“Reguarding why I chose to give the Pokemon weapons is because “it’s something you don’t see every day”. We’ve all seen the constant spamming of “double team” and “absorb”. So, I gave them a weapon that is able to kill without the need of a “struggle/fight”. In a nutshell, I tried to make it more “original”.”
And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Lots of crazy today.
We begin with some more Soft Chara:
RebeccaMagic9Actually, I haven’t decided whether or not I’m going to use Char, the list at the bottom of the last chapter were just the ones I had already locked in. Mainly because Ash wouldn’t take kindly to them and I’m trying to decide whether or not I really need another ‘villain’ in the story because I have already planned on incorporating Team Rocket, Team Plasma, and Team Flare, so yeah, haven’t decided quite yet. As for the gender, Char sounds male, but for some reason I’m leaning towards female, and not just because I am a girl, but because I can just imagine Char being very secretive and the group believe that she is a boy, but after being caught find out that she’s actually a girl. It would change their perspective on a lot of things. I also came up with a plot twist that would require her being a bit older, what if it was Ash who gave her the ‘best friends forever’ locket and he had a hard time fighting her because he still remembered the girl he knew as a little boy before she moved away?
Devon2016A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12114321/ Okay, let’s start with your “grammar corrections.” The reason I am capitalizing Venusaur and Pikachu is because that’s their name. They are already proper nouns. They name a specific type of Pokémon. Pokémon is being capitalized because it’s weird enough to write pokemon. It’s a title of a specific type of creature. Prof. is being capitalized similarly to Mr. and Dr. My sentence with the semicolon is correct. It gives a variety of sentences. It has every part of a sentence. “One” is my noun. “every single” are adjectives describing one. “of them” is a prepositional phrase. “Covered” is my verb. The rest is a prepositional phrase. I admit, maybe I should have put another verb after the conjunction, but that’s all that’s wrong with it. Normally I don’t mind grammatical corrections, but lower casing Pokémon and names of Pokémon really irritate me in a story.
5h ago[“Covered” is my verb.]
No, when you use it like that it’s an adjective. The sentence has no active verb; you’d need “were covered…” or something similar for that. You also have [Anger and frustration flooded through her as her opponent walked toward her; the bloody feline at his side.] which is another example of an incomplete semicolon clause.
[it leapt at the underbelly of the Venusaur]
^ That’s using “venusaur” as a common noun.
Can you explain why lowercasing pokemon names irritates you? I consider it important, because capitalizing common nouns is very confusing and places emphasis in weird positions. It’s especially confusing when you’re using species names as given names, because that makes it hard to tell what you’re talking about in a given sentence.
It’s just a personal pet peeve. I’ll be careful next time not to use it as a common noun with articles before a Pokémon name.And one of their readers also took offense:
CalzoneCannonA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12114321/ Most trainers as a default, name their Pokémon the same as their species. It’s been like this throughout the games, anime, and manga. It’s correct for the author to capitalize the names of the Pokémon as that’s how it’s been done canonically in 3 different Pokémon mediums.
All capitalization complaints should be directed here: https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-ThreadIt’s not a complaint, it was a response to yours.
DonfyreLeaving reasonable, helpful, and supportive constructive criticism is okay, great even (of which you fail to do by making the tone of your reviews as harsh and condescending as possible). But doing it for the sole purpose of watching their reactions just so you can post it on a blog for others to see and mock? That’s something that, frankly, a bully would do. It’s an invasion of privacy and is downright mean when you’re doing it without the express permission of these authors. So please, just stop doing that. Or, y’know, you can just keep going. Heck, why don’t you go on and post this message on that blog of yours too? I’m sure it’ll help you feel like you accomplished something.
20m agoYou misunderstand my intentions. The reposts are for data collection, not mockery. The point of this experiment is to compare what responses my reviews get compared to Farla’s. You may notice that the vast majority of responses are very civil, with only a few standout examples. How exactly do you think I’m mocking that?
As stated in my profile, it is also to avoid he said/she said drama. Since everything on FFN is private, people can say whatever they want — such as that I was “as harsh and condescending as possible”, which is a frankly absurd accusation — and I can’t refute it unless I have preserved my own side of the conversation.
Mean or not, you’re still doing this little psychology experiment without permission of these authors, which is completely unethical. Many of these authors appear to be hurt already when the story that they’ve written for FUN is given a serious, almost apathetic tone. Do you really have to go out and post their reactions without letting them know too, without a little reassurance that you didn’t really mean any harm and was just doing this as an experiment? I will not be responding again after this message, so I ask again that you PLEASE either stop or find some way to conduct this experiment in a way that won’t severely damage the self-esteem of these authors, whether it be by asking them for permission since this is an experiment or some other method.Have you even looked at my profile?Mysteriously, they neglected to respond.
WeavilistI saw the comment you left on “The Royal Circuit”. You need to keep it to yourself. Negativity just makes the receiving writer feel more unconfident. If you’re gonna leave comments on stories, make them encouraging so the writer gets it right. It ruins the atmosphere of a “community”. I can’t believe you just go around, looking for stories that you feel are bad enough to shame. Spend your time better. Do something productive. Hell, right an actual story instead of negative comments putting people down. I hated when you called the grammar police on me. Sure, correct me, but at least make it encouraging so I can bother to fix it. Do not reply. Or do, I really don’t care. Hoping you can stop being so… rude, Weavilist.
Or am I stupid to hope to see you change your mind.
Aug 28[I hated when you called the grammar police on me.]
What are you talking about? I’ve never called for dogpiling. If other people are doing that, that’s a problem and I’d like to know more.
No followup, because this was never actually about concern for the community. They have only one story and I see no other grammar-based reviews on it, so still no idea what they were talking about.
UdaChuA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12117406/ Thank you for your feedback but I am only young and not very experienced in writing.
Thank you once again ^-^
narustar93A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12119716/ thank you for your input ill edit it and have the chapter redone with the correction its just the first time I’ve done this and actually publish it so i’m trying to improve but give me time. the universe wasn’t built in a day.
marcus00721A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12115953/ As much as I appreciate you giving me a grammar lesson, I should let you know this isn’t my first time writing anything extensive. I’e been writing plenty of other things for a few years now. I’m no English major however I do believe that what I can write and what I have written beforehand should suffice for anyone. I write how I speak, if that wasn’t any indication. But at the very least, my goal isn’t to have perfected grammar since I do believe it is sufficient enough. I’m just here to write stories that I hope people enjoyed, and like I said, as much as I appreciate the sudden lesson, my main hope here is that you enjoy the story I have written. If not, that’s fine and I understand, but I would have also enjoyed hearing your thoughts about these two chapters I’ve written.
In a story, grammar must be as perfect as possible. If it isn’t, immersion is ruined and your readers will not understand what is going on. When a lot of writing involves playing with language and grammar to serve specific ends, it’s important for readers to be confident that weird things are intentional and not just mistakes. Asking me to examine the plot when the story is riddled with grammatical errors is like saying “I know my house is falling apart because I built it on a swamp, but what do you think of the architecture?”You say that…yet all the other things I’ve written in the past don’t have 100% perfect grammar, yet the many people who’ve read it have enjoyed it quite a bit. So I think that goes to say that grammar doesn’t have to be perfect…but as long as it isn’t horrible, then its readable in my eyes. I’m going to be honest here…one perfectionist isn’t going to change how I write. It’s always been for fun for me, and if people can enjoy it despite the typos, grammar errors, or other mistakes in there, then that’s all that matters to me. Imperfect grammar does not always change how a story is told. You’re not going to change my mind on this matter so I suggest that if you want to continue reading this particular story, just enjoy it. If not, that’s fine too.
waterwingeddoveA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12115953/ Listen, buddy. I know you’re just trying to be helpful, but your own tips are wrong and flawed. Take it from a working English major. 1) For the alleged capitalization issue- that is literally how it’s done in canon. Look at any Pokemon game. It’s written, “A wild Pikachu appeared!” or, “A horde of Zubat appeared!” You don’t minimize the first letter of a Pokemon in any scenario. It varies from real life- also might I add that this is a fictional universe? Why go to the lengths to scrutinize and debate grammar rules in a fictional universe? Surely you can spend your time elsewhere, and I’m saying that politely as in I’m positive you can contribute to society in a better way than critiquing a random story on FFNet. 2) You are literally calling out some random typo. My god, who cares? Did it really sully your reading experience that badly? 3) You actually do have some fair points there, although my question bears repeating- did it really sully your reading experience that badly? 4) Yeah, that’s a sentence fragment, but again- is all of this really ticking you off that much? Is it really worth it, writing this whole review? You’re not even focusing on the story. Are you even trying to read for the plot, or are you just parading around FFNet on the prowl for fics with slightly flawed grammar you can zone in on to make yourself seem smart? 5. Oh my god. Dude. You’re using the fucking semicolon wrong. “For instance, what I’m doing here,” isn’t a full sentence. You need a full sentence on both sides of a semicolon. A full sentence requires a subject and verb. I don’t see a verb in that sentence; I only see a subject. The correct way to have done it would be to say, “As a general rule of thumb, you should be able to replace semicolons with periods and still have the resulting sentence make sense; what I’m doing here, for instance, would show the proper usage of a semicolon.” Please do not critique grammar or give advice if you yourself employ flawed grammar. May I also add that perfect grammar does not make for a good story? I can name to you countless examples of stories that don’t use perfect grammar. Disobeying grammar rules can make for emphasis, or it can provide a needed tone, or- in the case of a first-person speaker -show personality. Grammar isn’t everything. Unless it seriously and dramatically impedes on the story’s quality, it shouldn’t matter if everything isn’t perfect. Like I said, I know you were trying to be helpful, but honestly, what you’ve just shown here takes things to extremes. Save this kind of critique for a story that really needs it. Go find the world’s newest My Immortal fic and give as big of a review as possible. For a story that functions fine even with a few errors, this kind of review isn’t necessary. You have a decent understanding of grammar rules- that I can admit -so please find more egregious errors to commit your time to.Next time, please leave my friend alone. His grammar is fine. He’s a successful writer in the fanfiction sphere. So many other people can enjoy his stories without getting this worked up over sentence structure and the like. Find someplace else to comment on grammar.
secs agoMarcus00721 is perfectly capable of defending themselves, and we actually had a productive conversation just now. This kind of overprotectiveness is frankly pretty weird. Also, for future reference, you should really quote the sections you’re responding to. I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about in most of these.
However, if you’d like to discuss pokemon capitalization, you should do so in the appropriate discussion thread: https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
No response. It is really amazing how quickly people shut up when I don’t play to their script.
KeepItMA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12118633/
Greetings,
Thanks for the review. I’ll make sure to change a few things after when I’ve sorted some things out. Reguarding why I chose to give the Pokemon weapons is because “it’s something you don’t see every day”. We’ve all seen the constant spamming of “double team” and “absorb”. So, I gave them a weapon that is able to kill without the need of a “struggle/fight”. In a nutshell, I tried to make it more “original”. As for the “animal rights activists” thing that you brought up. I believe that it was taken out of context. It was supposed resemble the seriousness of the “mistreatment”. Sure, you can come across a couple of respectful trainers every once in a while. However, that’s clearly not the case in my story.Sorry if this was a bit long. Also, chapter 1 isn’t the end of the story. That’s why I tagged it “in-complete”. Cheers,
secs ago[Reguarding why I chose to give the Pokemon weapons is because “it’s something you don’t see every day”. We’ve all seen the constant spamming of “double team” and “absorb”. So, I gave them a weapon that is able to kill without the need of a “struggle/fight”. In a nutshell, I tried to make it more “original”.]
…So to make things more original, you stripped pokemon of the thing that makes them unique and gave them the same weapons we see in every other piece of media ever? I don’t follow your logic there.
[It was supposed resemble the seriousness of the “mistreatment”.]
Yes, I got that, but if they’re responding by doing the same thing right back, they’re also horrible people. Given that most oppressed and extremist groups are frequently discredited by saying “if we gave them any power, they’d do the exact same thing to us!!!” I find it distasteful to reinforce that message in stories.
3m ago
I’ll take it into account, but it doesn’t mean that I’ll discontinue the story. If I don’t end up changing anything, don’t be disappointed.
Thanks.
LostinawhisperA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12117372/ I’m working on a bit of a suspense feeling in the next chapter and it’s been a while since I’ve written anything, so I’m a little rusty at it. However, there will be several twists later on. Is there anything you actually did like from the story?
Akakakushihttps://www.fanfiction.net/r/12116035/ for convenience. First off, thank you for your critique. I’m sorry you didn’t seem to like my story very much. While I agree with you on some points of your review – generally pertaining to a couple formatting errors I may have made, there is one thing I respectfully disagree with you on – the capitalization of Pokémon names. Everywhere you see a Pokémon’s name listed online (Serebii, Bulbapedia, in-game itself, etc.) the name is capitalized, even if it’s not a Pokémon’s name given to them by a Trainer – as well it should be, since it’s considered a proper noun. This is something that I’ll keep doing the way I did it in the previous chapter.As for content – I didn’t want to completely overwhelm readers, so I cut it off where I did. I have a hard enough time getting people to sit through 3.8k words for the first chapter. Any longer, and I doubt I would have any readers whatsoever. If you have any suggestions on how better to handle the formatting for character’s thoughts, I’m all ears. That’s just the way I’ve always handled them, and I’ve never had any complaints in the past. Regards,Akakakushi
12h agoAll capitalization arguments go here: https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
[If you have any suggestions on how better to handle the formatting for character’s thoughts, I’m all ears.]
Just italics, or no special formatting at all, is standard.
[As for content – I didn’t want to completely overwhelm readers, so I cut it off where I did. I have a hard enough time getting people to sit through 3.8k words for the first chapter. Any longer, and I doubt I would have any readers whatsoever.]
I don’t think many readers pay attention to word count. If your story is interesting it’ll hook them, if it won’t, it won’t.
10h ago
Anyway, I thank you for your critique. I’m just gonna… keep doing things my way, though. It’s my style, and has always been my style. I’m only doing this for fun. I’m not curing cancer here. If the Pokémon Company itself is capitalizing names, then I’ll follow suit.
Have a good one. o7
DesuonA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12120736/ St. Elmo’s Fire,Wow, I would’ve never expected such a long, thought out review. I really admired that you cared enough to put all that effort in. A lot of the things you said are right. I am by no means an expert in the English language, but I’ve seen some really poor use of grammar on this site, so I don’t consider myself half bad. I’m glad you pointed you how you liked that I didn’t capitalize common pokemon names, I’ve been told many times by others to do so, but I feel like they are like animals, and you wouldn’t say “Giraffe” or “Dog”. Legendary pokemon, however, I feel deserve capitalization because “theoretically” there’s only one of each.I also liked how you appealed my pokemon having actual names. In my book that’s very important, especially if two of the same species run into each other. As I’ve said, I made many mistakes that rightfully got called out, however, I’d like to make a defense to two of them.
Arceus IS God, so I was fully aware that I interchanged the two of them. In my world, Arceus is referred to as his name, as well as his title.
As far as actual “levels” go, as in “Low leveled dungeons, with a low leveled pokemon” they are more broad meaning and not technical. Actual stats are not used in my story as you said, and they just substitute words like “weak” or “strong”. You’ve picked apart my story more than I’ve seen anyone else do, and I really liked it. I hope to see a review on chapter 2, and get your take on it.
I’m still developing the over arching plot, and until I get that complete, Chapter 3 made take a few days. Chapter 2 – Revelation gets the book in gear so I hope you like it. Yours,Desuon
DreamCrawlerA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12119070/ Thank you for the review, I guess.
7h ago
Wait even, plenty of thanks for the amount of insight you put in this constructive criticism. I can tell that you’ve been influenced by Farla, she reviewed one of my first stories, and yes I may have rushed this first chapter of mine. I’ll make sure to re upload the chapter with all the corrections. Thanks again, though your criticism was a bit harsh, but that I can overlook.
6h agoA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12118452/
Thank you for your kind attention.
I was really hoping someone like you would show up. Glad to have your guidance. You see, I lacked the chance to share English writings in a Chinese community, so I really appreciated it when you told me which and what didn’t work out. Especially grammar.
[Having been watching Animalia documentary]
I think you dropped a “the” here.
No documentary has been referenced previously, and I wasn’t referring to any specifc documetary. If an article is indeed required, then shouldn’t it be “a”?
Thanks for the tip. Glad you said it in the very first update.
[Which was quite a feat, considering Panthera too had pretty impressive strength.]
I can’t parse this. You need to proofread more and make sure you’re conveying information the way you want to.
You can’t because it’s a fragment indeed, but I thought it’s merely colloquial directly use a wh- clause. The solution I see here is to change the “which” to “that”. Easy.
[her mother rebuked]
If you’re reaching for words as awkward as “rebuked” within the first few paragraphs, you’re overusing unusual speech verbs. Don’t be afraid to use said; lovely word, won’t bite, usually more fitting than whatever trendy verb you’re using in its place. You may have heard to avoid said because it’s so bland and boring, but that’s actually its greatest strength. Nonstandard speech verbs stick out; they’re used for emphasis, when how something is said is important to the story and you want the reader to stop and take notice. If you use that emphasis for every single line, the reader will become oversaturated, lessening the impact when you actually do want emphasis on a speech tag.
I agree that unusual speech verbs get in the way of smooth reading, but I seriously don’t realise that “rebuked” is one. I wish teachers here point out things like that. They didn’t, and they still don’t.
[and, Scarlett imagined, must be folding her arms, “And how is twelve early?”]
What? Also, when a speech tag doesn’t contain a speaking verb, it’s a separate sentence and should be formatted accordingly. Which means this should be [and, Scarlett imagined, must be folding her arms. “And how is twelve early?”]
The speaking verb here is misleading. It follows the mother’s dialogue, not Scarlett’s. My mistake.
[She grew up in an age when most people learnt faster than ancient humans. It had nothing to do with neural implants though – they had been developed, but was never widespread because hacking technology was equally developed. Instead, it was a result of natural evolution.]
…What? Firstly, you want “were never widespread”, secondly, how far in the future is this? It should take not only tens of thousands of years for us to see this kind of evolution, but also a harsh environment where lower-performing individuals are removed from the gene pool. Given that society is moving towards more accommodation rather than less, evolution shouldn’t work this way.
Thanks for the first grammatical correction. How far in the future? You can consider it an alternate universe, like you wouldn’t question when does Pokémon take place. But now that you actually asked about the setting, I’ll give you the proper answer.
Yes, it will be tens of thousands of years till the story happens. That’s why we are considered “ancient” by the characters. Time and place of this story will be a minor plot point. I am refraining from revealing how far in the future the story is for a reason.
Yes, the society is working to accomodate more. Where has everyone gone WILL be explained along with other settings of the story. But I don’t think not knowing the real setting affects reading, since readers have been given sufficient details to visualise the scene. Or, would you rather see a fiction start with info-dumping about the setting? I doubt it.
The story IS based on evolution. Everything will be justified soon. But seeing that the grammar and such have already broken your suspension of disbelief, I doubt you would wait and see how everything gets in place.
[Schooling inevitably became obsolete when most people could learn well even on their own.]
That’s not how learning works. People are perfectly capable of “learning well even on their own” today, it’s just difficult because you don’t know what information is important or where to find it. Schools are more valuable for their standardized curriculum than for their teaching methods, and that doesn’t sound like it would have changed in this world. Aptitude has no bearing on knowledge if you can’t find the material you want to learn.
Well, the “standardised curriculum” IS there. Judging by your review, you’ve read past it already. Children in this world are home-taught or self-taught according to this curriculum. I do have to clarify the sentence “learning well even on their own” and rewrite it into something like this paragraph.
[21st Century]
“Century” is not a proper noun and thus should not be capitalized.
Thank you for pointing that out.
[Scarlett put on her most appealing white dress, which showed some leg, but was more modest with her chest.]
Why does a 14-year-old need to look sexy.
You don’t think she has to, me neither, but SHE thinks she needs to look sexy. It’s only plausible when you don’t know she has a crush on the, ehem, 40-year-old professor, which will actually be a future plot point. I thought it’s better to describe her feelings through small actions, like her clothings selection and the fact that she fixes her hair immediately before seeing the professor.
In case you don’t know, the anime industry does this kind of fanservice all the time, even if children are involved. Not that I think it’s a problem, because people are smart enough not to mix reality and fiction. There’s a reason the novel Lolita is still being analysed by literature students and scholars.
[The AniDex magically preserved the state of the entity, so that it came out identical to when it came in.]
Does this mean it’s literally magical, or does Scarlett just not know how it works? Shouldn’t that have been taught in school?
No, it’s not literally magical; I should have clarified that in the story. Scarlett doesn’t know how it works, and neither do the rest of the world, because the AniDex’s creator keeps the mechanics behind the thing a secret. This piece of information can be found in a later paragraph. That’s how I deduced you stopped reading it at the first line-break. I see my grammatical mistakes are doing things.
[I can’t believe mum and dad bought me this model]
When a title (such as “mom” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.
Thanks. I should really check the capitalisation thread you gave earlier.
That’s my response to your review. Again, I’m glad that somebody points out what puts them off from the story, so that us writers know what to do next. I’m disappointed that you don’t beta-read, because you would enlighten other writers if you did. Thank you.
Also, just so you know, people have been telling me the story’s really not for FanFic dot net, just as you have. I think I’ll visit the sites you’ve mentioned and re-post the story. The FanFic entry will therefore be deleted.
silentplayermc03A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12120664/ Hey there. First off, thanks for the review and constructive criticism. You have some points but let me tell you my side on this. About the summary, it’s very hard to write a good catchy summary. And keeping it vague may be frustrating to you, but it also draws interest as to what it could mean. And I do have plans to edit it if I can come up with a better one without it spoiling anything. As for your comments on the opening, first off, none of the sentences are repetitive. And infodump? Really? I barely began talking about a woman who is set out to do something and describing her. I barely used 3 sentences to describe her appearance, which shouldn’t be spaced out. In regards to that, some things don’t need to be spread around or spaced out. Also, not every sentence has to be a lengthy or complicated. You say that readers are here for the plot and characters and getting them emotionally invested is top priority. And I agree with that. But as you said, its the opening sentences. Nothing just happens all at once. And can you give me any story that just immediately explains the plot of the story or gets the reader emotionally invested right off the bat in the first few sentences of the opening chapter? I didn’t think so.I don’t know what you were expecting but I write my stories differently. Not every single fanfic has to be written a certain way nor should they. I don’t like writing stories in a bullet style format where only action scenes are written and just jump from one to the next. Some details and descriptions should be shown and that’s what I like doing.My dialogue is bolded because it helps increase visibility of when and where conversations start and end during long paragraphs when characters are speaking. I like it and so do many of my readers.The sentence about Gary…no, I don’t need a comma, even if it is a direct address. Try reading it out loud. It’s not like she took a pause to say his name. I appreciate you telling your thoughts to help me improve my writing. However, your points/opinions are just nitpicking on how you believe a story should be written and that does nothing to help me become a better writing. Your opinions are fine by the way but also, like I said before, not everyone has to conform to write the same way. If we all did, then everything would be the same or way too similar. And that’s not interesting either my friend. Again, thank you for your thoughts and I will take what you said into consideration. But I also request that you also not nitpick and to have a more open mind on how things should be written/described/etc.
secs ago[But as you said, its the opening sentences. Nothing just happens all at once. And can you give me any story that just immediately explains the plot of the story or gets the reader emotionally invested right off the bat in the first few sentences of the opening chapter?]
…How many books have you read? Published books do this all the time. Please go to the library sometime. https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/142258274/1/Where-Stories-Start also has a list of compelling story openings.
And I have never seen anyone else use bold for dialogue. Bold looks really, really awkward in prose. It makes things *too* visible. Something that will be appearing as often as dialogue doesn’t need that emphasis.
[The sentence about Gary…no, I don’t need a comma, even if it is a direct address. Try reading it out loud. It’s not like she took a pause to say his name.]
I did read it out loud, that’s how I know it needed a comma. The rest of my points were a matter of style choice as you’ve said, but this is objective grammar. Unless you’re trying to convey that she’s rushing through the entire sentence in one breath, which you definitely aren’t because it’s a casual conversation, it’s incorrect not to have a pause there.
19m ago
About the bold font…I said that my readers like it. I never said others used it and you haven’t seen anyone else do that. OK, so what? Doesn’t mean I can’t. It may not need it, but I think it works well.
Are you serious? You read it out loud and you still think it needs a comma? And no, she wasn’t trying to say it rushed. It’s not needed and it’s not incorrect because there isn’t one. There is no grammar issues in Word when I wrote it and it’s dialogue. Dialogue/speech/talking/mental thoughts/etc doesn’t always have to have perfect grammar because it’s spoken or thought. But that’s not even the point because the grammar is fine. Just because you feel that its needed, doesn’t necessarily mean that it is.
Everything that you mentioned/commented about is just preference to be honest. Just because that’s how you feel, doesn’t mean I have to conform to it. Now, I respectfully ask that if you’re going to just nitpick and try to make me conform to your standards as to how a story should be written, please just drop it. But if you do have actual constructive criticism, thoughts/comments/questions/suggestions/advice about the story itself or even if I actually did mess something up, I humbly ask that you feel free to let me know.
Other than that, thank you for your time and a have a good day.
Zarok63A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12118817/ Hey,Thanks for your review, however critical. I can see a lot of people giving you a hard time on your page for your harsh reviews but at the very least you seem to have spent a lot of time on mine so I’ll try to reply to what I can. On my summary being a run on sentence. Thank you for this advice I will be changing it.On your notes regarding grammar/ good English etc. I agree entirely with everything and will try to take as much on board as is possible. The only explanation I would offer is that this was something I was doing for a bit of fun and perhaps am not proof-reading it as vigorously as one might something for school or work as I did not think people would care about it as much as you clearly do. Even so thank you for your advice, I will try to learn from it. On labeling of chapters, I don’t think it’s a big deal really. Seems like a matter of opinion but I’ll consider it.On the age of trainers. This is the first point I fully disagree with. Thank you for your helpful link in this regard. However this is just the way that it will work in my story. Please note I haven’t raised the trainer age, rather my character has simply waited to be a bit older going. Being ten years old only really works in the anime as one can get shocked by lightning over and over again with no ill-effect. That will not be the case in my story. I certainly don’t think the extra few years will help a boy dodge lightning but I do believe it would help someone not get into that situation to begin with. It also gives him the emotional and intellectual capacity that I will need when developing this story further. You obviously feel strongly about this which I respect but this is the way I’ll be going. On receiving your pokemon from Oak. This is not stated in the canon (nor is it not stated) but again is the way it will work in my story. I’m certainly taking more inspiration from anime and other fics than I am the games but again I can see you feel strongly about this. The next main character will have a pokemon starter that was not obtained from Oak and I will explain the process in a little more detail. On your advice on formatting dialogue. I agree entirely, thank you again for your advice. I would have hoped that maybe you would have given some feedback on the story itself but that does not seem to be your thing. Anyway thank you for taking the time to review. I’m sorry that you didn’t enjoy it and I’ll certainly keep some of your advice in mind. Best,Zarok
No, Mini-Farla, you are the grammar police.
And then Mini-Farla was a dogpiling.
Frickin’ linebreaks. Why must WordPress be so uncooperative. The multi-paragraph rants should be more readable now.
Were you accused of being both serious and apathetic? I’m pretty sure the word the person misused was “apathetic,” though I’m still having trouble pinning down what the intended meaning was. Perhaps a lack of positivity?
I think they meant “apathetic” in the sense that I don’t care about the poor author’s feelings.