Good responses today.
re: Your review to Another Experiment
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13083600/
Hello! Thank you very much for your review and corrections, it’s greatly appreciated and I’ll definitely keep them in mind! Since my main language isn’t English, I tend to make errors and I don’t notice them easily.
Regarding capitalizing those words, I have the tendency to do so because Bulbapedia and other Pokémon fanfiction I read do that as well, so I became used to it. :) About the question if it’s fetish thing, it wasn’t supposed to be, it was just her teasing him. But since it left that impression, I’ll rate is as T. Thank you again!
re: Your review to Cybersun
6 OctKefka Quanta
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13082673/
Thank you for the review.
In regards to Elio being more pragmatic and awful than your average main character, it’s more for the audience to see than the other characters, since what he does is still ln line with what the hero would do (he does help Nebby still) while the audience could see why he was doing it.
I felt that the traditional “hero main character who helps out of the goodness of their heart” wouldn’t have worked for the kind of character development I had planned for Elio, so he’d have to be a bit of an ass to start with before character development kicked in. Plus it’s a hell of a lot more fun to explore a main character who’s pragmatic for once.
I thought Honedge were genderless at first, then I found out they had genders and tried to fix the pronouns. I must have missed them. My bad.
“Also, doesn’t that vampirize the person?”
It does if it was a organic arm. But Elio used his cybernetic arm, so there was nothing for Gilgamesh to vampirize.
And not a dark setting, just more realistic. Due to Elio being part of the first wave of people to get cybernetic replacements, there’s not a lot of them to go around, so naturally, people get jealous of him for having one.
Hope that answers everything
secs ago[It does if it was a organic arm. But Elio used his cybernetic arm, so there was nothing for Gilgamesh to vampirize.]
Honedge itself is inorganic, though. The connection seems more spiritual than physical.
[And not a dark setting, just more realistic. Due to Elio being part of the first wave of people to get cybernetic replacements, there’s not a lot of them to go around, so naturally, people get jealous of him for having one.]
I still have to admit I’m confused as to why this would be your first assumption. If I saw someone with a cybernetic arm, I’d say “oh cool, technology is advancing so fast!” rather than be jealous it wasn’t me. There might be some people like that, but do you really think people that awful are so common? It just strikes me as odd when there’s a far more likely reason he’d want to hide it — people pestering him with personal questions — so this detail feels like it’s meant to tell us something unusual about the world state.
1m agoPhysically, it’s inorganic so there’s no life force in it, spiritually, it’s first gen cybernetics, so it’s just gonna be a machine, and since it’s not a sentient machine (robot hands haven’t gotten that far yet irl so first gen cybernetics won’t be that good either) it doesn’t have anything Honedge can take.
And I’m probably more biased to assuming that people are more likely to be dickish about it from dealing with judgemental people who get jealous over what others have IRL, so that’s where that comes from, I think.
secs agoHm, then does the prosthetic not count as part of his being, metaphysically?
12m agoNope. Think like real world prosthetics. You see people walking around with prosthetic legs and while they are used to them, you know it’s not an actual leg, it’s just an aid for the limb they lost, while the person with the prosthetic would be used to it and would consider it their hand or leg. Part of Elio’s character development would see him coming to terms with his cybernetic hand and accepting it as a part of his body, instead of a reminder of what he lost.
secs agoOh, cool then.
Author of Crimson Legends responded via review:
|ShokaidoElf chapter 1 . 40m ago
StElmo’sFireone other thing, every time the OFFICIAL Pokémon Adventures manga referenced Pokemon, it was capitalized.
| ShokaidoElf chapter 1 . 43m ago
StElmo’sFireI’m sorry I didn’t clarify, but I meant this to be a more diary/journal like format which is why there’s no dialogue. I’ll update it now.
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Subject: re: Your review to Forbidden Love
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13084942/
these are just for fun. I don’t intend for these to be professionally done. I appreciate the critique. :)
Blocked despite this.
Thanks for the review! Thanks for pointing out some of the typos. I don’t have a beta myself, so I usually edit it on my own.
Some points of interest:
-I don’t really need to specify whether the reader needs to be familiar with Reborn or not. If the reader IS familiar with the game, then he/she gets some pleasant deja vu. On the other hand, if they are NOT familiar, then this looks like another story with interesting plot. (At least, I hope.)
-I see the sense in the whole capitalization of Pokemon names. However, I will capitalize the Legendary Pokemon names due to my file of world-building notes, where there can only be one type of a Legendary at a time. (i.e. There can’t be 2 Ho-oh at a time, but there can be a Ho-oh and a Lugia at the same time.)
-While I see the first chapter being insubstantial, I just can’t bring myself to add any longer to it. Why? Because I posted the second chapter just now. Besides, this is more of like kick-starting the plot a bit.
-Yes, the protagonist IS supposed to have such a generic motivation, but I think I got to establish the reason WHY, right? Like she said, she wants to be like her “invincible” brother. That should speak loads on how she views him and and what her personality is. This is more of a foundation for later Arcs.
-One of the main conflicts here is how naive Alicia is able to rationalize, survive, and thrive as a wet-behind-ears trainer in the wasteland that is the Reborn Region. Her worldviews will be bent, and experience things that she would not have foreseen. That’s the reason why I have written her like that.
-As this is written in first person, not the usual way I write, I am experimenting a bit. So excuse some of my mistakes as this is the first time I use this format.
secs ago[I don’t really need to specify whether the reader needs to be familiar with Reborn or not. If the reader IS familiar with the game, then he/she gets some pleasant deja vu. On the other hand, if they are NOT familiar, then this looks like another story with interesting plot. (At least, I hope.)]
Thing is, the default assumption is going to be that they need to know the source material. If you say “based on Reborn, but you don’t need to know it”, you’ll likely encourage more readers.
[While I see the first chapter being insubstantial, I just can’t bring myself to add any longer to it. Why? Because I posted the second chapter just now. Besides, this is more of like kick-starting the plot a bit.]
You have no guarantee people are going to go to the next chapter, though, even with a cliffhanger ending. That’s what I mean when I say it’s important to hook readers early and fast — you have a lot of competition and it’s important to distinguish your story as much as possible.
4m agoAhhhh, okay, thanks.
re: Your review to What Uxie Knows
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13082415/
[Importing Japanese words also looks strange – there’s no reason not to simply say “gods” if that’s what you mean.]
I feel that the connotations for japanese “Kami” is largely different from that of western “gods”. Given that Legendary and Mythical Pokémon are much closer to the former than the latter, it seems to make sense to use “Kami’ in this case.
[Since the narration here doesn’t describe how the dialogue is said, it’s its own sentence. You also need a special marker when interrupting dialogue like this. [The telepathic voice returned to normal. “…and so on.] would work.]
[This is cool. I like stuff engaging with the legendaries and how they interact. It sounds like because Uxie knows everything, it believes there is no free will? Or is this a meta-reference to them being inside a game – a scripted setting?]
Its absolutely the latter. the central premise here, that Uxie and the Alakazm know that this is all a game/anime/manga and the former making the latter promise to play along is an idea I’ve played with for a long time to explain away the latter not being the dominant species in Pokémon.
[While it’s a reasonable mythological trope, I do feel like it conflicts with Azelf being willpower – if there is no free choice, then Azelf’s existence is just a cruel joke, isn’t it? I feel like Azelf’s power implies there is free will. It would make sense for the two of them to each believe the opposite, but this ending seems to imply Uxie’s view is the objective truth, which feels unfair to Azelf.]
I actually had not entirely thought about that.
re: Your review to Suiren\’s Story
6 OctLord of Dong [not author]
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13085587/
You do capitalize the names of specific kinds of animals. I.E. You don’t capitalize dog, but you do capitalize Chihuahua.