Dragon Quill

49m agoSacredSwordFire

Hey number one this is my story so shut up about my time skips and number two im writing this on a phone at the moment

45m agoCupOfTims18

Hey, I am very thankful for your honest review that touched on some of my grammatical errors and the flaws in my sentence structure. This is how we all become better writers and I thank you for that, the italicized font was just something I kind of just put in there. I will remember to only utilize it in proper context in the future. Thanks for the review. :)

1h agoAnarchist’s Rose

Thank you for your review. I’ll be sure to take the notes into account for future chapters and make changes accordingly to the current one.[Something happened. Arceus could feel it.]

This story takes place several years after the events of any of the games. When the playable character entered the pocket dimension I feel like it shattered and a link with the world would have been established. I have never written a story involving Arceus. I realize that a lot of fictions do center around it as a character, but I chose it because I’m using the creation trio as my main characters. Arceus is most associated with the trio so I thought it would be inappropriate to use any other pokemon for the opening. I didn’t choose Arcues as a whim. If my story centered around The Legendary Birds or Beasts I would have gone with Lugia or Ho-Oh.

I decided to make Arceus male because I’ve always thought of it as a male. Even though it is genderless in game, it is established that legendaries can have genders, even as genderless pokemon (Solgaleo’s Moon pokedex entry or Lunala’s Sun poked entry). If I gave them all human forms without gender it would have been strange, so I just went with male because that was what was most comfortable to me.

Thank you for the thread. I’ll be sure to check it out.

I went back to look over my story and noticed I made a couple of capitalization errors when talking about the Ultra Beasts. I will keep the names of the legendaries capitalized because I am referring to them by name and not species.

[Did the pokemon who were banished to live in a world away from the rest come to cause havoc?]

The ultra beasts are native to ultra space in the same way demons are native to hell or angels are native to heaven in this adaptation. I can understand the confusion but this is a fanfiction and I am allowed to take some creative liberties while writing. I’ve played through sun and moon twice already and watched at least three play-throughs. I do understand the plot.

[He sighed and called out to Solgaleo and Lunala. They were nowhere to be found. “What the hell?” He searched the world for them, checking the deepest parts of the ocean, the highest parts of the sky, but they vanished.]

The energy opening a wormhole will give off will be much greater than the amount of energy a legendary gives off, and with the confusion of the human entering the wormhole, everything is off balance.

[Arceus, still in his human form, returned to the Hall of Origin and called forth his creations.]

I kept Arceus in his human form for reasons that will be explained in a future chapter.

[The entire room shook. The golden flakes from the ceiling rained down on top of Arceus’s head. He ignored it, waiting for the legendary dragons to arrive. They came in, one by one. Dialga broke through the large doors]

I did look up a picture of the Hall of Origins while writing my story. The picture given to us in the game is an incomplete depiction as the game as yet to become 3-D. I took the gaps and filled them in with what I picture. I also noticed it was a mostly barren mountain top based off of Greek Architecture. I thought it would be very possible for gold to be imbedded in the columns as well.

I read your profile once I saw your review and I did notice you admit to being critical. That is fine. I’m a Creative Writing minor (who, admittedly, wrote this first chapter at one in the morning). There were points in the review where I felt you were being rude. [Pick a different legendary for once, like maybe the pantheon that’s actually relevant to this plot.] [Pay attention to the plot.] I understand you probably weren’t trying to come across as rude, but for any future reviews that you might post.

Thank you, once again, for taking the time to review my story.

9m agoFred the FHRITP Guy

I know that, but nobody’s going to see it if it’s on my profile. I guess I’ll move it to my story. I DON’T GIVE A {insert f word here} THAT IT’S STILL A NON STORY CHAPTER. NOBODY WILL SEE IT OTHERWISE. Now unless you’re a http://www.fanfiction.net admin which evidently you are not, get out of my life and stop telling me what to do.

39m agoCaptainCherry

Argubaly Pokémon are people so it wouldn’t matter if their names are capitalized. Otherwise I find your review to be quiet helpful.

2h agohootyhoot

Ah, thank you so much! This was very helpful! I took your advice, and rewrote pieces of the chapter. Unfortunately I couldn’t do much about stuffing the mom away. I already have the story fully written, it just needs to go through plenty of editing before I post the other parts to it.Nonetheless, thank you very much!

2h agoRepublic Empire

Well, I didn’t put any real Marvel characters. It’s a AU. It means it same Pokemon Special Universe, but in different. Besides, it’s a parody and the content is different.

9m agoDarkFireGeneral

The games all capitalize the word Pokémon and the names of the individual Pokémon. Logic dictates that you’d be right, but when the canonical source says otherwise we have to at least acknowledge that that’s the proper way to do it.There are quite a few fundamental differences between my interpretation of Giratina and Arceus from the Biblical God and Satan, but they are similar. However, I need these similarities. They will be key later in the story. I need an angry Giratina who hates the world and Arceus. I need an Arceus that loves the world it created. I need these aspects of these two gods for the rest of the story. It’s not original, and I acknowledge this, but it is necessary.

4m agoPlayRough

Yes you are right, I am not a native speaker. Some of the mistakes you found, are there because I am in such a hurry publishing my FanFiction that I usually don’t give it a second look. As for the verb tenses it it mostly because I write my FanFictions in different tence in each one and I easily can get confused. Yes, you are right again, my chapters are short but it’s because I want them to be fast paced and have a strong ending. I am very grateful for your advice, though, and I will definitely read the beta reader you suggested. Thank you very much!

1h agoTheHesitantAlien

Thank you for your review. This is my first story I’ve published on Fanfiction, so I’m still getting used to everything. :) Constructive reviews are appreciated! I am thinking of re-writing the first chapter, as I don’t think it makes much sense for what I plan to do later on in the story, so if you saw anything else you thought could be improved, I would be grateful if you could let me know!

13m agoCaptainCherry

It’s incomplete so far. I haven’t reached the final stages.

12h agoCandy Crystal

St Elmo’s Fire, your review is pretty unfair considering that Fanfiction doesn’t have to be based exactly on the original storyline. Also, this fanfiction is based very loosely from “Hoopa and Clash of The Ages” where Arceus DOES help the entire city of Dahara by stopping the time and space warp. Also, if you say that it shouldn’t be “Pokemon” because of this, this and this… Then why not bring up the fact that mythical Pokemon can turn into humans? I’ve had a very successful story similar to this one before I started writing this. If you want to keep your stories to an exact plot line without a bit of a fun twist then be my guest.

1h agoZealous1o1

Nobody fuckin likes you