn’t quite as dark you’re making it out to be. I believe that you seem to be trying to make things seem TOO dark or should I say TOO real. There’s more to the story then parents just kicking out their kids at 16, the kids have a choice and they can go out on an adventure or stay around at home after getting their pokemon licence.
Y’see, I took inspiration from some of HunterxHunter’s story themes since anyone can become a Hunter, but the process of doing so is rather difficult to do. I decided that appropriate time to get one’s licence was at the age of 16 since I didn’t want to go too high or stick too low for the age limit. There’s also the Survival of the fittest theme of the story that I very much like and want/hope to put into the story.
Anyone can be a trainer, I believe that’s still the case, but an official trainer is what I want to get by to those reading the story. People have to work hard in order to quality as official trainers and characters like Michael is no exception since he forced himself to study and get his licence at such a young age. He did it because he was filled with a strong drive to start his journey and get what he wants.
Sure there are laws but they don’t quite limit the story since it actually adds to the narrative. People aren’t allowed to battle in the middle of cities, towns or villages, they’re only allowed to battle on Battlefields that are sanctioned near the pokemon centers or on a private lot. If neither are found in the city/town/village, trainers can simply battle on the outskirts of town to avoid damages. There’s actually more to the story then just everything being a clutter of laws that just restrict the characters and the same goes for the jobs, there’s actually more jobs than the ones that I revealed.
Don’t mention it, I enjoy having conversations like this, butting heads with another person really makes me happy that people want the story to improve. Also, I don’t really have the time or actually want to get a beta reader, I know that will create more typos and grammar mistakes for the story, but I feel more flexible with writing things without worrying about sending it to someone else to check things out. It sounds stupid, but I feel more comfortable this way.
Also, its understandable that you’d find Michael’s behavior unpleasant, but there’s actually more to it than that because it’s a REALLY big deal to him about female battle trainers that irk him due to his own family situation. The pokeworld is a bit different in the story and there can be issues with some sexism but nothing too extreme in some cases. There’s more to the MC’s character than meets the eye and if he’s just unlikable to you then there’s more that I can say…
Oh, one more thing, St Elmo’s Fire, I know that you guys want to help out people with their stories to better improve them, but I think you should lighten down on some things like the narrative criticisms. Everything else from the typos, writing advice, and grammar are just fine. The story depends on the writer and its natural to write preconceived notions on how the story will progress. Some of the things that you say are topics that can be addressed in the story but it doesn’t have to be in such a negative light. The story can be uplifting with some negative and dark moments here and there, but that actually enriches the story with lessons about life even if it doesn’t reflect the “life” in our world. God, I think I might have gone off topic here…
Anyways, you don’t have to listen to this, but try not to read too much into the story sometimes and understand that it can be a bit overwhelming for some readers.
Well, I’ve gone on for long enough, I hope you have a blessed day and thanks for the review.
[First, I want to say that I went to your profile and saw that Dragon…that guy, Itswill…yeah, and the other people who commented on my story are all the same person, but I neither have the evidence to confirm whether that’s the case or not so I’ll just take each message given to me with a grain of salt.]
There is more information on the “Misc Discussion Page” of the blog Dragon Quill if you’re interested.
[Yeah, the story isn’t much of a One-Shot, but I decided to label it as one since I don’t quite know if I’ll be able to continue with this story since I’ll be a bit too busy with college this year.]
But this isn’t a self-contained story. You clearly have a next chapter planned. If you just meant for this to be a test run, like a pilot, it should have been a self-contained chapter rather than ending on a cliffhanger. People leave stories by the wayside all the time; a oneshot is specifically intended as a single chapter from the start.
[Hm, what, you want the whole story’s plot to be spelled out in the summary?]
No, I want any information on the plot at all. You know the blurbs on the backs of books, right? The blurb for Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone isn’t just “This is a fantasy story and also there’s a magic school.” The exact blurbs vary, but all the ones I’ve seen talk about who Harry is as a person, his living situation, and how he wants to get out before they even get to the fantasy elements. This tells us what the story is really about beyond just that it has magic and wizards; it tells us the *significance* of this fantasy and what it means to the characters. They get us invested with the specifics before they explain the generalities — make us ask the questions before they give us the answers. That’s how you get readers hooked.
This is harder on FFN because you have such limited space, but you have the advantage that you don’t need to go over basic setting information. The space you spend repeating the series tagline can instead be spent telling us what’s unique about this story in particular. What makes this journey different? I’m not exaggerating when I said there are literally thousands of journey/battling fic already. How do you stand out from the crowd?
[Yeah, when you get down to it, everyone really does know about Pokemon, but its my vision on how I want to write the story that made me want to write that small message in the beginning. It reminds me of all of the times that I watched Pokemon movies and the first episode of Pokemon when I was a kid. I know it isn’t proper for the story, but its something that I personally like in there.]
Eh, alright then. I personally found it tacky even in the movies.
[There’s more to the story then parents just kicking out their kids at 16, the kids have a choice and they can go out on an adventure or stay around at home after getting their pokemon licence.]
That’s not at all clear from what you said in the story, which is that kids HAVE to know what career path to follow at 16. What you’re describing sounds more like the way we handle driver’s licences, where you can get them young but people can wait until they’re older if they feel they aren’t ready. Even still, 16 does seem way too young for this level of responsibility. College is like the baby form of this and we still don’t do it until 18.
[Y’see, I took inspiration from some of HunterxHunter’s story themes since anyone can become a Hunter, but the process of doing so is rather difficult to do.]
I haven’t seen HxH but from what you’ve just described I think that hits on exactly what I was talking about: there are lots of fantasy stories where magic and the protagonists are part of an elite club, but Pokemon isn’t one of them and the tone that sets is very different. It’s a valid type of story, but it’s a radically different interpretation of Pokemon than what I have and indicates this isn’t going to be the kind of story I like, so it’s disappointing to see it show up suddenly. In particular, saying they have to finance themselves makes this really classist: you outright say that even though he’s talented, Michael is still struggling to make ends meet. How many poor kids aren’t even allowed a chance? To be internally consistent, our cast is going to have to be severely biased towards the upper classes. It might be interesting to do a story about a scholarship kid fighting for his place among silver spooners, but that doesn’t seem to be what you’re going for. The fic “Making It Big” explores this angle.
The story “Gods and Demons: ad terminos terrae” has what I felt was a good compromise on this. Kids are allowed to get junior licenses at 10, and there is a strong support network to ensure they don’t get into trouble. But if they want to travel and challenge other leagues, they have to wait until they become adults. I think that kind of two-tier system seems like what you’re going for: pokemon are still a normal part of life, but there are stricter requirements if you want to get really serious with them.
[Also, its understandable that you’d find Michael’s behavior unpleasant, but there’s actually more to it than that because it’s a REALLY big deal to him about female battle trainers that irk him due to his own family situation.]
Alright, if it’s not narratively endorsed that’s better. But even if the point is going to be that he’s wrong, it’s still not very wise to open with your MC’s worst traits. There are a lot of people who are going to bounce because of this scene.
[Oh, one more thing, St Elmo’s Fire, I know that you guys want to help out people with their stories to better improve them, but I think you should lighten down on some things like the narrative criticisms. Everything else from the typos, writing advice, and grammar are just fine. The story depends on the writer and its natural to write preconceived notions on how the story will progress.]
You have no idea how much more hate I get when I only stick to what’s objective. I can give people the most scathing criticism on their story and they either don’t care or say “huh I didn’t think of it that way, thanks for pointing it out!” When I tell people how to write dialogue they swear eternal vengeance.
The UnguidedA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13009444/
Hi and thanks for the criticism. Thanks for pointing out the mom and dad thing. I actually knew this but believe it slipped by me without really realizing it. I do appreciate pointing this out!
However, the second part I am not so sure on as it’s still part of the sentence. I’ll have to research that a bit more. Thanks for letting me know how it may be.
I am not familiar with that story, no. Any similarities are purely coincidental. I’m glad you think it’s interesting! Thanks for the review!
pokemon2471I would appreciate never reviewing my work again. I’ve now had two people tell me how wrong you are and you are more of a bully and make people depressed than a reviewer. If not I will have you reported for harassment.
[I’ve now had two people tell me how wrong you are]
Those people are in fact one person who harassed my friend for having cancer because they figured she was an easier target than me. This is after they spent two months misgendering me, sending me death threats, and making sockpuppets to continue harassing me when I blocked them. Do not cry to me about bullying if you’re going to side with them.
Unlike them, if you block me (through the “Account” submenu on the left), I will not use a sockpuppet to get around it and you will never have to deal with me again.
However, you’re not going to be able to block everyone who could potentially make you upset. My review was incredibly tame by the standards of what people can say to you on the internet. If my review made you depressed, you should not be posting your work on a public website, for your own health. Limiting interactions that stress you out is a vital part of self-care. You can try Archive of Our Own, which has a quieter comment culture and allows comment moderation just in case.
Ok first off I want to apologize for the way I acted yesterday. I should have been better about what I said and why I said it. First off I want to say my works don’t get reviewed all that often, actually they don’t really get reviewed. So about 8-10 months ago you reviewed one of my stories and basically, for a lack of a better term, destroyed it. That really killed my confidence in writing and really put me off writing for a bit. So while I did start writing again a few months later I was always afraid of it. So fast forward to around 2 weeks ago when I get a message from someone tell me to watch out for certain people reviewing my work. One of them being you. I told them it didn’t affect me but realized later that actually you were on that list and you did that review. This person was quite adamant that you were going to ruin my life if I didn’t block you. I said I didn’t really care and then you ended up reviewing another one of my works and destroying it but realizing that you pretty much said the same exact thing as the last one. They ended up telling me that they were right and I was wrong and so told them off and then told you off. So I shouldn’t have told you off. BUT I will say you get alot of hate from people and honestly…..it doesn’t sound like you actually like the works you review. Maybe instead of destroying people’s works you actually try and help them. Actually try and find something you like because otherwise you’ll just be an angry reviewer that doesn’t help people.St Elmo’s Fire,
A new review has been posted to your story.
Story: Do No Harm
Chapter: 1. Home and Hearth
From: Prime Jeremy ( https://www.fanfiction.net/u/2236308/ )
Reply URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/pm2/post.php?rwid=262714427
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I’m beginning to feel like your not a troll. You are an a*** though. You criticize my pun tuition but won’t tell me how to fix it. Also why are people calling you a poo poo head? Is this really the fandom. You need to sugar coat things more, it helps the medicine go down.
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St Elmo’s Fire,
A new review has been posted to your story.
Story: Do No Harm
Chapter: 2. Ice and Bone
From: Prime Jeremy ( https://www.fanfiction.net/u/2236308/ )
Reply URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/pm2/post.php?rwid=262714513
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Final fight 45 how do you nitpick a story without reading it?
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I was hoping to ask what they were talking about, but they have me blocked. I blocked them as per my previous statement that using reviews to hold conversations gets you blocked.
They don’t. If you don’t like the fact that this website has an open comment system, you can post your stories on another one.Also, do I know you?The Green Haired MageA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13006406/
Hey I just want to preface this by saying thanks for the review and the constructive criticism. I have since taken on a beta, and started using programs like Grammarly. However I just wanna point out some things that are ultimately a stylistic choice and not an error.
I know to a child every year makes a difference, but fourteen-year-olds do not actually have a significantly better chance at surviving the wilderness than ten-year-olds. It’s very clearly canon that pokemon training is not actually dangerous. I know that doesn’t make a lot of sense, but like, this is a setting where fish can shoot lasers. It’s far from the most unreasonable thing we’re expected to believe.
As you can probably guess this is not a Canon fic. It takes place in a more realistic pokemon world that has high mortality rates. In real life 10-14 is a huge leap in survival chance, your brain and muscles develop, you grow taller and heavier and even your immune system rises. So especially in a world with lizards that shoot fire, pokemon that ooze and release venom, and giant carnivorous monsters. Well every year counts.
The thing is, the higher the power level, the less experience is going to matter at all. If you want to be realistic, then magic firebreathing monsters are going to be deadly even to trained adult professionals. If we want to be even more realistic, 10-14 isn’t an even boost in all areas, as young teenagers are prone to unpredictable emotional outbursts and frequently push themselves to take more risks because they overestimate their own abilities. It might be possible to cow most 10-year-olds into staying away from the darker corners, but if you’ve met any 14-year-olds you know they are going to immediately say SCREW YOU MOM I DO WHAT I WANT and run straight into a charizard’s maw. And that could actually be a pretty cool basis for a story! But it makes no sense that society would think this was a good idea on a wide scale. Adults don’t see teenagers as meaningfully different from kids. If something is deemed too dangerous for kids, people don’t stop short of raising the age to 18.
To be honest, I don’t understand the urge to make Pokemon “realistic”. This is a fantasy world containing sentient piles of garbage that can shoot lasers. Realism left the building a very, very long time ago and most attempts I’ve seen at getting it back just tangle themselves up further. 14-year-olds surviving in a magic death world is not any more realistic than the canon setup, and claiming it is just draws more attention to that fact.
You’re not writing about 14-year-olds because it’s more realistic. You’re writing about 14-year-olds because you want to write about 14-year-olds, and that’s fine as long as you understand that’s what you’re doing. You don’t need to agonize over making sure every narrative choice you want is perfectly rational and realistic. It’s okay to enjoy a fantasy story for the fantasy.
ShadowLeafeon’s one of those FASTEF bandwagoners. Nothing of note otherwise.
What is FASTEF, out of curiosity?
FASTEF (Farla And ST Elmo’s Fire) are a group of people who dislike Farla and St Elmo’s Fire’s review style and as a result, have opted instead to fight against them.
They can be spotted because they will have the following statement on their profiles:
FASTEF Crusaders:
If you have been on this site’s Pokemon section, then you probably came across the names Farla and St. Elmo’s Fire a couple of times in the review sections of stories. They are two of the worst users on this site EVER! They go around the section and leave quote-unquote “constructive criticism” on stories, but most of the information is wrong. Mainly, they say you should not capitalize Pikachu or Charizard or any one of the other 800 Pokemon “because you would not capitalize mouse or lion”. This is not only wrong, but the writers are armed with canon for capitalizing Pokemon names. And the rest of the information they give is 5% actually helpful, 95% an unwanted “The Reason Your Story Sucks” speech. And when ever you try to reason with them through PMs, they will bite your head off as they do not take no for an answer. Oh, and did I mention that on their blogs, they post your PMs WITHOUT PERMISSION? Because that is what else they do. So, if you hate these bastards as much as I do, please copy and paste the oath of the FASTEF Crusaders in your own profile (but change my user name to yours):
I, (Insert Author’s Name here), shall to the best of my ability, help protect the Pokemon section of Fan Fiction Dot Net from the abusive reviews of Farla and St Elmo’s Fire with my fellow FASTEF Crusaders, so users can write their own stories without worry or fear of being bashed by the evils of these two users, so help me Arceus.
Personally, I’ve never encountered them, so they at least have the decency to not go out trying to pick a fight with us. So they aren’t really anything to worry about, just don’t review them and you are fine.
“I always made one prayer to God, a very short one. Here it is: “O Lord, make our enemies quite ridiculous!” God granted it.”
–Voltaire