“I have this problem with quotation marks as Spanish people do because it’s an entire different literature, therefore the style is different. I will not adapt to the USA style, just because it’s where most people come.”
19h ago
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12092275/
Hello!
Thanks for checking out my story and helping me with this! I’ve taken what you’ve written and added it into my prolouge. This was a very welcome and helpful comment.
I really want to thank you.
“Thank you,” Dezz uttered. “You’ve really shown me,” he continued, “how to properly frame dialouge.”
10h ago
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12093087/
Thank you very much for your detailed review. I actually appreciate you being courteous about most of the issues you address. While rare, (not being arrogant, just stating) when I typically receive criticisms it’s used as a platform for flaming, so again, thank you for having real criticisms for me to address instead of just calling me names. Now to address said concerns.
To be perfectly honest, this story is one that I’m doing for some of my other readers. I doubt you’ve looked at some of my other work, but I promise you, it’s not all like this story. People have asked me to do a Nuzlocke fan fiction for the last two years, and I finally just shrugged my shoulders and said, “What the hell, why not?” Am I selling out? If you want to call it that, sure. But I owe everything to my readers, so I don’t see a problem with throwing them a bone every now and then, so to speak. The reason I chose to use the moemon hack rather than just a normal play-through is because it allows me to have some added personality to the pokemon.
It’s not meant to be a weird fetish thing, honest, and I’ve tried (and I guess failed) to paint them less as children and more as fae-like creatures that become more intelligent as they evolve (hence the broken speech until their final evolution). Believe me, I know the Nuzlocke rules are stupid for the story, but I have to find a way to stretch it around them somehow, and even if that lowers the quality of the work, I’m doing my best to give what my readers requested. Most of the clauses I threw in are for my sake in regards to making the game less boring (i.e. Dupes clause so I don’t have a bunch of Zigzagoon on my team), but the friendly rival is solely for story emphasis. Truthfully, I HATE grinding. It gets so annoying and repetitive and it wears on me quite a bit.
With my Author Notes I do bold them in my drafts before transferring. If they’re not showing up as bold though, I’ll go ahead and start putting in horizontal lines.
In regards to Vulpus and his personality, you are absolutely correct about his sociopathic nature. He’s not a good person. He’s not meant to be a good person. To be completely honest, if I were to meet him in the street, I’d probably find a way to avoid him and keep walking. True, the hero’s journey gets old, which is why the character isn’t meant to necessarily be a ‘hero’ so much as a selfish dick bag who thinks himself superior to those around him. There’s a lot of underlying factors about him that haven’t quite emerged yet, and if you do decide to keep reading (and I won’t be offended if you don’t want to), they’ll come out later in the story.
Finally, the child porn thing. From a purely legal standpoint there actually is no such thing as written child porn. Not that I’m excusing or supporting those who write it, but you can honestly write as many underage sex scenes as you want and there’s no law against it, so long as it is not visually depicted with actual children. Drawings, writing, etc. are all technically protected. Don’t ask me why, I didn’t make the rules. In some senses this is helpful for a really emotional or serious scene (a good example is the scene from Lovely Bones). However, it does allow a little too much wiggle room, I agree. BUT as I stated above, I never intended the moemon to be like children. Rather they’re more like fae. Some are good, some are bad, all of them are mostly driven by a minimalist instinctive nature that has two functions: eat and breed. It may seem like a cop-out, and I’m sure you doubt my sincerity, but I can only give you my word that it’s not meant to be seen as child pornography. My notice is more to cover my ass in case the subtext doesn’t come through that they’re NOT children. Same thing with Vulpus, May, etc. They’re all meant to be over the age of 18, what have you, legality aside.
As for grammar mistakes, I typically don’t do much editing when I write fanfiction. I put more emphasis on speed rather than accuracy and as long as people get what I mean, I don’t tend to worry about it too greatly. I will try to bear in mind your advice as I go from here on out though, thank you.
So in conclusion, again thank you very much for taking the time to give me this feedback. If anything above comes off as flippant, it honestly isn’t meant to. I really do appreciate it, and I know that I often sound like a broken record in my AN’s but it really does mean a huge deal to me. If you’re not enjoying the story, I’m sorry to hear it. If you are, then I hope you’ll continue to read and enjoy it. Whatever the case may be, thank you for at least giving my work a look and finding the time to get back to me on it.
I wish you the best of luck in life and literature,
Kiba
PandoradoomerA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12093695/
I have this problem with quotation marks as Spanish people do because it’s an entire different literature, therefore the style is different. I will not adapt to the USA style, just because it’s where most people come. In Europe, all the dialogues start with “-” and people know precisely when there is an authorial break and when the character starts speaking again. You don’t capitalize mouse or dragon, but you do in fact capitalize names, don’t you? Therefore, in the anime, when a command is yelled, or a Pokemon( yes it’s capitalized) is called, they use their name, as a being, not as a species. As for the formatting incorrectly part, it’s again a thing of literature difference due to, I don’t know, about 8 time zones that part me from the majority of my readers.
Summaries. It’s my own choice, so, despite I appreciate your opinion, I will not change a thing. Another note I would like to make, for further misunderstandings is that I cannot stress enough, that the LANGUAGE in which a story is written is never and shouldn’t be considered the same as the style in which it is written. I understand that these are the English Literature rules, but there is absolutely no reason for which I would have to follow any guidelines, as long as the confusion can be eliminated by simply learning a few rules. “It is my duty to make my stories less confusing” you may say, to which I will say that they are not confusing at all, when you are used to the style. I am sorry, but this is the way I was taught and this is the way authors from my side of the globe had written for centuries.
“Something is not a speech verb, only because it is a sound you make with your mouth”. It might be, I have no knowledge of that whatsoever, but yet again, it’s a thing of history and culture. It may seem repetitive, so, in order to stop this chain of defending myself using this seemingly petty excuse, I will give you an example to justify
Wow, I accidentally pressed enter… Anyway, I had only one sentence to write anyway.(quotation marks, just for the sake of the argument)“-Do not worry, he frowned malevolently as he got up from the chair, his wooden leg creaking from the weight of the dripping fat. This will all be over soon.” This phrase and the way it is built, is completely correct and contains no mistake whatsoever as far as Romanian literature allows it. ( this is actually a translated phrase)
I am grateful for your opinion and frankly, after the next chapter I will try my hardest to adapt my “work” to alleviate the confusion it creates.
secs ago[I will not adapt to the USA style, just because it’s where most people come.]
Then why are you writing in English? When you write in another language, you must use that language’s conventions. If you don’t want to do that, you shouldn’t be writing in a foreign language. Your audience has most likely never been exposed to your language’s conventions, so yes, it is very confusing, and it is your duty to make your stories easy for your current audience to understand.
For the capitalization thing, go here for further discussion: https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
You don’t like this, you are free to move on. I won’t change a thing just because it’s someone’s opinion. I stand by my beliefs and if you cannot adapt then, I advise you to not read.About capitalization… “It’s their style. It might be wrong, but it’s just their way of doing things.”. It might be mistaken, but it’s my style and this is how I do it.
Again, thank you for your opinion, I will fix some issues I found to be true, but the others are simply not serious enough. And by the way, my summaries are meant to be like that. They are not just depressive junk, so to speak.
secs ago[“It’s their style. It might be wrong, but it’s just their way of doing things.”]
Did you miss that that was one of the posts that got debunked? Not everything is a matter of “style” and “opinion”. Some styles are objectively wrong. This is not up for debate. If you’re going to write, you need to obey the shared rules of writing we’ve all agreed on if you want to be understood. To think otherwise is incredibly arrogant and conceited. It is not on other people to throw out everything they know to adjust to every special snowflake who thinks their incoherent scrawl is worth reading. It is on the authors to understand the basic concept that language does not exist without grammar and respect that.
If you disagree, I invite you to read this mess written before the printing press standardized spelling and grammar: ml
… www(dot)canterburytales(dot)org/canterbury_tales(dot)htmlThis is my last message towards you, because this is only a waste of time from us both.[” This is not up for debate”]
Excuse me, I didn’t know you live in the 19th century France. It got debunked? Too bad. I may be arrogant, conceited, stuck up, snobbish, whatever you and only you may call me, but I stand by my beliefs and will not do a complete reset of everything just to please a small part of a community. This is a hobby and therefore as long as I make my point across, that’s more than sufficient for me. Incoherent scrawl, huh? If I wRoTe LiKe tHiS I may have given you credit, but as long as it is perfectly readable contains only minor grammar mistakes it is perfectly coherent and just because a MADE UP WORD is not properly capitalized this makes you flip and stop enjoying something, then I am deeply sorry. This “mess” is completely inconclusive, because it is centuries old and it’s as if I compared the musket with the sniper rifle.
[“It is on the authors to understand the basic concept that language does not exist without grammar”]
Oh, excuse me for making such tedious mistakes, I should be shot on the street. As long as writers around the globe are bending this grammar you are speaking about, then I will do it too and I will be pleased about it.
[“to throw out everything they know to adjust to every special snowflake”]
Isn’t this a little overdoing it? Everything? It’s dialogue writing from all the Europe( yes the UK, too) and capitalization of made up words. Is this all? For real? Oh and a special snowflake you say? More like a snowstorm.
Goodbye.
6m ago
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12094732/
Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know about that. But I’ll still keep the title.
=_=
Scribbling-WeaselA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12095246/
1. I’ll give you this one. Unfortunately, I have literally no idea what title could I give to it. ‘Sinnoh Adventures’ was the first that came to my mind.
2. This will stay as it is right now. I wanted it to look like on sites like Bulbapedia, where such words (Pokemon, all their names, the professions, etc.) *are* capitalized.
3. I can’t do anything about it. Like that, it’s about three or four A4 pages. Personally, this is long enough for a short story. Still, I might – *might* – make the rest a little bit longer.
Anyway, thank you for the review. Good to know that someone reads my stuff here.
secs agoFor the capitalization thing, I direct you to this: https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
And for the third point, perhaps it would be more accurate to say the chapter is too insubstantial, rather than too short. No major events occur, it just introduces us to the characters in a very general way. It doesn’t tell us what the story will actually be about, or how it’ll be different from the, very literally here, tens of thousands of fic with the same openings. This thread has more information: https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/142411850/1/First-Chapters
Oh, alright. That’s what you meant. Well, this is actually what I wanted to achieve: I wanted to present the readers the protagonists first.1h agopetrinarobinson1
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12094505/
yeahi don’t care im just this for fun.
WhatAmIDoingLolSo the quote ends in a period if it is follow by an action, rather than (“Hello,” she said.)? Like (“Hello,” she said while running.) and (“Hello.” She giggled.)? but how do you giggle ‘hello’? Please teach me.
secs agoThe quote ends in a period if it’s a complete sentence, which it is if the surrounding narration isn’t related to it. A good rule of thumb is that it should still make sense if you remove the quotes. [Hello, she said.] makes sense — “she said” is how the “hello” occurred. [Hello, she giggled.] is a comma splice, because both of those are independent thoughts.This thread has more information: https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/21887406/1/Writing-Guide-Part-One-Grammar
You’re right, the chapter was too short that I uploaded, and incomplete. I don’t include details that aren’t relevant to the plot, every detail is to help understand the characters and the environment, to help set a mood and feeling to relate to the part. I did not include enough in the first chapter, since then I have continued it and I am working on correcting the grammar issues. Plots and hooks aren’t always necessary to make a good story (not that I don’t understand the value in a good formula), but the hook is that a young new pokemon trainer wants to get away from home to have the freedom to do drugs without her mother knowing. The plot is that she ends up finding what she didn’t know she wanted, and learns much on her stupid quest. I will post the rest of the chapter!Well that was a non-sequitur. Perhaps they meant to post it earlier.
5m ago
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12097436/
Okay, kinda was expecting one that doesnt tell me im bad but eh. I can at least improve and fix the shit. But anyway thank’s for telling me what to fix so i can make my fic better :D
1h agoJasonfields
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12080700/
Hey, I really appreciate the constructive criticism. I’m making it a point to go back and edit everything, but I think I’ll take your advice and get a beta reader. I’ve looked for one before but I had no luck, wish me better luck this time! Thanks again.
2h agoWolven Kingdom 2
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12097025/
thank you for pointing out the flaws in my writing, but do know I am just a beginner here, I only been active for a full month, also I sexualized the character because I intend to give people a clear vision of the character in characteristics and other bits and pieces, I know I’m not all that good with my writing but hey at least I try
9h agoLightningTidus
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12097481/
Yeah sorry about my horrible editing. I’ll definitely be sure to keep this in mind for future stories. And you are right about the endnotes I’ll try to find another alternative for that. So thank you!
6h ago
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12070984/
I appreciate your input and I will work on it when I can.
Lots of “I don’t speak English so I don’t have to write it properly” this time around. Not sure I’ve ever seen so much of it.
To be fair, English rules for dialogue are objectively suboptimal. Marking it with dashes is so much clearer.
Doesn’t excuse people doing it, but makes it understandable.
Eh, it does feel weird to me to not have a symbol to mark the end of dialogue. Dashes + indents does help the dialogue stand out more, but doesn’t it also make it harder to work in narration in-between dialogue, like if it needs to be broken up with an interruption?
You mean like stuff like the following?
“Hello.” She smiled. “Nice to see you here.”
Not really. The rules are actually the same for both speech verbs and actions:
– Dialogue, – action/speech verb. – Dialogue. (If two parts of the dialogue are separate sentences.)
– Dialogue, – action/speech verb, – dialogue. (if two parts of the dialogue are one sentence separated by action or speech verb.)
The only issue is with monologues that go for several paragraphs. English has that rule that you don’t end a paragraph with a quotation mark if the next paragraph is the words of the same speaker, Russian lacks it.
Huh, really? From my hazy recollections of trying and failing to learn French, I seem to recall other languages only use one dash to denote the start of dialogue and resume narration by starting another paragraph. It’s been a while, though.
It could very well be true for French, I seem to recall hearing the same thing. Not so for Russian.
Portuguese works how Illhousen described it, except the first comma in his example sentences wouldn’t be used.
There’s two style in French. The first is like what you said: new paragraphe+dash to introduce a new speaker, new paragraph to resume naration. Stuff like “she said” is written within the dialogue and deliminated by commas (and the position of the verb and the subject is inverted).
The other style is a bit more complicated. The dashes only mark a change of speaker, the first sentence of the first speaker opens with « and the last sentence of the last speaker close with ».
It’s pointlessely complicated but it’s useful for if you want to insert a short line of dialogue in a block of naration without having to start a new paragraph, or if you want write a several paragraphs-long monologue while making it clear when it ends.
We haven’t just seen it for dialogue though — it’s been general grammar issues.
Yeah, I’ve seen it used to excuse capitalization (to which I scoff because Russian absolutely hates unnecessary capitalization. Even adjectives formed out of proper nouns like English or Russian are not capitalized).
As i said, it doesn’t really excuse anything. Each language has a set of accepted conventions that should be followed for the sake of clear communication and avoiding confusion. That English is suboptimal in its conventions is sad but randomly deviating from them just creates a mess.
Does anyone know what language uses quotation marks for dialogue but has the first one on the bottom of the line (like so „ ) instead of at the top? I’ve seen it multiple times and I can’t make it through the first chapter even if it’s really good.
A brief googling tells me German is the culprit.
Check out this table:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quotation_mark#Summary_table
German does it, but they aren’t alone. It seems to be a central european thing
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That’s really interesting. I wonder if English did it as some point — since it’s rather closely related to German — and if so, when it switched.
edit: Yep, of all the Germanic languages on the table, English is the outlier. Fascinating! I wonder when we stopped.
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Russian does it. It fell out of use in dialogue specifically in favor of dashes (though quotation marks are still technically valid, it’s just considered archaic) and is used for other kinds of quotes.