The Other Pokeauthors, Part 127

Very calm today. Someone blocks me, but their message gets cut off so I don’t even know why.

re: Your review to The Trials of Marena
6 AugBatmanRules256
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13057697/

Allow me to address each point of your review, as it is rather long and without reference, it sounds like I’m just spouting nonsense.

[You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.]
–It’s my story, I’ll capitalize them if I want to and no one should care. It’s a preference open to each author’s preference and shouldn’t be argued against.

[Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.]
–Again, it’s my story, I’ll do what I want here. No one should care about this.

[This phrasing is a little awkward. “What she hoped for, even she…” is how it’s normally phrased.]
-Context matters. It sounds more somber if it’s phrased how I did it.

[I understand the urge to explain basic information to the reader to set the stage, but opening the story with description or exposition is actually not a good idea. Readers don’t actually need to know this stuff just yet to enjoy the story; things like how the character acts and what they’re doing matter much more in the long run. Show don’t tell, etc. This early on, you should stick to information that is immediately relevant. More minor details can come after readers have gotten invested.]
–I’m actually on the fence about this. See, my reasoning is that I simply do the block once and don’t have to worry about it unless the character changes their attire and even then i only give a small block. It’s up to the author and I like having the readers fuly know what a character looks like.

[“Releasing their liquid” also just sounds melodramatic. Sometimes it’s actually stronger if you don’t try to find a fancy synonym.]
–It’s supposed to sound somber. She’s been through hardships and eventually, she broke. That’s what it’s trying to convey…

[This is a comma splice. You need to split this sentence in two or use a different transition. “So many things had gone wrong that that was a sheer impossibility” would work.]
–No, I wanted the longer pause an ellipses would give. The sentence is from her own perspective, therefore is a littlemore of how she’d phrase it.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello,” She said] or [“Hello” she said] or [“Hello!” She said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.
–You know, not all grammar follows this. I do believe that for some, but not all. Also, if i want to have them doing something rather than just saying “—said” or something then for damn sure i will. It works and makes it not sound repetitive.

[This isn’t a video game. You should establish time and place through context or narration. Non-general scene transitions are jarring.]
–Again, my story, my rules.

secs agoCapitalization arguments go here: https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread

[You know, not all grammar follows this.]

Yes, it actually does. A lot of things are up to the artist, but this isn’t. Google it and you will see every grammar resource agrees with me.

[I’m actually on the fence about this. See, my reasoning is that I simply do the block once and don’t have to worry about it unless the character changes their attire and even then i only give a small block.]

What I’m saying is that you don’t need to do the block at all. There’s this thing called “conservation of detail”, which advises that every detail you include in the story should be important in some way. If their appearance isn’t relevant to the story, you don’t need to describe it, and in fact it’s less confusing to the reader if you don’t dump a lot of unnecessary information on them. Even when authors give very detailed descriptions, I tend to forget them very quickly unless they keep referring to a specific trait — which, to tie us back, usually means that trait is important.

Again, I understand why you think it’s helpful to the readers to do this, but it’s actually more complex than that.

[It’s supposed to sound somber.]

And I’m telling you that it doesn’t, so it doesn’t convey the tone you want. Overdescribing emotion tends to have the odd effect of making people take it less seriously; a “doth protest too much” effect, maybe. Sometimes less is more.

[No, I wanted the longer pause an ellipses would give.]

I think I wasn’t clear here. The ellipses was fine. I was talking about the comma at [so many things had gone wrong, that was a sheer impossibility]. It’s grammatically incorrect to place that comma there.

[Again, my story, my rules.]

And this is what it all comes down to: Okay, but why? You can do what you want, but it should be for a reason. Color outside the lines, yes, but do it because you’re drawing a new picture, not because you’re scribble-checking to see if the ballpoint pen still has ink. I’ve explained why I think my proposed stylistic choices make for a smoother story. Why do you disagree? What do your choices add to the story?

You have received a message from:

BatmanRules256
https://www.fanfiction.net/u/6695966/

Reply link: https://www.fanfiction.net/pm2/post.php?rid=242990368#new
——————–

(Yes, it actually does. A lot of things are up to the artist, but this isn’t. Google it and you will see every grammar resource agrees with me.)
–I try my best to stick to grammatical rules, but if I slip up a couple times, I certainly don’t think its a big deal.

(What I’m saying is that you don’t need to do the block at all. There’s this thing called “conservation of detail”, which advises that every detail you include in the story should be important in some way. If their appearance isn’t relevant to the story, you don’t need to describe it, and in fact it’s less confusing to the reader if you don’t dump a lot of unnecessary information on them. Even when authors give very detailed descriptions, I tend to forget them very quickly unless they keep referring to a specific trait — which, to tie us back, usually means that trait is important)
–that’s the thing.  I have a design and I give it.  Since this is Pokemon, its enough to know a Pokemon is a certain Pokemon, like say a Charmander.  I like to give people a direct reference and then stop.  It works for me.

(And I’m telling you that it doesn’t, so it doesn’t convey the tone you want. Overdescribing emotion tends to have the odd effect of making people tak…

This message has been truncated due to length. To view in full, please visit site.

Blocked, so I can’t even see why they blocked me.

re: Your review to Agent Lancerow
7 SepMoonlight Butterfree
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13058693/

Thank you for your review, I’m glad you liked it.

I always get confused with thoughts, because we use speech marks when we say something so I always figured we did when we use thoughts as well. Do I just use italics for thoughts then or no?

The mistakes have been fixed, sorry about those.

If I used he, I would’ve been reinforcing that male is the default gender, so I went with it instead, since it gave me chance to use Mx for once.

As for it being lackluster, I’m sorry about that. I wasn’t sure how to go about it without it becoming boring to read, since for a one shot, having a large chunk of the story be an info dump would’ve made it boring, so I went with the “Mewtwo stomps problem” since it let me tap into my knowledge of psychic powers. But still, I’m glad you enjoyed it and I hope it does inspire others :)

secs agoThoughts are typically only italics, with no bracketing symbols, yes.

[If I used he, I would’ve been reinforcing that male is the default gender, so I went with it instead, since it gave me chance to use Mx for once.]

I was thinking singular “they”, like agender people use.

It wasn’t exactly lackluster, just didn’t delve into the bits I think had the most potential. I’ll admit my tastes are pretty niche, and a fun action romp is probably enjoyable to more people than a navel-gazey philosophy treatise would be. :)

3m ago…They would’ve worked better. I’ll go fix that now.

Also, thank you for clarifying that for me.

And yeah, more people tend to enjoy action, I find. Still, might consider working on a navel gazey one at some point, but again, thank you for the review :)

re: Your review to Pikachu x Eevee
10 SepAlekAlyss
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13059685/

I believe that all of this is reasonable.

I’ll keep the capitalization in mind.

Huh, this is the first I’ve heard of using hyphens to do that.

And I most definitely dropped a word there.

Now, for the last bit. No, it is not my fetish. I got suggested to write an Eevee x Pikachu fic, and I decided that this scenario would be cutest for what the person was looking for. And as for the last bit… I can most definitely see that. I made it that way since a male and female Pokemon in the same egg group placed in a daycare lay an egg, so it seemed like the most convenient method at the time. I’ll try and remedy that in the future.

Thank you for the review!
10 SepTimelugia
Hi! You gave me a review on my Nuzlocke story Scattered Light. Thank you very much for your review. You’ve given me some points to consider. I definitely do need to practice making battles exciting (^^’) Its a bit hard early game, but I will definitely try harder. And I can see my comma usage is all over the place :P. I’m glad I was able to write some lines that you found enjoyable! I always love to hear that I was able to pull something off.
So thank you very much for the review (^^)
re: Your review to Travelogue
10 SepOldSchoolJohto
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13061276/

I do have a backup! I write in Scrivener, which auto-saves as you go. Highly recommend.

I sure did mean rustling! Good catch. I’ll fix that ASAP. Cheers.

Funny enough, this thing is actually the opposite of a cross-section of a big story. It’s a space to explore all the encounters I won’t be fitting into my main story, haha. I haven’t even decided if “you” is one person or many. I’m glad to hear it gives that impression though! Probably means I’m doing something right.

I think you’re exactly right. That’s definitely what excites me about it. I’m a legal grownup, in theory, but I still imagine I’m a pokemon trainer every time I go hiking! Hahahaha.

re: Your review to They Keep Walking
10 SepOldSchoolJohto
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13059802/

Wow, you have to say that at the start of every review huh? I feel like that’s kinda sad on both ends. People do need to learn how to take criticism better, for sure. I had a couple people preemptively “warn” me about you, totally unable to see how *they* were being the trolls in that moment. But at the same time, if you feel like you have to give that speech at the beginning of each review, I feel like it might be time to question what you want out of these experiences. If you’re genuinely trying to help, then it might be time for a gentler approach. Alternatively, if you really don’t care how people take what you say, then you don’t need to put a disclaimer in front of it.

All that said, props to you for being such an active reviewer. That must take a lot of time and energy. And I’m sure it does help, even if people don’t always take kindly to it right now. I learned how to write on FFN. I mean, I also learned how to write in college, but I was pretty decent before then because of what I learned from harsh reviewers here. So, cheers.

Capitalization seems to be a real hot topic in the pokemon fanfiction community lol. I actually think there is a case to make for capitalizing pokemon. I think it depends on how you envision the social + temporal structure of your head cannon. They’re called pokemon because it’s a mashup of pocket + monster, which doesn’t seem like it was widely possible until the invention of the pokeball. (Apricorns don’t strike me as super efficient or durable?) I’m pretty sure Silph Co invented pokeballs… so is it a generic word or is it a brand name item? Was the mashup word pokemon coined by Silph too? Or is it like the word laser, which is technically an acronym and used to be spelled only in all caps? I dunno. I obviously don’t choose to capitalize it. But I don’t think the only way to look at the grammar of it is pokemon are equivalent to animals.

Thank you! Yeah, the rough edges are super interesting to me. I’m sure some people find it boring, but I’m very curious about the logistics of a world with pokemon in it and I have a lot of fun exploring it. Thanks for reading.

re: Your review to Fu\’s Johto Journal
11 SepFu0005
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13061240/

Hi SEF! Thanks for your feedback on my story. Glad you noticed my use of pokémon as a common noun. Since posting my chapters, I’ve since gone back and edited capitalization of actual pokémon species names to be more in line with how you would capitalize ‘mom’ in various contexts. I also decided to consider all move names and item names as proper nouns for some reason. Does that seem odd? I imagined them to all be brand names, rather than just item descriptions.

To your other comment, I get what you mean! However, I honestly am not intending to gain any sort of response or notoriety with my story. It is primarily an outlet for my own entertainment. I like to build a meta narrative as I play my games, so I figured why not actually write that down? I’ve found it to be really fun, because I can give NPCs in the game more character than the original media allows, and my time playing is now a lot more meaningful to me as a result.

I do think you have a good point though, so I’m going to work on focusing more effort into creating better character development, since that isn’t really possible for something like an LP. For the future, I’ll just use my gameplay as a base of inspiration for the narrative, rather than a direct account of my experience in-game.

By the way, I’d like to check out some of your stories. Any recommendations on which to start with?

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