Appreciative responses today.
Thank you for the review, I appreciate you taking time to give criticism to my work.First thing I have to say is nice eye for catching that missing sentence for me. Thanks for also pointing out the Brian misspellings, when I was writing this I had autocorrect try and change Brian to brain multiple times. On the topic of pokemon name capitalization’s, while I write mostly with their names lower cased, this story was a commission and the person who ordered it wanted the names capitalized.My dialogue formatting and lack of commas in the story are both problems that I’m striving to fix. I’ve been taking time to learn more about the nuances of writing. For the part about breasts this was asked of by the commissioner so it probably is fetish related.
“Gender and sex are separate. The boys should still mentally consider themselves boys and be referred to with male pronouns.”
I actually didn’t know that you were supposed to write them with male pronouns. I always wrote their pronouns based on their sex as to avoid confusion. I can understand why this would work better as a visual medium but I’m happy with the story I wrote.
Thanks again for the feedback, I understand that some people paint you in a certain way but I appreciate the criticism you give. It’s refreshing to get an actual review instead of something like, “Cute story :3”. I’ll fix the mistakes I made in this story, learn more about fixing others, and keep all of this in mind.
Have a good day.
Ah, I see. If it’s a commission, that does lock you into certain things.
[I actually didn’t know that you were supposed to write them with male pronouns.]
I mean, if it’s a fetish thing, than do whatever the commissioner wants. But typically, it’s considered transphobic to equate sex to gender.
“[“Sinnoh? Ugh Ethan! That’s so far!”]Not really? It’s within the same country as Johto. It should be possible for Lyra to travel there if she wants.”
For the sake of this particular story, it is to Lyra. Thank you though.
I’ll consider your criticisms in future writing. And if it’s really that serious you can just edit it yourself, but thanks though. I feel so honored.
[I’m not turning this in for a grade.]
Yeah, but you’re still posting it for public consumption, and that means you should at least adhere to basic grammar rules. Not going through that bare minimum of effort is rude and inconsiderate to your readers.
[I don’t recall putting thoughts in quotation marks but okay. ]
You didn’t, I just like to cover everything.
[And if it’s really that serious you can just edit it yourself]
If you are though you’re welcome to go write long criticisms of the other chapters and let me know what I did wrong there so I can become a better public servant. :)
Finally someone told me what’s wrong. I mean, how can I improve my writting if I don’t know what is wrong?
I understand about those quotes errors. I’ll try my best to improve it.
About made my story original. My Brazilian readers always says that my stories are the best and unique. That’s why I’m trying my luck in this site. I’m pretty sure the readers will like it, like the brazillians readers liked.Thanks again. I don’t wanna be the english language God or something like that, but I’ll try my best to improve enough to be acceptable in college and for the readers like it. :)
https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/216173/173909972/1/Writing-Guide-Part-One-Grammar – this guide might be of some help. It goes into more detail than my review.
Grammar Girl is also a good resource.
Feral’s ArchiveHey, thanks for the review and the tips! You see English is not really my first language and I always had problems with the grammar and proper punctuations but I twill keep that in my mind next time. And upon your recommendation I have changed the tag to “anime”
I hope you stick around. :-)