Another PhD devalues their degree, but in a twist, it’s an engineer this time! Also, some discussion about the evolution of hate groups and bigotry.
re: Your review to Fire & Ash
Sep 16Montenya of the Fairies
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12653383/
It belongs as a Pokemon fanfiction, which is why it is located under Pokemon.
I chose to capitalize Pokemon to emphasize its importance to the world. There are no set rules– grammar changes wildly between regions and years, so as long as it’s understandable I think it’s fine.
Thank you for your review.
Actually read the review, please.
Sep 16Helix Walker
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12654867/
“You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn’t already been addressed.”
Eh, I feel like there’s sufficient justification. From the thread you cited, I go with the justification of “You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, that’s true, but Pokémon are different than that. In the books and mini novelizations that are officially published by the Pokémon Company International, a Pokémon’s name is always capitalized. That’s just the way it is, and if you guys disagree with it, that’s fine – but on the subject of Pokémon, the Pokémon Company International are the experts.”
I admittedly wasn’t aware that the capitalization issue was so contentious in the community, which I now see. I feel like there’s justification for either way of writing it, but I’m also arguably more permissive about such rules. If you care that much, I’ll concede the point and not argue it.
“Except that they all have Levitate”
Actually, no, they don’t. I just double-checked bulbapedia, and none of the line has Levitate. They can learn Magnet Rise, which might be what you’re thinking of, but no Levitate. (I wish they had Levitate – then my Magnezone wouldn’t have died against Cyrus’s Gyarados ;.;)
“No, they don’t. Rock is a terrible conductor. This is another reason why this story is awkward: this particular type matchup does not make any sense on examination. Giratina is right, there is no logical distinction between “rock” and “ground”, that’s just a strange game convention that breaks down the more moves they add. Why can’t you hit a bird with a mud bomb? Why do they keep insisting sand (lots of little rocks) counts as “ground”? It’s a purely symbolic association – we say that electricity drains toward a “ground” in circuitry, but that doesn’t mean literal earth. If there was any logic to the game, steel would beat electricity and the ground type wouldn’t exist.”
Ok, I’ll admit that I asspulled physics to justify game mechanics. Re: rock being a terrible conductor: If I wanted to be snippy, I could come up with some specific variety of rocks that do conduct well (there are some), but… meh, your points are mostly valid here. The gameplay mechanics don’t make sense. I, too, beat my head against a wall over some of the type matchups. But when it comes to my story writing, I guess you could say that my loose philosophy is to mostly adhere to game mechanics and come up with story/in-universe reasons why I can hand wave it, with some divergence where I think it will make a good story. I had intended for Giratina’s initial tantrum about the game mechanics to be ruefully humorous lampshading, but I’m guessing I fumbled that delivery. /sigh.
“This is well-written, but the premise stands on shaky ground.”
I checked and magnemite do indeed lack Levitate, which boggles my mind. I distinctly remember fighting one with it (I think at the trainer’s school?) but Google fails to confirm. How embarrassing.
Regarding Your Review
Sep 16Mason Lee
I find your reviews to be quite eye opening, and I thank you again for your criticism.
Please pardon my use of the semicolon, and other questionable uses of punctuation. I should actually EDUCATE myself on how to use them properly instead of defaulting to the Microsoft Word autocorrect.
I would have included an AU to direct people who haven’t read my other story to my other story. But I realized that if you need a totally separate piece of work to understand what’s going on, you’ve basically failed at general sequel writing. So I try to pay homage to my other story in subliminal messages to hint people into realizing something very, very wrong happened long ago.
I would’ve, again, included an AU to direct people to my other story to explain the negativity towards pokémon and their race in general. Nearly everyone was raised under Catholic beliefs, and they felt as though pokémon were violating those beliefs in some shape and form. It wasn’t always this way, and it definitely wasn’t everyone. Communities are few and far between, but very large. (Ranging from 100-2,000.) This group just happens to hate pokémon.
The idea that another inhuman being having an intelligence equal or higher of that of a human existing seems disgusting to those that believe in their Catholic God. They’re the equivalent of demons without the danger. Their mere existence is an insult to the people, and even a few go as far as going on hunts to wipe them out. This particular person, however, isn’t that cold, in his opinion. He still hates them, very, very much but finds it extremely immoral to kill something for being there.
That brings me to another point. Arceus, however you pronounce his name, is the god of gods in pokémon cannon. (Or, at least in my opinion. He’s at least the biggest and most powerful.) Someone from my other story stumbles upon arceus’ corpse during his travels, and documents it.
I’m… kind of confused by your other point. “Something went wrong here?”
No, people aren’t scared of pokémon anymore. They’re disgusted by them. Wolves, more specifically a hardened, powerful, and much bigger version of an average wolf live in the area that this story takes place. While very rare in cities and suburbs, they’re still very dangerous. They weigh about the same as a man and can barely fit through a doorway. A person skilled with a knife can kill one on their own.
Pokémon don’t normally howl on their own, since there’s a literal hunting group waiting to burn them at the stake. This braixen was trapped in an alley, fearing she would be seen and killed.
9h agoI apologize for this being one, huge block of text. I thought indentation would carry over into the text box.
secs ago[But I realized that if you need a totally separate piece of work to understand what’s going on, you’ve basically failed at general sequel writing.]
No, you’ve only failed at general sequel writing if you don’t provide the information the audience needs to understand the story, which is exactly what happened here. If you’re writing in a very specific AU, it’s a good idea to explain that AU somewhere. I wouldn’t have minded a link to another fic or an explanatory post.
[I’m… kind of confused by your other point. “Something went wrong here?”]
“the slight remain of psychic ability taking the form of a higher I.Q” does not make grammatical sense. I can’t tell exactly what you meant to say, but you need to rework the sentence.
[Nearly everyone was raised under Catholic beliefs, and they felt as though pokémon were violating those beliefs in some shape and form.]
How you’re raised doesn’t trump basic human nature. Look at all the Catholics who support gay and trans people despite the official canon declaring them abominations. Look at all the racists who changed their tune as soon as they actually sat down and had conversations with ethnic minorities — there are entire documentaries about that. Real-life oppressive societies enforced this behavior through segregation so the underclass could not integrate or interact with mainstream society, but you apparently have pokemon begging in the streets. I just cannot believe such hatred would be so strongly preserved in a society where you interact with the people you hate on a regular basis. Even in deeply racist American communities where they call Black Lives Matter terrorists or whatever, people do not actually go out to genocide black people on a regular basis and typically claim to have many black friends. “Society tells them to hate” doesn’t justify that — it means something is broken on a much more fundamental level.
47m agoI’m sorry… what does human nature have to do with religious groups? I’m genuinely confused.
And about people that go out and mass-murder other people for who they are and what they stand for. The KKK? Didn’t they lynch African-Americans for stepping out of line? They didn’t exactly shoot up a group for them just being there… but it came pretty close.
My own grandfather was part of a gang that went around and killed homosexuals if they went out of their homes alone. He wasn’t there the day that happened, luckily.
The hatred wasn’t preserved. It started a generation back, when someone spread the belief that pokemon are evil because of an event that I won’t go too much into detail.
secs ago[I’m sorry… what does human nature have to do with religious groups? I’m genuinely confused.]
Well, everything, if we’re speaking generally, but you did say this was specifically due to some kind of Catholic belief.
The K** is a small subgroup of the population that has dwindled and withered over time as the cultural tide turned against them. They killed a lot of people, but the greater culture did not agree with everything they did, and they were not successful in reducing the black population to the same degree you’ve said the worldwide pokemon population has dwindled. I think a better comparison here is Nazism, and I think we all know how much opposition they faced within even their own country.
Basically, it comes down to what you’re trying to say and accomplish with this element. If you want something like the Old South, pokemon can still be terribly oppressed, but the level of hatred will vary by individual, and hate crimes will be opportunistic strikes by small groups rather than the concerted genocide you imply with the 800 species to 23 factoid. It may still be possible for the protagonist’s neighborhood to be particularly evil, but it doesn’t make sense for it to look the same on a global scale unless we are looking at some kind of Nazi takeover scenario; and then, there shouldn’t be any pokemon left at all, as the bigots seem to have definitively won. In any case, I still don’t think it makes sense for the protagonist to be treated an injured, sobbing wreck with this much contempt unless the prevailing narrative says that pokemon don’t have real emotions and only cry to manipulate people.
secs agoYou’ve got the swear filter on, might want to switch that off.
So it censors “KKK”, but not “Nazi”.
22m agoRight. This is the kind of sequel confusion I was talking about.
A virus several thousand years ago has killed nearly every living being outside of plants and fungi. The sudden drop in (healthy) pokemon population is directly proportional to the sudden drop in human population. This is why so many technologies are unavailable, and the ones that are are either scarce or not completely understood, like the computer and wireless communication. This is also why there’s so few species and so few people living in this town in Maine.
However, this is the only known city that treats pokemon with this level of prejudice and hatred. Every other community strongly advises the city changes their attitude toward pokemon, and will take action on their own if they don’t do so in the near future.
secs agoAhh. Okay, yeah, that makes more sense. But there’s no indication of any of that from the first chapter. If this is a direct sequel to your other story, you should identify it as such; if not, you should include enough information that it can stand on its own.
re: Your review to Insanity – Pokémon Creepypastas
Sep 17Duke of Nothing
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12654732/
Hmmm… I agree with you… But Pokémon Red is sort of an interactive video game where the player gets to make many choices. Don’t worry though, the next chapter should be more flowing… I think… Maybe…
re: Your review to Insanity – Pokémon Creepypastas
5h agoA response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12654732/
And as for the jarring transitioning…
Yep… c’est horrible.
I’ll fix it sometime in the future, when I’m not so lazy as I now am.
Still though, I should spend more time per chapter…
re: Your review to Pokémon: Senji Chronicles
Sep 17Fire and Ice Master 123
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12654785/
Um, thanks but I’ll stick to how I usually write.
secs agoHow you usually write is hard to follow. Grammar exists for a reason, and that reason is to make written communication clearer. Be considerate to your readers.
Will you move it to the anime world, at least?
3m agoOkay fine!
But your the only ones who’s complained so, I’m not changing how I feel comtable W ritting in.
Goshdarnit people step up to the plate.
Brought in Farla for ghostwriting here:
secs agoAlmost nobody reviews, so probably everybody else just rolled their eyes and left. And since that’s your attitude, why would anyone first speak up? Maybe a dozen people looked at the reviews, saw nobody else had said anything yet, and knew if they said anything you’d reply saying you weren’t going to do it because no one else had spoken up first. For that matter, I’ve known authors to ignore two or three reviews by saying only a few people have complained!
Besides, you won’t lose readers over fixing these things, but you’d likely gain them.
1h ago“I just like writing my way, I don’t care if people review.”
Sep 23Im sorry if j camr off as rude, your just my first cryitasims I’ve gotten yet so j was a bit mad, I’ll try to improve it I promise, but don’t except it to be pitch perfect.
I’m sorry if i handled your contrusive critsium so bad.
re: Your review to Ambition!: The Efforts of a High Schooler
Sep 17Orchid Rex
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12655402/
I’m Sorry I’m Completely Illiterate I Can’t Read This
Baking and Bonding Review Reply
Sep 17ChE clarinetist
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12630903/
Thanks for the Category point, I had it originally but then it didn’t accept the number code and I didn’t realize it cleared it.
As for the capitalization, I have a different view. The practice in the fandom at large, which follows The Pokemon Company International, is to always capitalize Pokemon and their move names. Therefore, that is the standard and you (and Farla’s other followers) are wrong to be telling others what is correct. If you don’t like it, then kindly stay away from my stories, or at the least do not bring it up in reviews, and give me some actual feedback on writing style, or plot, or characterization.
secs agoThe Pokemon Company is wrong. Published media can be wrong. That is a thing. But https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread is the place to go if you want to talk about capitalization. (If you don’t want to talk about capitalization, you shouldn’t bring it up at all. You can ignore things you don’t want to talk about. That is also a thing.)
32m agoMaybe you should also learn to ignore things. You are taking your opinion (or rather, Farla’s opinion) and trying to ram it down others’ throats without realizing that the stories are written in a fantasy world, which may have different grammatical rules. Plus, how can TPCi be wrong when they made up the names? They cannot be wrong for words that they made up.
secs agoWhat a fascinating argument. You should post it in https://www.fanfiction.net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread so we can all see how right you are.
You have received a message from:
Reply link: https://www.fanfiction.net/pm2/post.php?rid=221638480#new
I see you are just like Farla, a condescending jerk who thinks they are right and everyone else is wrong. Should’ve just listened to a well-respected author and acquaintance on here and just blocked you to begin with.
re: Your review to Mosaic
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12654646/
Thank you! I definitely appreciate your thoughts.
//Yesssss. I am very pleased you’re using Leaf.//
Hellz yeah. ;D
//Hm… while the god-taming could certainly be surprising, I don’t think making the League as a child is unusual. Your rivals can all keep up with you, after all, and Alola in particular outright bars people past a certain age.//
I guess it depends on how you interpret the verse. Rival can yes, but that’s kinda why they’re in this interview too. In my headcanon, it’s an accomplishment to get all eight badges, much less as fast as these guys did. Beating the League is /really/ impressive, /especially/ at such a young age. I figured journeys can and do take much longer, if only because the routes and cities are scaled up from the games to something fairly realistic (i.e. it takes more than a few hours to travel the distance).
But that’s not something I made immediately clear, or apparently not as well as I should have?
I did not know about Alola barring people over a certain age. I guess since I’m sticking to Gen IV and under I can handwave that little bit away. Maybe as something region-specific?
//Oh, you’re including all the PCs! That’s a nice bit of inclusion… though I’m rather disappointed that so many of the girls end up playing second fiddle.//
Kinda did didn’t they? Though hopefully May makes up for some of that. Of course, the rivals have their canon roles, and they’re all male, so that’s kinda hard to work around. One thing I thought about was that the girls, Crystal in particular, were more involved with the secondary/Legendary plotlines, but those aren’t as well-known to the in-universe public. Crystal outright makes a point of keeping her involvement with Suicune as a secret. (Oh, and Cris also takes over the defeat of Giovanni that happens during the special HGSS time-travel event, minus the time-travel.)
Likewise, I have all three Sinnoh kids at Spear Pillar and in the Distortion World (or at least both Dawn and Lucas for the latter); and Leaf would have found the Rocket Hideout on Five Island and done that whole plotline first.
It was just hard to have that /all/ come up in this interview, especially since I was worried about it dragging. There are still thirteen kids to deal with, after all. I’ll try to bring some of that out in future entries, though I have the first five all planned out so it might be a bit.
//Woah, this is that recent? These kids do not sound like kids at all. Eleven-year-olds shouldn’t be this composed and professional.//
Crap, I was worried about writing kids that young. Though to clarify, Lyra is a year younger than the other Johto kids (I thought I mentioned that in the article snippet), which makes them 12/13 (same age as the Sinnoh kids). Because of the three-year gap between Kanto and Johto, that makes the Kanto kids 15/16. By the order of the regions listed in the first section, that makes the Hoenn kids 14/15-ish.
Hopefully that helps? I actually did an interview for a small, local article thing in eighth grade, and I’d like to think I didn’t do /too/ much worse than these guys. If nothing else, several of them have the benefit of having gone through interviews before, either as champions or as assistants to the assorted professors.
What would you recommend to help with this issue? Would making the kids’ ages clearer alleviate some of it? I’m guessing the ‘barely into their teens’ line in the first section is causing some of the confusion, though I was intending for the reference to be to ‘at the time of their crowning’ (i.e. Red took the championship just before he hit age 12). I’ll add “at the time,” or something like that.
//Ah, that’s a nice gender-flip. Usually it’s the girl who ends up doing research while the boy gets the championship.//
Well I had to do at least one. ;P
//The personalities are decently varied, but I still feel like the sections got very repetitive. All the questions are about training and the League, which are, quite frankly, pretty boring when you’re not playing the games yourself.//
I’m glad the personalities were all individual, but yeah I was worried about that too; especially once I hit Hoenn and Sinnoh. And part of the issue there was that the assorted criminal plotlines were all old news barring maybe Galactic, while it made more sense to me for them to focus on the League because, well, that’s kinda why they’re there.
//Where are the god pokemon? Why don’t they ask questions about the cults? There are a few questions about Team Rocket but nothing about the plot of the other regions.//
I probably should have talked about Team Galactic some more, yeah. Especially with Barry, because I was really struggling with what to do with him. Of course, I wonder if that would fall into the same trap you mentioned about the League questions? As for the Legendary pokémon, that’s one divergence I have from the games in that they’re not caught. They’re not gods, and can be defeated (or at least be worn out enough to be pacified, e.g. Giratina), but still not something any of the kids would actually catch. I guess I’m borrowing a few elements from the manga that way.
I’m shooting for /slightly/ more realistic than the games, but not going dark in a way a lot of others who use that label seem to.
59m ago//which makes them 12/13 (same age as the Sinnoh kids).//Er, shoot, messed that up. I meant /Lyra/ is the same age as the Sinnoh kids, while the Johto kids are a year older.
secs ago[What would you recommend to help with this issue?]
Haha, well there’s not really a good solution to this. Real kids are extremely annoying, so writing them realistically is just going to annoy the readers unless you’re very careful. If you interact with teens on a frequent basis you might be able to use your experience to strike a good balance, but otherwise… unusually mature kids might indeed be the better route to go.
[And part of the issue there was that the assorted criminal plotlines were all old news barring maybe Galactic]
I don’t think world-ending catastrophes become “old news” after just a few years. It usually takes a long time to complete such investigations, especially if people are purposefully keeping secrets like Cris is, and even after official closure there can be wild theories floating around. I imagine there’s still curiosity about the people who, y’know, nearly destroyed the world.
[As for the Legendary pokémon, that’s one divergence I have from the games in that they’re not caught.]
The opening mentions “taming gods”, though, so something big must have gone down even if they weren’t caught.
21m ago//Real kids are extremely annoying, so writing them realistically is just going to annoy the readers unless you’re very careful.//
I’ll grant you middle schoolers, though once you hit high school they don’t seem too bad. I do think that the kids would probably mature faster than those of our world, not just because of all the crap they went through, but quite frankly just the journey itself would count for a lot on that front (especially if society at large sees it as okay to get started that young).
//I don’t think world-ending catastrophes become “old news” after just a few years.//
Fair enough. It’s still not really the reason they’re present at this point in time, but yes I could see it coming up more. Back to the drawing board…
//The opening mentions “taming gods”, though, so something big must have gone down even if they weren’t caught.//
Well yeah, May went and woke up Rayquaza who promptly flew over and told Groudon and Kyogre to sit down and shut up. Granted, I haven’t really nailed down what the public sees/knows, despite Cynthia and likely Steven making public statements about the things.
Honestly, I’m not sure how Cynthia would have handled the whole fiasco at Mt. Coronet, as far as what information she does (or possibly does not) give out. Unlike the whole thing at Sootopolis, well, the direct conflict wasn’t really in the public eye so much.
I wonder if it might be better to talk about these things during the last section where the floor is open to everyone. That’s the easiest opening for a segue I can spot.
(Also, this might be me being OCD but I don’t want the Hoenn and Sinnoh sections to be SO much longer than the Kanto and Johto ones.)
re: Your review to The Balefront Institute
Sep 22The Shadow Master of Weapons
A response to your review at https://www.fanfiction.net/r/12654614/
For Starters, thank you for the comment and all the errors you pointed out. Secondly, apologies for being so late to respond, but I lack personal internet.
I’m sorry if its hard to follow, its something I wrote up for a friend who was very happy with how it is coming out, but he also easily understood what was going on and how I explained things, possibly because he had prior knowledge of the world in general as this was based off a roleplay we did for fun. I will attempt to clear this up in future chapters.
Grammar was never my thing, and I swear that I am trying, but ultimately, I need will openly admit that I need a beta reader, but this project was more done for fun and the person who I did the roleplay with was happy with how it turned out, even if he did say i had some errors. I will once again review the notes over and over again, but i can make no promises about grammer, its just something that does not work with me well… A large flaw that despite attempts to fix, doesn’t take well no matter how hard I try to drill it into my head.
Finally, I would like to thank you for the link to the forum topic you suggested, but I will not be taking that advice for this subject. I will still look it over, but myself and the friend who did this roleplay are happy with rules and world that we built and how it grew over time.
I will be continuing to post this within the pokemon based world that it is set in, but I will try to correct my grammar again and again as much as I am able by myself. Thank you again for all of the advice and help, I hope it sticks with me.