Dragon Quill

23 Decc1ouds

Thank you for the corrections and review, I really appreciate both. To answer your question, yes and no. The forest did revive them but now they’re Lost, not yet fully changed because they kept their name. So they’re somewhere within the process and it’s a balancing act with the choices they’re going to make tipping the scales on whether the forest takes them or not.

23 DecSecretSiren

As for the whole “Pikachu” “pikachu” thing, I’ve spent my entire four/five years as a fan capitalising them, and I consider it the natural way to do it. Forgive me, but I won’t be changing that… Same thing with the dialogue, I’ve been writing for many years now, even back in school, and was never told I was wrong. Again, this is just natural to me now…

However, in reference to this weird inter-fandom war that seems to be going on here. I’ve been spammed with messages “warning” me of you, but I’ve told them all the same thing. I don’t care, I want no part of this. I’m not gonna block you, because at least you’re trying to be constructive. They just argue against you. I’ve asked them to stop reviewing my story just to fight you.

23 DecFoxChandelier

Thank you for your review but unfortunately I’m not writing with the anime in mind. I prefer writing about the games which is why I have the category tagged as games. If I was writing about characters from the anime I would do as you suggest so, regardless, thank you for your concern but it’s not needed XD

23 DecStapyPenBFDI

I have been told by two users that you have been flaming Pokemon writers that are new and inexperienced. I will now point out the flaws in your review.

“This really doesn’t sound like a diary entry – it sounds more like how someone would talk to another person. Diary entries are really hard to use as a story format, because people don’t often write them like stories. They’re private notes, so people tend to be very informal, skim over details, and make impenetrable in-jokes – it’s not actually a great way to get a sense of how things actually happened.”

The funny thing is how you refer to Samuel’s JOURNAL as a diary. You clearly did not read the first part: “His journal was illuminated by the lamp’s light”. Also, the entries and their writing style were inspired by Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Funny how you claim to be a reviewer, yet you skim over details.

“If Samuel *is* a very specific brand or super nerdy, he *might* purposefully choose to write his diaries like George Washington’s and just give bland, factual accounts of the day, which could be helpful for giving us a sense of what happened and also his character, but he wouldn’t be writing in this conversational manner if he did that.”

There you go again, skimming over details! As said by Samuel himself: “I’m still getting bullied for being a “nerd”. Apparently, having glasses makes you a nerd, even though I’m just an average kid.”

Samuel says that he’s an average kid, but he’s assumed to be a nerd because of his glasses. That’s TWO times you skimmed over details.

“I think it might be better to either have him say this to his parents, to justify the conversational tone, or have him think it to himself in narration, which is also an acceptable way to convey exposition to the reader.”

And why would Samuel be saying this to his parents? He’s saying he’s going to try to lie to get into Leah’s house, and his parents probably wouldn’t appreciate him using the word “crap”. Plus, again, the type of writing is inspired by DOAWK.

“This part is a more reasonable fit for a diary entry, but is wonky from a narrative perspective, as it’s falling hard into “show don’t tell” territory. It’d be a lot stronger if we were to directly see this stuff from Leah’s perspective, especially since it’s a little strange a kid would open up about all these dark secrets at once.”

Leah’s telling him so that he can do something about it, because she’s helpless. As said earlier, she receives extreme punishments for trying to call a child abuse hotline. Plus, Leah isn’t the main protagonist: that would be Samuel.

“This is too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – you don’t need to put all your cards on the table, but you need to have something to show. Start where your plot starts; you’re not obligated to cover every mundane detail leading up to the inciting event.”

Oh, so by that definition, Mulan is insubstantial because it doesn’t cut right to Mulan pretending to be a boy to protect her father. That is NOT how it works. Instead, the movie did world building. And that’s what I’m doing too: world building. You don’t understand this.

You claim to be a reviewer, yet you are not. You skim over details and deny that things like world building exist. Do one more thing like this to me and you’re getting blocked.

– StapyPenBFDI

31m ago“I am sorry if you are upset by my review, but this kind of reaction is really not healthy. If you are going to post your work publicly, you need to learn how to deal with people talking about your story without lashing out.”

Let me make it clear now that if you do CTRL+F, I only used an exclamation point ONCE, and that wasn’t even a combination with CAPS LOCK. I only use CAPS LOCK when I’m angry or want to prove a point. In this case, I wanted to prove a point. I was ARGUING, not SCREAMING. I’m not upset at all. I will be upset if you review my story again. If that happens, then I WILL BLOCK YOU. NO QUESTIONS ASKED.

– StapyPenBFDI

33m agoI never thought of it as an attack. I thought of it as a FAULTY REVIEW, which it is. You ignore crap all of the time, which a reviewer shouldn’t do. A reviewer should read carefully before reviewing. Instead, you only go through the important parts and say “wow this sucks let’s make a review”. You have no patience to read through the chapter CAREFULLY, you just skim through it.

If I catch you reviewing my story AGAIN and skimming through details AGAIN, then you’re getting blocked until you can learn to PROPERLY REVIEW.

– StapyPenBFDI

24 Decbuckthorn

I can’t help but notice you’ve copied and pasted this review to many Pokémon fics in the past, regardless of whether or not the criticism applies to it, so I’m going to assume that you just spot a new fic and leave this review every time without stopping to read the actual content of the material.

Regardless, I feel as though leaving it as a general Pokémon fic is more beneficial. People might be searching for an anime fic without specifically filtering, and this allows them to find it. Furthermore, that my story contains Ash as a character is indicator enough that it’s an anime-based fic. If you haven’t watched the anime and have no interest in it, then I don’t see why you’d click on an anime fic when ignoring it would be better for both of us.

As for capitalisation, official Pokémon material capitalises the names of Pokémon species whether for a name or not, just as they capitalise the word Pokémon, certain items, Gyms, Professors, etcetera. They even capitalise Trainer on some occasions, though I personally choose not to. In this situation, therefore, capitalisation is correct and accepted – though I’m certainly not going to attempt to correct someone who opts out of capitalisation. It’s a matter of choice, even if capitalisation is technically more correct and not less as you imply.

However, it’s clear that you only came here with a copy-paste “review” without actually paying attention to the story itself, so I’m not sure why I’m bothering to justify myself. Rather than this, maybe you ought to just read the fics you like and post praise or constructive criticism, as this situation isn’t helping anybody – and it also means that I’ve received multiple warning PMs from people on this topic, which can’t be good for you, either, as many people have warned me to block you.

Thank you for your time.

27m ago[No, my reviews are always applicable. If I am wrong, please me a link to a story where I made a mistake. Vague accusations do not help me fix anything.]

Here is one I found – https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13141234/1/Something-Less-Than-Neutral
I can’t be certain whether or not the anime worlds part is applicable, but the capitalisation certainly seemed to be – though I also don’t know whether or not that was resolved, either. I don’t intend on being hostile, nor do I plan on drawing any baseless assumptions, but it still stands that you’re “reviewing” anime fics with the exact same comments, word for word, without offering anything that’s specific to the fic itself.

[The default filter includes all worlds. Check it yourself if you don’t believe me. However, in the much more likely case that people searching for anime fic DO use the filter, your story won’t show up unless you tag.]

If that’s the case, then filtering it to the anime tag will still allow it to come up in the “all worlds” section, yes? Correct me if I’m wrong. I can always change from general to anime – in truth, I didn’t think much of it – but then wouldn’t people perusing the default worlds tag still be able to see it? That’s my primary concern here.

[And have you read my own side of that? It is helpfully linked on my profile. You know, the thing you really should have read to check if any of the accusations against someone were actually true, because this is the internet and people lie all the time for capricious reasons.]

Yes, I’ve read both sides of the story, and I’ll admit that it’s made me wary because even with the evidence I’m not sure who to trust. The messages in the link on your profile do make me more cautious when it comes to believing Hybrid, which is why I’m not immediately blocking you and instead talking to you about it, because I believe that communication is better than just ignoring you, especially since you reviewed my fic first.

On that topic, a part in that evidence post, “and screams at authors just for being too slow to respond to her” is something that I experienced only last night – I didn’t reply because I was sleeping. She seems to be a prevalent part of this, so I’ll be careful.

Again, thank you for your time. If it’s not too much trouble, might I send you a list of the people Hybrid told me to block just to ask if they were also targeted like you?

13m ago[The second sentence of that fic is [Save for their own shallow gasps and the distant chirping of wild Pokémon]. Also, even if you had been correct, one is not “many”. If you don’t want to be hostile, maybe you shouldn’t make hyperbolic attacks.]

Again, my point was to indicate first that the review is identical, even if the issue isn’t as prevalent – though I could find more, I don’t want to argue the point, mostly because capitalisation has been a debate for… a long time. If, however, the general consensus is that uppercase is used for proper names (i.e. Charizard, Ash’s charizard) and lowercase for species names (i.e. Dawn’s piplup), then I don’t see the harm in me finding the capitalisations in my story that shouldn’t be there and removing them. I only do it out of force of habit, after all.

[Yes. The default worlds filter includes everything. The tags only factor in if you modify the search to actively include or exclude something.]

Thank you for confirming it; I was uncertain if putting it in the “anime” world would exclude it, but if not, then I have no problem changing that.

[That won’t be necessary, I’ve already seen it. They’re aware and are dealing with it in their own ways.]

I take it those people are also being targeted, then? And that I should be just as doubtful of trusting people who flame them as I currently am with you? To be honest, they made it sound like you were impossible to talk to, but I know that’s not the case now.

secs ago[No, it wasn’t. You said: “I can’t help but notice you’ve copied and pasted this review to many Pokémon fics in the past, regardless of whether or not the criticism applies to it, so I’m going to assume that you just spot a new fic and leave this review every time without stopping to read the actual content of the material.” You were accusing me of writing irrelevant reviews, not identical ones.]

Admittedly, my wording was a little off – and harsh, and for that, I apologise. The point I was trying to convey was that the review was copy-pasted, and that it felt less like an actual review because of it. I see now that my wording doesn’t make that very clear, and I’m sorry about that. If it’s anything, I edited the fic to alter the capitalisation, and I think I got all of them, so species names are now lowercase and names are capitalised so that normal English rules are applied.

[Most likely, yes.]

Thank you for your time about this. I didn’t think when I posted a fic that it’d come to multiple people warning me of other people (and this discussion), but thank you for putting up with me through this. I appreciate it.

24 DecSerafall’s Embrace

Thanks for the review and bringing up several points.

[It looks like a conjunction got dropped from these two clauses.]

True, something went wrong there.

[It looks like there should be a sentence before this? “Him” doesn’t refer to anything here.]

The dragonite would be more fitting and appropriate I think.

[Why is it always the woman who dies in these situations?]

Gender didn’t really matter per se. More on a whim than anything else.

[How is eating meat “unnatural” for pokemon? According to pokedex entries, they eat each other all the time. How would animals even have a concept of “unnatural”, anyway?]

Well, according to Bulbapedia specifically: Diet: Mainly fruit. Within nature animals that don’t eat meat will in desperation if there’s nothing else. Unnatural might be the wrong word to describe it though.

[I’m really confused what’s going on here – it seems like the trainer sent out one of the pikachu he captured then, but there’s no line mentioning this. Did it get deleted somehow?]

Sent out the initial pikachu the trainer captured on the first visit. Training takes time after all.

[I’m not clear if you’re trying to make a point about pokemon training being messed up or not, because if this is what it looks like I have no idea why they’re being so polite to the trainer initially and so excited to get chosen.]

I suppose it’s a point that I didn’t depict well enough. Pokemon training per their view is good (and if you’re chosen, lucky.) Although, due to who they encountered it flips their worldview. The trainer then set the parent after her own offspring for mere amusement. Also, made a comment on how the pokemon games don’t frown on incest at all at the end.

And as a response to your follow-up guest review:

The most surprising thing about using this acc to bait Hybrid: I found out she actually read this fanfic or went to read it after being challenged. I always thought she just spammed warnings without reading the story. I think I’ll make a few changes then post it on my main account.

24 Decswirlingdoubt

I wanted to let you know I appreciate your feedback and that you took the time to read. It is very helpful when I don’t have an editor! I admit I do get confused about how to properly format dialogue, and I’ll fix the issues you pointed out. You also validated my worry that the chapter is insubstantial. The second chapter provides better establishes what this story is going to be and the tone. I should have included it in the first chapter, but oh well.

[However, if the fact that the character is “the brunette,” “the trainer,” “the older man,” etc. is not relevant to that moment in the story, this will only distract the reader from the purpose of the scene.]

You caught me. Shit. That is laziness right there. It’s easier to pepper adjectives all over pronouns rather than justify description of characters within the framework of the story. I need to stop that.

That kind of problem is a side-effect of dynamically switching POV to whomever I find most interesting in the moment. It makes it difficult to decide from what POV to describe a character. To be honest, it is florid script-writing masquerading as a narrative. Speaking of florid…

[I think you focus a bit too much on overdescribing things and using fancy words when a simple one would be more appropriate and less distracting]

Stylistic choices are tricky. I make no apologies for using fancy words. I chose them on the basis of whether they are the most apt (generally). Besides, reading unfamiliar words is how people develop a vocabulary, which apparently we aren’t expected to have anymore. I always thought that was part of the fun of reading.

[You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard.]

I understand your logic, but I decided the capitalization is correct because The Pokémon Company capitalizes both Pokémon and the Pokémon names in all circumstances. I will consider them the authority on the subject even if it doesn’t parallel with the usual conventions for nouns.

[To be clear, you understand this is saying pokemon are not people?]

Oh bother, was that speciesism? Touché. /news/2010/02/dolphin-person

Thanks again for the constructive and insightful review. It is hard to come by someone willing to provide that.

8h agoDo we really want to call attention the legalities for fair use of trademarks in derivative works?

Chicago style states that trademarks should always be capitalized, but similar debates exist over changing trademarks into verbs and these cases tend not to be addressed by any formal rules. I’m inclined to avoid distinctions between “in-universe” grammar use and corporate canon. Not acknowledging the trademark could be grounds for infringement even with disclaimers. Nintendo, The Pokémon Company, and whomever affiliates authorized to use these names would not be happy to see their trademarks generalized. Not that writers are interested in respecting anyone else’s legal rights with derivative fiction.

Besides, it is just plain amusing to me that you can’t distinguish a proper noun from a common noun because of trademark law. It is a fabulous quirk of a fictional universe built around a video game.

If I want to be a real ass I could write (R) Nintendo of America Inc. after every instance of a trademarked name, and then lawyer up. :P

1h agoI’m not interested in adding to that tiresome thread. I was attempting to have a personal conversation about the merits of the debate since you brought it up, but my mistake. It’s been fun though.

Merry Christmas, or Kwanzaa, or whatever. :D

27 DecUninspired Heap

First off, thanks for taking the time to review my work ^^ It’s far from perfect, but that’s kind of the point of asking for these. Hopefully you’ll stick around to do this more often.

Yeah, I only capitalise proper nouns. Never made sense to capitalise a species name unless it was dialogue from a trainer who decided to keep the species name as the pokemon’s actual name.

[I find this description a bit over-the-top – it’s sort of too technical and literal to be taken seriously. A temperature reader can’t possibly be literally bigger than a mountain, so this just sounds hyperbolic.]

Duly noted. It is meant to sound extremely hyperbolic and impossible, because the storm is something I plan to explain later. Not exactly your run of the mill natural disaster.

[“Sickening” strikes me as a strange description here – that’s usually used for a visceral sense, like breaking bones. I’d describe a thunderclap as more of a sharp, overpowering sound, like cracking stone.]

Mm. While I want to say that a bone cracking sound is exactly what I was going for, I suppose it makes more sense to use an adjective like ‘sharp.’

[They haven’t evacuated yet? You’ve said the storm has been going on for days, and it makes real hurricanes look tame. Did it descend too suddenly for an evacuation, and now retrieval is impossible?]

It was mentioned later in the story that the city is literally surrounded by the storm. There’s no practical way to evacuate the city, and no way to predict where the storm would move from Fuchsia. As I said, not a run of the mill natural disaster. Dialogue even implies as such.
Although, I will make note of explaining these things a bit more. I assumed they could be intuitively picked up.

[I feel like this would work better with the narration in front, since it’s giving us a visual of what she’s doing.]

Sorry, this bit was unclear to me. Do you mean it should precede a fullscape description, or…?

[Typo here.]
[“Elite Four” is the name of an organization, so it should be capitalized. Numbers should also be written out in prose.]
[“Town” is uncapitalized here.]

Gonna fix. Thanks for catching these.

[This is an exciting opening, and I like to see trainers using pokemon for non-combat applications. I’d recommend toning down the description just a tad, though; right now, it feels a bit overwrought, with long and verbose descriptions that distract from the quick tension of the scene. Ideally, the tone and structure of narration should match the tone of the scene and narrator.]

Definitely a point I’m working on improving. I just tend to get excited when using words, because I grew up reading the likes of Tolkien, Conan Doyle, John Grisham, Wilbur Smith, and Robert Ludlum. You know, writers a bit on the verbose side. Strong words are a sort of addiction ^~^’.
Again, Thanks so much for taking the time to review the work. Chapter 3 is almost ready to be posted (I got held up by IRL circumstances), and should go up before or very soon after New Year’s.

A belated Merry Christmas, and an early Happy New Year :)
~ Ace