Thank you so much for the feedback, and yes I’m not a native English speaker as English is my second language.
I will put your notes in mind for next time.Regarding some of your notes:

[Pallet Town is known for being the starting point for many Pokémon trainers since it houses Oak’s lab.]
[Professor Oak give its starter Pokémon Bulbasaur, Charmander and Squirtle each year to new trainers]
Nope. Professors are not the sole arbitrators of trainership. If you’ve read the manga, you really have no excuse for saying this.

I didn’t claim for every single trainer there is, I just said “many”. And I wasn’t using a specific canon as a basis for this. The games, anime and the manga each has their own version of this. In the anime for example, several episodes showed Oak and Elm waiting for trainers to pick their starters. In the Pokemon Zensho, Oak offered the starters for Red and Blue, while in Adventures it was entirely different. Regardless, I wasn’t trying to use strictly use any media as a basis here.

I would just like to say, thank you so much for taking time out of your day to give such an in depth review. I am planning on getting out chapter 3 soon, but I will try to go back and fix as much as I can. I will say that I plan to focus on this being a more realistic scenario, and also in the future a few years. I felt that the age restriction would make sense with so many dangerous wild pokemon that could be roaming around, and crime, etc. This would also include that you could buy pokedexes now. I see now that the date might not be so clear, so I will try to fix that as well. Another thing that you mentioned, I am not planning on making it just focused around the gym curcuit. While it may seem to be the MCs objective at many points, it will not be all that takes place in the plot itself. Anyway, your review is really helpful and I will make sure to touch on all the things you pointed out. Thanks so much, and I hope you check back later today or tomorrow to see how it is!

Hello! Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a helpful review! I’m not a very good writer so reading reviews like this helps very much to see what faults I had in my writing. I will take what you wrote in mind and try to write better in the future.Thank you again for the wonderful help! :)

So what else would you say is wrong with the story?

Yea, sorry about that, I was going to be gone for a week and wanted to get something up (hence the late reply)
Next chapter should be up soon, and I intended for this one only to be a prologue.

Thank you for taking time to review this, I know I’m not too great at writing so I’ll fix it and try my best to make the story a bit better :)

Thanks so much for your insight!
I’ll try to address as many of your points that I can.
(I apologize for the length in advance)

1. Weapons details
-looking back at it, it really doesn’t add much to the plot. I’ll try and revise that.2. Lack of other global powers
-I really just kind of wanted to create some sort of conflict here. For example, if I changed the story to “Russia attacked Eastern Europe and then the entire NATO alliance beat them back to Siberia”, which is a far more likely scenario then Russia taking on the entire world alone and winning, then that would take away a whole lot of the conflict. It’s the same reason why I left out nuclear weapons, and introduced the MiG 55 instead. Mach 5 means five times the speed of sound, which is nearly twice the speed of the fastest military aircraft; the SR 71 Blackbird (a spy plane with no armament). Anyways, I’m getting ahead of myself. I’m thinking of revising this to be more of an alliance between Russia and China, since they are already kind of allies as of right now. I do, however, plan to keep America as the leading opposition against Russia (and probably soon to be China, too). I know I may sound ignorant and naive when I say this, but I firmly believe that America is and will continue to be a global superpower, just as it has been in the past. Sure, the economy isn’t doing so well right now, but it wasn’t doing so well in the 1920s and 30s either, and right when America was attacked in 1941, it got itself together and basically beat Japan by itself while simulateously attacking Germany. Of course, that’s just my stupid 16 year old opinion, but I plan to keep it that way.

3. Draft vs selective service and opposition to draft
– The Selective Service System is the system the government uses to register young men in the event that a draft is needed. I now realize I should have included that the US was forced enact a draft in my story, and will add that in soon. Now as for the protests to the draft, Vietnam and WWIII as I have (unrealistically) depicted are very different in nature. Vietnam was supposed to stop the spread of communism in a country halfway around the world. People protested the draft for several reasons, ranging from voting rights (as you had mentioned), to political corruption (i.e. Imperialistic goals), to unclear objectives, and many more. In Vietnam, however, there wasn’t really a direct threat against the US itself (the Vietnamese did not directly attack the United States, and there wasn’t any real danger of that ever happening). In my scenario, however, the Russians are attacking South America, which is much closer to the US than Vietnam. While an attack on the US mainland would much more realistically gain support (in fact, I’m thinking of changing it from South America to Alaska), there is a threat of Russia gaining a foothold in the Americas, which is much more of a threat than if they were to gain control of Vietnam. Given that there is a clear threat against the well being of the American people (Russia aggressively expanding as it had done in Eastern Europe), and that the alternative is possibly not having enough manpower to successfully fend off Russian aggression (Mach 5 is fast enough to outrun most missiles), I think the people would be a bit more leaniant with a lowered selective service system age and an enacted draft. Of course, as I meantioned before, I am 16, and my arguement may be completely unrealistic and stupid, but I will revise the story to the best of my ability.

4. Various grammatical errors, format issues, and incorrect word usage
– Oops, my bad. Will fix ASAP.

5. Use of “Later” and how it ties in to Pokémon
– I used the word later to try and save some of the suspense for later chapters. Everything will be (hopefully) explained by chapter 4, which I plan to have published sometime this week, and if not, next week at latest (I already have chapters 2 and 3 prewritten, they need to be edited chapter 4 is halfway done). However, If you want to know how this ties into Pokémon right now, I’ll tell you, but it will kind of spoil the next three chapters for you. Before I get to the spoilers, however, I could send you the prewritten chapters I have via PM if you want to edit them. I totally understand if you don’t want to edit them (you probably have better things to do than to revise my doomed fanfiction), but help would be greatly appreciated.

Once again, thank you very much for taking the time to review my story. The rest of this response is going to be how this is going to be related to Pokémon. If you don’t want the main plot info I’ve been saving for chapters 3 and 4, you can stop reading now (not everything will be spoiled). If you’re fine with a few spoilers, read on.

SPOILERS AHEAD!!

Okay, so I’m going to arrange this story so that chapters 1 through 4 are explaining how Calem gets to Kalos. It is not canon whatsoever. If you’ve ever played Pokémon x or y, you can most likely recall the story of AZ and the terrible war that took place 3000 years ago (if you haven’t played Pokémon x or y, or forgot this part, go to YouTube and search “Pokémon generations episode 18”; they made it into an animated short. Don’t worry about copyright, it’s on the Pokémon official YouTube channel). AZ ended the war in the creation of the ultimate weapon. In my story, the “terrible war” that took place 3000 years ago is WWIII, and Albert Zay, as I’m sure you’ve guessed by now, is AZ. The ultimate weapon does not run off the life force of Pokémon, but instead creates Pokémon by affecting wildlife and objects in unexpected ways (this is not the main focus of the story, though, and most likely will be very minimally touched on if at all). The reason why I meantioned time dilation in chapter one was sort of as a plot device hidden in Calem interrupting Ryan. The beam of energy grazing the side of the plane interferes with the internal components of the drive, while also disrupting the mentioned electromagnetic field (also a plot device) for protection against time dilation. Of course, I’m pretty sure this isn’t scientifically accurate, but neither are Pokémon, right? Anyways, the field is down and Calem is unconscious due to the rapid acceleration to light speed. He is experiencing time dilation but only for two minutes, right? Wrong! The internal mechanisms damaged by the laser allow the drive to keep working, but inhibit the auto deceleration feature, which means the drive keeps going and going until Calem finally awakens two and a half weeks later from a coma-like state. During the two and a half weeks in orbit, three thousand years have passed on Earth due to time dilation (inspiration for the time dilation comes from both the movie Interstellar, and the TV series Ancient Aliens). Anyways, the rest of the story is going to consist of Calem traveling with Ash’s group from the anime, while also having Calem in his G suit (which everyone calls “Infinity”) acting as sort of a hero for various situations (I don’t want to spoil any more for you. If you agree to edit and/or you are fine with a few more spoilers, I can tell you more).

Once again, thanks for your review.

Read my other fics

As I’ve said before to a different author, Pokémon names should ALWAYS be capitalized