“I take anything I write seriously, but the fact of the matter is that I own nothing in this story, and have no chance of copyright or publishing. Therefore, I lack the obsessive need to go back and change everything that isn’t perfectly executed. If the intention of your criticisms thus far has been to get me to alter my work (or fun- it’s a matter of perspective, don’t you think?) for the better, I really am sorry- it’s after the fact at that point, and I have no motivation to get off my ass and fix stuff.”
Also, an 11 year old throws a tantrum when I tell them I can’t understand them because they’re dropping punctuation like it’s going out of style. You see, “my leel on english is 13/24 year olds writing” so clearly I must be the one spouting gibberish.
Miror EA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12110882/ Thank you so much for the review! Honestly, I was completely unaware of the capitalization errors. In the other fanfictions that I’ve read, they all seemed to capitalize the species name, even though the characters had names. I do know how to punctuate dialogue, but it seems I glossed over several errors when I went back to proofread (a lot more than I would have liked). And yes, I do need to break my habit of using unusual speech terms. I will definitely take all of this into account when I proofread once again.
Aside from grammar, was there anything in the plot itself that you found distasteful? Or anything that I might want to take another look at? Apologies if I’m asking a lot out of you, it’s just that writing is something I’m very passionate about, and I seek every opportunity to improve.
Iarud NilremA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12111397/ Hiya, budd!
I’m flattered that you have interest in my story at such an early onset, and for the trouble you’ve taken already, I feel I owe you a little explanation about myself. I take anything I write seriously, but the fact of the matter is that I own nothing in this story, and have no chance of copyright or publishing. Therefore, I lack the obsessive need to go back and change everything that isn’t perfectly executed. If the intention of your criticisms thus far has been to get me to alter my work (or fun- it’s a matter of perspective, don’t you think?) for the better, I really am sorry- it’s after the fact at that point, and I have no motivation to get off my ass and fix stuff. Feel free to keep posting advice if you want; just be aware that your investment is better-suited for a responsive author who will do something with your critiques. I write in the spirit of 2008, and I’m rockin’ to Weezer’s Pork and Beans.
Cheers,
-Kenta Daitan
secs ago[If the intention of your criticisms thus far has been to get me to alter my work (or fun- it’s a matter of perspective, don’t you think?) for the better, I really am sorry- it’s after the fact at that point, and I have no motivation to get off my a** and fix stuff.]
It’s not really after the fact. Fanfiction is posted online, which makes it a living document — it’s not a like a book that’s published all at once and then it’s done. People will continue to come back and read the story, especially if you plan to update it and add more chapters, and I think they would appreciate it if you made the story an easier reading experience. It really doesn’t take much time at all to fix the things I pointed out, anyway; just because you don’t need something to be perfect doesn’t mean you can’t tweak it from time to time.
BilboSwaggins of the ShireA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12112145/ Thanks for giving such a detailed response! I definitely got rusty over the summer, so this is great for correcting all the technical stuff I forgot over the past couple month. Also, thanks for pointing out certain elements of the story that I didn’t successfully convey to the reader. I’ll definitely edit the first chapter using your notes, and will try not to make the same errors in the next chapters. Again, thank you so much!
PikachuJennA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12111516/ Thanks for the critique. I am only writing this because I was bored when I did this. Do not expect me to take this story seriously.
PrehistoricPKMNA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12114443/ So I went through and read the thing about the First Chapters, but what do you think I should do about the Prologue? Should I cut it? Should I expand on it? Should I leave it as it is? Then should I just cut out all the waking up/opening presents stuff from Chapter 1?I also went through and removed the keys at the top of each chapter, and I fixed the tense in the Prologue.Overall, thanks for giving all the stuff. I’ll try and remember it all for my future chapters. :)
I would recommend combining your current prologue with your current first chapter.That one guy named meA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12113228/ Hey! Thanks for the review im currently working on a second chapter and some of the stuff you have said has been implemented already but thanks a lot for the criticism im a newbie writer so I need some help with stuff like this thanks!
PancakeFrenzy42A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12111130/ Thanks for the review, but I am 11 :) I still have much to learn. I am not perfect, no one is. I appreciate the effort to help me upgrade, but my grammar and english class is yet to be passed haha. I do explain this all in my bio. I do have something to debate, though. When I say “Hello.” She grinned. I normally put something behind like ‘To break the silence, she said:’ and then I dont need to put ‘She said’ after it. The ‘she smiled’ bit would be individual. People have different viewing angles of this, and mine is different to yours. Thanks for the review.
Please look at this: https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/21887406/1/Writing-Guide-Part-One-Grammar
Ok?…I dont get what youre trying to show me exactly…It’s very hard to understand you. I want you to learn better grammar so you can communicate properly. (The thread will also address your questions about dialogue.) Do you write like this in English class?It wouldnt be very hard to understand me if you actually read what Im saying. Like I said, Im 11, british, not in secondary class. But my leel on english is 13/24 year olds writing, thank you. Incase you haven’t realised, Im speaking English. It wouldnt be hard to understand if you did too.*not in secondary school*wouldn’t*I’m
*British
*level
*English
*In case It’s hard to understand you when you’re making this many errors on a regular basis. If I was your English teacher and you turned in an assignment that looked like this, I’d give you a failing grade. Put some basic effort into communicating.
Excuse me? This is messaging, I don’t need grammar whilst speakin to the likes of you. I obviously have different grammar whilst in ‘English class’. Now, can you back off before I block you, you creep? You’re not helping anyone. You’re so sad lmao. Bashing an 11 year old, and how old might you be? “It’s hard understanding you.” Sorry, am I speaking Chinese?*speakingI make a simple reply to your silly little review, and you come out with this bullshit. Get a life, you sad, sad man. I don’t understand YOU, and why you’re being so ignorant. Do you have issues you need sorting out? Go to a health clinic, they might have something for stubborn little twats like you. You’re being blocked.I actually have people who enjoy my stories, and it’s slightly amusing to see people like you hiding in my reviews. I don’t believe I did anything wrong, do you? My reply I made to you was nice, you spiteful thing. Carry on how you are and you’ll have no friends. That is, if you have any already. And I don’t actually think you could be qualified as a grammar teacher with harsh shit like that. You’d give someone a failing grade for missing an apostrophe? Like I said, wouldn’t be qualified. Yet, I still don’t need to worry about grammar on messaging, because…it’s messaging. If I need to hand in essays for school, I will have my grammar at it’s finest, you see? So stop being stupid.But, I’m sticking with the option that you’re being blocked. :)You must be 13 to be on this site. If you choose to lie about your age, be aware that other people will hold you to at least that standard.There are 7,000,000,000+ people on Earth, and many use this site. I doubt all of them are over 13. They only put the age rule since this is a mature site. And it doesn’t matter how old I am, I am mature. I believe it is ok for me to use this site under 13.Well, that escalated quickly. Months later, they still haven’t blocked me.
AlexanderLuciFirstA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12112762/
Thanks for the review, it sounds a little harsh but I’m sure its not meant to be that way. I’ll work on it, but it might take a little while, also I couldn’t find the battles are boring thing…
I don’t really plan on making a story of this, I have a separate story (still Pokémon) that I’m working on but it’s not ready yet
pokealec1999A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12113360/ Thanks for responding! I am not at my computer right now but i will definitely do all of that when I can.
The Eccentric in the HatA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12111308/ Thank you for your review, I greatly appreciated your honesty. I’m actually kind of embarrassed I made some of those mistakes.
JouPupA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12114133/ Hello and thanks for your review. I’ll reply to each part. So thank you.
On the capitalization issue…There’s a decades-old debate about whether species names should be capitalized in formal writing – some people will say they count as proper nouns, others say they don’t, still others say it doesn’t matter at all and we should make a special case for them. In one scholarly journal you’ll see things like rabbit species capitalized, while in another you won’t.In general, when you’re dealing with scientific names you’re only supposed to capitalize the genus, phylum, family, order, or class of an animal, but not the species (“Homo sapiens”, not “Homo Sapiens”), but when dealing with vernacular names like “elephant” or “moose”, they are uncapitalized. HOWEVER, it is not necessarily wrong to capitalize them even in formal writing. Many magazine capitalize things like dog species, for example, just because there’s no clear standard on how it’s supposed to be done. The key is to be consistent – if you capitalize one, capitalize them all.The only rule about animal capitalization is all Aves species (birds) MUST be capitalized in scientific writing because that’s just the way it’s always been done, even in ornithological writing as far back as the 1700s (also, because that’s how Darwin chose to write them, and his word, at least in the scientific community, is law). Technically, things like Pidgeot and Fearow should always be capitalized because of this.So it’s always been debated in Pokemon circles for a long time and there is no consensus, especially when the games themselves confuse it constantly.Second point.[A hot breeze blew across a sleepy town, bathed in orange hues of the setting sun, flower petals dancing through the air as various people walked around beneath, most likely hurrying to get their daily necessities done.]This is to set a scene, however I do agree it’s very purple prose-ish, so I’ll keep that in mind, thank you.
Third point.
Ah, I leaned something today, I learned from my grammar teachers about how to write sentences, but I shall keep that in mind for Chapter One.
Fourth point.
[“…”] Is usually used to denote when something is paused. If it is in a person’s dialogue, it should represent pausing. Especially when a charcter is gathering their thoughts, or withdrawn.
In fact people do this all the time in real life, they also add in umm and uh, it’s a natural thing.
Final point.
This is not a first chapter at all, it is literally a prologue/introduction. Setting the characters and outlining their destination.
Also if no one ever reads it after this? I don’t mind. I’m writing this for myself and my friends. http://www.Fanfiction.net was just a place to post it.
-shrug-
If the audience doesn’t want to read on, I don’t mind. Free-will and so on.
c:
The ACTUAL first chapter will be much more substantial.
In fact the first chapter is at 12 pages thus far, and I’m not done yet, far from it.
In conclusion, thank you for the constructive critique. I’ll keep in mind the purple prose use and the dialogue situation.
34m ago[There’s a decades-old debate about whether species names should be capitalized in formal writing – some people will say they count as proper nouns, others say they don’t, still others say it doesn’t matter at all and we should make a special case for them. In one scholarly journal you’ll see things like rabbit species capitalized, while in another you won’t.]
What? I have never heard of this. All sources I’ve consulted state very firmly that species names are never capitalized, except for some birds in scientific writing. I’d like to see a citation on this.
[Many magazine capitalize things like dog species]
I think you may be confusing species and breeds. Breeds are capitalized because they are akin to intellectual property or products, species are not.
I apologize if the link didn’t go through in the review, but again, I recommend reading this, as it addresses all these points: https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[[“…”] Is usually used to denote when something is paused.]
In visual formats such as video games and comics, yes, but never in prose. It’s a shorthand for when you don’t have better ways of denoting pauses, but in prose you can just say “she paused”, or even add more detail.
23m ago[In visual formats such as video games and comics, yes, but never in prose. It’s a shorthand for when you don’t have better ways of denoting pauses, but in prose you can just say “she paused”, or even add more detail.]
Alright, I’ll apply that in chapter one, I’ll just go through it again and double-check everything.
[What? I have never heard of this. All sources I’ve consulted state very firmly that species names are never capitalized, except for some birds in scientific writing. I’d like to see a citation on this.]
Species names in real life are never capitalized, as for Pokemon, they are. Source? Ok, I’ll link some here, another source though is, well, just play a single Pokemon game? Heck emulate one. In canon it’s capital, but sure, here’s some other proof backing it up. Note: I’ll not link the older games since they did all caps for anything important, I’ll go towards the more recent games that toned down on that.
All canon. Straight from the source.
g – Elite Four battle from ORAS, note the capital Pokemon name.
g – ORAS again, note how Absol is capitalized, twice.
g – I think I’ve made my point by now.
Oh, I see, I thought you were talking about in general writing. The thing is, the games also contain the line “No matter how far away things are, a Pilot’s eyes can see them!” Video games are not authoritative sources on grammar. Pokemon species are capitalized because they are registered trademarks and because video games love capitalizing important things to make them stand out to the player. Again, I’d recommend taking the discussion to here: https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
ShadeslayerZycronA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12115482/ While I’m okay with this, please understand I have my own unique way of writing stories. And that part in the summary? It’s an attempt to break the fourth wall for anyone who bases stories just on their summaries
Mega Buizel ExWill you quit criticizing me? I’m not an adult. Good gosh. I’m not perfect. PLEASE STOP IT
Hm? Have I reviewed you before? You can block me if you don’t want me to bother you.Sorry, yes you have reviewed me before. I’m sorry, I’m just sensitive, and seeing a huge review simply about things I should improve on really.. hurts.Then I think the best thing is for you to take some time off of this site for a little while. If you throw your work to the wolves of public opinion, you’re going to get responses you don’t want. You might want to keep it to yourself for now, or publish it on a more private venue such as Tumblr or another blogging service, until you’re more confident.Ok…
Devon2016A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12114321/ Hey! I have a quick question! Is Riley a transgender? Or is he a gay guy that enjoys feminine features? Or is he a guy that just looks like a girl?
They are whatever you want them to be.Okay! I like that response! ^_^…
You have a lot of white text throughout the replies, in first sentences.
On another note, don’t think I didn’t notice a post about Charas in the drafts. When can we expect it to be completed and posted? The world desires to know what became of our favorite lovable megalomaniacs.
It’s basically complete as it is. I was thinking Christmas or New Year’s, but I can replace next week’s reviews with it if you’re that impatient. :p
Nah, I’m OK with waiting, was just wondering about its status.