Mild responses today.
14 SepThe Average Mailman
Hey man/woman! Thanks for reviewing. We will most likely not be taking your review to seriously as we are just here to have fun. However, I will fix the filter as I thought when it said Any, it appeared for all the categories. Thanks for letting me know!
re: Your review to The Fresh Start
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13064894/
1. I’ve heard/been warned about you from two different people.
2. The capitalization of pokemon names is a personal choice of mine.
3. I’ve never been to big on perfect grammar. As long as the audience gets the gist of how a conversation flows, or how the story is going and finds it entertaining, then I don’t see a reason to really dedicate hours of it to perfecting every sentence. Someone already I formed me of some typos. I’m here for fun, not to perfect a writing skill.
Thank you for the advice though.
secs ago[I’ve heard/been warned about you from two different people.]
They wouldn’t happen to be the people mentioned in my profile, would they?
[As long as the audience gets the gist of how a conversation flows, or how the story is going and finds it entertaining, then I don’t see a reason to really dedicate hours of it to perfecting every sentence.]
I assure you, the audience does not get the gist of how something flows if grammar is imperfect. Grammar mistakes completely shatter immersion. I’m sorry, but this really is something that has to be perfect. Readers, too, are here for fun, and it’s not fun to have to scratch our heads and figure out what the author was trying to say every other sentence.
It really isn’t something that should take you hours. If it is, you should read up on grammar so you can catch the mistakes naturally. Getting a beta reader to do it for you is also a perfectly valid option.
re: Your review to How to Train Your Trainer
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13064655/
First off, thank you for taking the time to do this for me, it means a lot. :D We may not agree on all of the points, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear what you think.
Quite the opposite. I love this honest blunt feedback. :D
“[Chapter One: All Wishes are Final – No substitutions, exchanges or refunds]
I feel like this works better if it’s separated from the main story body by a horizontal line. Putting meta information so close to the story text just looks off to me.”
I agree. :D Unfortunately it doesn’t bother me enough to change it just yet… though those comma splices you mentioned later might be enough to force me to edit it. Maybe. Man, I am so lazy…
“[Charmander was finally going to]
Think about how silly this sounds. You’re not named “Human”. Your pokemon characters deserve actual names. Yes, I know the Mystery Dungeon games do this. Doesn’t change the fact that it’s silly and confusing.”
That’s true, it does sound silly; but that is how this world is recognized to work (exceptions duly noted: John Luc Pikachu for example) and I dislike naming characters to begin with. Why name one when I can just provide a universal stock name that readers will mostly be satisfied with? And, as you point out later, this is an alien culture. Perhaps using their species name as a name isn’t uncommon? Maybe they do that, and then sometimes take a name just because they feel like it depending on the individual? That being said, it’s mostly laziness on my part. ;)
“[I want to be a Charizard one day]
Species names shouldn’t be capitalized either, though, for the same reasons.”
You’re right, shouldn’t have capitalized that. :D Whoops.
“[Barely visible through the translucent surface, was a blur of blue and yellow.]
You don’t need a comma here.”
Man, I am so bad at comma splices. Thank you. I’m working on that. Same for the other comma you pointed out later.
“[In just a few hours he would get his wish. The only thing he had ever wanted in his entire short life. The only thing any pokemon born at a breeding center ever wanted, really. To be adopted by a trainer and go on adventure. That was what he had been bred for.]
Yeesh, that’s pretty dark if you think about it. So bred pokemon never get any say in how their lives will turn out, or are even allowed to know there are any other options. If pokemon possess human-level intelligence, that’s incredibly cruel.”
Indeed. It is dark, isn’t it? :D Why, yes, Charmander has been indoctrinated by Pokemon League culture. Thank you for noticing. Unfortunately this story isn’t about how that’s ‘wrong’ or how to ‘fix’ it. That’s a knot someone else can tackle. This line is purely in there so you can understand Charmander better. It was meant to be dark for those who want to notice it, and ignored by those who just want to read the story. Also, again, you have to understand that these are ‘aliens’ and a completely different culture. Their version of sapience may not be the same version as our own. Our version of ‘cruel’ may not be the same as theirs. Yet, that’s another topic I’m not seriously tackling. This story is just here to be a story. You may muse over philosophical points of ‘sapience’ all you wish, but I have no interest in telling you what I think that answer should be. ;) (Though, I guarantee there will be more sapience points brought up to muse over. Do with them what you wish. :D)
“[Vaguely he remembered he’d always subconsciously thought of his perfect trainer as a boy-human]
*shrug* Because that’s just what he thought. The fact that he quickly discards that expectation is just my way of telling you that, yes, he had expectations, but he’s not set on them. Was that slightly sexist? Sure, but it’s not like he’s sticking to it. Everyone is slightly bigoted in their own head. As long as they’re willing to change that initial perception when presented with new observations, then it’s perfectly fine. Mostly this was a chance to learn more about what type of character Charmander is. ;)
“[She had long dark human-hair, and two long short-furred human-arms attached to five-fingered human-hands.]
This is a cute description. I love familiar things described from alien perspectives.”
Why, thank you. I thought it was pretty cute myself. XD I hate it when people spend paragraphs describing their MC’s. There’s no real reason you need to know more about this character. If it’s important, it’ll come up later. Also, seriously, all humans look the same to Charmander. This is about as descriptive as you’re gonna get from his perspective.
“[Who is this trainer? What has Charmander gotten himself into?]
Well… I’d say that’s kind of the premise of the story. The audience kind of needs to know the answer before we know if this story is something we’ll enjoy. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – you don’t need to put all your cards on the table, but you need to have something to show. This reads like the opening of a first episode, but not a whole episode, if that makes sense. You might draw more readers and get more follows if you extend this chapter to give us an idea of what our second main character is going to be like.”
I both agree and disagree with this point. See, I feel it reads mostly like a prologue, but I absolutely cannot stand it when the chapter numbers are off because there’s a not-chapter in there somewhere, so this is the first chapter instead. So, yeah, I could have made it longer, but I didn’t want to. Also, this is a story; a single chapter (in my opinion) is not meant to be a full episode. At least, not in the way I write. Thank you for bringing it to my attention the way other people may see it. I might have to try something like that another time. :)
On a completely half-joking selfish note: If you and that other guy want to get into an argument in my reviews, I am totally cool with you guys padding my review count. :D – such a shameless troll. You can ignore this though as I suspect it’s mostly the other guy being bitter salty about something.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and leave this very detailed review on my story! It means a lot to me. You’re awesome. I hope to see you next chapter! :D
I don’t think that’s an accurate description. I talk about this at the end of the thread here: https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
This looks like it is, literally, just the first chapter of the story. I mean, I could be wrong? Maybe the rest of the story will be from the trainer’s perspective? But that’s kind of the point, it’s hard for me to get a feel for the story. Most of the stories you’ve seen with slow, disconnected prologues are published books where you don’t have to check back and wait for the next chapter if you want to know where the story goes.
9h ago[I don’t think that’s an accurate description.]
Yeah, I know. Note the ambiguity of this statement:
[See, I feel it reads mostly like a prologue]
It’s not exactly like a prologue, so yeah, it could go either way. *shrug* But to me, this is fanfiction and I really don’t take it all that seriously enough to care too much about formatting. Or which chapters should end where. It is, however, excellent advice for when I write my own stories, and that I do appreciate. :)
[Most of the stories you’ve seen with slow, disconnected prologues are published books where you don’t have to check back and wait for the next chapter if you want to know where the story goes.]
And, to me, this is the same thing. (Though, I don’t think my writing style could ever be described as slow. Not that that offends me, I just…. I’m pretty sure I have a ridiculously fast style and really ought to slow down and leave more descriptions? XD But maybe I’m wrong?) Just because I’m only posting it one chapter/prologue/whatever at a time, doesn’t change what the whole is. Besides, I’m posting the next chapter very… very soon so it won’t be a single chapter for long.
Thank you! :)