A revenge review appears! People otherwise remain civil.
However, reading your words, I see that you’re genuinely trying to help me improve my work. Pokemon is a titled franchise, and even uses the same capitalized names within their games, even when talking about Pokemon that aren’t named after their species. A clear example would be in Sun and Moon, when your mother addresses your Pokemon by it’s official name, rather than the nickname you gave it, but still uses a capital letter, therefore that’s the logic I am following in my story, since it follows the base plot of Pokemon Sword and Shield. (With obvious changes.)On your use of the semicolon, you could be right, I am very new to certain grammatical symbols as I am a self-taught writer who had been writing fanfiction for many years (About 9 – 10 years now.) Therefore I’ve picked up a few bad habits that I do need to iron out, so I will look into my grammar further.
I also agree that those words you mentioned were supposed to be hyphenated, I forgot to edit them in the final processes of my chapter, so thanks for pointing it out for me to fix.
I don’t agree with your thoughts on the prologue of the story however, in my opinion a prologue is a prelude to the story, therefore creating a backstory for my character seems like the best choice for a prologue setting. She begins her actual story in the next chapter.
Anyway, hopefully I’ve cleared up my reasons and well, excuses, for my writing mistakes, and yes, I am a native english speaker, (UK.) But please bear in mind that I am self-taught so I do need to work harder.
Thank you for your insightful review, I hope you enjoyed the chapter either way.
[Pokemon is a titled franchise, and even uses the same capitalized names within their games, even when talking about Pokemon that aren’t named after their species.]
Yes, exactly. That’s the only reason they’re capitalized in official media. You are under no such restriction.
[in my opinion a prologue is a prelude to the story]
You are correct in that, but a prelude is not always necessary for a story. Prologues, like everything else, are subject to the law of conservation of detail: They should only be there if they’re necessary for the story. Almost everything in this chapter can be either inferred or peppered into the narrative through asides and flashbacks as it becomes relevant.
I will stick to using Pokemon names the same way the games do, since it’s based off a title from said franchise, so it makes better sense to use the official rules of the actual dialogue in the games.
And yes, I could do that with the prologue, however I want the reader to form a bond and understanding of Ivy before the story takes place, therefore I thought this would be the best way to do that, so I will continue to write the prologue this way.
But I really am grateful for the advice on the other parts, they inspired me to download Grammarly and proof read my work a second time, the next version is far more dramatically correct.
St Elmo’s Fire,
A new guest review has been posted to your story. Please login to moderate this review.
Story: Dissonant Harmony
Chapter: 1. Chapter 1
From: grim fan (Guest)
grim fan:Wow insult mr grimjaw when u own sotry is so bad? This stinks inthink mr grimjaw write better then u, u a flammer and u suck at writing
They are referring to the author of this incoherent mess, who to their credit did actually add the anime tag at my request. According to their profile, this is actually a false flag operation by someone pretending to be them. (And is it too much to ask for people to at least leave their revenge reviews on the right fandom fic?)
Hi- thanks for your review (I guess, you’ve kinda just dropped an opinion which you are of course welcome to- I just didn’t get the sense that you commented on the story as much as my author note formatting)As for the changing of the category, Pokemon can only be found under the games category :)
You bring up a valid point about SYOC stories before – in the past I have fallen victim to stories that die out (which is mostly due to a lack of motivation) but I’ve never had people complain to me about how their character is portrayed! I just like having people feel more involved with my stories
I can sort of see what you mean about the capitalisation on one hand (no doubt you believe that the exception would be legendary ones, right?) Both me and my beta seemed fine with how I had used the capitals
Once again, thank you for taking the time to drop me a review (not sure whether it has anything to do with that weird review I got telling me to watch out for a b and c writers who were reviewing negatively so I should just delete the story now – which is annoying because everyone is entitled to their opinion good or bad) haha, never mind!
[As for the changing of the category, Pokemon can only be found under the games category :)]
Please look more closely at what I said. There are subcategories within major categories that can be chosen through the “Worlds” dropdown in your publishing menu.
[that weird review I got telling me to watch out for a b and c writers]
My profile has an explanation for this.
Thanks for the advice about capitalization, I’ll remember that now.
As for the “zora” mistake yeah I should have caught that, darn it.
The spacing is something I’ve always had trouble with, every-time I post a story on any website somehow the spacing is always messed up!
Thats something I’m continuing to work on, I think in the future I might just leave it default spacing.
Lastly, I am unsure as to whom your final critique is in agreement with if it is in agreement with either side at all. There are two sides presented: the Church of N who believes A and Lincoln who believe B. Neither is stated to be correct nor incorrect, we are only presented with a limited view of a belief system. Unless I am misreading it, the first half of your statement implies agreement with the Church of N while the second half is in accordance with Lincoln’s beliefs.
Once again, thank you for your review and I hope you continue to follow my work and suggest improvements in the future.
[There are two sides presented]
Not in this chapter, there aren’t. If you want to use an unreliable narrator, you need to make it clearer they’re unreliable. Nothing about the summary implies we will be seeing other viewpoints or that Lincoln’s viewpoint is supposed to be flawed. This is especially hard to do when one of these two positions is far more widely held by your audience than the other. I can’t take it on faith that you’re going against the grain of fandom opinion just from this chapter.
A first chapter is supposed to communicate to the reader what they’re getting into and if further investment is worth their time. If the story as a whole is supposed to be about balanced perspectives, the first chapter should as well.