A lot of weirdness but nothing particularly noteworthy.
re: Your review to The Deathman\’s Dragons
2 JunThe Deathman’s Overlord
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13301138/
Thank you for taking the time to review my story “The Deathman’s Dragons.” I appreciate every piece of advice I receive on my stories. I will try to take into account everything you have mentioned, but I make no promises to remember everything, as the first 52k is already written. Thank you again!
re: Your review to The Sour Poffin
2 JunGoat in the Sewer
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13301052/
Hey there! I’ve heard of you and your group before (I know that Farla’s forums and Dragon Quill exists), and appreciate you guys are reviewing fics. It’s better than getting Hybrid of Fate and company’s spam and abuse, hence why I blocked the lot of them before putting this fic up… Even though I got reviewed by one of them as a guest while I was typing this up. You just can’t shake ’em, can you?
‘You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.’
While I can agree with that last part (I personally decapitalize things like “professor” and “poké balls”), I think it’s fine for people to capitalize Pokémon names. A good portion of the fanbase, including those who participate in Pokémon outside of fanfiction, has latched onto the idea of capitalizing them. I do, however, admire your efforts to make the fanfic community see this. But the problem is that they, and I, have gotten pretty used to capitalizing the names. I’d personally only switch sides on this issue if there was an official statement on it, rather than doing it after reading someone else’s opinion.
That said, I’d rather not die on a hill involving this and wish to not discuss it further. So moving on…
‘[Chompy turned away from her with a huff.”Stupid Flareon,”]
Yeah, I figured something like that would slip through the cracks, even with Grammarly’s help. I copy and pasted this from Archive of Our Own, and their formatting gets all screwy when italics are involved. I’ll get to fixing that as soon as I can.
Regarding the mention of Arceus, this story takes place in Sinnoh, which can be pretty heavy when it comes to myths and legends, and there’s a myth about it (At least) creating their region. So I thought saying that would be fine, and I’ll be keeping it in.
‘This is cute, but Taurus seems awfully dumb if he doesn’t know different pokemon have different tastes.’
I’d figure I’d roll with the idea of how Taurus is a new trainer (He’s just reached Hearthome City in this story) and is still learning about the creatures he’s training. Maybe not the best explanation, but I’ll think more about what you said later.
I’m well aware I’ve said some things that you’d be against, and that this message may end up on Dragon Quill what with your group’s habit of posting PMs online, but I’m fine with that. Different strokes have different folks, and one small community’s opinion can’t easily sway mine.
Thanks for the review!
secs ago[Regarding the mention of Arceus, this story takes place in Sinnoh, which can be pretty heavy when it comes to myths and legends, and there’s a myth about it (At least) creating their region. So I thought saying that would be fine, and I’ll be keeping it in.]
Yeah, but you should think about how that religion would work differently. The Greeks didn’t say “Oh my Zeus!” I consider it poor writing and worldbuilding to assume everything works like your own culture without further thought.
5m agoAlright, I have a quick question: how would you feel if that sentence mentioning Arceus were worded differently? What if it weren’t “Oh my Arceus,” but something like, “By the thousand arms of Arceus”?
Or are you completely opposed to Arceus being called God/a god?
secs agoYeah, that would be fine.
7m agoOkay, then. Sorry if I misinterpreted your review at first. I can be a sucky reader sometimes and was afraid you’d blow up on me about the whole Arceus thing, given the reputation your group has… I’ve heard people say that you all vehemently opposed any sort of mention of him as God/a god.
So I guess I’ll be going back and editing the fic in a bit to change the phrase. Thanks.
secs agoIt’s true that I’m opposed to Arceus religion itself, but that’s just personal preference. The thing I really object to is everyone assuming Arceus has to be completely identical to Christianity in all respects, including completely dominating the culture and overshadowing all other legendaries.
Your Review of Touch
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13301686/
First, thank you for taking the time to read and review my story! I may not agree with everything you pointed you, but I think you gave me some really solid feedback!
You’re right that I’m trying to reflect Ram’s personality into the narration. I’ll read that story you referenced to see how other writers have done it. I don’t know how well I’ll be able to adapt right away (I have about three more chapters already written, too), but I’m sure it’ll help me in the long term if not in the short term.
Anyway, I’m glad that you liked some parts of the chapter, such as the Kirlia bit. This story is something I love a lot, so it makes me happy someone else enjoyed it if even in small part.
Thank you again for taking the time to read and review!
re: Your review to Pokémon Legacy: GS
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13301015/
Hi, thanks, sincerely, for the review! I can see why you feel the way you do about most of the points you made. A quick note about the grammar… I didn’t pay as much attention to the grammar (commas and such) so I know I missed a few.
I will spice up the synopsis; I agree that it is not attention grabbing at all.
I’ve seen multiple examples of capitalizing Pokemon species names. Not sure that this point is significant enough to even bother with it, as long as I’m consistent throughout. I’m capitalizing them because the game capitalizes them. Seems to settle the issue for me on that point…
Regarding Aden’s personal conflict: I was trying to portray him as someone who ultimately lacked the courage to start, but was using his mother’s laziness as a scapegoat. This would become more clear in the next few chapters, but do you feel it needs to be clearer in chapter 1?
secs ago[Regarding Aden’s personal conflict: I was trying to portray him as someone who ultimately lacked the courage to start, but was using his mother’s laziness as a scapegoat. This would become more clear in the next few chapters, but do you feel it needs to be clearer in chapter 1?]
Yeah, that could be clearer. It’s good to establish the protagonist’s motivation and conflict early and clearly.
[I’m capitalizing them because the game capitalizes them.]
“No matter how far away things are, a Pilot’s eyes can see them!” The games do not model correct capitalization in other respects either. Go look up the actual grammar rules for capitalizing “professor”. Notice how the games spit upon that. Then go look at how the games started off writing it PIKACHU and POTION, so no, the games don’t even consistently do it your way.
re: Your review to Hollow\’s Memoir
3 JunAndrew Vasco
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/13301672/
As late of reply this may be I have taken the liberty to correct most the grammar mistakes that were present, thanks to you for pointing those out.
However, Pokémon shall remain capitalized, while also acknowledging that both saying “Pokémon” and “pokémon” are acceptable and it comes down to preference.
Even if uncapitalized is indeed in terms of what grammar guidelines expect us to follow, the rule of cool overrides this because creative liberty allows us this much. So yes I do understand the grammatical implication and at the end of it doesn’t affect the overall the perception of people that are; at least, aware of the franchise. Discounting those that just happened to “stumble upon it”, of course.
If the sentence structure seemed off to you then I really don’t know where to adjust without a Beta Reader. When I at least reach 5 chapters I will go out of my way to solicit one if they are willing.
And yes! Lupin is indeed a pathetic villain but what else can you expect from a first chapter? Lupin served his purpose.
I also wholeheartedly disagree on his lack of professionalism. Even if he is a terrible villain he did not forget his objective, thus he remained within some semblance of being professional even when presented with distractions.
That being said since I cannot determine if you are really being constructive due to a lack of not pointing out the reason why Lupin is – by your understanding – “an incompetent professional criminal” then this is more of a personal opinion towards a character than anything else. Valid but not constructive.
Thanks for reviewing!
secs agoFrom my review: [Villains who just let heroes walk away destroy tension.] Drawing attention to yourself with a drawn-out villain speech that just motivates these “distractions” to pursue you further (literally, he tells them to get stronger and come fight him again) is incompetent, cliche, and just a really annoying trope. If he had the time to do that, he had the time to kill them. If you need the heroes to survive an encounter with a villain, you need to give the villain an actual reason to let them go, not “Because I felt like it.”
[but what else can you expect from a first chapter?]
To set the tone for the story. If Lupin isn’t going to be representative of the villains and challenges the heroes will be encountering in the story, then no, he didn’t serve his purpose and this chapter is a poor hook. The first chapter tells the readers what they’re getting into and what they can expect; right now, that’s villains who let the heroes get away for no reason.
19m agoAnd what if that’s what he wants? Aside from Lupin who is pulling a trope that can be obnoxious, he at the moment was enforcing the core belief of the villainous group. The strongest decides the outcome of everything and death is an option for the loser. In raising the stakes that high then I would appropriately have to change the rating to M as well because if death will become an easy thing to stumble on then this would be a different story altogether.
This is rated T, as in for 13 years and up. If you want a story that dives into the darker aspects of the Pokémon franchise then I will have to disappoint those expectations for it is not happening.
Duly noted that the villains will require more exposé; however, you have still not provided a proper constructive criticism as it only demonstrates your discontent towards a trope and a clear lack of focus on character execution. Like, say, for example, the villain that is clearly being presented seems kind of passive thus how can this passive character be improved and what they lacked. If what you understood was “villains let go for no reason” then that is your perception of it and I will not change that. If you intend to constructively critique someone a cliché leaves little to no say on improvement because if I take out the trope we wouldn’t be having this discussion.
To make things clear, “because I felt like it” is a reason and it will be a luxury narrative-wise. As the author failed to execute this and what’s done is done. The next chapter I intended to do more end of the discussion.
secs ago[If you intend to constructively critique someone a cliché leaves little to no say on improvement because if I take out the trope we wouldn’t be having this discussion. ]
Yes. Which is why I said you should provide a better justification for it, not that you shouldn’t do it at all.